River of Darkness

Dreadful acting throughout weigh down this moderately enjoyable slasher/ghost DTV. Undead victims of a smalltown lynching come back from the dead to take their revenge on the hicks responsible for their murder.

Good production values and regular slashings help salvage this very uninspired offering. This was meant to cash in on wrestling fans, and to be honest, I've seen much worse movies, but God, the acting. And the lead is not entirely responsible, everybody here does an absolutely terrible job of conveying the simplest emotions. A woman who just lost her child to the undead is particularly amateurish, and one paranormal researcher looks ready for Skinemax. One of the zombies is a dead ringer for 'Dog' Chapman. If you're not regarding, this can entertain you for 90 minutes.

How do you stop ghosts from killing? After a series a gruesome murders strikes a small river town Sheriff Logan (Angle) notices a similarity. After his investigation points to three brothers that are dead things start to get weird. For starters the main stars of the movie are three wrestlers : Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash and Psycho Sid Vicious. When these are you main stars you really can't expect a lot from the movie. The plot, acting and apparent budget reminded me of a "Scy Fy" channel original movie...only worse. The acting is really, really bad. The movie itself could have been worse I guess, but the acting was so bad it's distracting. Overall this was better then I expected, but the acting was SO BAD it's hard to overlook. Movie is a C-, acting is F. When taking both into account, I say D+.

Would I watch again? - No way

I love movies of all genres, of any age, regardless of how good or bad they are. But River of Darkness doesn't deliver on any level. So far there have been some gems such as Rango, some mediocre efforts like Sanctum and some poorly conceived movies such as Battle:Los Angeles and Justin Bieber:Never Say Never. But River of Darkness is the only movie so far this year that I downright despise, it is that bad!

River of Darkness is a good example of a movie that is all style, no substance. Saying that does nothing in the film's favour, because production-values wise this film is shoddy. The scenery and sets have an appropriately Gothic look to them, but they are completely ruined by the cinematography and editing which makes the movie look as though it has been edited on a bacon slicer and the lighting which is incredibly dull.

River of Darkness fails epically in the story and writing as well. The story did have a nice arc to it on paper, but the execution was so derivative and poor one couldn't help thinking River of Darkness offers nothing new to the genre. Not one scene is believable in any way, the murders are all gore no heart no matter how marginally impressive the gore is. But that is nothing compared to the dialogue, I have heard some bad dialogue in many movies but River of Dakrness has some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard in my entire life. It is so cheesy and forced, and so clichéd and melodramatic I could not take it seriously at all.

The film's direction is incompetent. In fact the direction is so sloppy that the film could have easily had no direction whatsoever. The characters I felt nothing for whatsoever, they are written terribly and you learn next to nothing about them. The pace is languid so much so nothing comes to life. None of the actors are genuine or brings heart to their characters either.

Overall, a shoddy mess and to be avoided. 0/10 Bethany Cox

Little disappointed there was no Jack-knife Powerbomb into a boat engine.. that would of been worth 3 stars on its own... Sid an Nash were as good as slashers as they are as wrestlers.. which is high praise. Angle enjoys turtle soup which is oddly intriguing, I would of liked a bit more back story into his turtle eating character.

oh..come on! seriously??? worst film ever... oh my god...i just cannot believe it! everything about the movie was terrible.

At one point, I actually thought that it was a horror/comedy. But turns out that it's not.

you've gotta be kidding me to actually call this a movie and release it. seriously. I would not even want to get paid to watch this movie another time. horrendous.

Didn't the maker of this movie even watch this once, before he actually went on to release it? oh my god...seriously, this has got to be a joke or something.