1. |
Stellar Abattoir
03:36
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The naked I wept like A fresh flesh wound, Undressed there in your room
It stays with you you always say if you take it with you
It’s something dry that sucks the life
A little spark to cauterise I am swollen inside
Like I know that you are swollen up inside
The armoured man is hammered home
And now when you notice the way that your blood clings to your clothes
I leave, quit, drop out, fuck up, let it go
The moment I become a throat
All raw with air and dirty snow
But this will be my winter
I whisper I scream it every year I know
The naked light
The high beam breathes
When you are high
Above belief
This is happening
you always say
This is not happening to me
So I Breathe in sympathy breathe it in
we did what we did for
similar reasons
I Leave, quit, drop out, fuck up, give in
We all did what we did for similar reasons
Something dry to suck the life
A little spark to cauterise
I am swollen inside
Like the start if a house fire
But
the naked light bleeds from a slaughtered star
I find you under another stellar abattoir
You see living souls
And How alike they are
You forgive yourself
Just a little more
Oh momentum, momentum the moment you fall
Devotion, devotion devoid of all thought
Leave, quit, drop out, fuck up, it's nothing
we haven’t done before
Are you sick
or are you just ill-defined
are you lost
or are you just difficult to come by
You are indiscriminate like
most weed killers or
some painkillers I know you're really going to like
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2. |
True North
03:45
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I celebrate you at somebody's kitchen table in the true south in the night-time
two years later tear myself down to the hard white bone alone
attempted expressing genuine sentiment
it felt like drinking cement but it kept me alive
and the sickness of a distant friend is a death to the distance for a little while
but there is no true north
there is no real truth at all
oh headaches and nausea
someone to talk to
I was that person, I am not anymore
dreamt of marching the earth but you could not feel the curvature
caught under the paw of the great dog of inertia
I will rise and leave the city
I will never leave the house
I will slip twixt kitchen tables of my best friends in the south
a sort of entropy increases and we pale and lose all meaning
forget I was the first to celebrate you in the dark
we used to call you "the double-knot" every time you got like this we'd say "You're twice as negative" you'd say "No I am not it's just that there is no true north, there is no real truth at all" You are a distant city, a shrinking whisper, you are the worst one of us all
the divine androgyne at the heart of the artifice, the pressure building up until you're glowing like a noble gas.. You know not to react and so you pound your fists and sink in dirt, you talk in maudlin little prayers, whatever kills the voices first. A super callous flagellant, a comedy of accidents, acting dead inside the ambulance, a play for sympathy or forgiveness, I always dreamt I'd fake my death, I'd hit my head and wipe my memory clean. I'd wake up next to somebody like you and be a better person, get used to the feeling of being something you'd be scared to lose, like waiting for a reason or a change that isn't coming soon.
