Kunal Nayyar credited as playing...
Raj Koothrappali
- Raj Koothrappali: [Raj walks in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment holding his laptop open, with his parents on the screen via a webcam] Leonard, may I present, live from New Delhi, Doctor and Mrs Vyan Koothrappali.
- Leonard: [waves cheerfully] Hi!
- Dr. Koothrappali: Lift up the camera! I'm looking at his crotch!
- Raj Koothrappali: Ever since I was a little boy, my father wanted me to be a gynecologist, like him. How can I be a gynecologist, I can barely look a woman in the *eye*!
- Raj Koothrappali: [to Sheldon] If you do not stop hitting on my lady, you will feel the full extent of my wrath!
- Leonard: I'm not hitting on her!
- Lalita: And I am not your lady!
- Wolowitz: And you have no wrath.
- Raj Koothrappali: Go ahead, tell my parents why they won't have any grandchildren.
- Sheldon: How would I know? Do you have a low sperm count?
- Raj Koothrappali: This has nothing to do with my sperm count.
- Mrs. Koothrappali: You are wearing the boxers that we sent you, aren't you?
- Raj Koothrappali: Yes, Mumi.
- Mrs. Koothrappali: Because you know what happens to the samosas when you wear tighty-whities.
- Raj Koothrappali: Can we please stop talking about my testicles? Sheldon, tell them what you did.
- Sheldon: What did I do?
- Leonard: You left with his date. Friends don't do that to each other.
- Sheldon Cooper: I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair.
- Lalita Gupta: Well thanks. I imagine you smell very nice too.
- Sheldon Cooper: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.
- Lalita Gupta: Really? So do I.
- Raj Koothrappali: But you're a dentist. He's nuts.
- Mrs. Koothrappali: Do you remember Lalita Gupta?
- Raj Koothrappali: The little fat girl who used to kick me in the samosas and call me untouchable?
- Raj Koothrappali: [after Sheldon leaves with Lalita] What just happened?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Beats the hell out of me.
- Howard Wolowitz: I'll tell you what happened. I just learned how to pick up Indian chicks.
- Raj Koothrappali: I had such plans. I had dreams. I was going to be the Indira Gandhi of particle astrophysics. But with a penis, of course.
- Raj Koothrappali: Where did my life go, Penny?
- [He doesn't realise it, but he's actually talking to Penny for the first time]
- Raj Koothrappali: Haven't you been listening to me? I cannot talk to women!
- Leonard: ...Um, Raj...
- Wolowitz: No no, let's see how long it takes him.
- Penny: Raj, you say you can't talk to women, but you've been talking to me!
- Sheldon: And now we'll never know.