We appreciate that you're sticking around during the strike. In fact, we have a new business idea: selling cardboard signs! But that's for another email.

We live in unprecedented times. Unfathomable news soaks every corner of this dank and impersonal medium. Hell freezes over as we approach the heat death of capitalism. We are excited to announce that…

Rejoice! Scream! Soil your blue overalls and gucci suitpants alike, for it is happening! We will no longer be able to blame bugs and performance issues on Early Access, we will now have to blame Claude and your 4gb of RAM. (We do not use AI. It's not economical. Claude is the name of the intern we fired for pooping in the coffee machine. We will also be optimising the game.) 

Neurolink and \[ REDACTED ] will be joining the roster of Game Modes in Stickman, increasing our value offering in the marketplace of "deciding how much games should cost based on how long it takes to complete them."  In accordance with this principle, dictated by the unanimous gamer, and our early access promises…

Stickman Stocks are going to the moon! And by "the moon," we mean going up to $12 at 1.0 (local prices will vary, but be consistently "up"). And what do you do when stock prices increase? You buy low and hold the line! Stick it to the Stickman is currently on sale, so invest now at the lowest price you'll see in your lifetime. If you are an early investor, this price change will not affect you. 

While we've enjoyed pricemogging our competition, our "undercut" phase of total market capture is over. This was always the plan which we explicitly stated in our leaked company memos. Tell your friends and family.

We have made some new foreign content for your expropriation! Without spoiling the new and entertaining ways you can forcefully gentrify a foreign land, here's what to look out for:

2 new Archetypes have been added:

• The Ninja, a backstabbing fighter with a teleport instead of a slide

• The Negotiator, armed with bags of cash and some VERY strong language

These archetypes can be unlocked in the Expansion Screen for Foreign Manufacturing. Both of these new archetypes take advantage of Shadow Mastery, bringing ancient techniques of ghostly strikes and shady deals to the table.

All Archetypes now have access to new secondary weapons. We find this one really pulls you in.

We've also added several new passives, bosses, and level segments to make your overseas excursions feel more diverse.

Finally, we've fixed some bugs:

• Many issues with ultrawide displays have been fixed, including being able to walk out of trap rooms, getting softlocked in some boss arenas, and enemies spawning in your face

• Progression in the Employee Evaluation centre has been fixed

• Infinite Promotions in Fulfillment has been fixed (not as fun as it sounds)

• 1000 Sudokus now works in Foreign Manufacturing

• Passive visibility is more consistent and can be enabled in the settings menu

• Stitches between level segments in Foreign Manufacturing look smoother

• Enemies should get stuck in doors less often

• Some abilities have better targeting

That's all for today, get back to work! We'll see you in 1.0. 

Kind regards,

• The Stick it to the Stickman team

True corporate agility isn’t about avoiding the iceberg - it’s about monetizing the collision. Here at Free Lives, we pride ourselves on navigating chaotic industry trends with a profound refusal to acknowledge burnout and zero emotional attachment to our original commitments.

We are full-steam ahead on bringing Stick It To The Stickman out of Early Access. 1.0 is officially on the horizon!

We’ve locked in on the flagship modes you’re most excited for and we’re excited to announce the following is also coming:

Neurolink: The highly anticipated fan-favorite is coming to 1.0!

A Grand Final Mode: Designed specifically to round out the Stickman story with the absolutely absurd finale it deserves.

In a move that management is calling an “unprecedented operational triumph,” we will be finishing the game at twice the speed by simply not developing part of it.

The math is simple: The game has sold very well, but it has taken a toll, both financially and emotionally. The team changed from 8 developers to 4 developers, who have been trying to finish this game since 2021 (to the point where Evan woke up last week in a cold sweat trying to slide-dash away from his own ceiling fan). And so attempting to build every single mode means staying in Early Access until the sun explodes. Against traditional business practices, we are choosing the mental health of our workers and releasing 1.0 earlier than planned which was later than previously planned.

So, we prioritised keeping the modes that our community was most excited about, and ending development of other unfinished modes like ‘Rise of the Machines’ and ‘Marketing Department’.

We are genuinely hyped to bring this project across the finish line - partly out of pride, but mostly for the wonderful Stickman community that has been so helpful in this journey.

Keep your eyes peeled for 1.0 announcements. For now, return to your desks!

- The Stickman Team