Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Penny: Sheldon, what are you going to have?
- Sheldon: I'll have a Diet Coke.
- Penny: Okay, can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
- Sheldon: Fine. I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
- Penny: That's, um, Rum and Coke without the Rum.
- Sheldon: Yes.
- Penny: So, Coke.
- Sheldon: Yes... And would you make it Diet?
- Penny: There's a can in the fridge.
- Sheldon: A Cuba Libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge.
- Penny: Then swim to Cuba.
- Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.
- Penny: I need some guinea pigs.
- Sheldon: O-kay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you could try. But if your research is going to have human applications, may I suggest white mice instead; their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.
- Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.
- Leonard: His mom's been saying that for years.
- Sheldon: [on the phone] This is Doctor Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the Planetarium... Well I'm sorry too, but there's just no room for you in my wallet... Yeah, I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs... Well I'll miss you too. Bye bye.
- Raj Koothrappali: Go ahead, tell my parents why they won't have any grandchildren.
- Sheldon: How would I know? Do you have a low sperm count?
- Raj Koothrappali: This has nothing to do with my sperm count.
- Mrs. Koothrappali: You are wearing the boxers that we sent you, aren't you?
- Raj Koothrappali: Yes, Mumi.
- Mrs. Koothrappali: Because you know what happens to the samosas when you wear tighty-whities.
- Raj Koothrappali: Can we please stop talking about my testicles? Sheldon, tell them what you did.
- Sheldon: What did I do?
- Leonard: You left with his date. Friends don't do that to each other.
- Sheldon Cooper: I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair.
- Lalita Gupta: Well thanks. I imagine you smell very nice too.
- Sheldon Cooper: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.
- Lalita Gupta: Really? So do I.
- Raj Koothrappali: But you're a dentist. He's nuts.
- Lalita Gupta: So Sheldon, tell me more about this princess you say I look like.
- Sheldon Cooper: It was said that the gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips.
- Sheldon Cooper: How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?
- Howard Wolowitz: Every year at Comic Con. Every day at Disneyland. You can hire Snow White to come to your house... Of course, they prefer it if you have a kid.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So you're not going to see her again?
- Sheldon Cooper: Why would I see her again? I already have a dentist.
- Raj Koothrappali: Haven't you been listening to me? I cannot talk to women!
- Leonard: ...Um, Raj...
- Wolowitz: No no, let's see how long it takes him.
- Penny: Raj, you say you can't talk to women, but you've been talking to me!
- Sheldon: And now we'll never know.