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A partial GA review

[change source]

This article seems nicely and simply written! I do have a few thoughts to make it better, though.

  • However, Polly died at a young age. Crockett married another woman named Elizabeth Patton in 1815. They had three children together. - I believe this needs a reference.
 Done Kansan (talk) 17:11, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • As a Congressman, he became angry about President Andrew Jackson's Indian Removal Act, which forced Native Americans to leave their land. He lost his re-election in 1830 because he did not support President Jackson. - Same as above.
 Done Sourced the first, removed the causality from the second. Kansan (talk) 01:17, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Would it be possible to put ISBN numbers on the references in the "further reading" section?
There were ISBN numbers, but I removed them because they caused a template error. Kansan (talk) 01:17, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • In sections like "Childhood and family", it says "Davy Crockett", then "Davy", then "Crockett". Which? :p Sorry for being picky, but it's best to be consistent.
 Done I changed all of them into "Davy", because I think that's his first name. ♥ Belinda ♥ 11:59, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It should always be his last name, not his first name. This is an encyclopedia so it needs to be formal. Either way (talk) 12:06, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I fixed all of them to Crockett. :) Sorry, I forgot. Thankyou for reminding me, Either Way! ♥ Belinda ♥ 12:11, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • He married Mary (Polly) Finley a day before his 20th birthday. 20th? Isn't it twentieth?
 Done I fixed it to "twentieth". ♥ Belinda ♥ 12:00, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are some MOS issues, like spaces between references and periods. It should be like this:

This article is extremely well written.<ref>myself</ref>

Not:

This article is extremely well written. <ref>myself</ref>

 Done You're pretty right! ♥ Belinda ♥ 12:03, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could the article be expanded a bit? For a rather extensive subject such as this, I think it should have some more content. I know it isn't essential, but I'd prefer it to be longer.
  • The websites in the "Other Websites" section need to be cited more specifically.

 Done I cited them all and I hope I did right, but one of them I clicked and it didn't go to the website. So, I just took that one out because I'm not sure if it's right. I'm afraid I can't fix any thing else, but dear Kansan, God bless you on the PGA! ♥ Belinda ♥ 12:10, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

At best, this is but a feeble attempt at a review, but I hope it'll be of some help to the article. I'll try to fix some of my requirements above if I can later. God bless, Classical Esther♣ 10:01, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you all immensely for all of this help so far. All of this has been very useful toward making this a better article. I'll get to the rest of this later today after spending Easter with my family. Kansan (talk) 17:12, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Some more nitpicking

[change source]

You've both been wonderfully quick and good, Kansan and Belinda! I am almost ashamed to keep on fussing about tiny things in the article like this, but it must be done! Here are a few more ideas:

  • Around December 1834, Crockett told some of his friends that he might move to Texas if Martin Van Buren became the next president of the United States. - This needs a reference. Sorry for not pointing it out earlier.
  • He arrived in Nacogdoches, Texas, in early January 1836. On January 14, 1836, Crockett and 65 other men signed an oath before Judge John Forbes to the Provisional Government of Texas for six months that said "I have taken the oath of government and have enrolled my name as a volunteer and will set out for the Rio Grande in a few days with the volunteers from the United States." - Same as above.
  • Each man was promised about 4,600 acres (19 km²) of land. - In addition to needing a reference, could acres and km be linked?

 Done I linked them, but I hope Kansan can add a ref. I'll look for one in the meantime. ♥ Belinda ♥ 03:21, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • From the little I know of Davy Crockett, he seems to have left behind quite a large legacy. This article needs a section about it. Perhaps some information from the English version could be added.
  • I think the ISBN numbers still have to be added, sorry. :( It's an MOS issue that could trip up this very well-written article.
 Fixed I added the ISBN number to only one ref, as all of the other refs have ISBNs. Megan ( t/c ) 17:28, 23 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Well, that's all I can think up for now. Very good work everyone! God bless, Classical Esther♣ 02:46, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Some review

[change source]

Here is a bit of review. Some of it may have been covered in previous sections:

  • Lead should expand
  • No need for italics on nickname
Yes, you're right, thank you! I've fixed it accordingly. Classical Esther♣ 03:08, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Thank you. I've changed it, tho' sadly, it is a red link... Classical Esther♣ 03:13, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
No longer red. Kansan (talk) 02:35, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "can be seen" is phrasing to avoid...instead say something like "a replica of his house stands in..."

