I am in what feels like an ‘in-between’ space. I don’t know what other word to use. Maybe – transition, internally. Neither here nor there. Finding no place to land actually – which actually is a “good” thing – not *identifying* with anything in particular. It also feels like an “open” space. Yes, that sounds right. I’m experiencing an “open space” – if you will – feeling more openness – suddenly paying attention to the subtleties of Life - rediscovering intuition – a hidden partner that hasn’t always been available, but who seems to want to make an appearance. Opening to the more subtle ways of things – an innocent awareness of the subtle – just remaining open to what is being offered and how it comes to me… This is a different orientation than what I’m used to.
It’s kind of like listening for a whisper. You know you hear something, but you can’t quite make it out. So you wait – and listen.
That’s what it feels like too – a place of waiting – internally. My external life is anything but still and subtle. In fact it is accelerating in ways that I hadn’t anticipated. But internally there’s this growing sense of “stillness-waiting” – of listening. It’s like I’m on hold, or on pause – just waiting for the ‘Yes’ - except that life is in fact busy and getting busier, chaotic even, and there is lots and lots of action. But the ‘Yes’ seems to be about a different kind of movement.
Maybe I write about Awareness and Stillness because these are what I need in these chaotic times – being pulled in many directions with many distractions; not having significant, quality meditation times. And so except for where life pulls me at the moment – I wait, internally, in stillness – for the ‘Yes’ – for the internal movement.
Maybe you feel this too – this push and pull of daily living, and yet there’s an internal waiting for the next move, the next awareness, the next opening into what awaits – the Unknown.
The page is turning and I don’t have a clue what the next page will bring in this novel I’m living. But it’s quite a page-turner! And for some reason I’m becoming okay with it. Instead of feeling my usual dread, I’m beginning to feel an almost willing anticipation, a willing participation, rather than my normal frustration and resistance. I’m beginning to *want* to *see* where Life goes next. This is strange for someone who likes structure, security, certainty and stability….
I’m tired of the old worn out ways, and am wanting a new way of being in the world – something more fluid.
At the same time I wonder if I can stay open, aware and still enough for Life to touch me in new ways – to see with new eyes as it unfolds… This remains to be seen. For today I am ‘stillness-waiting’, in the in-between open space – receptive, listening for the whisper – waiting for the ‘Yes.’
Photo – Bill Kennedy
Reflection off the hood of the car
Photo flipped 180.