The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

To rate this movie I think I should split my opinion in two: The twilighter side and the neutral side. Read the part that better mirrors your attitude.

NEUTRAL: The movie has no cinematographic value at all. Just a lame, slow, in places disgusting report of how a vampire-human marriage could be in the first part, and a badly directed (with some very awkward moments) plot development in the second part. I could not help noticing the derisiveness of some scenes; e.g. the one in which the transformed Jacob addresses his other fellows (I thought the movie was turning into a joke at that very moment!) and the one in which Bella makes the bloodshake fall to the ground and kind of breaks her back. A praise goes to the actors: the acting is not bad, is not bad at all considering that, in my opinion, nothing better could have been done (Kristen Stewart's performance is not bad and I found very convincing the character of Jacob). Another criticize goes to the movie slowness; in fact, those who are not very fond of Ed and Bell's love story might probably find the fully detailed and slow part in which the two get married really annoying. Finally, I would rate this movie, in this case, with 4,5 out of 10.

TWILIGHTER: I do think very few fans will be disappointed by this installment. Let's be onest, I was almost crying during the scene of the wedding (and I'm a male!!!) mainly because of my affection for the series (I was platonically in love with the story when the first Twilight movie came out). That's the truth: this movie's been made just for those who have always followed and liked the Twilight saga. I don't expect anyone to suddenly turn up and say: I've never given a *** about this series but I've found the movie absolutely awesome! This movie is for us Twilighters all around the world. Because all those scenes have an emotional meaning only in case you are very fond of the series. In this case I can and want turn many blind eyes (may I say it? haha) in the name of my affection for the saga. I enjoyed the Ed and Bell's wedding night, all those particulars (they even play chess!) that made me feel good during the projection of this movie. In this case I would rate the movie with 9 out of 10.

That's all, according to my opinion. Thanks for reading.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

The fourth film in the mega-popular series has Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart) getting married and shortly afterwards the female virgin becomes pregnant, which could cause her death, which doesn't sit too well with werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner). Obviously a 32-year-old male isn't the target viewer for this film but I must admit that it was a major step up from the previous two installments. I might even go as far to say that this here was the best of the series in a bad way. I say that because I'm sure teenage girls will be weeping all over themselves through the first hour of this thing but, as an adult, I couldn't help but laugh at it. The first hour deals with the screen's most popular duo getting married and of course the girl losing her virginity. I know this is a big thing to Twi-hards and teenage girls but the execution here is just laughable and especially the moments leading up to the act. The entire thing is just directed so over-dramatic that I couldn't help but laugh. It also didn't help that the dialogue was just downright awful and at times embarrassing. With that said, these bad moments actually make the film rather entertaining. Both Pattinson and Stewart are pros at these characters by now and it's also clear that Lautner continues to work out and this must cause him to skip his acting classes. As usual the CGI is pretty bad but I guess this is to be expected. Still, I found the story to be rather compelling and the entire thing kept me entertained from start to finish. Yes it drags on too long but you have to admit there's some pretty weird stuff going on here and especially during the second half.

For those not familiar with the rules of the Official Twilight drinking game they are as follows.

Take a shot/sip when... 1. Someone says the word vampire or wolf or any variation including "newborns". 2. Whenever someone sparkles. 3. When the father appears in police uniform. 4. Whenever someone is brooding. 5. Whenever an obnoxious hipster indie song is being played in the background. 6. Whenever someone doesn't have his shirt on. 7. Whenever someone gives an unrealistically generous gift, does a foolishly gallant act or otherwise bends the rules of common sense for Bella.

Drink the rest of the bottle when... 1. Someone unattractive or out of shape is on screen. 2. Something in a scene makes you feel anything other than sleepiness or the need to plant your face in your hands.

Thus I delved into the world of Breaking Dawn Part 1. In this film, Edward and Bella take the plunge so she can become a vampire like she's always wanted. Jacob pisses and moans, and Bella has unprotected sex while still human resulting in her mutant baby trying to eat its way out of her womb. You know, true love and all that good stuff.