 Done I changed it. ♥ Belinda ♥ 03:32, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Wikilinks needed on the Monsieur de la Croquetagne sentences
 Done Thank you for pointing that out. Classical Esther♣ 03:08, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • In that section, there's no clear transition from the origin of his last name to his family becoming Protestant.
  • How does Crockett go from Ireland to Tennessee?
Modified accordingly. Classical Esther♣ 03:08, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the political section, why does the quote need to be mentioned twice?
I've taken the first one out. Classical Esther♣ 03:08, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

::I was under the impression that the main use of that quotation template was for repeating quotations, or more accurately, for using them as a "hook" encouraging the reader to read the paragraph for the full context? Kansan (talk) 15:06, 5 April 2010 (UTC) On second thought, you're right, it's superfluous. Kansan (talk) 16:11, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • The fact he leaves for Texas is mentioned in the political section then again in the next section.

 Done I fixed it! ;) I hope I didn't do it wrong. ♥ Belinda ♥ 03:28, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Wikisource is not a source we should be using.
 Done I've taken it out. It's not essential as the sentence it is being a source to has another reference anyway. Classical Esther♣ 03:13, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • More wikilinks needed throughout for key terms/people like Benjamin McCulloch and the Provisional Government of Texas.
Oops, er, yes. Sorry, I fixed it again. ♥ Belinda ♥ 03:32, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • No need for italics on the quote(s).

 Done I took it out. I agree, smart Either Way; thankyou for your review! ♥ Belinda ♥ 03:19, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Some sort of legacy section should be developed to talk about things like the TV series and the Ballad of Davy Crockett
My thoughts exactly. Classical Esther♣ 03:08, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • References section should be cited using {{cite book}} templates

 Done Kansan (talk) 02:47, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Just some thoughts for now. I think this would benefit from some overall expansion. Either way (talk) 03:03, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

An unsuccessful try to help out with the article. I've just made it more messily written! Sorry, Kansan! Oh well... Thankyou anyway for your kind review, Either Way! ♥ Belinda ♥ 03:33, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you nonetheless for your help Belinda! (And Esther and Either way thus far). The article is, I feel, already better for all that has been pointed out to this point. Kansan (talk) 03:41, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Sure, it was only my pleasure (though I didn't do any help in the least!) ;P Well, anyway, I hope you can fix the other things. Yours happily, ♥ Belinda ♥ 03:44, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

[change source]
  • Pity to have a redlink in the lead of a good article.
 Fixed —Classical Esthertalk 11:36, 4 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • He was a folk hero after his other roles, presumably.
 Fixed —Classical Esthertalk 11:43, 4 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Image caption could be expanded.
  • "around a lot. He had a lot of" simple but repetitive.
  • Consider linking "hunting" appropriately.
 Fixed —Classical Esthertalk 11:36, 4 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • You repeat Crockett far too may times, re-read the prose and see how best to improve the flow.
 Fixed —Classical Esthertalk 12:00, 4 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 1834, he lost in an election again." no reference.
  • "president" or "President"?
 Fixed Wow, that's a good find! :p I've changed it to President for specific names, president for other instances. —Classical Esthertalk 11:39, 4 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "after the Mexican army had been there for 12 days, the Mexican army attacked.." no need to repeat Mexican army...
  • Last couple of sentences of Legacy are unreferenced.
  • You need en-dashes for page ranges, not hyphens.
  • Don't link dates in the references.

The Rambling Man (talk) 19:24, 1 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

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