Taintlight

If you are looking for a Mel Brooks quality spoof, just keep looking. This is not for you. This movie is filled with toilet humor, bad jokes, and terrible acting. That being said, it does accomplish it objective of spoofing even more terrible source material and I think some of the bad acting is actually a spoof of the cast of Twilight. I found it to be enjoyable if you are capable of overlooking the low budget limitations. It looks like a bunch of buddies shot it on their mom's camcorder, but there were some good laughs in there. If you don't have the patience for unpolished independent films, I would suggest Vampire's Suck instead. I would still much rather watch Taintlight a thousand more times than watch another Twilight movie.

This movie was by far the worst spoof movie I have ever seen. I read the other two reviews and I honestly have no idea what was so funny about this movie. I love spoof movies, they're silly and crack me up with laughter but this movie, Taintlight, was just plain bad. The acting was terrible, the dad's character was funny in a sense that it was all in bad taste, and the story line... just bad. I skipped forward twice in this movie as the terrible scenes just drag on. It honestly was torture to watch and I just couldn't take it. I tried to watch it, I really did, I even waited for the vampires to show up in hopes that maybe it would pick up but it didn't. All the same execrable scenes left much to be desired. I wanted to laugh when I clicked play but all I got was a headache from rolling my eyes so often. Don't watch this movie if you have an intelligent sense of humor. What a waste of my time this movie turned out to be. Stupidity in it's finest form.

I watched this on Tubi as part of a parody horror exchange and I genuinely don't know what I did to deserve this assignment, but I would like to formally apologize to whoever I offended in this life or the last.

The film is written and directed by Chris Seaver and stars Meredith Host and Kurt Indovina. Host truly gives more effort than this movie deserves, and I'll say it - she might be a better actress than early-era Kristen Stewart. Indovina also tries, but the film isn't giving either of them anything to work with.

This movie aims for intentional "so-bad-it's-funny" parody, but it misses the "funny" part and just lands on "so bad." The pacing drags even though the runtime is short, the cinematography makes everything look green and hazy, and the jokes feel like first-draft improv warm-ups that never found a punchline. I laughed one time - at bubbles. And I can't even tell you if that was on purpose.

There's no MPAA rating, but spiritually this movie is rated "Please Don't."

My Score: 0.5/10 (Dead On Arrival) IMDb Score: 2.2/10

Not recommended.

Not ironically.

Not even as a dare.

I've watched A LOT of Chris Seaver's "movies." This has all of the traits of a typical Seaver production--gross-out sexual humor, fart and poop jokes, way over the top "acting," bizarre characters (and vocal performances), and absurdity. And, of course, Jesse Ames, Josh Suire, and many of the Seaver regulars.

None of his movies are particularly good, but they can be fun and, when the humor is inspired, gut-bustingly hilarious.

Taintlight is, unfortunately, comprised mainly of tired gags that seemed to have been recycled from his other productions, making it hard to overlook the movie's flaws. That said, there are some gags that are absolutely hilarious.

I gave this movie a 3. Ultimately, I think it's a waste of your time unless you're a die-hard Seaver fan.