The Taint

When you're writing about an independent, low-budget movie, it's important to keep things in perspective and lower expectations. Remember that unknown filmmakers can certainly make good, even great films, but that them majority of these efforts will be highly flawed by definition. Bearing that in mind, there is essentially nothing to recommend about The Taint, a purported horror movie with an incoherent plot, rigid acting, and (sadly) despicable gore that looks like it was shot on a Fisher-Price My First Movie Camera.

Even mainstream horror movies can be pretty simplistic in terms of story. People go into dark, isolated place and become terrorized by one or more deranged persons, masked or not. The key creativity in the most basic horror movies is in the various ways that characters meet their demise. Set the movie in a slaughterhouse, or maybe just a grocery store, then use the environment's objects to cause mayhem. But in The Taint, even this simplicity is completely derailed, with a storyline that is at times incomprehensible. And the worst part is that it just didn't need to be so.

The title refers to tainted water. Somehow (it's explained in the film) the water supply has been tainted so that the males who drink it become homicidal maniacs – but only toward women. Okay. It's plausible. Nothing wrong with the premise, but it's about the only not-wrong thing in the movie. Anyway, women are killed in various disgusting, gruesome ways, and I don't mean the typical Hollywood-overkill methods, either; these kills are so over the top that the guy behind Hostel thought it was too much. (Note: not really.) Heads are splattered with rocks and other objects or shotgunned, splitting the skull in twain.

Now, like I said, perspective is everything. It would be terribly unfair to compare this movie with full-fledged studio pictures. You have a fairly inexperienced cast with a fairly low budget. Directors Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson did do a lot with a little; the trouble is that they also did a little with a little. That is, the special effects aren't bad, and neither are the kick-ass soundtrack or the inventive opening credits. But perhaps they spent all their money on those areas and just plain didn't bother with such niceties as plot, character development, and so on. Oh, and acting lessons.

I suppose if you must see one people-driven-crazy-by-water movie, and The Crazies isn't available, you could give this a try. But be warned. It's visceral experience. There's hardly a bodily fluid spared. There's nudity, and it's never the good kind. In fact, there are more penises in this movie than any porno version of Rent could come up with. No, it's not a sex film. And somehow that makes it worse.

The Taint is never a pleasant movie to watch. There isn't really anyone to root for; the main character (Bolduc) is a guy, not a girl. And he just walks around looking puzzled most of the time. The death scenes lose their novelty quickly, mostly because they lack context. There's no setup, just killing and lots of it. It's almost a domesticated version of Cannibal Apocalypse, and if you recognize that title, this might be your movie. But overall, the movie is unintentionally funny more often than scary – much more often, in fact; it's almost as if the filmmakers forgot that even the goriest movies have to have something behind the bloody mayhem to really sell the scares. You need believable characters, even if they do wind up slaughtered. Give the audience a reason to care that these people are being killed – otherwise, they're nothing more than fodder. You may as well use cardboard standees. You also need suspense, and there just isn't any in The Taint. There's just shock for the pure sake of shock, and even that wears thin pretty quickly.

Again, it's a low-budget movie filmed guerrilla style. It could be a cult hit, but maybe only after a hundred years or more have passed and some film scholar "discovers" it; then they'll have midnight mind showings (you know, direct projection into the brain – are you listening, Netflix?) and build a phenomenon. "Look at the movies people were making in the 2000s!" they'll say. "Boy, how silly!" Only they'd use updated slang.

The Taint is a current version of Manos: Hands of Fate or even Eegah!, two movies now known for just being terrible efforts but that have enjoyed some sort of recognition for their own ineptitude. So at least it has that potential.

For those that are not a fan of the genre, this film is unlikely to revive your enthusiasm for the topic, however, fans are in for a treat. Its highly underatted. First and foremost it is a comedy for the not so easily offended. Im personally a big fan of Troma and found this number injected some fresh blood into the teams filmography. Theres definately some clear movie influences like homage to Bad Taste, but it carves its own atmosphere with terrific sets, characters and effects for a low budget. Its very funny, I imagine its the extreme violence and graphic nudity which put alot of viewers off.

