God Knows Where I Am

I knew this was going to be difficult to watch, but last night I finally pulled it up on my DVR. Wow. The filmmakers brought this woman to life and didn't sensationalize her death. Great use of simple but elegant recreations of the house where Linda Bishop spent her last months. The music fit perfectly; the voiceover was compelling. The interviews with friends and family started out light and loving, and you're wondering where did things go wrong for her? The tension builds as her story unfolds, and the unbelievable happens.

I appreciated the panel discussion with the filmmakers and a physician led by Hari Sreenivasan after the movie was shown on my PBS station (KCTS). It helped me better understand how this could happen, and how it relates to the issues of mental health and homelessness in the Seattle area.

Everyone should see this movie.

The subject matter has been well covered in other reviews, but I just want to mention that the film making's use of conventional documentary tropes such as re enactments, voice over, interviews, and pans over letters, are somehow woven together in a mesmerizing fashion with absolutely beautiful cinematography and lighting of the re enactments, which are shot in the actual house. The shots linger over beautifully lit and composed scenes, without feeling slow. The voice actress that plays the crazy lady is really good. The music is subtle but creepy and melancholy and really adds to the atmosphere. Almost every line is a description of the woman by another person who starts out with the word "she", which at times is almost overwhelming though i'm sure that was the point. "she was this, she was that, she was the other, she did this she did that," imagine hearing sentences starting with the word she at least 200 times. Anyways the production values here really elevate this over the way this type of story is usually handled.

It is a very moving, emotional and, frankly, depressing portrayal of how the mentally ill often fall through the cracks and fail to receive the care and assistance that they need. However, I didn't feel that the film really gave enough detail or information about the woman herself. We learned about her childhood and did get some sense of what it was like for her based on her own journal entries, but I still felt like most of the film contained very little about the victim and was mostly just dramatic cinematography which stretched out the length but didn't add any real substance. The whole thing could really have been condensed into a 30 minute length program. So, while I was captivated by the tragedy of this woman's story, it felt too drawn out and left me with so many questions about her illness and the events that led her to that house, that overall I was pretty disappointed.

To the people that ask "Where was her family"?, you have no idea what it is like to have a mentally ill person you love refuse to get help & take meds. No idea. You can't help them, no matter how much you want to. This movie is a perfect example of that. Heartbreaking.

I have never in my life been so mesmerized and crushed simultaneously, by a film. If mental illness runs in your family, you need to see this. It will change your life.