Crawl

If you read the online comments on various internet message boards, you'll see phrases like 'a thinking man's horror film' and 'highly atmospheric.' Then, when people - sadly, like me - who simply describe the film as 'boring,' we get criticised for 'only liking the lowest form of film' and 'not appreciating it.' It's about a seedy bar-owner who hires a mysterious hit-man to do away with an out-of-favour colleague. However, things go wrong and the hit-man ends up stalking a hapless (and overly-perfect, in my opinion) barmaid who works at the bar.

I'm afraid, for all the high-brow talk about Crawl, I just found it dull. There are long periods where there's no talking. And, in an attempt to 'create tension,' the same three chords are played endlessly on a cello. These scenes repeat at various intervals all the way through the film and you're just as well fast forwarding them and watching the speeded-up version (as you'll see what's happening at a fraction of the screen-time).

I don't just watch Michael Bay films and movies filled with endless car chases. I do watch other movies where I also have to (occasionally) use my head to figure things out. However, I just couldn't help but get bored with this.

Obviously, judging by the amount of positive praise there is out there for this film, then it has found an audience out there somewhere - I'm just one of those philistines who didn't appreciate it. Sorry! On the plus side, it's short!

One of the dullest so-called thrillers I've seen in a long time, CRAWL has aspirations to be the next classic Aussie movie. The only good thing I can say about it is that director Paul China clearly knows his movies, but there's being inspired by and ripping off, and CRAWL falls into the latter category. In various press releases, China and his brother are described as the new Coen Brothers, but CRAWL is more like a Coen Brothers rip-off.

The opening scene is about the most memorable bit in it and even that rips off NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN like nobody's business. After this point we're in BLOOD SIMPLE territory, with a slow-burning plot involving a small cast who come together on one fateful night. Bloodshed ensues, but everything is dragged out to an endless degree so it becomes a chore to sit through. There's no artistry here, no suspense or gripping moments, just a film that eventually becomes silly because it's so po-faced.

It doesn't help that the script fails to breathe life into the various uninteresting characters, or that the cast members are singularly unmemorable. But by far the worst thing about this is the director himself, who has no idea of how to make a thriller work. I think even I, with zero training in film-making, could have done a better job.

This Australian neo-noir crime thriller is the film debut by the China brothers. It is all but impossible to avoid comparisons to "Blood Simple" (1984), the first film by the Coen brothers. Both films take a simple story about grubby small-time criminals and turn it into an impressive showcase of cinematic style and fluid technique.

The sketchy plot concerns a seedy bar owner (well played by William Garvey) in a rural town who hires an enigmatic Croatian hit-man (George Shevtsov) to murder an old enemy. But the assassin double-crosses him -- for reasons that are never explained. Meanwhile, Lauren Dillon (the obligatory beautiful blond girl), is alone in a big house where she frequently hears strange noises. Anyone who has ever seen a horror movie knows that searching for an intruder in an empty house is just asking for trouble. These moments, and an extended cat- and-mouse sequence later on, are set pieces for the filmmakers to show off their impressive technical skills. There are tense, Hitchcockian passages of sustained suspense that are seamlessly constructed with amazing confidence.

Unfortunately style and technique can't salvage this woefully half-baked script. There is barely enough plot to fill out the scant 75-minute story. And what little narrative there is makes no sense. The story is full of maddening lapses in logic. The hit-man, in particular, does all sorts of strange things for no apparent reason. There is no characterization (who are these people?), no explanation for motive, and no relationships to bind the characters together. Instead, the three principals are thrown together by a series of implausible coincidences.

There is just one scene with a bit of character development, which also (sort of) explains the enigmatic title. The bar owner, besides being involved in various criminal activities, is also a domineering pervert. One of his waitresses owes him money (details are never explained, of course) and she works off $100 of her debt by submissively "giving him the crawl" on all fours then going over his lap for a hard hand spanking.

Someday, this film may become a landmark, like "Blood Simple", not for what it delivers, but for what it promises. The China brothers are clearly bursting with talent and ambition and will almost certainly create some stylish and memorable films in the future. Keep an eye on them.

Okay there was a superlative amount of music to attempt to crank up the tension level in this one. There was a shower scene with not enough skin. There was a spanking scene with not enough skin. Scenes are dragged on a little bit too long, as there really wasn't a whole lot going on. Can't give this one any better than a 4/10.

As the other reviewer (only other one at this point of time), I did watch this at the Frightfest in Glasgow. I really liked the suspense the movie created and the filmmakers really did a nice job of capturing intense on film! While of course the movie could've been over sooner (if not for "movie logic"), this doesn't mean you have to dislike the movie for this suspension of disbelief.

I sure hope you don't, because the movie would not be worth anything, if you start thinking like this. And I know what I'm talking about, because I do have those moments myself sometimes with movies. But this one was so fantastical, so otherworldly (great cinematography btw), that I didn't watch it as anything other than a tale or a fable (with horror mixed into it of course).

While I also wouldn't exactly call it a slow burner, it isn't really fast paced either. You've got to know that this will not rush through things and will take its time to go places. I really enjoyed that and hope they'll come up with something new soon