Staunton Hill

I thought that maybe, just maybe, some of George Romero's talent rubbed off on his son. Not a chance. Not that "pops" is a super talent like Kubrick,but at least he's found his niche with zombies. His son has not.

This film was nothing more than a blatant rip off of Texas Chain Saw Massacre with the usual bunch of Southern inbreds that we've seen repeatedly in other slasher movies.

Staunton Hill was a low budget, poorly written, poorly directed, poorly edited and overall poorly produced film. I believe that it went straight to DVD and if it was ever seen in a theater, the audience must've gone to sleep or left after the first 20 minutes. I would.

This flick had just the most ridiculous dialog, it dragged and dragged and made little sense. Plot holes that would suck in a solar system. Supposely, this yawn, I mean this yarn, had taken place in 1969. Whoever was the stylist (I'm assuming they had one)had totally missed the mark with period correct clothing and hair styles (accept for the black dude with the afro pick sticking out of his hair.)

Nothing was clear at all, including the reason for making this movie. The only reviewer's quote to appear on the DVD cover box was from George Romero. Not exactly objective.

I'm assuming that this was baby Romero's first attempt at film making. He gets a B minus for effort, and a slap on the back for a "better luck next time kid," if there is a next time.

After breaking down on a less-traveled road, a group of young adults camp out at a farm in the late 1960s. But the property owners are a sinister lot, and their mentally challenged son has no qualms about doing some despicable things to them in exchange for some money.

This is my first encounter with director Cameron Romero, son of the legendary George Romero. I can't say it was the most impressive way he could have been introduced to me. While it had some decent moments, and what could have been an interesting subplot, the film came off as confusing, slow at times, and somewhat derivative.

I have seen the plot about a gas station attendant who leads a group to a dangerous house more than few times. I'm sad I had to see it again. There was some sort of story about skin grafting that went over my head... maybe because I found it hard to pay attention, or maybe because it fit in very loosely with the story. And the lack of nudity, while not a deal breaker in itself, condemned this "unrated" film to be not just boring but unredeemable for salacious horror fans.

Perhaps the biggest mystery is the film's time setting. If I had not read the box, I wouldn't have made the connection that this film was in the 1960s. Modern clothes were evident, and despite the family watching riot footage, it could have been an old program. Why the year matters to the story is beyond me. Sure, it eliminates the problem of ubiquitous cell phones... but what else? The film's one quote on the box has George Romero saying this is "as scary as it gets". If the only person you can get to endorse your film is your father, you may not be ready for the big leagues yet.

With "Staunton Hill" being a horror/thriller, and with my long-running love for the horror genre, then of course I took the chance to watch "Staunton Hill" when I got the chance. I didn't know anything about the movie prior to sitting down to watch it, but still decided to give it a go.

I managed to make it through a staggering 49 minutes of prolonged suffering as I watched "Staunton Hill". Then I just simply gave up out of sheer and profound boredom. Very little happened through the 49 minutes that I managed to endure, it was quite boring and uneventful.

There was some good enough scenes at the farmstead with some bloody and gore-filled visuals. But that hardly managed to lift up the less than mediocre overall result that the movie turned out to be.

The characters in the movie were not particularly interesting, and they were actually generic, one-dimensional and lacking personality and layers. As such, it felt like watching cardboard cut-outs of the characters waltz around on the screen.

I can in all honesty say that I have no intention of returning to "Staunton Hill" to see if the movie picks up or not. Because from what I saw from the 49 minutes deterred me permanently. If you enjoy horror movies, then there are far, far better choices readily available in the horror genre.

Staunton Hill follows a group of young friends hitchhiking their way to a rally in D.C., but when their paths cross with an all too eager to help stranger, their lives take a horrible turn. Their journey to the home of the Stauntons, a crazed redneck family who's involved in a very grisly, and blood soaked trade.

The storyline itself is your basic cookie cutter Texas Chainsaw Massacre type deal. You have it all from the racist gas station owner, the mysterious stranger who just wants to lend a helping hand, the abandoned farmhouse, and your over the top religious crazed hillbillies, one of which who happens to be retarded to some degree. The film takes a very long time to get anywhere. The buildup seems like it will go on forever, which caused me to lose interest quite a few times along the way. The directors attempts to show you bonds and relationships between the main characters falls short, and most of the time seemed like needless filler, only there to extend the films length.

Now the movie's only high point its beautiful special effects make up. The gore in this film is amazing, and stays true to the old school latex and buckets of blood formula that I will always love. That's right ladies and gentlemen, no CGI gore to be found in this flick, just good old get your hands dirty make up.

But in the end, the gore isn't enough to save this movie. I have to say, going in, I had high hopes for this flick, as a very big fan of George's I was hoping to see his son breathe new life into the namesake. Let's hope his next film is better than this ultimately weak attempt at a movie that's been way over done since the success of rob zombie's House of 1000 corpses.

2/5 - Ritualistic The Liberal Dead http://liberaldead.blogspot.com

The year is 1969 (supposedly). A group of friends traveling to a rally in Washington, D.C. hitch a ride with a nice enough fellow they meet up with at a run down gas station. However, a few miles along their journey, the fellow's car breaks down, causing the group to have to hike through the hills in search of shelter and help. They happen upon an isolated farmhouse, which at first seems abandoned. They take it upon themselves to camp out in the barn for the night, only to be greeted by the Stauton family in the morning. This odd bunch consists of the the mother, grandmother, and a mentally challenged adult boy. At first, the family is nice (except the boy, who takes a hammer to one of the traveler's face for saying HI to him). It doesn't take long before the true intentions of the Staunton family is exposed and they friends begin getting brutally butchered and dismembered one by one.

The Good: The acting in "Staunton Hill" is actually pretty good. The setting is creepy and used to full effect. However, what the film has going for it is a few inspired moments of gore and how the killer casually goes about brutally disposing of his victims. It is rather disturbing, though the motive behind the killings is confusing and not fully elaborated on.

The Bad: The plot is EXTREMELY clichéd. This is the same old "friends venture upon a isolated house and are slaughtered by a disturbed family" formula that we have seen many, many times before. Worse yet, director Cameron Romero (horror icon George Romero's son) does absolutely nothing new with the formula. It is business as usual as characters do the exact things we expect them to do and the film ends the exact way we expect it to end. The film is also suppose to be set in 1969; however, it is painfully obvious from the clothing, hair styles, and some set pieces that it is modern day. This is troubling because there is absolutely no reason mentioned for WHY the film has to be set in 1969. It would have been the exact same film had it been set in 79, 89, or 09. Romero's direction shows some inspired moments, yet is still pretty run-of-the-mill. When your last name is Romero and you are directing a horror film, you should probably take painstaking steps to make sure your film stands out among the countless others like it; this does not happen here. Maybe it us unfair to hold Cameron Romero to a higher standard, but with the Romero name plastered numerous times of the DVD cover, I think it is fair game. Does he show potential? Yes, but hopefully with his next project he makes an interesting movie that is not steeped in your typical horror clichés.

Overall: While "Staunton Hill" isn't the worst movie of its kind, it certainly has very few redeeming qualities. It's clichéd, rather boring in parts, and offers nothing new to the genre. Rewatching "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" would be time better spent if you are dying to see a deranged family kill of innocent victims who stumble upon their residence.

My Grade: D