Basement

Last time I saw Danny Dyer was in The Business, which was an entertaining movie, so when I saw he was in a new film called Basement, I thought "Why not?" Had I know what was in front of me, I would say "Why bother?!"

Anyway, a complete waste of time is putting it mildly. Scooping my eyeballs out with sharpened ice cream scoops and then filling the gaping sockets with rock salt would have been preferable to watching this utter bilge. Dire script - really, REALLY dire, lamentable acting - I'd love to have been there at the auditions - how did the actors keep their faces straight? It was utterly terrible from the word go. Well, not strictly true as it's pretty difficult to screw up a set of film titles. Bizarrely I submitted myself to the ultimate torture and stayed to watch 'til the end, in the faint and getting fainter (like my will to live) by the minute hope that it would get better, or maybe had a killer payoff - which is doesn't.

I started watching this film sitting upright on the couch, and as the penance wore on, I slumped down to a position that left me looking and feeling like I'd spent 5 hours being sat on by overweight feminists after turning up at a women's lib demonstration with a sigh that read "Iron My Shirts!".

Seriously though, what was Danny Dyer thinking? Was he behind on the rent when he signed up for this trash? Jimmy Mistry should have known better too. I mean, do they actually read the scripts before signing on the dotted line?

Actually, scratch that because if you're unfortunate enough to sit through this garbage, then you very quickly come to the conclusion that they were reading the script for the first time on the toilet, on day one of filming!

A friend of mine's wife says that I always manage to find something positive to say about most movies, even the bad ones, but this is a definite first for me in that I can find nothing positive whatsoever to say about it. It's really, truly awful. Bad (terrible!) acting, laughable script, and very poor direction. No redeeming qualities whatsoever.

What makes it even worse, is that they've had the cheek to release it on the vastly over-priced Blu-Ray as well!!!!

Arrrgh!

Sometimes you just got to take heed of a low rating of a movie here on IMDb. I didn't, and decided to sit down and watch the 2010 "Basement" movie despite the low rating it had scored. Well, who knows, it might actually have some appeal to me, hence I gave it a chance.

I managed to get somewhere around 30 to 45 minutes into the movie, give or take, before I gave up out of sheer and utter boredom. Nothing, absolutely nothing of any interest or worth had happened all that time, and there was no reason for continuing on with the snoozefest that is "Basement".

The premise of the movie is adequate. I mean, a group of people are lured into a basement and trapped therein, where they are subjected to a sinister experiment.

Sure, it did sound sort of interesting. It sounded so, but it wasn't so in reality. The story was unfathomably boring to witness on the screen. And I am not sure whether or not it was the fault of the script and the screen writers, or if it was because of director Asham Kamboj.

The acting in the movie was adequate, although you shouldn't set your hopes up for anything particularly memorable or impressive here. But fair is fair, and people did actually perform quite adequately with their given roles. Just a shame that they had nothing, absolutely nothing to work with in terms of a proper script and storyline.

I am not sure whether this movie is setting up to build up some kind of suspense or just be a blunt trauma to the face of the audience. But regardless, it failed on both accounts.

I gave up on the movie, and I can in all honesty say that I am not going to give the movie a second chance and continue from where I gave up. The movie just didn't have any kind of appeal to me, and I would be lying if I say that I wasn't using my mobile phone throughout the 30-45 minutes that I managed to suffer through.

Take heed of the low rating of the movie and don't go into that basement. Give this movie a wide berth, because there are far better horror/thrillers of this kind available.

If ZERO had been an option on the voting scale I'd have most certainly selected it. As it happens, ONE was the lowest available.

"Basement" has one merit and that's that it made me sign up for IMDb so that I could share with the world what an abysmal waste of time and money this film is.

What is unbelievable is the idea that someone, somewhere, thought that this thing could be viable for production and that nobody along the way was honest enough to tell the director, the producers or whoever that perhaps jacking it in would have been more dignified.

There's no danger of a spoiler because this film is about nothing. In theory the premises are interesting, not miles away from The Hole. A group of people are lost in the woods and end up in a dark and creepy basement. "Wow" you'd think, "Great!". No it isn't. This is where it all ends. The rest is some sort of tedious, repetitive, shallow, unengaging and inconsequential bilge. It goes nowhere. It says nothing. It's not even dumb. I guess it's the closest a film ever got to representing the concept of nothingness which, in a way, is actually an achievement.

Oh, and by the way, the acting is the worst ever. By far. Times ten.

"Basement" is like a Year-9 project carried out by a group of kids messing about with some recording equipment. Except worse.

Horrific. I usually enjoy films that are so bad they are funny - or entertaining on some level, but this was truly awful to the point that I felt angry with myself for watching it to the end. I won't even go into an overview of the plot, there isn't one.It makes no sense from start to finish with the worst script ever to be delivered. Harry Enfield and his mockney characters have a lot to answer for - although I'm certain he would have performed 100 times better than these 'actors'. If you are turned on by spending just over an hour watching boring people in a boring location saying pointless and idiotic things to each other for no reason whatsoever then I suggest that you save yourself a fiver and watch Big Brother. This is, without a doubt the worst film I have ever seen. And what the hell is DCI Burnside out of the bill Talking about at the start? Do yourself a favour and spend the fiver on a slightly better takeaway than you had planned.

Oh, the irony! I enjoy watching Danny Dyer movies, simply because they're so laughably bad, but this one is so bad it's dreadful. The script is terrible, the story nonsensical, the music is bizarre, the acting reminds me of secondary school drama class and for the most part, relatively little happens. There is a storyline and some action does occur eventually, but by the time it happens you'll probably either have stopped watching or nodded off. I've given it 3 out of 10 and the only reason it wasn't a 1 was because Danny made me laugh so much. From his "I want to be somebody" line to his comical run, Danny brings some (no doubt unintentional) humour to proceedings. There is also a great moment where Danny says: "I've done something terrible, and I've got to live with it for the rest of my life". He delivers the line so well that one can only assume that he was thinking about this movie.