The Slender Man

The value of the dollar may have fallen exponentially over the past hundred years, but that is only half the story. Today, people are walking around with computers in their pockets that would once have required an entire room to generate such power. This means that ordinary people can make excellent quality films and share them through social media, even if they don't make any money out of them.

"The Slender Man" is said to have been made on a budget of $10,000, which is clearly an estimate, and an over-estimate at that. One should therefore not expect too much of it. The character on which it is based is said to have originated only in 2009, although doubtless there are precursors worldwide in various cultures. Leaving all that aside, does this supernatural mystery succeed? To be diplomatic, far worse films have been made on far bigger budgets, but the cast better not give up the day job in the meantime. The same cannot be said for the soundtrack composers though.

I wanted to die when i was watching this truly terrible movie. It has one of the worst acting out of the FF genre that it was like they were reading their scripts for the first time. People throw slack at the new one but at least that one had the title character in it, unlike this one. I usually give "objectively" bad movies a good score cause of my own tastes and stuff but oh my god was this just terrible!

It might be my poor social skills talking, but I feel like they act like real people. If someone was documenting their experiences/ blogging, of course they'd point at the ground since it's the easiest. When I film, I point down at my legs or infront of me. In this movie, they act like normal humans who just like recording things. Hank records for some sense of closure, and the kids record to document the making of their "movie". The acting shows how people normally talk, they don't sound scripted or nervous (unless the part suits it). I've seen movies with characters talking like a 4th grader reading something on the board. I genuinely love the acting in this. It feels human and well done. Love this movie!

So bad. Just really bad. Most of the film was jerky footage of the ground. Much of it was so dark you just couldn't see anything while the camera was bouncing around. The terrible audio composition had me constantly turning it up and down. I get that it's low budget, but did they even try? I'm SO angry that the creators would let anyone waste an hour of their life watching this and waiting for something interesting to happen.

I have been required to put more effort into this review than was put into this entire movie. I did this to save you! Don't let the hour of my life I sacrificed be in vain. Save yourself!

Sure, The Slender Man is only 78 minutes long, but the director somehow manages to make it feel like 78 years. In this found-footage camera POV style horror film, absolutely nothing happens. People walk around, people eat, people joke, and in one or two scenes, a tall guy with a white mask shows up and spooks some people. It is truly one of the most boring films you can find. Who are the characters? Unknown. When will they die? Unknown. Where is the title villain? Who knows! There have been a massive slough of Slenderman movies lately, all of them independent and some of them probably never happening because Slenderman is now a washed up fad, but whatever. I saw this because it was free and I ended up wanting him to come find and take me to whatever fictional BS land he takes me, where my organs are ripped out of my body while I'm still alive or whatever that one website claims. Slender man potentially could be a horrifying antagonist, but he needs to kill off all of his rabid fans first and hire good filmmakers and story writers.