Dear God No!

It was fun for a while, but now I'm getting rather tired of the fad for 'grindhouse' movies, which see directors deliberately striving to replicate the flagrant content and gritty style of 70s and 80s exploitation films. They may boast memorable titles and cool retro poster art, but they rarely prove to be any cop, their grungy affectations and knowing outrageousness being poor substitutes for real talent.

The latest effort to proudly fly the 'grindhouse' flag is 'Dear God No!', a violent biker flick from writer/director James Bickert, who is so intent on achieving his desired aesthetic and meeting his quota of bad taste and debauchery (thereby ensuring marketability) that he seems to forget about trying to make a decent film.

The most disagreeable aspects of the film are not the sex and violence—after all, those who willingly watch this type of film expect, nay DEMAND such excess—but rather the acting, script and direction. Performances range from the bad to the diabolical, the plot is all over the place, and Bickert's visuals display little in the way of originality (unless lingering on a stripper for so long that it actually becomes boring counts).

My rating: a generous 4.5 out of 10 just for the OTT splatter and rampant sleaze—file somewhere between equally disappointing 'grindhouse' efforts 'Run! Bitch Run! and Nude Nuns With Big Guns.

I'm sure if you sat down with a group of buddies who all have bad taste and like nasty things then you would definitely laugh out loud at this movie and come away with some good one liners but any one with any taste would think your facked up for even knowing this movie exists. This week must be the week of sh!+ movies cuz heres another stinker. This movie has huge potential is out weighed by the garbage cinematography, garbage acting, and the worst practical effects I've ever seen. I understand that they made this movie crappy on purpose but that just seems to be an excuse for having no talent. Everyone involved in this movie has no talent and this movie wreaks of it. Anytime something bloody happens you can clearly see a hose spraying blood or someone grabs their neck and blood sprays from behind their back. They pretend to do a burnout on a nun and it just looks stupid because they cant even act like they are doing in it. It looks like a bunch of buddies got together and made a movie they thought would be funny and then decided hey maybe other people would like this. Even when they are drinking something we are suppose to think is a dirty tampon it doesn't even gross me out because they cant even act like they are drinking tampon juice. One area that this movie does succeed on however is the dialogue. There are plenty of hilarious one liners, they are just coming out of the wrong people who cant do them justice, tiss a shame. Also the ideas they had for how to push the limits of sleaze are great in theory but don't have the skill to pull them off effectively. I personally love the movies that this movie tries to be but it fails and the only scene that is effective is the rapist orgy where i got so sick of the screaming women that i turned this garbage off. Lets put a little more effort in next time boys and maybe hire some people with talent.

(25%) A movie that on the one hand is a fair and honest homage to bad biker movies with their dire story telling, terrible writing, and woeful production values that in a parameter of sleazy trash cinema works as an actual throw-back, but on the other hand you cannot help but think that Quentin Tarrantino has a fair amount to answer for. It's clear this in its own way wants to be a bad film taken from within the boundaries of a low budget sleaze picture from the early to mid 70's, but is that achievement in itself worthy of actual merit? I'm not entirely sure. There are times when this does feel like the genuine article, but again is that worthy of merit? I'm somewhat split on this one. Yes, this is a really bad movie, and yes that was the whole point, but that doesn't mean this is 100% not worth a look for the cult fans out there. For those with zero interest in the old, hugely flawed films need not apply.

Ultra cheap, ultra stupid, the worst bunch of "actors" you've ever seen. This disaster of a movie isn't even mildly entertaining. Even the few gore effects are lame and the topless girls are ugly. The fact that the film was made to look like a 70s biker flick gets boring very fast. Don't waste 2 hours of your life... I mean, 1 hour and 10 minutes of your life with this garbage on celluloid. Anyway, the worst thing is the "creature" at the end of the movie. It is clearly a guy in a very very cheap costume and so laughable it will make you cringe. Sadly, this is not a movie "so bad it's good". It is just awfully bad. Go watch something else!

As a self proclaimed expert on biker movies (I've seen them all), this one is totally out to lunch. It's a bad egg oddity that would have to be put into a category all by itself. Caged up and left alone. What makes it different? It's evil. Everything about it is ugly and mean spirited. These bikers are not people you can identify with but they are not really the villains either. These goons are light years away from the cheesy pretty boy or grease monkey depictions you see on Sons of Anarchy or Hell Ride. They're even different than the glorified image of real bikers in The Wild Angels and Hell's Angels on Wheels. They are probably close to the real thing circa The Hell's Angels 1965 than has ever graced the silver screen. These are murdering, raping, filthy mouthed scum of the earth. They party hardy. The film feels like it was made by real life criminals. I would not like to meet them.