...I Lose Myself

No joke, I literally had to consistently remind myself that I wasn't watching a Disney movie. The thought popped into my head time and time again, "This is a weird Disney movie." I'm not joking. I honestly wish I was joking. I honestly hope this whole fiasco of trash is a joke. I have never seen a great show fall so quickly and swiftly, and so low down.

When the shot near the end of the episode mirrored the shot of Madison, Strand, Nick, Alicia, and Luciana finding the baseball stadium in "No One's Gone", that's when it hit me. I felt like I just got slapped in the face with the force of 8,000 typhoons. This episode somehow felt more offensive to fans of the original Fear than the deaths of Nick and Madison did. Never have I seen more stupid decisions, more god awful dialogue, more "of-course" moments, more """"""""poetic"""""""" garbage being spewed by characters with so little life or soul in them, more awful cliches and tropes that should've been worn out in the '80s.

I really can not see how the showrunners (Gimple included) can think in their right minds that this is good television, or that these are good characters, or that this is a good story. I always try my best to see how other people might like something even if I don't, and if you personally enjoyed this episode then more power to you, but I can not see any objective bits of merit here. The grey filter remained. The Gimple-ogue remained. The awful characters remained. Everything that made this season awful remained. And a season's build up of going to Alexandria is completely destroyed in one nonchalant sentence ten minutes before the episode's end, in favour of a LITERALLY NEVER-BEFORE HEARD OF DENIM FACTORY.

I don't have closing thoughts. I just needed to rant.

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

Not a good end of season, not a great season overall, seemd rushed towards the end. I was not a fun of Madison or Nick, not sorry they got lost on the way, some of the new characters are better, but making everything about Morgan is just annoying. I fast forwarded most of the seson finale episode, can't stand anymore to watch scenes with just Morgan or Morgan and crazy lady, what was the point of that? Morgan the saint? A converted man? Please... it's boring and totally unrealistic. You want to prove you would do anything to help your friends, than stay with them don't go chasing crazy people. Not looking forward to Season 5, unless they loose Morgan and concentrate a bit more on the other characters.

Althea ("Al") keeps obsessing about video taping everything possible, but what's she planning to do when there are no more batteries to run the cameras or play back the videos? Nobody's manufacturing batteries any more, and the ones still in existence won't stay good forever. If she were really concerned with preserving people's history, she'd be writing down their stories.

Save yourself and don't waste your time watching this show anymore. It's about as exciting as watching someone take a trip to Pittsburgh by train.

Done with this show. The sooner they cancel it, the better. Time to scuttle this ship for everyone's sake.

The group pickup an unconscious Al in the city where she discovers a tape from Martha to Morgan. In the video, Martha tells Morgan that she's disappointed in him and vows to make him strong. Morgan decides to help her despite John telling him that she's a lost cause. He meets her at a mile marker where she started her vendetta and drags her to a car before killing Jim's corpse. June, at the truck stop with the group, tells him on radio that everyone is sick and Martha causes the car to crash. She reveals her walker bite from Jim saying he must either kill her or she will kill him. She snidely reveals that she poured antifreeze in the water. Morgan suddenly loses it and starts choking her in anger before stopping himself. He handcuffs Martha to the car and hobbles away.

At the truck stop, the group slowly succumbs to the poison until Morgan gets into radio contact with them and June tells them alcohol will dilute the effect of the antifreeze. Morgan arrives with Jim's beer in a truck and the group is cured. The next day, Morgan puts a reanimated Martha down and after reading Clayton's journal, Morgan decides they're going to continue helping people where they are at.

After "No One's Gone," Fear's course correction was itself in need of a course correction. But by introducing a new villain in Martha, the show instead went all in on Morgan's quixotic efforts to save her. Lennie James is certainly up to the task, making Morgan's inner turmoil believable. In the end, though, the finale's script, penned by Chambliss and Goldberg, isn't quite up to the task of sewing up this season in a way that feels true to Fear. Without Nick and Madison, "...I Lose Myself" is a grim reminder not of Morgan's personal struggles, but of the show's struggle with itself in the absence of two main characters.

And if it seems as though I'm dancing around discussing the finale itself, it's because I am. Aside from strong performances from James, Pinkins, and Maggie Grace, there isn't much I liked about this season ender. Just like last week's "I Lose People...," numerous plot contrivances plague this episode. In an unintentionally meta moment early on in "...I Lose Myself," Althea reacts to a moment of dumb luck by exclaiming, "You've gotta be shi**ing me!"

The episode only goes downhill after that - and not even John Dorie pitching some serious woo with June can save it. The crux of "...I Lose Myself," and indeed the crux of season 4B, is the notion of helping fellow survivors. It's a noble thought, this idea that by saving others, we ultimately save ourselves. This becomes a bit harder to believe, though, when the very person Morgan has endeavored to save has poisoned his friends with antifreeze. In dealing with this unexpected conundrum, Morgan is faced with a watered down version of an ethical dilemma known as the "trolley problem" in which saving one life is pitted against the saving of many lives. However, what should be a moral quandary is just a head-scratching exercise in futility. Why save someone who doesn't want to be helped if it means risking the lives of survivors who actually want and need help?

As for everyone back at the truck stop, it's here that the finale completely loses its way. Poisoning nearly every character is one thing - but there's nothing dramatic or engaging about multiple shots of the group slumped over in chairs or on the floor. Alicia certainly deserves better than this, especially after Debnam-Carey's career-defining performance in the far superior "Close Your Eyes." As luck would have it, June knows that ethanol cures antifreeze poisoning. Luckier still, there's a whole tanker of the stuff at this very rest stop. With this news, the group, which just moments before was on death's door, suddenly finds the wherewithal to kick some serious zombie ass.

But this turn of events begs several questions: Why does the group choose to go out the front door, through the thickest part of the horde? Doesn't this place have a back door? And just because the tanker gets shot up doesn't mean the ethanol is now somehow useless - right? Can't the group use what's gushing out of the bullet holes? Isn't this essentially ethanol on tap? The final nail in the episode's coffin is Morgan showing up to save the day. As if Luciana granting a dying man's wish with one beer weren't corny enough, Morgan drives up in an Auggie's Ales truck. Please, enough of Jim. Enough with the beer. Enough with this mawkish sentimentality. None of this changes the fact that Jim was an unapologetic j*rk who cared more about himself than anyone else. In the end, Fear banks heavily on the group going forth into the world to help others. On paper, this is very much the sort of optimism so many of us need right now. But in its execution, this desire to write off Alexandria in favor of helping local survivors feels more like an ending than it does a new beginning. In other words, "...I Lose Myself" feels less like a season finale than it does a series finale. Were the latter true, I'd be more at peace in writing this show off. Because in its current state, this isn't the Fear I once eagerly championed. For all intents and purposes, that show is dead.