My roommate, whose expertise on Twilight I value as much as one reasonably can, filled in some of the holes that went unexplained or glossed over in the flick. Why can't they just turn her into a vampire while pregnant? Because it would kill the baby. Why is the act of sex with a vampire while human potentially deadly? Because their skins as hard as diamonds and they're super strong. How can these vampires live for eons amassing enough money to afford a private island off the coast of Brazil without the IRS at least knowing about it? And for that matter why would vampires want a vacation home in sunny Rio anyway? Just shut up and watch the movie!

My roommate did bring up an interesting notion that was not explained in the movie nor, she believes, explained in the book. How can they even have sex? Vampires have no pulse so they have no blood actually coursing through their veins. It only stands to reason that Edward can't get his little Dracula to stand at attention. So Bella is waiting to be turned, just so she can have human carnal knowledge of a cold corpse with a flaccid iditarod. Perhaps if you're being turned into a bloodsucker while you're performing (its been known to happen in vampire movies) then you'd have a fully erect projectile for always and forever but that would be a very inconvenient case of rigamortis. You'd never be able to wear mesh shorts, birds would always want to perch on you and all your vampire friends would always call you Vlad the Impaler. But on the positive side you'd actually achieve every pubescent boy's deep seeded fantasy; you could use you're dingus as a weapon!

Of course its all fun and games until someone gets pregnant. That's why its important kids, to make and keep important commitments to your loved ones. In this case, commit to spending the rest of eternity with a manipulative Gothic horror monster before getting jiggy with it or else be forced to drink O- slurpees while your ribcage and spine breaks from the force of your bloodthirsty monster child. By the way, the baby's name is Renesmee a mix of Bella's mother's name and the punchline of a cruel practical joke. The newborn is also imprinted by Jacob which is a way for a werewolf to leave his marking that disappointingly doesn't involve rising his hind legs.

In the end, Breaking Dawn Part 1 is a vapid, stupid, glacierly paced movie with very little going for it other than the welcome sight of Bella withering away. So its a substantial improvement from the rest of the series. I actually look forward to the next and hopefully final chapter in the franchise. Maybe if I get liquored up before the premiere (or during), I would only remember the good parts, like the credits.

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There is not much happening altogether in this film. They put way too much focus on the wedding and the honeymoon, thus wasting precious time. But I guess all those teenage girl fans wanted a full portrayal of the big romantic wedding.

In all of the previous films, I liked the acting of most of the cast a lot. But in this film, everyone except Bella, Edward & Jacob is marginalised to such an extent that there cannot be much said about them. As an audience you just don't get to see enough of any of them to really develop a connection with or care about them.

Altogether this is an OK addition to the franchise, by no means worse than the disappointing/confusing 2nd or 3rd films. I assume I will give this film either a 5 or a 6 (out of 10), but I think I will withhold my final vote until I have seen part 2. I know some might say that they are released as separate films and therefore should be treated as such, but as the original book is ripped into two halves here, I think it is fair to reserve the final judgement until I have seen the two films in conjunction (seeing that, as I haven't read the books, I will need to have seen both films in order to make sense of it all).

Roger Ebert, one of the most widely beloved film critics once had a quote about the infamous Larry Bishop gangster spoof Mad Dog Time. That quote went "''Mad Dog Time'' is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time." That's how I ultimately feel about The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1. It is a terrible film that, despite its best efforts, turns into a big pile of nothingness. What did the filmmakers want to accomplish here? Well, there are a couple thing such as money, cabbage, and oh yeah, dough. This film was made on the assumption that millions of teenage girls are going to throw down their allowance to go see it. As I went to a public theater to see this and not an advanced screening, their assumptions was right. I was the only male in the theater. No boyfriends, husbands, males by themselves, ETC. May I also mention that there was a very limited range of females under 16 in the theater. Seriously, who thinks of this crap? This film can be summed up in a simple, short explanation-it's a soap opera made for young women instead of middle aged women. I'm not trying to sound sexist or derogatory but this is the way the world works..movies are made specifically for teenage girls to throw their allowance down. Unfortunately, this one, like most of them is petrifying to watch.