Assault of the Sasquatch

Greedy poachers capture the mythical sasquatch in the backwoods of Smalltown, America. Through some unfortunate circumstances, said monster gets dropped at the local police station, and starts eviscerating everyone in the vicinity.

The plot, like most monster movies, fits on a napkin, and the director has a hard time deciding if this is to be taken seriously. Some of the murders are wrenching, some completely goofy. Switching from comedy to horror makes for some intriguing and unbalanced 90 minutes, but at least it kept me on my toes.

Most leads are very capable, especially Sarah J. Ahearn. I also enjoyed the love-bitten rookie cop, as well as the naughty kickboxing secretary. Lots of colourful characters in this one. Unfortunately, the man-in-a-suit monster is not believable for a minute, which is ultimately this otherwise pleasant and kooky movie's downfall.

Three hunters are out poaching for bear when they fortuitously trap a sasquatch. Terry Drake (Kevin Shea) seeing his monetary ship come in phones a mysterious collector to tell him he's finally tracked down what the collector is looking for. Though the sasquatch kills his companions, Drake manages to corral it into a truck.

Meanwhile, two game wardens (Greg Nutcher and Cristina Santiago) hear the goings-on and investigate, arresting Drake and driving the truck into the middle of downtown. Naturally the sasquatch escapes and does his sasquatch thing.

Hoo-boy. I can't decide which is worse, the acting or the writing or the "special effects." The two leads are actually okay and might have even been acceptable, if they'd had coherent writing to work with. Nutcher is decent and Santiago palatable. There is even hope for Sarah Ahearn who plays Nutcher's daughter Jessica. Shea, however, chews scenery as if it was beef jerky.

The storyline makes little sense ... if I am generously assuming there is a plot and seems to involve some flashbacks with little context and little integration to the rest of the plot. I understand the writer might have been attempting a horror-comedy. Well he failed.

Don't even get me started on the special effects. The sasquatch is clearly a man in a modified gorilla suit and there wasn't even much modification as other reviewers have mentioned.

The only reason it didn't get one star from me is that some of the actors were clearly doing their best with the material and direction they were given.

Even if you love really bad movies as much as I do, skip this one.

Assault of the Sasquatch (2009)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Extremely low-budget horror movie about a poacher who is captured by police so they take him and his truck back to the station. The police think there's a bear in the truck but it turns out to be Bigfoot who escapes and begins killing people across town. Soon the police and other characters are trapped inside the station and must fight off the legendary creature. ASSAULT OF THE SASQUATCH is not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination but at the same time I couldn't help but respect what it was going for. Considering the low-budget you can't help but think, for the most part, the film was technically done well and I'm going to guess that it could have been done even better had there been more money available. The problem with the film is the screenplay, which really doesn't know if it wants to be a straight horror film or if it was to be a self-parading spoof as there's quite a bit of comic relief and none of it is very funny. The majority of the comic relief comes from an overweight guy and another dork who are running around with a camera as they're members of The Sasquatch Society. I don't care what club they belong to but their antics seem like outtakes from ERNEST SCARED STUPID. It goes without saying but this is basically a remake of John Carpenter's ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 but with Bigfoot attacking instead of gangs. I thought this idea was actually a pretty good one as it was a nice touch having the people trapped inside a building with the creature on the outside killing as many people as it can. The film certainly earns its R-rating as we get a little bit of female nudity and there are all sorts of gory killings including various body parts being ripped open. The performances are pretty much what you'd expect from a flick like this but the majority of them get the job done. Again, this isn't a good movie and there's no question it runs out of gas around the hour mark but considering how many "B" horror movies I watched I'd say this here is certainly better made than most. The Bigfoot costume isn't the greatest but then again countless monster films from the 50s, 60s and 70s featured poor outfits.

What made me rent this movie was a tweet Joe Rogan made about how bad it was. No joke! And when I saw internet personality Shawn C. Phillips was in it, I had to see it! I had a lot of fun with this movie. Yes, it is a "bad" movie, but it is a fun bad movie. Th Sasquatch is hokey, the acting is bad and the story is a mess. But isn't that what we want from these kinds of flicks? Shawn C. Phillips fans, you will not be disappointed. He screams every and chews scenery like there was no tomorrow. His face goes beet red, veins popping out of his skull, Dennis Hopper in "Blue Velvet" times 10 type stuff. He really is a loon in this. I seriously thought the poor guy was going to have an aneurysm or a heart attack watching this. It was scary! Everyone else was "blah" but on the fun side of bad at least. Everyone knew they were making a fun b-movie, and a fun b-movie it is.

This is heads and tails above similar fare from the SyFy Channel and The Asylum. Where those movies opt for dry and bland, this delivers the goods with several really good kills, foul language and a sense of humor. a good job by all!! If you like these types of B-Movies, you will like this.

After unwittingly bringing it to the city, the squad of a crumbling police station and the hunters who captured it must stop a monstrous Bigfoot who is running loose through the area as well as keeping a tab on the criminals its rampage frees.

This one wasn't all that bad and really had some good points here. One of the better features in here is the film's rather large amount of fun, shorter encounters here between the creature and the different civilians along the way. The early scene of it stalking the two-story house with the showering home-owner while the whole thing is videotaped by the enthusiastic searchers comes off really well, as does the different incidents here where he runs into the lone couple out on the streets, deals with the auto-shop crew and then deals with the searchers once again in the streets of the police station which come off incredibly fun and enjoyable here. Not only do these quick scenes keep the creature at the center of the film, which itself is another positive point for this one, but also aids in helping to give this another point in the film offering a unique take on the Bigfoot angle getting it out of the woods and forests it usually place them and goes for a suburban experience. It's pretty unique and feels fresh enough to make it different as well as keeping up some great action sense. Those carry into the finale here which is the films' best sequence as it goes for the group inside the barricaded station which brings about the fun brawling trying to keep it out and managing to score some great defense against it. As well, the stalking chases through the underground tunnels and out into the abandoned warehouse where there's plenty of great encounters here including the big brawl at the end for a series of exciting scenes filled with action, a few good kills and a lot more suspense than expected which makes it a lot of fun. Along with the real-life suit for the creature and the gory kills, these here do manage to hold this one up against its few flaws. One of the biggest issues here is the fact that this one goes for those short attacks which don't really do much for the pace here as the short scenes come off as interruptions against the other plot-lines in here. From the retribution of the criminal to the father and daughter growing up together, as their own issues come up and the focus on the crumbling station are all so exhaustive that all this has time for is the briefer attacks which are pretty sparsely populated so while he's constantly involved they're of little significance to the plot. Another big problem here, as well as furthering the lack of Bigfoot action, is the obnoxious overly- enthusiastic searchers who do nothing but interview random strangers about seeing him but coverall these guys are annoying and don't add any substance to the film. Along with the lather lame premise for getting him into the city, these here hold this down enough from the positives.

Rated R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence and Nudity.