Yeardley Smith credited as playing...
Lisa Simpson
- Alien: I bring you love.
- Lenny: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!
- Carl: Break its legs.
- [everyone starts to advance on the alien]
- Lisa: Wait! You want an alien? This is your alien.
- [Shines torch on alien to reveal Mr. Burns in a twisted and disoriented state]
- Mr. Burns: [in a high-toned voice] Hello, children. I bring you love.
- Willy: Argh. It's a monster. Kill it, kill it!
- Smithers: It's not a monster, it's Mr. Burns!
- Willy: Aww, it's Mr. Burns! KILL IT! KILL IT!
- Lisa: All right! It's time for ABC's "TGIF" line-up!
- Bart Simpson: Lise, when you get a little older, you'll learn that Friday is just another day between NBC's "Must See Thursday" and CBS' "Saturday night craporama".
- Lisa: Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine", the chances are 175 million to 1 of another form of life actually coming in contact with ours.
- Homer: So?
- Lisa: It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are always pathetic lowlifes with boring jobs. Oh, and you, dad.
- [she chuckles nervously]
- Bart Simpson: [coming in with a Super Soaker, improvised antennae on a helmet, and droopy-eye spring glasses] I am the thing from Uranus.
- Homer: [whimpering, then realizing] Oh, it's Bart. I can't believe it. I'm being mocked by my own children. On my birthday.
- Bart Simpson: It's your birthday?
- Homer: Yes. Remember? It's the same day as the dog's.
- Lisa: [the family begins cuddling and petting the dog] Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday? Ooh, we've got to get you a present. Yes, we do. Yes, we do.
- Bart Simpson: We love you, boy.
- Marge Simpson: Good doggy. Good doggy.
- Homer: [muttering under his breath] Lousy, loveable dog.
- Homer: I'm telling you, I saw a creature from another planet.
- Lisa: Maybe you just dreamed it.
- Homer: Oh, yeah? Well, when I came to, I was covered with a sticky, translucent goo. Explain that.
- Marge Simpson: [serving breakfast] More sausage?
- [he begins drooling]
- Bart Simpson: Well, Lise, what do you think about the alien now?
- Lisa: I think there must be a more logical explanation, and I think the people of this town aren't going to be won over by three seconds of videotape.
- Homer: [hearing the doorbell, he opens the front door to see a group of townspeople outside] Uh... I'm happy to answer any questions you have about the alien. Any questions at all.
- [Dr. Hibbert raises his hand]
- Homer: Dr. Hibbert?
- Dr. Hibbert: Yes, is the alien carbon-based or silicon-based?
- Homer: Uh... the second one. Zilliphone. Next question.
- Barney: Is the alien Santa Claus?
- Homer: Uh... yes.
- Ned Flanders: Uh, were you on my roof last night stealing my weather vane?
- Homer: This interview is over!
- [as he goes back inside and slams the door, said weather vane falls to the ground]