Kingdom of Gladiators

This was a terribly directed and badly put together movie.

Even with bad acting, a better script and better editing this could have been a great story, I really wanted to know more.

Was very drawn out, and full of over acting. So much so that it was hard to follow what was actually going on.

Fight scenes were slow, and very little for a gladiator movie.

The one and only good thing about this movie was its location, truly spectacular.

I would not recommend watching this movie, unless you like wasting your time. I am sorry I did.

B movies must surely now have a new "best of the worst ever" because this HAS to have been made as a dare. I beg for an explanation of how this got past censorship as being too cruel to an audience. Truly, movies are not these guys' strong suit. For those now curious to see this still, I feel like a guy waving his hands at oncoming traffic, warning them of the horrendous wreck just around the next bend. Slow down ! Don't go there ! You'll end up part of the pile-up ! If these people truly got financed to the tune of $3 mil to make this, then all I can visualize is a bunch of guys laughing as they skip the country with the cash. Oh, wait, they're in Italy... Do we have an extradition treaty with them ?

I cannot even know where to begin or what to say here. Is this a movie? Uhm.. Maybe. There are some pretty gorgeous locations, but the script, the actors, the direction, SFX, and any technical support, including (ahi ahi!) editing are so plain awful, to look almost virtually amateur. I had heard good things about Stefano Milla. Well, this movie is truly something to stay away from. Most of all, Mr.Milla needs casting advisers! There are so many great,intense, driven, good looking actors, under unemployed and he gets these people? Let me tell you, we are on a "beyond awful" grade here. Juvenile can be fun in 8th grade, but, after that it becomes a place of no return. Felt sadness and disconcert, bore, and, finally,despair: why Italian genre movies have gotten (for the most part) so bad? The only one to stand out seems still to be Ivan Zuccon, who's always has great actors in his films, and, an extreme visual strength. These other guys.. are, well.. not truly able to deliver something professional, or even merely bad, yet.. Just amateur crap.

Boy oh boy, what do we have here? To call it a steaming pile would be accurate, but as this is a SPECIAL type of bad film, we must dig deeper. The only possible reason for it's existence is that everyone involved lost some kind of major bet, or perhaps they were inflicted with some kind of temporary insanity. Either way, I bet they're disowned by their parents, grandchildren, pets etc. and quite right too. I would rather confess that one of my nearest and dearest was a chicken molesting hermaphrodite than admit they had any function in this...

But I'm getting ahead of myself... Where can I start? The opening scene is that of a very ugly man who OVEREMPHASISES EVERY WORD HE SAYS. He reminded me of a failed Shakespearean actor, who thinks talking in a loud, pompous voice shows emotion range. Guess what, it doesn't. We have to tolerate this idiot throughout, and it is my sincerest wish he is now reduced to playing the back end of a donkey on Brighton Pier.

And that's just for starters. Next up we find out that in this fictional world, everything is like in the Dark Ages. Except... there are tattoos, infra-red glasses... and BOOB JOBS. Yep, it's true... Check out the brunette 'warrior' when she walks in her scanty chain mail... them puppies don't bounce an inch. It's funny, but not hilarious as the accents, which vary between English, American and Gord-Knows-What. Strange place, these people inhabit. And just like the previously mentioned guy, none of them can act for toffee. If he's the rear of a donkey, perhaps they can play his manure. After all, they already stink at their job, so they're halfway there.

See the word GLADIATOR in the title and you think, there's gotta be some good fights, right? WRONG my friend. COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY WRONG. We're a long way from Russell Crowe here. We're talking more like fake WF wrestling matches here, with lots of cheesy little moves from fools in bad costumes. But even Hulk Hogan and co would be embarrassed by the terrible computerised blood and non-stop camera shaking going on, and the sum total is like one long self-made parody. If only it was...

And with the final revelation that the bad guy is one big Jim Henson puppet, the movie finally comes to a rest. Not me though... I'll be having nightmares about the experience for days. I would send the director the bill for my therapy, but on this evidence I doubt he could afford it. Maybe I'll be nice, and throw a penny into his tin cup on my way to the psychiatrist's. I know... I'm all heart... 1/10

Gave this movie 1 star - only for lack of negative stars. They have taken, possibly the worst actors known to man, located them in some castle (with all kinds of modern day give-aways) and dressed them in a mix of cheap roleplay costumes and stuff from a junk sale. Effects looks like they were made by children as well as the 'combat' sequences that are slow AND incompetent. The actors are completely blank both, in action- and talking scenes and the storyline is utter crap. A more satisfactory use of your time could be reorganizing your sock drawer or counting the dust bunnies under the couch.....