One thing I absolutely love about Astarion’s redemption arc is the complexity of his relationship with the figure of the hero.
Astarion is a vampire, a monster, and also a victim (as well as, in a way, a perpetrator, due to his forced obedience to Cazador). He is the first person in desperate need of a hero to save him and the last person suited for the role of a hero.
He prayed to every god for salvation, even for death, and even that was denied to him. He resents heroes and the powerful, and when confronted with the idea that both have a duty to protect the weak, he scornfully responds that no, they’ve done a terrible job—that in 200 years, no one saved him from torture, and that it was the mind flayers, other monsters, who finally freed him. And that, in reality, the powerful only use their strength to bend others to their will and serve their own selfish interests. It’s in this same conversation that Astarion declares his desire to be better than Cazador—stronger, more powerful—though the player likely meant kinder, more noble.
Yet, despite everything he says, despite his disapproval of every heroic action taken in Act 1, Astarion is irreversibly drawn to the figure of the hero. First and foremost, he seeks their protection, though still through the warped lens of his past under Cazador’s cruel talons. Secondly, he is extremely sensitive to kindness, understanding, acceptance—to being treated like a person, just as a true hero would treat him.
And then, this is something I particularly noticed while playing as Karlach—Astarion is fascinated by Wyll, who is, in many ways, the quintessential hero of the party. He even admits that if he had to choose one of them to feed on, it would be Wyll, because he is sweet and righteous, just. Which is a contradiction, because the very traits that draw Astarion to him are the same ones that make him want to drain him dry. Love and hate, all in one.
With this in mind, even the conversation after meeting Aurelia and Leon takes on a deeper meaning. The player sees something in Astarion, but he still refuses to recognize it, to admit it, and rightfully says he can’t be what we see in him—a good person, a righteous, understanding, even heroic figure. And yet, the player sees through him…
And it’s breathtaking when, during the ritual, just before stabbing Cazador, Astarion says those very same words: “You’re right. I can be better than him.” But this time, he doesn’t mean stronger or more powerful. No, this time, he means it exactly as it was first presented to him and so bitterly rejected. And he means it with all his heart.
And in doing so, in freeing all his siblings and all the poor souls imprisoned there, Astarion commits a truly heroic act. He does for others what he once desperately hoped for himself, what he prayed for—becoming the hero he needed. Because at the same time, he is freeing himself—from his chains, from his narrow worldview that saw everything in terms of power and dominance. For the first time, he is free to live outside of the path that someone else forced upon him.
And that’s exactly why, in my opinion, the next morning, it’s right to tell him that yes, we were the heroes who stood by his side, but we only gave him a push. Because, in the end, he saved himself.
an imperfect ally is better than a perfect bystander
the old boomer who “doesn’t get the gays” but still votes blue every election is still a better ally to you than every well-spoken, woke millennial who says all the right shit but didn’t vote because they “didn’t like either option”
the lady who voted for trump but has changed her mind since and is calling her senator every day is a better ally to you than anyone very politely apologizing for how awful things are and not doing anything to actually help
picketing terf conferences is OUT, releasing 6000 live crickets into the audience of a terf conference and watching chaos erupt as everyone scrambles to evacuate is IN
it occurs to me that this sounds like a shitpost if you don’t have the context that this is a real thing that actually happened in the uk yesterday
If you’ve never dealt with a loose cricket in an enclosed space, let me just say: this is a form of hell. And I support it. But I switched from feeding my mantises crickets to feeding them red runner roaches for a reason (the reason is noise, it was always noise, so much noise).
have you ever shipped something so hard that you become irrationally happy and make a sound akin to steam escaping from a kettle everytime they so much as stand next to eachother
[grandma voice] back in my day, sonny, we called it “squeeing”.