A Vampire's Tale

This film had no point, no real story & rubbish characters. I was unable to watch the whole film due to the fact i fell asleep through lack of anything to keep me awake. How anybody can rate this film any good is beyond me, i rated it 1 because that is the lowest. I am a fan of Vampire films (Blade films, 30 Days of Night) because of the suspense & Vampires but Umbrage was a big disappointment on both counts. I don't understand what genre this fits into Horror, NO, thriller, NO, comedy, NO, a bad joke, YES. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME ON A VERY BAD FILM. I really can not think of anything good to say about this film. Don't go down in the woods today because you could bump into some wooden actors disguised as trees & you would not even notice the difference. I hope there is a Umbrage 2, it will be perfect for insomniacs. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Flashy, sexy (bloody) vampire picture. The stylish visuals can't cover for the low substance (and ultra low budget). I'm finding it hard to remember even after a few days of viewing but the ultra-sexy vamp is easy enough to watch though. With a bit more money behind the project it could have been a worthy western, horror.

Moving into a new house in the countryside, a man and his family attempt to start over his career as an antiquities dealer when his charge of selling an antique mirror causes a demonic vampiress to be loosened upon the family.

This was a rather decent if not all that great effort that really has some problems. One of the main issues with this one is the fact that the storyline is so off here that it never has much of a chance to do anything with it. This is especially true in the finale where it tends to offer about ten different endings to what's going on yet none of them are really engaging to begin with or do anything other than simply announce to the world that the filmmakers couldn't decide on a way to end this and just included everything as it leads into one another, forsaking storyline coherence, logic and a multitude of other areas here by the incessant manner of forging ahead with the ending here. As well, the fact that the film doesn't have a lot of attacks here really causes this to get drawn out quite early on with a seemingly endless amount of time between the family trying to get settled into the house, the adulterous relationship hidden in the wings and the way it finally gets the vampires out and into the story which is quite a difficult task when this goes on before any sort of horror-related efforts. Though when they do come, this turns into quite an enjoyable outing with some pretty decent moments on display, from the attack in the woods that sets up the ambush on the house and how they get into the confrontations with the creatures, and the final assault in the barn that's a huge fist-fighting brawl before finally being settled in the underground cavern is quite fun and impressive. Still, there's just way too much wrong here to overcome this fun stuff.

Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Full Male and Female Nudity, a Rape scene and drug use.

I did not expect too much from this film but as Doug Bradley is in it I felt it was worth a watch.

The movie is quite disjointed, there are flashbacks and scenes that flit from one area of the story to another without much to link them initially which can lead to a little confusion.

The strongest part of the film is when it jumps to Jacob and his dysfunctional family moving to the country. The scenes with Jacob, Lauren and Rachel as pretty good. Jacob has a mysterious mirror in his barn which he shows to Rachel. Rachel comes across a stranger (Phelan) who is a vampire hunting Lilith another vampire, the one who turned him.

The film is a little overly dark as night time comes, it's a little difficult to make out at times.

There is a lot that is unexplained which is a shame, this could have been a cracking movie but is just okay.

This was Drew Cullingham's first attempt for a feature. And I must say that he surely knows how to film everything. He did a great job as a director. But he also wrote this flick and that part was a big letdown for me.

It starts as a western were some cowboy is being bitten by a vampire. Then we move on to a family moving in for their first night in their new home. But they have some problems with the child, she's a youngster and things don't go as they should be. And the mother is pregnant again, go figure out the problems that occur. But from then on the movie get's going very slowly and all kind of weird things are happening, sadly not on screen but in the storyline. Suddenly there's a visit from Lilith and a vampire cowboy. Then we go back to the book genesis but in their own way with Lilith. There's just too much blah blah and nonsense filled with some blood here and there and Lilith showing her full blossom tits twice.

Of course I came across this flick due the name Doug Bradley. The name behind pinhead from Hellraiser. I must say that he acted excellent and was believable as did the others. They all performed well but what this flick was trying to be was a Lars Von Trier horror or a Lynch look-a-like. But it just didn't work out that way. And to be honest, in a flick were we don't have any special effects you guess the end credits would be over in a swiffy. It's normal that flicks like Transformers have credits running over 10 minutes but here the credits do run exactly 9 minutes.

I just don't know who i should recommend this blah blah flick. I guess pinhead would turn over in his grave must he be seeing this.

Gore 1/5 Nudity 2/5 Story 2/5 Effects 2/5 Comedy 0/5