Distant Moonlit Shores

Version 2 of oubliette.nu, named Distant Moonlit Shores, features art from the manga Yoru no Sakana by Kaoru Fujiwara. Its design is fashioned after the vision of the pensive girl on the frontpage, Frost’s prefacing poem “Desert Places”, the manga’s underlying mood — and a page from the Sailor Moon manga (hence the Uranus- and Neptune-coloured accents).

There is a moment in the Infinity story arc as Sailor Moon, in the company of Sailor Uranus, Sailor Neptune and Sailor Pluto (referred to in fandom as the “Outer Sailor Guardians” for being charged with the protection of the solar system from external threats), takes an elevator to the underground to face a great adversary; down and down it goes, picking up speed, deeper into the unknown, no end in sight. Split up from her close friends, Sailor Moon tries hard to stay strong, but admits to feeling alone and scared, and wonders how her three seemingly more mature and weathered companions appear so calm. At Sailor Moon’s request in that tiny confined sterile space, Uranus paints, in words, an image of the world the Outer Guardians knew before joining their fellow Guardians on Earth — a landscape of profound loneliness:

True solitude is something that stretches infinitely. Like where the three of us used to be.

—Very lonely places. There’s no one else around. It’s just you. An isolated place where no one will come rescue you…

Sailor Uranus, Act 35 (Kodansha, 2011)

In that timeless desolate place, the three of them would always gaze at the distant Silver Millennium and draw strength and courage from the thought of their Moon Queen and Princess, a ray of light as gentle and brilliant as Earth’s moon.

I wanted to evoke that feeling of alien solitude on the homepage by emphasizing the girl’s peculiar vantage point. Her exact location remains unclear: Is this barren land still Earth, is it the surface of the moon, or is she drifting elsewhere in the vastness of space? She is gazing at what seems to be a(nother) moon, looking through it as if through the window of an airplane, or perhaps a spacecraft, her eyes fixed on the lights and stars in the distance. Though the specific nature of her inner desert landscape remains similarly vague, that look beyond the veil, a window into a different world, suggests curiosity of a kind, if not a yearning, and a glimmer of hope.

I like to think of version 1 and 2 of oubliette.nu as inverses of each other, that is to say, a contemplation and reflection of the same thing from opposite perspectives. While the former version depicted an euphoric flowering in visuals, its content largely strikes me as rather melancholic, traces of still-fresh pain shining through. In personal terms, it was a display of what has bloomed under the conditions of forced isolation and feeling stuck, with lacking means to reach the world beyond: a view from the inside out.

Conversely, the current version, albeit looking slightly darker and more subdued, is in its substance an expression of triumph: a celebration of the self and its long journey through loss, transformation (with its own kind of loss) and, ultimately, growth (perhaps most evident in the last segment of the poem “Eurydice”, which is only partially quoted on this site, and the sentiments captured in Glück’s poetry, notably “October”). Its perspective is one of homecoming after having ventured outside and taken in that world with my own eyes — a return to my own particular loneliness, where I feel most at home. Now that I have transformed, I can see more clearly than ever the contours of what resides unchanged, immutable and reinforced within me and makes me me. Now, my online residence matches my inner landscape again at long last.

Yoru no Sakana

Yoru no Sakana (“The Night Fish”) is a one-volume supernatural drama first serialized in the josei manga magazine Feel Young in 2018. It follows a duo of cousins: Kaoru, a young man with the power of second sight that allows him to see into a person’s heart, and his dear, dear Touko, whose heart is the only one he cannot see into. The story starts with a request to attend a stranger’s funeral, where Kaoru happens to “see” the identity of the deceased’s murderer. Something in him compels him not to keep this information to himself as usual; when he “sees” the agitation in the heart of a young woman, he points his finger — a gesture with possibly fatal consequences for all persons involved.

