The Dark Tower

Imagine someone told all of Game of Thrones in one movie that was just an hour and a half, then cut out 99% of the story. :(

It a great 90 min Sony Pictures action movie. Some alternate dimension stuff, bad guy with sweet powers and lots of pew pew. Elba and McConaughey are awesome. Fun times.

I've been looking forward to seeing this movie for a few years, I've read all the books including the more recent one ('The Wind Thru the Keyhole') and other books that Walter appeared in. It's currently 2017, and anyone who hasn't learned the 'book to movie' lesson by now needs to finally learn it so that they can also enjoy movies what they are, which is an extra bonus for a book that is well liked by a lot of people. If the movie actually turns out good than all the better, but being more realistic about movies not having to live up to the books they're based on is best thing to do so you don't end up like the rest of these bitter people who leave the movie theater as quickly as possible just to come back home and write a 'nerd'tastic negative one starred review expressing all their deep down inner angst in the most pathetic form possible. Luckily I beat many of them to the punch before they tore this fun and entertaining movie apart, and I did find it entertaining thanx to having zero expectations about it, go ahead and try it next time you go to a similar movie, you'll at least temporarily enjoy yourself. Whining and complaining about trivial things isn't good for you or anyone else anyways.

I thought they did a fairly good job considering all the various challenges that this potential movie presented them, and the fact that it at one point seemed like it may never even get released or get just get much further delayed didn't make the project seem as promising as it did when first hearing about it's production a few years back for the first time. I got my expectations up very high when I first heard about it, but as time went on I would settle for just about anything decent, and 'decent' it sure was, though I'll rate the movie a 10 to make up for one or two reviews from the Negative Nancys of IMDb. I'm happy to see that Sony left this open for a sequel, It's still not a for sure thing if they'll make another, though King seems to think they will, but I'd pay a lot of money to see a movie based of the backstory from 'Wizard and Glass'.

Bottom line: Have fun, it's a fun movie whether you have read the books or not. Not a bad choice for the kids either, lot of action, no nudity, and not much cussing from what I recall, (12+ is my guess depending on who you are, ratings can be deceiving).

If you haven't read the books: Read them if you're an avid reader, you won't regret it, but if you're just an average reader then the 8 books will take you far too long to get thru and you'll probably give up and have wasted a lot of time trying. One trick is just to be disciplined enough to read every single day if possible, and it doesn't even have to be much because it will add up over the course of year, and if you were to read 10 - 15 pages per day every day you'd be able to finish 'The Dark Tower' series within one year. (Quick easy formula: 365 days per year, very roughly 365 pages per book, so 5 pages per day will get you thru 5 books per year, and not difficult at all to make that 40 pages per day, and at the end of the year you will have read 40 BOOKS! Probably more books than you've ready in your life, just got to form the habit first and go from there, keep track with a notebook to stay disciplined if you have to).

Other King suggestions: 'The Shining' Even better than the movie, and possibly underrated because of the movie's popularity, and the fact most people are too lazy to read.

'The Eyes of the Dragon' Walter is a main character, and King once again digs into the darkness of the man's psyche while weaving a great story in Medieval times.

'The Stand' The ultimate apocalyptic adventure with Walter doing what he does best, and the fate of the lives of dozens of different characters all linked to Walter thru their dreams of him, and has 1000 or so pages to all find each other and come together to somehow stop him while avoiding much betrayal and many obstacles along the beaten path that is led and aided by their other dreams of another character who is out to help them find where they need to be going.

'Different Seasons' No, it's not a story about a possessed spice rack) This book includes four novellas (short novels). Most of you will recognize of 2 or 3 of the others as those were all turned into good movies ('The Shawshank Redemption' 'Apt Pupil' and 'The Body' AKA 'Stand By Me'), and just as is usually the case are far superior to the films, and not that the films are bad at all.

It's just the reality that books always beat movies, it's no contest at all, but movies are a time for us to do something unproductive and be happy while doing it. So don't be like these sad saps who would actually pay for a movie knowing very well that they'll not have a good time. One of the secrets to life is 'to have a good time when you're able to', and if you like to laugh at bad movies that are trying to be serious then you need to finally get yourself on the MST3K and Rifftrax bandwagon.

