Creep Van

If you like a some low-brow comedy to accompany your bloody B-rate slasher, then the Creep Van will deliver! *NOTE: The version found on Netflix is NOT the raunchier, uncut, extended version that I viewed online.*

Despite a couple of shoddy performance moments and an unmistakably low-budget vibe, Creep Van manages very decent gore and a few laugh-out-loud moments. The humor is fairly original, as is the storyline. The characters and kills are curiously quirky. It is written nicely, and the film makes the most of its' budget by employing traditional stage effects and camera trickery rather than CGI tactics. The soundtrack and sound FX, though mostly absent, worked well enough and weren't a distraction.

The pace is fine, however it's hard to keep track of time that passes within the film. Has a day passed, or a month? Contemplating this was a bother. In fact, there are a number of missing or incomplete components within the story that were slightly bothersome. They did not however, impede My overall enjoyment. I was glad to have watched it, and would watch it again.

There are a number of topless scenes, hilariously bizarre sexuality, and other graphic moments that make this film inappropriate for those under 17 and for those with a big stick up their ultra-tight posterior.

The clichéd image of rusty and ramshackle old vans and their drivers depicted here in "Creep Van" corresponds completely with what we've all been taught when we were young. "People that drive vans are evil" is what a mother says during the intro, just when her kid reaches underneath a nasty white Ford to grab his ball. That's exactly what my mother said to me - and what all mothers said to their children - in the nineties! What the freak driver doesn't do, however, is lure the children into his van by handing out free candy.

So, the set up for this film is quite good and recognizable, but then it quickly transcends into a cheap and trashy (but nevertheless highly enjoyable) B-movie with absurd situations and over-the-top gore. Campbell, a financially struggling 20-something guy living in Detroit, responds to the "for sale" sign on the white van because he's tired of taking the bus to his lousy job at the carwash. The owner of the van is a genuine psycho, though, who enjoys slaughtering anyone who comes near the old wreck.

I watched director Scott W. McKinley's other long-feature movie "Gag", and it was - hands down - one of worst "Saw" rip-offs ever. Luckily, I didn't realize at first that "Creep Van" was from the same guy, otherwise I probably wouldn't have bothered. McKinley's second (and last, to this date) attempt at directing is much better, because it sticks to ingredients that are guaranteed success: extreme gore, gratuitous nudity, unpretentious comedy, and cameos from infamous Troma-producers and adult film stars. The special and splatter effects, courtesy of the too-young-deceased Robert Hall, are excellent and include a couple of highlights like an airbag full of nails and nifty death traps.

It was actually more a horror comedy Even if it wasn't meant to be one I found myself laughing at lots of the cheesy scenes.

The number of ultra-ultra-low-low beginner's school films seems to be increasing daily (thank you digital and thank you RED). Unfortunately they also should come with a disclaimer for consumers who want to be assured that what they're about to watch contains some level of competence.

While Creep Van doesn't really rank into that stinking dogpile, it comes a bit too close for comfort at times. I haven't seen "Gag" --- though it does sound pretty horrific, and not in a good way --- but at least "Creep Van" is reasonably well made in the technical sense.

Creep Van follows in the mold of Vehicular Homicide stuff from the '70s like The Car, only there's a very real psycho inside this titular rolling weapon. Whether that's good or not --- well --- I couldn't tell you, because there's no real reason given why the "creep" is slaughtering so many people with so many intricate and (sometimes) amusing deathtraps. Not that psychos NEED a reason to kill people, but if they don't, the filmmaker should at least give us something interesting to watch. That's not the pairing of Brian Kolodziej and Amy Wahrell who, though likable, don't have enough acting chops combined to chew through creamed corn. And isn't Wahrell a bit OLD for Kolodziej? I thought she was his mom half the time. But, I digress....

The main problem with this movie is, well...it doesn't know what it wants to be, exactly. The tone is all over the place: it wants to be a creepy, somber '80s throwback one minute, then a Fangoria face-ripped-off fright fest (but without one genuine shock, ironically), and then a wacky-as-all-get-out Troma schlocker. It actually does succeed in places, but the overall effect is jarringly uneven. It just doesn't have the sheen of a well-made film...even the stuff coming out of Troma these days is miles ahead in overall production quality.

Never thought I'd be referring to Troma as a mainstream standard but...in the context of Creep Van, it is.

I have seen Gag (2006) from director Scott W. Mckinlay and it wasn't my thing. It has taken a while, 6 years, before he made another full feature.

It's a different flick than Gag, Creep Van moves away from torture porn towards B-movie slasher. The effects used are really well done for a low budget but the acting wasn't always convincing. I guess it's a bit due the script not always being that good. When the killer appears the flick is okay and delivers for the horror fans and even the gorehounds. But it is in between that it sometimes become boring or even laughable.

The cameo from Lloyd Kaufman is funny because he's searching for Mr Kaufman. If you are into bad slashers from the seventies and even eighties then this is your thing, bad story, gruesome killings, gratuitous nudity.

Gore 2,5/5 Nudity 1,5/5 Effects 3/5 Story 2/5 Comedy 0/5