No Tell Motel

This movie had no purpose,no scares,plot holes bigger than martian craters,and a cast that couldn't act their way out of a wet origami bag made of bathroom tissue. Why the actual events of the past literally,interactively, played out in front of the characters is a mystery, and not even one that is interesting enough to want to solve. The characters were all "terrible people" except for our token girl-next-door,naive sweetheart,who was so saccharine you wanted her to die anyway. Little ghost girl needs company,but why couldn't her parents keep her company? They were dead too. Skip this one. It's too late for me,but you still have a chance to avoid this trainwreck.

Typical horror film that has a group of 'teens' who wander into an old dilapidated motel after their RV breaks down. But this particular motel houses the spirit of a young tyke who was run over by accident while petting a bunny in the middle of the road. Apparently she's very angry at the dumb way she slipped off this mortal coil and this gang of walking stereotypes is about to pay the price.

Nothing new to see here which could be forgiven for a movie of its type, if it did its well- tread routine with panache or even if the kills were memorable, alas this is simply not the case. No Tell should've been a No Filmed and saved the viewers wasted time and the actors a chance to do something better.

There's a line in one of my favourite films called Ratatouille (though I feel I'm soiling it by even bringing it up here) that tells us Anyone Can Cook... even a rodent. Well, anyone can make a horror film... even an idiot. But that doesn't mean they should. Especially one devoid of scares, where the dumb people barely react when their 'friends' bite the bullet, and when the 'twist' is like, the stupidest thing EVER in the history of mankind. And yes, we all know little girls who just stand there staring at you saying nothing, are naturally creepy, but overuse this formula and you're liable to be accused of lacking ideas. The dude behind the camera here hasn't got an original thought in his noggin.

It's not big, it's not clever and it certainly isn't the least bit enjoyable. F's all round, and back to film school for you, Mr Wannabe. Sometimes, I think it would be easier to teach a cat to fetch than make a decent scary movie... 3/1

No Tell Motel is a low budget paranormal movie. A group of friends seek haven in a derelict motel after their vehicle breaks down.

Most of the cast seem attracted to this type of movie or equally micro budget action movies. It's a B movie which serves to flesh out Primes catalogue but really, otherwise, doesn't have much going for it.

Writer T. J. Cimfel doesn't give the cast a lot to work with. He specializes in writing for B movies. I've seen V/H/S Viral which he also wrote, and it is on a par with No Tell Hotel.

Paranormal movies are about the jump scare and such movies set in motels / hotels can work. Ti Wests' The Innkeepers or the more recent The Rental directed by Dave Franco prove that there is plenty of juice in the genre. Just not in this particular instance.

The ghost isn't scary; the plot, if not predictable, is certainly undemanding; there is a gross factor but its to do with drug use and rape, not the supernatural; and so it goes.

There is a lack of strong direction from Brett Donowho. He seems to be enjoying more success as an actor having won the odd award here and there. The 'action' is stilted and there is a tendency to the cliched in the unfolding of several scenes.

The special effects are scarce and to be honest when encountered, are a bit hokey.

I feel I'm being pretty harsh. No one purposely sets out to make a dodgy movie but there is, in truth, not a lot to redeem No Tell Motel.

How do you spell out that sound where you draw in air through your teeth as if you're looking at something that hurts? Ffffff? Because that's kind of the title I was looking for for this review.

Yes, I did think it was that horrible. This was the sort of movie where, after I was done watching, I was pretty sure that I'd just seen the worst movie out of all the ones I've ever seen (that's probably overstating it, but as I seem to have actually blocked out any worse movies from my memory to live in peaceful ignorance, it's all I've got). It's definitely in my 'Top 3 Worst Movies' and it's the 'So bad it's horrible' kind.

So, what was wrong with it?

Well, for one, this was pretty generic both in the way it starts out and the ideas behind it - 'ideas' because this seems to be two generic horror plots mashed together to form one big pile of generic-feeling goo. Generically. Blending ideas can provide exciting new twists and improve the product but not for this bad boy.

For two, it seemed to have trouble finding it's angle. It wasn't really a super slashy flick, it wasn't psychological, it wasn't really anything - just 'blah' (though, on a related note, it seemed the characters didn't have the same problem of finding a type - they were all the classic stereotypes).

Three: THE ACTING. Dear Universe, it was so bad that even I could tell it was bad - and that's how you KNOW you're in trouble.

And lastly, the script. It wasn't a good script, don't let anybody fool you. Some of the things the characters say just baffled me throughout it - whether it was super-over-expositioning something or saying something that just really didn't seem like it fit in the movie at all. Just bad.

Really, a rating of 3< is REALLY generous for this movie.