Jason Segel credited as playing...
Marshall Eriksen
- Barney Stinson: We're sorry we haven't been returning your calls, and we respect you too much to give you the old song-and-dance, so here's the truth. The US Navy has found intelligent life at the bottom of the ocean, and for reasons too complicated to explain, Robin and I have been chosen to lead the expedition.
- Lily Aldrin: That's just like the kind of line you give your dates when you want to dump them.
- Marshall Eriksen: But if it's true, that would be awesome.
- Lily Aldrin: [Standing outside their apartment] How do we know you two won't hurt us again?
- Robin Scherbatsky: You don't.
- Marshall Eriksen: You know what? We have two very nice people up in that apartment Who are perfect for us.
- Barney Stinson: Then what are you doing, standing out in the rain with us?
- Lily Aldrin: Damn it. Why is there something so attractive about a bad boy... And girl?
- Marshall Eriksen: I think we can change them.
- Lily Aldrin: Come here, you two.
- [Group hug]
- Barney Stinson: We'll never sleep on the Gouda again!
- Marshall Eriksen: If I recall, they didn't dump us until you brought up that Vermont trip. It was way too early. First, a boat ride around the city, then a trip to Vermont. It's a rookie mistake, and you're better than that.
- Lily Aldrin: Oh, what about you forgetting to check the egg timer for charades? I gave you one thing to do, Marshall. One thing.
- Marshall Eriksen: [Offended] One thing?
- [Lily nods]
- Marshall Eriksen: One thing? Wow. Really? So, I guess that gouda Just walked itself right through the door... Sliced itself up, and arranged itself in a perfect semi-circle around not three, not four... But *five* different kinds of sturdy, cheese-bearing crackers?
- Lily Aldrin: You're a sturdy, cheese-bearing cracker!
- [after the double date between Lily and Marshall and Barney and Robin]
- Lily Aldrin: Nailed it!
- Marshall Eriksen: Best date night ever!
- [They high five each other]
- Barney Stinson: [Outside the door] Worst night ever!
- [Robin mimes shooting herself in the head]
- Lily Aldrin: Game time. Let's review the flow of the room. Barney and Robin enter here. Stop here for margaritas. That's a great conversation starter. We can tell them about our trip to Cabo.
- Marshall Eriksen: Great, 'cause I got that story about Sammy Hagar Anthe Belgian waffle locked and loaded.
- Lily Aldrin: Then we'll move on to the hot apps station. And, depending on how things are going, Some lively pre-dinner charades.
- Marshall Eriksen: Right, but, uh, we'll play that one by...
- [Points to his ears]
- Lily Aldrin: Sounds like?
- Marshall Eriksen: Okay, you can be Robin's partner.