This film, which was inspired, not adapted from the Stephen King novels of the same name, takes a sweeping epic, dumbs it down, loses the focus and lazily tries to make it look cool for a younger audience. This film is bad and I went in with an open mind, hoping to find some redeeming qualities about it. While there are some good ideas, I can't help but feel that this will be somewhat heartbreaking for fans of the books who were actually excited to see it.

Jake Chambers is a young boy who suffers from horrific nightmares. In those nightmares, he sees The Man in Black, who kidnaps children and uses a device to suck their minds right out of their head. All in an effort to destroy the Dark Tower. The Dark Tower is the centre of the universe, protecting all worlds from the evil that lies beyond, out in the darkness. Roland, the last of the Gunslingers, soldiers sworn to protect the tower, is on a mission to kill The Man in Black. When Jake discovers a portal that leads to their world, he jumps in and finds Roland. Together they must stop The Man in Black, or their world and all worlds, will end.

I couldn't help but think to myself, that people would never want to see a film that was loosely inspired by The Lord of the Rings. They would much rather see that literary masterpiece adapted to the big screen. Imagine Peter Jackson used the same characters and made a different story, but still slapped the title on it? So I can't help but wonder why they thought it would be a good idea to loosely adapt The Dark Tower and not do a straight adaption from the books. I kind of get the idea they were going for, in regards to how the book series ends, but they missed the mark and by a wide margin.

I'm sure fans of the series would pick up numerous nods to the books here and there, but that is not enough. Graffiti on the wall of Hailing The Crimson King will get a knowing nod from people, but that's it. I'm sure they would rather see the actual story from the books on the screen. Arcel and writer Goldsman, oversimplify an epic story into a 90 some odd minute shoot em up. Sure, it looks cool when Elba reloads his guns, but I want something more than that. It doesn't help that the film essentially has two and a half action sequences, which might look neat to those who haven't seen a film like John Wick.

Elba does his best with the clunky dialogue, but he can't save it. McConaughey chews up the scenery, as expected. His character is "worse than the devil". He can kill people by simply telling them to stop breathing. He does this numerous times. He can catch bullets, incinerate people, basically force anyone to do anything. Mucho powerful. But here's the expository dialogue part "Roland, you've always been immune to my magic, haven't you?" So there you have it, he can't hurt our hero in the "stop breathing" category. He can still use the force to hurl objects at him and watching McConaughey move his hands around to control items like broken glass or rocks is unintentionally comical.

Bad special effects plague this film. There is a sequence at night where a demon, which apparently breaks through the barrier, attacks Roland and Jake. It's hard to make out what it looks like, or what the heck is going on. But in the end does it matter? Who know the Gunslinger will eventually put it out of its misery. I snickered at seeing how bad they rendered humans falling around or getting hit by cars. It only happens a few times in one particular sequences, but it's something that still hasn't been perfected and probably never will.

The entire film feels clunky, unexplained or unexplored. I never got a sense of Roland's world. There are abandoned structures all over and they have no idea what they were used for, but we clearly know they are carnival rides, as does Jake. How does anyone who never read the books have a clue as to what this means. Arcel seems uninterested in exploring that side of the story and instead streamlines it from point A to point B. This isn't a story to do that, especially if the goal is to branch it off into a series. I suspect this will be the only film they make.

With generic action sequences, oversimplification of an epic story, shoddy effects and some questionable performances (Jake's friend is the biggest offender), The Dark Tower is a big missed opportunity. Here is a series that could have been several films, sweeping multiple genres and taking viewers on a ride they probably wouldn't of forgotten. Instead we get this film that I already have forgotten. Ho-hum, despite a big budget, we have yet another King adaption failure.

I did NOT read the books; I had not even heard of this movie; it's a random DVR grab from cable. I enjoyed it, despite some minor flaws.

PROS: We have some great casting -- Mathew McConaughey is creepy and effective as The Man in Black and Idris Elba is perfect as the slightly washed-up Gunslinger (capital G as there is a knightly connotation). The pacing is pleasantly fast; the director expects the audience to piece together some of the background story instead of having it entirely spoon-fed to them. I liked this approach; it exercised my brain a bit.

CONS: The underlying plot structure is quite standard, and this makes some developments rather predictable. Also, it's rather convenient that everyone in the universe speaks English.

IN SUM: It's fun and a bit different. I like the mixing of tech from different worlds. I give this seven (7) stars for escapist entertainment.