Baby on Board

I wasn't expecting an epic masterpiece - just a fun popcorn film ala "Knocked Up". But I couldn't help but get distracted by how many Asian stereotypes are in this film, from the offensive portrayal of the caretaker at the "Korean handjob house" to the slutty Asian prostitute to the CEO of the Japanese company with the freaking SAMURAI SWORD! I've worked with tons of Japanese business men - I assure you, they do not come dressed ready for battle. I didn't mind the fart/ball/juvenile humor at all, but I just found the writing choice of the Asian characters a bit strange. This movie is going to play like an uncomfortable old timey movie where people are in black face - NOT FUNNY. Not relevant. Not appropriate.

I just don't know what studio people are thinking when agree to make something like this. The general storyline has been done 100 times.. you know, philandering men, women who are insecure, dysfunctional relationships, an upstart in the office waiting for her big break, lots of cursing and bad sex jokes, seductive goldigger wives, divorce court drama, etc.

But this film was even worse than it sounds. I can usually watch almost anything, even total c grade junk. But this looked like even the players were in pain trying to say their lines. Lara Flynn Boyle looked more botoxed out than Joan Rivers, the men in it are all snakes and liars, everyone is cheating on everyone, and not one line is funny. The fart jokes are even horrible (which is pretty hard to screw those up) All in all, this was another horrible waste of perfectly good celluloid. Not sure what Heather Graham was thinking here either, as she has now added to her list of atrocious films.

I was anticipating this film because of the great cast and the internet preview. This film had the potential to be good...and funny and I tried to really tried to get into it. However, it made me so uncomfortable, I could barely watch it in its entirety. It just kept getting more and more obnoxious and offensive. The jokes were over the top disgusting. It left me feeling like my intelligence and dignity had been compromised. I didn't mind the overused slapstick, but combined with the sick sexual humor I was left wondering "WHY?" Where was the talent? What do they teach in film school these days? In all fairness, I think that Heather Graham did the best she could. She deserves better material. We all do!!

The bloopers were pretty funny. Maybe it's because they highlight the inscrutable and absurd nature of this movie even more. Indeed, it must have been hard keeping a straight face throughout.

That's because the writing was atrocious. It sounded as if it were written by 80s teenagers from the Ozarks. These are lawyers who apparently still know how birth control works. They talk about relationships and sex like someone who's never experienced either. Also not only the dialogue, but the plot dehumanises minorities. Some are present but only as stereotypes - asians as massage parlor operators or business executives with samurai swords; a Russian girl as a mail-order bride; gays with exaggerated mannerisms and speaking style. Some others are mentioned only as the butt of rather tasteless jokes. It's just an example of how poor and empty the writing is.

And the plot is really poorly constructed as well. There are two couples. One of the wives suspects the husband of cheating and then kicks him out. Why she only suspects it I don't know because he says it point blank about a dozen times before that. Then at some point he gives a really dumb and pointless speech and she suddenly doesn't care if he cheats and they get back together. Then the husband of the main couple suspects his wife is cheating only because someone mentioned that she must be cheating (on no basis at all). Then at the end he, too, says he doesn't care if she cheats just for the sake of bringing the movie to its conclusion, I suppose?

I knew when I saw the horrible CGI superimposed onto the live action scenes at the beginning that I was in for something spectacularly bad. However, it surprised me to see plots and writing reminiscent of low-budget direct-to-video sex comedies or fichers of the 80s. I didn't think that could happen so close to 2010.

The acting is quite good, though. Many characters have good timing and professionally carry out their ridiculous lines and roles.

Honourable Mentions: Hot Dog the Movie (1984). This is a low-budget 80s sex comedy with dubious presentations of minorities had some things that made it attractive, things Baby on Board (2009) could never have: charm, style, and a plot that makes logical sense.

GOD AWFUL. This movies is the the kind of crap actors make when they are first starting out, not when they are established. I have NO IDEA how big name actors ended up in the trite mishmash of misogynistic stereotypes. Laura Flynn Boyle looks like a poster child for cosmetic interventions gone awry. The other actors are decent in their roles since they are fairly good in most anything, but the dialog is contrived, the plot reminiscent of fraternity flicks, and the overall affect is just plain embarrassing for all involved. All I can figure is that some body made a deal with the devil or the script changed considerably after the stars signed on. No distributor was willing to take it on, so Baby on Board had only limited release. No doubt based on its star power, DVD showings will be better, but this film is not even worth your basic veg out in front of the TV trial.