And you, you be the dirt and the dust in my clean cuts, you be the hollow ceremony in my mother tongue
you be the great bull-muscled boy that I will never become, I have been ever so sorry for ever so long
and now bloodied up enough times until the skin just quit healing and a million TV funerals won't tell me how you must be feeling, living like you have no skin is all that she has ever known, they pass her like a cloud and I secretly hope it chokes them like there is no true north
There is no real truth at all
and you are hard to be around
it got difficult not to care about you anymore
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3. |
Tannika Pacts
03:42
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You are bound to see yourself in the surface waters that you cannot help but test distorting reflection reflections get sick of being unfit visage exists to be fixed
Whereupon moral of the story is that you'll never be enough
To a world that wants to hurt you but won't ever let you give it up
Pain wouldn't be much of a teacher
If it didn't leave a little scar
I wait for you to finish smoking
And for you climb back into the car
You could get a city job in London
Become who you will be for good
They want to thank you for the bleeding
They don't want to see the blood
And you would let the city kill you
Before we ever thought to make a move
Eek out your place, you claim
The change you're waiting for ain't coming soon
Success is to revenge is as
Reverence is to medicine
As downing diet coke and niquil is to quietening your head again
You said the holes in the wall were purposeful and permanent
There to remind you that some things are determined
Sitting blitzing a quick fix for the bliss in the distance
Are you taking the hurt and then turning it inward
And Omission is A mission to begin to instance myself
I am A vision of beauty
I am A picture of health
I am And a joke about death
The punch line that I forget
But it begins with a sickness and you write the rest
And the city'll kill you
And the party will kill you
And he building will kill you
And the people will kill you
and I'm glad
And might might make right right now but I doubt it
Wait, add some sum of weight, weigh it way down
I want to want what's best but for real I don't see it
Somewhere far off the guard dogs all call in agreement
I still feel everything I used to
Feelings don't seem like they're mine
I get this crazy little idea
That everything is going to be alright
The shadow climbs the buildings height
The dirt is first I meet the night
So foot to ground, ground to dust
You get into my clean cuts swell up swell up
You'd like to play some day
The fading southern belle you say
I'll be your stranger stranger stranger
In my torn skin where it's safer
I will shrink and split down to a whisper
Men they came to gut my home
In my torn skin swells the comet
In the morning milky smoke
But I have known for my whole life, now I've told you so it's alright
but you said "Myles if you cry 'wolf' one more fucking time it'll see you right"
I have no skin, I have no skin, I cannot take another hit from them
I have known for my whole life, now I've told you so it's alright
but you said "Myles if you cry 'wolf' one more fucking time it'll see you right
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4. |
A Blooded Stud
02:19
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I still dream about you all the time
You fuck me to pieces, I wake up and I’m
Another ghost inside a muscle coat
A mechanical indifference
A bitterness you know
I get used to losing all my friends
It used to make me feel like nothing
Like the world was going to end
But mine’s a life of pre-emptive resolve
After I do this, I won’t do this
No diminish, no return
Always feeling like I’m somehow under-dosed
You leave me yearning like a virgin in the dirty static snow
But sex is weird and it only makes us sad
Promises you everything, shimmer shards of freshly crushed glass
Under the skin upon my arms
I can feel my unborn children crowd around my coward heart
So now I flee where nobody pursues
Oh wicked, stick it to me
No matter what I do, I lose
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5. |
Heart of Garbage
03:44
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Hey aspirational TV, meet fragile masculinity
Come summer breeze own-brand thick bleach
And rid my garden of its weeds
The dirty river feeds the sea, always seems to find a reason
And the violence all still happens
When it happens just off-screen
So you do what you feel like
You feel like you need to
Maybe that’s a seed we buried too deeply
Ever to bear flowers or fruit
So Alienate my friends
Some things best left for years unsaid
Alienate my friends
Together through the better bits of a bitter end
Alienate my friends
At some point they all just quit asking questions
Alienate my friends
Alienate my
And now one day when we’ve healed over all our hard earned scars and bruises
We will tear into the oldest wound and gouge out what the truth is
Find only my heart is made of garbage, body bloody, sore and fruitless
And if you feel like I do maybe I can help you through this
Don’t be afraid, don’t be ashamed of what you need to keep you sane
Tell your head I said I hate the weight it gives to the mistakes we made
So Alienate my friends
Some things best left for years unsaid
Alienate my friends
Together through the better bits of a bitter end
Alienate my friends
At some point they all just quit asking questions
