The Portal

The opening credits and opening scene greet us with torrid CGI that immediately raises a skeptical eyebrow. Shortly after we get scenes of dubious, over the top dialogue, and a flashback, with inelegant transitions of editing and narrative at all times. Plus - one of the top names in the opening credits is none other than Michael Madsen. I hate to say it, but he's at a point in his career where his name portends an unfortunate quality of film.

As far as first impressions go, within mere minutes 'The portal' makes a distinctly bad one. That impression does not improve. In fact, it gets worse. Much, much worse.

I can't speak with certainty for everyone in the cast, but I know some of the actors on hand have very well demonstrated their capabilities in the past. Maybe it's Serge Rodnunsky's screenplay or direction that's to blame, or maybe the players assembled here have simply stopped caring. Whatever the source, everyone involved turns in a performance that's terribly forced, unconvincing, and at all times either overdone or undercooked, with no middle ground. Delivery, expression, movement - rotten. In 2021 I can't believe I'm saying this, but of anyone here, Madsen actually gives the greatest display of acting chops, and that alone says so much.

There are a few good ideas in the screenplay, amazingly enough, but the narrative is plainly, completely, and relentlessly weak, specious, flimsy, and highly questionable. There's little to no connection between each element within - I'm not entirely sure what the plot of 'The portal' is supposed to be, and any basic synopsis I've seen is unhelpful. It's unclear who some of these characters are, or how they came into the story. Flashbacks and various other inserted scenes serve no purpose whatsoever. If I described each passing moment in detail I'd be hard-pressed to call the resulting paragraphs a spoiler, because this is just that much of a godawful mess. The nearest I can reckon is that this is the lowest of all possible knock-offs of 'Ringu.'

Rattling off a list of everything in the feature that's poorly done is essentially a delineation of how a movie gets made: the writing and execution of scenes; editing, transitions between shots and scenes, sequencing; dialogue; characterizations, makeup, hair, costume design; lighting and special effects; music and sound effects, let alone their integration into the feature; camerawork; set decoration, art direction, production design. And we're still not finished, because we're treated ever to only the cheapest of would-be scares. Moreover, why are medical professionals in a hospital setting, or ostensibly providing home visits to patients who may or may not be ill, wearing no PPE whatsoever? Where did these characters get all that paper, seemingly overnight? Why is Roddy Piper here at all?

I hope with all due sincerity that Roger Ebert never saw this movie before he died, because as an ardent cinephile, I cannot imagine the deep hurt this would have caused him. If Hell existed then every surface would be plastered with screens playing 'The portal' over and over for all eternity.

Filth. Putrescence. Putridity. Rubbish. Rot.

Avoid.

Really looking forward to this as I like Madsen. Took years to eventually see it. What a turd of a film. Acting was so bad even lettuces could act more realistic.

The 2 main women possibly are the worst actor/tress I have ever seen. None of it made any sense.

None of the characters looked even remotely real or interested in what was going on whateverthehell it was that was going on. And I was really looking forward to this as I like Madsen a lot.

Him and Stacy Keach must have had an urgent gas bill to pay. I can't believe any of the others were paid money as they were probably homeless people working for food and Roddy Piper who just wandered onto the set.

After 5 years waiting to see it..... Words fail me.

From the moment the film opens to its ending credits, the soundtrack never stops. Possibly the director thought the endless cacophony of strings and wind instruments would lend some flair to this uninspired epileptic mess, but it only managed to give me a headache. It took me 3 sittings to make it through this drabfest, not necessarily because it was bad (it was) but because of the never-ending soundtrack.

As to the movie ? A nurse and her (hot) male colleague (the only reason this got a 1/10) investigate the bizarre head-exploding death of a former patient. As they meet the relatives of the victim, a couple of other heads explode and ghost children emerge from a black painting looking like a fuzzy B&W TV screen, probably because they are the key to this exploding-head mystery, but you'll never know, because by the time the movie reaches its pitiful climax, the music gets so obtrusive that you can't hear anything Michael Madsen says before he starts laughing hysterically and his head explodes. The poor nurse is now into hysterics and you will be too, unless you pop a Cuprofen.

Trust me, there's nothing in the portal you would ever want to see. Do you like horror films? Were you tempted by the mention of Michael Madsen in the cast list? That was how they got me to sit through this. Big mistake. The film looks like it was shot in the nineteen seventies with a budget that's been drummed up by a guy walking round collecting change in a slightly stained hat. Oh, and Michael Madsen is barely in it. He was better in Celebrity Big Brother.

The Portal has bad acting, awful computer generated special effects (were they rendered on a ZX Spectrum?), terrible dialogue, stupid camera angles and looks cheaper than something made for cable TV (bypassing even a straight-to-DVD release).

Some films are so bad they're good (Demons or Starcrash, for example). This one is just bad, bad, bad - seriously, save yourself an hour and a half and watch the shopping channel instead (the prices of those gold bracelets are a damn sight scarier than anything in the Portal).

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I get the impression 'The Portal' would like to be a bit like 'The Ring (1999)' - and I can't knock that aspiration. The Japanese original and American remake are master-classes of weird horror. 'The Portal', alas, isn't directed with anything like the skill or comparative restraint. Also, where I am a big fan of low-budget horror, the lack of finance seems to inhibit the ambitions of those behind the camera almost as much as the comparative lack of sophistication. There's an interesting Lovecraftian central idea in the titular Portal, and some terrific gore involving exploding heads. But Serge Rodnunsky's writing is frequently undermined by his directorial choices. He appears to desperately want to keep things from getting boring by constantly introducing new characters in various shades of jeopardy, but succeeds only in confusing and disorientating the audience. As a result, the film comes across as badly edited, disjointed and frequently incomprehensible.

There are good ideas here, and that's the frustration. Set-pieces which could have been visually arresting are destroyed by constant fast cuts and close-ups. I imagine this comes to down to inexperience, and the desire to make every second matter.

As for the actors - Michael Madsen (Azirra) growls and poses his way through his dialogue, Stacy Keach (Hafler) does what he can with his lines, and Jenna Zablocki (April) is convincingly terrified in a variety of ways.

Once you are aware of the limitations on offer, you can enjoy 'The Portal' for what it is. My score is 5 out of 10.