“The Night Fish”, initially camouflaged as a self-contained mystery, is in fact a story of a story, or a story within a story, if you will, or rather a mood, a dream, a memory — an attempt to recall the memory of an elusive dream. At times prosaic and clear as day, then hazy and muddled, the story beats mimic the mind as it fumbles, with little success, to grasp and give shape to last night’s dream. There is something concealed in the dark here, something long forgotten that urgently begs to be remembered ere it fades into oblivion, drowned out by all the mundane and precious impressions of the day-to-day. It is a story of meeting and parting, of devotion and farewells not anticipated — a reminder perhaps, wrapped in dream imagery, that we may never fully know the extent of someone else’s guiding presence in our life and the love they regard us with.

This is not the first time Fujiwara tells a story that can only be grasped from its edges, the truth outside of its protagonists’ view as their consciousness does not extend past one lifetime. Incidentally, there is something about the way Fujiwara explores this recurring theme in their works and the painful futility of their characters’ struggles that reminds me of what I love about some of Reiko Shimizu’s creations (notably Magic). Indeed, this story concludes — just the way I like it — on such a melancholic note that its echo lingers long after: on the threshold of sentiments that, if left unexpressed, can never be conveyed again. It is an ache that only poetry can make bearable.

It is a dark fall day.
The earth is slightly damp with rain.
I hear a jay.
The cry is blue.
I have found you in the story again.
Is there another word for “divine”?
I need a song that will keep sky open in my mind.
If I think behind me, I might break.
If I think forward, I lose now.
Forever will be a day like this
Strung perfectly on the necklace of days.
Slightly overcast
Yellow leaves
Your jacket hanging in the hallway
Next to mine.

Joy Harjo, Fall Song

If you decide to read the manga and end up needing more poetry: I suggest, aside from the poem in the footer, Walking Home by Marie Howe and a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke, translated into English by Edward Snow. (◡‿◡✿)

Unfortunately, the manga has, just as the rest of Fujiwara’s works, not been published in English or any European language (with one notable exception in Italian), though an inofficial translation exists in English. The original Japanese publication, however, can be acquired in print and eBook format.

Credits

Resources

• Yoru no Sakana: Kaoru Fujiwara
• Scans: Lovely Strange Dark (the only scanlation group I follow, exquisite taste)
• Further images: Minitokyo, Zerochan, Miss Dream
• Graphics: Nightfall, Tamashi and Golden Dune by Anastezia Luneva (textures, objects); Subtle Patterns (background pattern); Studio Caro (brushes)
• Header fonts: Grand Baron, Billie Harley
• Content fonts: Seaweed Script, EB Garamond, Crimson Text, Wittgenstein (ehehe), Lora, Cormorant Garamond
• Scripts and tutorials: animated collapsible div, scroll back to top, smooth scrolling, tooltips, dynamic navigation highlighting
• Kaomoji: Kaomoji Kuma
• Favicon: Lunar Tears commissioned from Ota Jaider

Poems

All poems woven into the site are listed below in the order quoted. Note that the sources listed do not necessarily reflect the year in which the respective poem was written, nor are they necessarily the first instance of publication.

• Desert Places by Robert Frost, published in A Further Range (1936)
• Transformations of the Lover by Adonis, translation by Samuel Hazo, published in The Pages of Day and Night (2000)
• No one has taken anything away by Marina Tsvetaeva (1916), translation by Elaine Feinstein, published in Bride of Ice: Selected Poems (2023)
• October by Louise Glück, published in Averno (2007)
• Nostos by Louise Glück, published in Meadowlands (1998)
• Eurydice by H.D. (1917), published in Collected Poems 1912–1944 (1986)
• Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare, first published in 1609 (happy now, Andrea? (✿╹◡╹))
• Of His Bones Are Coral Made by Frank Bidart (preview incomplete), published in Metaphysical Dog (2014)
• This is the Nonsense of Love by Mindy Nettifee, published in Sleepyhead Assassins (2008)
• Letter of Testimony by Octavio Paz (coda only), translation by Eliot Weinberger, published in The Collected Poems of Octavio Paz: 1957–1987 (1991)
• Borges and I by Frank Bidart (file pp. 616–618), published in Desire (1999)
• Words Reek Worlds by Frank Bidart, paraphrased from William Butler Yeats (Per Amica Silentia Lunae, 1918), published in Against Silence (2021)
• In the Desert by Stephen Crane, published in The Black Riders and Other Lines (1895)
• Fugue by Louise Glück, published in Averno (2007)
• Fall Song by Joy Harjo, published in Conflict Resolution for Holy Beings: Poems (2015)
• fragment 147 by Sappho, translation by Anne Carson, published in If not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho (2003)