The Taint has one of the best fake penis shoot outs of all time. I've never seen so many exploding ding-dongs in one sitting. But it's not ALL penises. There's multiple head crushings. A Squirrel has it's head whipped off. And faces are ripped off in a timely fashion.

The Taint is a truly wonderful experience of exploding genitalia, body fluids, and gore.

Highly recommended.

In true Troma style, Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson's The Taint introduces us to a post-apocalyptic world full of "incredibly strange (misogynists) who stopped living and became mixed-up zombies" and, to be sure, plenty of penis explosions, gender conflicts, and ludicrous violence abound. However, most shocking perhaps, is that the Troma brand is nowhere to be found. That's right, Bolduc has gone completely underground with this little gem of germ warfare and it's been causing quite the ripple effect on horror websites all across the 'net.

If that tidbit wasn't enough to sway your interest, then perhaps the knowledge that Bolduc accomplished this feat "outside of the studio system (and) with very little money" thanks in part to his local art community and students from VCU can convince you this is one indie head trip worth visiting. Oh, and did I mention that Bolduc plays the starring role of Phil O'Ginny who is equal parts McLovin from Superbad and Johnny Rotten from Sex Pistols? Well he does AND it features a soundtrack that could have come from an 80s New Wave music video.

The plot, while simple enough- the world's water supply has been tainted, causing men to revert to cavemen-style bouts of rage-fueled ejaculations, it doesn't leave much room to catch up as it kicks right off with O'Ginny on the run from some slack-jawed hillbilly with a scythe who proceeds to toss around a severed penis before dropping a nasty deuce in his long johns. This leads to a rather creative use of stock video footage during the opening credits to explain how the world caught "the taint." Again, I cannot emphasis enough here just how much the music added to the film with a catchy, synthesized beat that perfectly captures the mood of the film like very few other independent films have.

O'Ginny is actually an interesting and multi-faceted character, between the constant switching of sunglasses and his propensity for being at the wrong place at the wrong time, though he certainly doesn't carry the entire film alone. He's aided primarily by Misandra,played by Colleen Walsh, who is on a quest of vengeance to "kill all men" after she was forced to cave in her husband's skull before removing and fondling his brain.

In fact, there's an entire gamut of bodily functions on display during the film courtesy of Chris Bolduc, Billy Davis, and Dan Nelson on special effects. From spewing penis explosions to gloriously metaphor-laden head smashing, The Taint pulls absolutely no punches and is relentlessly non-apologetic for the carnage that unfolds (though the bents of dark humor throughout offer some reprieve form the discomfort). There's also the flaying of skin, splitting of heads, eye-gouging, and ample references to A Clockwork Orange.

Certainly a film that requires multiple viewings to fully understand, The Taint is a fusion of David Lynch's art house sensibility with Troma's campy, cartoon violence and storytelling and although you're welcome to watch it alone it's definitely more fun with a group of friends and lots of beer.

Some friends in the UK told me to have a view on this for me unknown flick. I hadn't seen any reviews of it so I just pulled me in unknown territory. Straight from the director's office it was send towards Europe. The only thing I knew was that the effects used for a low budget were excellent as I heard from my UK friends. Well, was I glad that I just watched another weird flick, be honest, if you take it seriously then you will hate it for sure. It's a combination of horror and comedy but it has a really weird twist. When the movie starts the first thing you see are two pair of breasts, in close up, naked. What they are doing there is for me still an enigma but after that shot you're in a hell of a ride in the gory world of the director. But as a low budget, the effects used really works, the score used works out too, you can buy it separatly if you want. Even the editing was nice to see. The only point I wasn't happy with is when one of the figures is telling about how he became what he is it takes a bit too long, especially the laboratory. Luckily after wards it's back to the gory effects. As I said in the beginning, it isn't a flick for everyone but if you for example loved 'die you zombie bastard' then you will love this one too. It's the weirdness that makes you laugh, and for the freaks out there, yes, there is nudity. Sometimes there is a bit of a gay attitude surrounding this flick but I wasn't offended with it, I had a big smile on my face, just see what they did with the working out in a sleeping room, go figure that out. Really, I recommend this to the splatter freaks, just sit down and watch it with a bunch of friends, it only takes a bit more of an hour to sit it through. You wont regret it, yelling a lot of oooo's and aaa's and WTF!.