Baby on Board

The bloopers were pretty funny. Maybe it's because they highlight the inscrutable and absurd nature of this movie even more. Indeed, it must have been hard keeping a straight face throughout.

That's because the writing was atrocious. It sounded as if it were written by 80s teenagers from the Ozarks. These are lawyers who apparently still know how birth control works. They talk about relationships and sex like someone who's never experienced either. Also not only the dialogue, but the plot dehumanises minorities. Some are present but only as stereotypes - asians as massage parlor operators or business executives with samurai swords; a Russian girl as a mail-order bride; gays with exaggerated mannerisms and speaking style. Some others are mentioned only as the butt of rather tasteless jokes. It's just an example of how poor and empty the writing is.

And the plot is really poorly constructed as well. There are two couples. One of the wives suspects the husband of cheating and then kicks him out. Why she only suspects it I don't know because he says it point blank about a dozen times before that. Then at some point he gives a really dumb and pointless speech and she suddenly doesn't care if he cheats and they get back together. Then the husband of the main couple suspects his wife is cheating only because someone mentioned that she must be cheating (on no basis at all). Then at the end he, too, says he doesn't care if she cheats just for the sake of bringing the movie to its conclusion, I suppose?

I knew when I saw the horrible CGI superimposed onto the live action scenes at the beginning that I was in for something spectacularly bad. However, it surprised me to see plots and writing reminiscent of low-budget direct-to-video sex comedies or fichers of the 80s. I didn't think that could happen so close to 2010.

The acting is quite good, though. Many characters have good timing and professionally carry out their ridiculous lines and roles.

Honourable Mentions: Hot Dog the Movie (1984). This is a low-budget 80s sex comedy with dubious presentations of minorities had some things that made it attractive, things Baby on Board (2009) could never have: charm, style, and a plot that makes logical sense.

I just watched this on Nflix, and now I know why I had never heard of this movie before. The atrocities against celluloid started with the opening credits/graphics, and never got any better. I can appreciate low brow humor when it's actually funny, and this just wasn't. I don't mean in an "I don't get it" kind of way, or "eww that's just gross!". I can appreciate gross, obscene, bathroom humor, whatever- when it's done by someone who knows how. All I can say is: Heather, Jerry, John-- why? why??? Never have so many of my favorite actors so completely crushed my hopes for a decent film. If you are in a Clockwork Orange-type situation and someone ties you down, forcing you to watch it, beg for mercy and have them forward to the outtakes. That at least won't make you retch so badly.

OK, so after reading the other comments I was expecting the film to be dire. But it was, in fact, quite funny. I laughed out loud in some places and I'm sorry if you folks don't find the fact that pregnant women fart or that old guys have dangly balls funny but I'm not too high brow myself and I actually liked this film a lot. It held my attention, and I was in fact still smiling as the credits rolled.

I'd happily recommend it to anyone who wants a bit of fun without the nastiness and drama that lots of films (even comedies) feel obliged to dole out.

So why not give it a chance?

This is the first movie in my life that I could not watch to the end. All the actors must have been horrified when they saw the thing finished, if they could bring themselves to watch it. I know it has been said that no body sets out to make a bad movie, but if they did...this would be it. The dialogue does not sound like any living people I've ever listened too. The crudeness of the sexual jokes were on a level so creepy that we needed to have the living room fumigated and blessed after taking the DVD out of the house. Heather Graham works so hard with this disgusting script that she deserves some kind of award but mostly she needs therapy to answer the question,"what were you thinking?" Just awful, don't even try to see this movie.

I can say without reservation, that, considering the talent of the cast and the standard one would expect, this has to be one of the worst movies I have seen in recent (or even in distant) history.

Imagine if a 15yo or an immature frat boy were handed a terrific cast and the script and direction of what was once your standard baby related comedy and you'll have Baby on Board pretty well pegged.

Gaaa...over and over again I found myself asking just "Why?" or cringing at the lines spewing forth from one of my favorite's (John Corbett) lips...and John? What were you thinking?..sheesh, feel like I need a shower now.

Simply godawful.