Zombie Driftwood

Worthless crap.

I usually don't comment on anything as poor as this, but the sock-puppets who reviewed this film fooled me into watching it. If I can save even a single person this embarrassment, I must try. Brain cells are at stake.

This film might have been more impressive had it been directed by an 8 year old- though I'd still make sure someone kept him away from cameras in the future. I'd also recommend he be given a thorough examination by a child developmental specialist.

The film claims to be funny- the only 'humor' comes from post production fart sounds littered throughout and, I suppose, the dancing of the female 'actors'.

The zombie make-up appears to be made from red paint and a wasted chicken dinner.

The actors are unlikable, untalented and unwatchable. The two 'sex' scenes have the participants fully clothed and are about as hot as an episode of 'The Golden Girls'.

The hour and 12 min running time is padded out with cheap animation which is the best part of the production.

To start off I have a very high tolerance for crap horror movies but this had no redeeming features whatsoever. As a comedy it was incredibly devoid of humour, the jokes they did have - zombies taking over the film studio - were so over-worked that by the time you've seen them for the third time I can't imagine anyone would be laughing. Where I thought this film might excel, but didn't ,was as a schlock horror film but here still the gore was severely lacking.

Don't listen to the obvious reviews of those of who were involved with the film. So what if it cost them xx£ to make; a cheap crap film, is still a balls film.

AVOID THIS LIKE THE PLAGUE! Just atrocious, I cannot stress enough how awful this movie is. Only a quote said by Black Adder can express how this movie was: "It started badly, it tailed off a little in the middle and the less said about the end the better." This movie has the pace of a snail. Everything seemed to be stretched out to fill time. The characters were completely unlikable, as if they were scraped out of the bottom of the douche bag swamp. The effects used throughout the film could easily be outdone by any kindergarten level arts and crafts lesson. Nothing throughout the movie could even be construed as comedy. Just absolutely unfunny. This is a bad movie and everyone involved should feel bad.

I watched "Zombie Driftwood" with no clue what it was about or what kind of movie it was, aside from it being a zombie movie. And being a zombie aficionado, I decided to give this movie a go. It didn't take very long before you come to realize that this is a zombie comedy, but not of the high end production.

The good thing in the movie was its originality, and they had put some effort into the movie. And the sets were nice as well.

"Zombie Driftwood" is not driven by a very potent story. It is fairly weak actually, a cruise ship stands on the shores of the Cayman Islands, and suddenly the island is flooded with zombies. But you never see the zombie actually come out of the massive ship! And most zombies were walking like they just had been probed by aliens. It was painful to watch some of the zombie shamble about like they were on fire and had to sneak through a meth-lab.

For being a low budget movie with unknown actors and actresses, I will say that most actually did a decent enough job, though there were the occasional horrible acting performance to be seen here and there.

Now, I am a metal-head myself and listen to nothing but metal. But the choice of music in this movie, like the title track, for example, was so out of place. It was too brutal for a movie, and it just didn't work that well. The zombie concert, however, worked out nicely, and it had just enough bad comedy in it to work.

I didn't understand the obsession with metal band t-shirts. Why did they have to be everywhere? Did the producer like metal music? If so, point taken and we got it already.

The zombie make-up, despite it being simple and low budget, it worked well enough. Keep in mind that this is not a massive blockbuster movie with a budget that most people doesn't see in a whole lifetime of working. So thumbs up for this.

And for a comedy, there weren't really any laughs to be found in the movie. Sure there were some scenes and moments that had comedy potential, but not to the point of breaking laughs. In the wake of "Shaun of the Dead", then "Zombie Driftwood" doesn't even reach up to the knees of Shaun...

They should have chosen not to have a zombie Adolf Hitler in the movie. That was a bit over the top, and it could prove offensive to a lot of people. Personally I found it to be annoying. Why would Adolf Hitler be on a cruiseship? He died in 1945, come on. And even if so, by the time that have passed since 1945 his reanimated body would be no more than a bones, not a fresh cadaver walking around spreading hate.

If you are a zombie fan and got an weird addiction to low budget movies that deviate from the mass market produced movies, then give "Zombie Driftwood" a go, otherwise there isn't much to come after here in this movie.

I can only think those reviews giving this film good marks were written by the production staff. This film is really not very good, and I love zombie movies, even many low budget ones. The acting is absolute rubbish, and probably spoils the film more than anything else. The special effects are the kind pretty much any college film students can surpass.

Do yourself a favour and avoid this, there are much funnier, better acted and scarier low budget zombie movies out there, such as Fido and Dario Argento's Demons 1&2 from way back in the 80s. It kind of says something about how bad this is, that it is far worse than low budget zombie films that are approaching 30 years old. Half of the audience at the horror film festival went for something to eat, or catch up on some sleep, rather than watch this appalling film and I can't say I blame them, I wish I had too.

Seriously, avoid.