David Duchovny credited as playing...
Fox Mulder
- Mulder: All right, Homer, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw this alien.
- Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentlemen's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
- Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.
- Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. You happy?
- Mulder: Look at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
- Scully: Well, gee Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
- Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.
- Mulder: [after subjecting Homer to a physical and numerous medical tests, Scully has set him on a treadmill] Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test?
- Scully: No point. I just figured he could stand to lose some weight.
- Mulder: [Seeing the movement of Homer's belly] His jiggling is almost hypnotic.
- Scully: Yes. It's like a lava lamp.
- Grampa: For the love of God, help me! I've been here for four days, and a turtle's got a hold of my teeth. There he is!
- [chasing the turtle, moving just as slow]
- Grampa: Come back here, you. Slow down. I'll get you.
- Scully: This is the worst assignment we've ever had.
- Mulder: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus?
- Grampa: [the turtle bites him] Ow! He bit me with my own teeth!
- Scully: No, this is much more irritating.
- Mulder: Are we alone in the universe? Impossible. When you consider the wonders that exist all around us... voodoo priests of Haiti, the Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia, the unsolved mysteries of Unsolved Mysteries... The truth is out there.
- Marge Simpson: Hello. Can I help you?
- Mulder: [showing their badges] Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI.
- Marge Simpson: [gasping] I-Is this about that pen that I took from the post office? I-I swear, I didn't know I put it in my purse. Then I was going to bring it back, but the dog chewed it up, and that just made things worse.
- [she begins hyperventilating]
- Scully: Actually, we're here to see your husband about his UFO encounter.
- Marge Simpson: [still trying to catch her breath] Oh... come... come in.