Nobody Gets Out Alive

This movie has so many horror movie clichés that for a moment - actually, a great part of the film - I thought they were going for a "Cabin in The Woods" kind of thing. Making fun of its own genre. I mean, the cellphone signal, the car that doesn't start, the woman that trips when tries to run, the stereotypical characters, the usual lack of character depth, and on and on. Frankly, I don't know if this film is brilliant or just another stupid exploitation movie that on the five - I counted - scenes it looks original, if loses you with boredom. Or maybe I just don't want to believe that a movie can be that bad. So I'll give it a 5.

A group of college students escape their troubled lives but only to find themselves fighting for their lives from a revenge seeking mad man.

First let me call out Lauren Palmer, who did the special effects. Not only did she do a poor (or perhaps adequate, if we are being generous) job on the effects, but then she decides to go on IMDb, rate the film a 10 and review it as having the best special effects. Really mature, Ms. Palmer. You could have had your friends write rave reviews, but instead you went out and did it yourself. I may as well just title this review "the best review ever" (when, in fact, I know it will only be adequate).

Next, I will have to say that the use of Clint Howard was either genius or foolish. Genius because it caught the attention of horror fans who have loved him in many films ("Ticks", "Ice Cream Man") and may get them to give this one a try. Foolish because he has roughly 30 seconds as a doctor, which is a throwaway role. Make him memorable. Even if you only have him on set one day, do not have him deliver pointless dialogue that any extra could have done.

Apparently, Victor Miller was of some guidance on this film. And that makes sense, because the direct inspiration is obviously "Friday the 13th" (young adults go in the woods and get killed). But what could Miller have possibly suggested? Did he advise them to throw in a newer version of Crazy Ralph? There is nothing in here that could not have been thought up and written in fifteen minutes.

The film even has a special thanks for such people as Edgar Wright, Stanley Kubrick, Quentin Tarantino... which is insulting to those great directors. There is a difference between "I watch Kubrick movies" and "I am influenced by Kubrick movies", and clearly the difference is lost on these folks. If you have seen everything Kubrick ever made and still cannot have one original (or even inventive) camera shot, you were not influenced and Kubrick does not need your thanks.

The marketing on this one was smart. The Last Reel (a little-known blog) is quoted as saying it is a "solid scare that's worth the trip". But they also wrote that "some of these characters (sic) were underwritten and it seemed as though their sole purpose (sic) was just to up the body count." Poor spelling aside (and that shows how hard they had to look for a positive review), this is a key point. The only interesting character in the whole film is Jared, whose background is never explored... he is just the weird guy with too little screen time. The actor, Chris Ready, also appeared in the better independent horror film (despite the bad title) "Bloodlust Zombies".

Dread Central -- a respected name in horror -- says the film is "an homage to some of the great slasher films of the 70s and 80s." In fact, their review is quite positive down the line, only really taking issue with the editing. They gave it 3 out of 5. I have to strongly disagree with them on this and wonder what movie they were watching. I especially take issue with the claim that director Jason Christopher did "an admirable job of creating a compelling, straightforward look at the torment of one man and how it manifests through his murderous acts". His daughter was hit by a drunk driver -- while she was playing in the road in front of her inattentive father. I get that he is in pain, but how do we feel sympathy when he murders people without justification? Mrs. Voorhees at least had a specific target demographic...

I hate to be rude to young filmmakers, but there is a glut of independent film in this world, and independent horror in particular. Some of it (such as John Pata's "Dead Weight") is among the best out there. And then there is this film... no original idea, no decent acting, no decent plot, poor lighting, characters I give less than two figs about... how it found a distributor is beyond me.

As I was sitting through this "flick", as Jason Christopher likes to call it, I couldn't help but notice something: this movie is bad. I have seen my fair share of bad horror movies, and this is right up there with the worst of them.

In the horror genre, there is a line that a movie can cross over where bad becomes funny, and when this happens the movie becomes somewhat enjoyable. Unfortunately for Jason Christopher, his flick sits just behind this line, causing it to be completely unwatchable. Everything from acting to camera work to lighting was terrible. Multiple shots, excuse me, most shots, in this movie were either under or over exposed, making it hard to see what was going on. The score was almost non- existent, but when it was, it hardly fit the mood of the scene. It seems that Mr. Christopher spent the majority of the budget on Clint Howard's paycheck, which was a complete waste of a role. The screenplay itself was horrible, so I can't blame Jason Christopher for making a bad flick. But actually, he is to blame because he wrote it. With characters that are completely generic, a killer that wears size 7 boots (very intimidating), and dialogue that doesn't make any sense, do yourself a favor and spend your night looking at a wall, it will be more enjoyable.

First, let's talk about the acting: it sucks. Jen Dance is annoying. Shaun Paul Costello doesn't ever actually act. Chelsey Garner just runs around. David Bonner is over the top at times and a little unbelievable in the role he is given, and that makes Brian Gallagher WAY over the top (a killer in hunting boots...OH NO). Chris Ready gives an average (key word is average) performance. Nikki Bell doesn't belong in ANY movie EVER because she can't act and is also good to laugh at. Seriously, I don't even think she could be in an adult movie where you don't even need to act. And Matt Nadu just stands around looking pretty.

Next, let's talk about the special effects: laughable. Was that tomato sauce or ketchup? I like Lauren Palmer's review below (evidently she did the effects). Her work is about as good as her grammar and command of the English language, which is to say VERY BAD. Next time you give your own movie a 10/10, make up a fake name or something.

Then, let's talk about the editing: Who did this? I especially like the "party scene" where the same footage is just played over and over again. It's day. Then it's night. Then, it's day. Then, it's morning. Then, we skip day. Then, it's night again. I CAN'T KEEP TRACK.

It's 77 minutes long. And 77 minutes too long if you ask me. It's boring. And I laughed through most of it, which you aren't supposed to do in a horror movie. I especially laughed when Brian Gallagher delivers his never ending speech that belongs in some classroom, not in a movie.

The blooper reel is proof none of these people should be making movies, and it's sad that they said this was their "best shot" because then you know they are really bad at this.

This so called horror movie as to be one of the worst movies of the last decade, absolutely dreadful from start to finish, the only good point is that you only have to, if you can, put up for it for 70 odd minutes, everything about this film is done very badly the acting, the plot as been done a thousand times before and much better, the so called special effects, my 13 year old daughter could do much better, I have noticed that the special effects creator as written a revue, and she is that bad her grammar sucks just like her so called special effects, she is sorry to say but have to be honest stupid, she even put her real name to the 10 star revue, what a plonker . for your own good stay well clear of this turkey