Special Thanks

My loudest thanks go to Larissa for being the most devout cheerleader through all of the revamp and through all versions of oubliette.nu. ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ Thank you for the valuable input in matters of design, writing and content big and small (how right you were to yell ”ABSOLUTVELY NOT TTHE IGHTNING IS KEY / KEY!!!” at me so that I keep the header as is; Lightning shrine when); for making sure I stay true to my tl;dr self even as the scrollbars grew smaller and smaller; for the official English translation of the Sailor Moon quote above; for gentle get-well wishes when I was incapacitated for weeks, and ruthless pulling when I need(ed) to stay on track, e.g.:

Me: i dont want to work on link styling and figuring out transitions omfg /goes to read poetry
Larissa: DRAGS YOU BACK HERE TO WORK

Larissa: i will bother you into sitemaking or so help me god

Above all, my deepest gratitude for checking in, with never-waning enthusiasm and astounding tenacity, so regularly for such a lengthy period (specifically from August to November 2024, but also in the years before), and demanding daily progress reports, at times the moment you jumped out of bed. All of it has greatly helped me keep my fire stoked. Your support has been indispensable, and I am counting on you in the future. ❤

WE WILL GET THOSE SHRINES DONE, ALL OF THEM, MARK MY WORDS. (✿◉‿◉)🗡

A space smooch to Andrea, whose creations are a lighthouse in the world wide web in so many ways. （´・｀ ）♡ Whenever things get dark and I fear facing my own walls of text losing my way, I turn to your sites and unleash my waves of tl;dr straighten my course; you are my compass at sea. Thank you for all the poetry you bring into my life and therefore my sites, for carrying verses in your heart that sing in tune with mine no matter the time and distance, and for the beauty you share with the world that inspires me so. ❤

Shout-outs to Chrissi and Ainna for the kind words over the years, as oubliette.nu lay dormant and as it was stirring to wake again. There is something very precious about the feeling of being seen and understood through creations by your own hands, and the feeling of connection through a shared passion that we refuse to let die, each of us in our own way in our own part of the world. These feelings remain strong and true even if we had only ever spoken once in a guestbook entry or only hear from each other in an email once every few years. My soul is soothed knowing you are out there appreciating, eagerly awaiting, working and striving to work on beautiful sites. I hope we will continue to think of each other and wait for each other. ❤

Last but not least, my eternal gratitude to all online friends from around the community past and present, inactive, dormant or active, for generously sharing their knowledge and patiently teaching me all that has helped me reach this point, and for always fondly remembering and looking forward to my sites. You know who you are. ❤

Playlist

No actual music playlist; we mess around write, design and code in silence, interrupted only by gasps, maniacal outbursts, screams, sighs, curses, tantrums and wailing directly transmitted into the brains of friends, all to the echo of poem fragments and — how could it be any different — Moulin Rouge’s Come What May [spoiler warning]. Instead, as a work diary of sorts: a selection of tangentially related things that went down while this revamp was underway.^✻

tl;dr: GO MAKE WEBSITES, it is immensely rewarding labour in all respects, ALL YOUR BRAIN CELLS WILL VIBRATE AND CONNECT AND GO OFF EVEN IN YOUR SLEEP. If you can find any sleep at all, that is.