The Tomb

"We will never have to pay that price. We can live forever."

I don't know why I watch movies like these. They're clearly going to be awful. All the reviews I read further reinforced the fact that it was going to be awful. But, I still felt compelled to see it, anyway. And yep, it was awful.

The problems were myriad. The scares and horror aspect of The Tomb were surpassed by most of The Goosebumps books I read as a kid. The story was silly and bland. The attempt to appeal to the audience with sex fell flat with scenes that would hardly earn a PG-13 rating and had no chemistry between the participants.

The absolute worst things about The Tomb, though were the acting and the script. The entire cast was uniformly wretched, especially Wes Bentley and Sofya Skya. Sofya is certainly a very beautiful woman, but she would be wise to reconsider this whole "actress" thing. And Bentley came close to achieving the feat of making me never want to see another movie that he's in, ever. As for the script, describing it as "amateur" would be an insult to everyone who has ever been an amateur at anything in the history of the world. The dialogue is abysmal, and I can't imagine that anyone spent more than a few hours writing this.

I don't know what kind of dire financial situations are responsible for Eric Roberts and Michael Madsen being in this dreck, but I'm willing to offer money out of my own pockets to help them never have to be in anything this terrible, again. The only possible entertainment to be gained from The Tomb is from making fun of it. It's hilariously bad, but still too boring for me to recommend even for a laugh with your friends.

I really wasn't even sure what I'd use as a summary line ... but it kinda makes sense I think. You're welcome and no offense (if you are easily offended that is). There are reasons why one should like this ... based on an Edgar Allen Poe story with quite the actors to boast ... Cary Tagawa, Eric Roberts, Michael Madsen ... even Wes Bentley of American Beauty fame ... though apparently he hasn't done much since then ... nothing much succesful that is.

But the movie really seems quite convoluted and weird in a bad way. This is low budget and the femme fatale (if you allow me to call her that) is quite enticing. So I guess one may be able to understand the troubles our main character is in ...not to mention the supernatural element in all of this. But while this probably isn't that long, it felt like an eternity watching it - no pun intended. It has a few redeeming factors (some mentioned above), but I doubt many will cut this some slack ...

There is nothing that will get a movie downgraded faster than false advertising. If you are going to get an "R", then make the movie an "R", not a PG-13. There was nothing in this film that you cannot see routinely on broadcast television. It was a huge disappointment when you have someone as gorgeous as Sofya Skya, and all you see is her back. Sheesh!

There was no one in this movie to cheer for. Yes, I know it's a Gothic tale, and it really made the grade there, but I expect a little more emotion from the actors. Go back and watch the early Gothic before special effects and see what actors did then.

It was painful to watch.

I always have high hopes for anything based on Poe's work or that of Lovecraft, yet always seem let down. If Dario Argento or any worthwhile Italian Director would have handled this poorly drafted script, it would have probably gotten the treatment it needed. I had to watch it in two parts because I fell asleep. Slow paced, wooden NPC style acting, and predictable character development and plot twists that are better suited for an adventure or RPG video game than a feature film.

But I did give it a few stars! One for beautiful art direction and locations. Another one for the actresses, they were all beautiful and pleasant to watch even during their worst acting moments. Another one for the cinematography and special effects used aptly within the budget, although the style of the film is predominantly visual and better suited for a music video production or in-game cut scenes. Tighter editing and either a revised or shortened script would have helped this film immensely. And finally one for the perpetual references to Absinthe, as it is one of my fondest libations.

To sum it up, it's worth a watch if you can catch it on cable at like a 2am time slot or perhaps a red box rental, but nothing to go out of your way to see.

Liked the cast. Too many credits as usual. OK beginning but lacked a sense of urgency. It just didn't move along like a good horror movie should. Interesting plot line but fell short. The ending seemed jumbled and disjointed. I wanted more. I would not go out of your way to rent this one, but if you are a alone and nothing else to watch then why not.Poe is one of my favorites but this is NOT one of my favorite stories of his. They tried to make it interesting but for true gore horror fans I would skip this one...I would say it was well cast. I would say the locations are lovely but as a great horror movie..I would have to say um "No". Once again this is NOT one of my favorite Poe short stories and did not make a great horror movie.