Nathan Fillion: Richard Castle

Punked

Richard Castle

Richard Castle: [stumped by a question of Alexis'] How do you know when you're in love?
Kate Beckett: All the songs make sense.

Richard Castle: So, I wear boxers. What do you wear? Thong? Cheekies?
[Beckett ignores him and starts walking away]
Richard Castle: [louder] I told you mine... Bloomers?... Granny panties?... Commando?

Kate Beckett: You know, I just don't get how someone could shoot Goldstein, steal his clothes, and then not hang onto his wallet. Just doesn't make any sense.
Richard Castle: [distracted, checking his phone] Yeah.
Kate Beckett: Maybe giant moths killed him and then *ate* his clothes.
Richard Castle: Could be.
Kate Beckett: [bringing him back to Earth] Hey. Castle... if this case is boring for you, you don't have to stay.
Richard Castle: No, I'm just checking my e-mail, my texts, see if Alexis called. I can't believe she told my mother she's in love and is holding out on me.
Kate Beckett: Oh...
Richard Castle: I'm gonna call her.
Kate Beckett: [taking his phone] No, no. You have to let her tell you in her own time when she's ready.
Richard Castle: I'm the cool dad. Why can't she be ready?
Kate Beckett: Wait. Listen to me. My dad tried to do the same thing when I was her age and I ended up dating a grunge rocker who smelled like wet flannel and clove cigarettes, for seven *months*. You do not mess with a teenage girl and her hormones.
Richard Castle: You're right. I won't call her.
[Beckett hands his phone back and they get onto the elevator]
Richard Castle: Did you say something about a giant moth?
Kate Beckett: [innocently] No.

[Castle is depressed because Alexis hasn't told him about her first love]
Martha Rodgers: Richard, you phone?
Richard Castle: Mm.
Martha Rodgers: Ah! Beckett... Maybe it's a nice murder, darling. Brighten your day.

Kate Beckett: Good morning. Got an ID?
Lanie Parish: Not yet... How come you guys never bring me coffee? I'm here before you, doing all the work.
Richard Castle: You can have the rest of mine.
Lanie Parish: Actually, I don't drink coffee, but would it kill you to bring me a bear claw?

Ivan Podofski: [Beckett plays a threatening message Ivan left on the victim's voicemail] I think some context is in order. I had only just lost $4 million.
Richard Castle: Yes, and in that context, you threatened to kill Mr. Goldstein and then he was killed.
Kate Beckett: Where were you last night between 11 and 1?
Ivan Podofski: Asleep in my bed.
Kate Beckett: And can anyone vouch for that?
Ivan Podofski: Me.
Richard Castle: "Myself" and "I" got your back, too?

[first lines]
Richard Castle: I have delicately placed *one* graham cracker, exactly six... marshmallows atop a perfectly melted... chocolate bar.
Martha Rodgers: In an omelet, darling? Really?
Richard Castle: Not an omelet. A s'more-let.
Martha Rodgers: Uh-huh
Richard Castle: Care for one?
Martha Rodgers: No, thank you.
Richard Castle: [to Alexis] What about you, sweetheart? Are you ready for your taste buds to be launched to breakfast nirvana?
Alexis Castle: [distractedly] Sure, thanks. Oh, is it okay if my friend Ashley comes over tonight?
Richard Castle: Yes, of course. Now eat.
[takes a bite then gags and spits it out]
Alexis Castle: Uh! Are there marshmallows in this?
Richard Castle: Yes.
Alexis Castle: And chocolate.
Richard Castle: Yes. That's the point. It's a s'more-let.
Alexis Castle: Uh... I gotta go. Love you. Love you.
Martha Rodgers: Bye, honey.
[Alexis hurries away from the counter]
Richard Castle: [chewing his own bite] Mmm! This is almost as good as my chocolate mousse chimichanga.
[Alexis returns to pick up her school bag]
Richard Castle: Ah-ha! I knew you'd reconsider! It's like David Hasselhoff. At first you're repulsed, but then strangely, you're drawn in.
Alexis Castle: [heading to the door] No, still repulsed. Bye!

Richard Castle: When Alexis took her first steps, I was there to catch her when she fell. The first time she rode her bike without training wheels, I was the maniac chasing her down the street, screaming for her to watch out for the old lady with the walker. *Even* her first word...
Kate Beckett: Let me guess? "Daddy"?
Richard Castle: No, it was "denouement."
Kate Beckett: Oh.
Richard Castle: I stressed story structure from an early age. Anyway...

[observing the victim who is only wearing underwear]
Richard Castle: Hey... I have those boxers. It's Thomas Nash. Very pricey British brand. Amazingly soft. They're silk.
[Beckett and Lanie give him strange looks]
Richard Castle: Just saying, he was probably... very comfortable when he was shot... and killed.