Alienate my friends
Alienate my
A selfish boy, a poison well
The taste of bleach in water running
You blame something inert innate in her
That just won’t let the sun
And the whole sunk cost accumulated
Of something that used to be sacred
Perspective’s all we found in these negative spaces
I am sorry, you are sorry everybody is fucking sorry
And just wants to go back to the way it was
So Alienate my friends
Some things best left for years unsaid
Alienate my friends
Together through the better bits of a bitter end
Alienate my friends
At some point they all just quit asking questions
Alienate my friends
Alienate my
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6. |
Swingset
03:17
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We could be the sweat on the swingset,
I want to be the warm, wet blood on the stone step
Co-dependent redemption, sacrificial protection
But I want to be the only head wound in your bedroom
You are a megazord of your own limbs
I love everything that fills your skin
Some of the stuff that you put up with
Would kick my fucking head in
Living the high life, having a good time
Simple stimulus responses to hyperstimuli
Skin, sweat, saliva, the steady decline
I am ruled by the remainder of the reptile’s brain in my spine
We have healed holes in our skin where this cold water all got in
We all have things we cannot bring ourselves to love yet or forgive
Shook like dead-cell beleaguered leaves under seasons well eager to shift
And we rendered unto Caesar what was never ours to give
Living the high life, having a good time
Simple stimulus responses to hyperstimuli
Skin, sweat, saliva, the steady decline
I am ruled by the remainder of the reptile’s brain in my spine
It rears it’s head, I did my best
I bate my breath and sate my thirst
I am scared I will diminish each time that I return
But your breath is warm, I just watch you breathing
And it helps to thaw all of those frozen thoughts and feeling
Stops me picking up the phone just to scream down the receiver
Scratching the itch until it bleeds, that’s a symptom, not a weakness
We have all had to be brave in different ways, for different reasons
Like the depths of breaths you take, somehow these things all just became routine
high life, having a good time
Simple stimulus responses to hyper stimuli
Skin, sweat, saliva, the steady decline
I am ruled by the remainder of the reptile’s brain in my spine
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7. |
Rites
03:16
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In dire need in hot pursuit
I don't blame you for the things you do
in fading light, in dying throes
we're going down in holy smoke
in dionysan rites like these we disobey,
we bay and bleed it's just a phase we're going through it's all I ever want to do
I want to beat the pilgrims road
pill grimaces and and brilliant jokes
it wants for you to feel alone when you are not alone
So run, run ragged, run goddammit
keep it from the ones you love
so run, run ragged, run goddammit
until you're sure it's bad enough
So much for everything being different so much for anything changing
a bloody palm a point of pride another act of punctuation
Because it's harder saying sorry than it ever was to lie
or getting stoned before I black out so that I don't start a fight
It makes my brain feel like the water at the bottom of the bin not filling every empty inch between my skin and your skin
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8. |
Sinkhole
03:40
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Sinkholes open up all down the street
In the paved-over places where rivers used to be
There is a blasphemy written into my stack of meat anatomy
I am physically sick, down to the facile, asinine id
We scratch the itch until it bleeds, down to the wet flesh underneath
Something inert, innate in me giving me good reason
I will take and I will use, I will obey, I will consume
I will pollute, I will be cruel, I will feel better when it’s through
Because there is a knot tied in my stomach, up to a covenant with pride
It is umbilical in comfort, like it’s keeping me alive
There is a residual violence in the way that I am wired
People are sick, you cannot fix them, so we mostly just quit trying
And now it’s back to pills and hatred, back to background radiation
Back to sick to back teeth, back to the wounds worn underneath
Turn your back to waves of cruelty, surf the pain, hang-ten, hail Satan
Back to bloodshot underneath cheap shades
Back to bull-muscled, bust-knuckled boy again
He used to be your
He used to be your friend
And don’t you miss being civilians some
You come home soaked in bad guy blood
The little toil that’s left undone, the soft betrayal that’s yet to come
You tore up my civilian clothes, the good guy skin I used to own
Enmity is we I know, I tore, I poured out milky smoke
It ends with forgiveness, when callouses come, cover split blood blisters up
Come tell me when you’ve had enough
Back to pills and hatred, back to background radiation
Back to sick to back teeth, back to the wounds worn underneath
Turn your back to waves of cruelty, surf the pain, hang-ten, hail Satan
Back to bloodshot underneath cheap shades
Back to bull-muscled, bust-knuckled boy again
He used to be your
He used to be your friend
It ends with forgiveness, when callouses come, cover split blood blisters up
Come tell me when you’ve had enough
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