Transmorphers: Fall of Man

After watching the first half of this tedious flick I am convinced that there should be a new class of distribution worse than DTV (Direct To Video) I propose the new designation should be DTDB (Direct To Dollar Bin). This movie definitely belongs there. As others have noted the special effects are worse than atrocious. They could have used an etch-a-sketch and gotten better results. I can only assume that Bruce Boxleitner owed someone a large favor to have appeared in this production.

This production is so bad, it even falls below the standards for the Sci-Fi Channel made for TV stuff. The only way this could have been worse is if it was animated, and the cels were drawn using crayons.

The basic story concept, as you can imagine from the title, is basically the same as "Transformers", a far better movie than this could ever hope to be.

If you wish to see how movies should NOT be made then rent this. With luck you'll find it in the dollar bin and expense will be minimal. The best use for this CD would be as a target at a rifle range.

I know what to expect from Asylum - dreadful nonsense that trades off current cinematic trends. But with this one, I almost dared to hope that they might have put some effort in.

The first 30 minutes or so are almost acceptable - the build-up is slow and disjointed, but most of the over-acting is kept to a minimum, and some of the effects actually look as though somebody actually tried to produce something worthy. Some effects sequences are actually fairly effective - though many others are awful.

Unfortunately, whatever small amount of promise may have existed early on, it all falls apart after 30 minutes, with really poor dialogue, laughable acting, lame plotting, and some terrible visual effects.

It does have some unintentional comedy value, as you might expect - much of the dialogue is staggeringly bad. At one point, a woman tells our heroes that she investigates "unexplained events of the terrestrial nature". That is a direct quote.

One minor character asks her how aliens differ from extraterrestrials - quite why anybody would ask such a stupid question is unexplained, but her answer is absolutely mind-boggling. She explains that extraterrestrials attack like a friend, whereas aliens attack like enemies. I challenge anyone to find a more stupid piece of dialogue in any science fiction movie of the past ten years. It's hard to imagine anything more utterly devoid of meaning or sense.

It's a shame, because if this film shows anything, it's that Asylum probably have the resources to produce some decent films if they wanted to. But first, they would need to employ someone who has good ideas, and is capable of translating them into a movie that follows the long-established conventions of storytelling. This film throws out the rulebook in favour of cobbling together events and characters in seemingly random order. They also need talented script writers, or at least skilled script editors.

In summary, I could live with the constraints of a poor budget, if it told a good story. Many great sci-fi stories have been told on a very limited budget - but this really is useless, and I suspect the reason is that very few people at Asylum could care less what anybody thinks, as long as they make a few dollars profit on each tiresome knock-off.

One plus point - it's better than the first Transmorphers film.

Nothing good about it, the first transmorphes was bad but it was funny bad.....this ones just boring, the plot makes no sense, the acting is horrible, the "special effects" are god awful. Do not watch this film it's not worth your time!

I could not believe one of the "Transformers" movies had ended up so quickly on TV, not to mention on the no-budget Sci-Fi Channel. Then it began to dawn on me, especially when Shia LaBoeuf failed to appear and Bruce Boxleitner did: I was actually watching a ripoff of the big-budget movie, and an Asylum flick to boot. Horrible! It's men versus killer robots, except it's mostly men (and a woman or two) standing around, talking about killer robots. And the robots that do turn up are just plain silly looking. I wanted to claw my eyes out. But I did the next best thing and turned the damned thing off. I hope you will do the same.,

A cell phone turns into a Mini-Me Transformer--I mean, Transmorpher. It zaps a dim witted girl in a convertible, then also eradicates some idiot in a van. At this point, I was pulling for the 'Morphers. They were only doing away with fools, anyway.

Red flags pop up everywhere with the film's title. This movie is every bit the joke you'd expect from one that packages a morphed title of a recent big-budget film (which was a poor movie to begin with). With a budget of about 99 cents, it's just about as novice and amateurish a production as you'll see. To begin with, there's really no plot; nothing is connected in any way.

The robots pop up at random, and the CGI quality varies, as does the power of the 'bots. One minute they're impervious to rocket missiles, the next minute a wild pistol shot from a moving car at extreme distance can bring it down. The bullet-induced Morph explosions were way over done and absolutely hilarious. I love how the Morphers also recoil from projectiles that visibly haven't even hit them yet.

The only name actor exits early, leaving the Drama 1A drop-outs to stage weird scenes. The romantic interlude is churned out poorly, maybe just to increase running time. You knew what was coming for most every character, who all seem to be parodies of themselves. In particular, the guy that talked about how "Russians tortured one of these things until it surrendered its memory chip." I laughed so hard I had stomach convulsions. Speaking of the Morphers themselves, they appear to be doing Three Stooges impressions. First they sneak up on victims and beam lasers from behind; then in later scenes they just stand around gawking stupidly.

So utterly stupid. It's an Asylum flick, so have a Conkla Cola and a McDanny's Big Quack for snacks to munch while you laugh at this.