Finally, the highly praised Halo franchise has released some of its best entries on PC, neatly assembled in one juicy collection. As someone who grew up only listening to how Halo is great and Master Chief is a super-chad, after playing it, I can say, without a doubt, both statements are correct.

While the title does say The Master Chief Collection, we also get two spin-offs: ODST and Reach, with the latter being my personal favourite in terms of story. Many seem to dislike it because of how bland Noble Team is. Personally, that never bothered me. They never were the focal point of the story. It was always the planet itself, Reach. Noble Team is nothing more than a surrogate pair of eyes for us to witness humanities struggle against overwhelming odds first-hand and the horrors enacted by the Covenant upon the inhabitants of Reach. As for ODST, it was ok. It takes place during Halo 2, but nothing from its story was particularly memorable. Some quirky moments and funny dialogue, but nothing more than that.

Still, the title clearly says - The Master Chief Collection, so let's get back to his escapades. I may get some flak for this, but Halo: Combat Evolved has the worst story, if you can even call it that. There was barely anything. It felt more like a concept. Don't get me wrong, Halo 4 is right next to it, but I still consider Halo: Combat Evolved worse. But then...BAM! Halo 2. We get more lore about this universe, more epic cutscenes, more chad one-liners, and characters actually have some personality. And it is here that Master Chief actually became a chad, with subsequent entries continuing to expand the legend that is Sierra-117. So, even with a few blemishes, I immensely enjoyed this sci-fi space epic; From witnessing the glassing of Reach, helping a friend go out with a bang, to detonating a nuke above Earth like a true chad, there was never a lack of memorable moments.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2676858881

But what about the gameplay?

Well, it's simply fantastic, and this much is true for every Halo game. Each entry improves upon its predecessor, refining the gameplay, but at the same time, staying true to that familiar gameplay loop set in stone by Halo: Combat Evolved. Personally, I have Halo 3 as my top pick. It's the culmination of Bungie's trilogy, and its greatness and epicness during gameplay are still unrivalled by any previous or subsequent Halo games.

But, where are my manners; I have yet to speak about the gunplay itself. So let's fix that, shall we - it's an FPS game where you shoot, throw grenades and drive vehicles. But the driving controls are unusual. Rather than driving, I dunno, like in 99.9% of games, with movement keys, Bungie said: "We don't do that here", and instead, your mouse is the steering wheel. Tricky at first, but once you get the hang of it, you'll be drifting on the surface of halo rings like the great Colin McRae.

Each new entry does try to up the ante, spicing up the gameplay, just ever so slightly. Halo 2 has Chief dual wield smaller weapons, which he seemingly forgot how to do in Halo 4 after his cryo-sleep. With Halo 3 came one-time use equipment; Useless overall, but they do look neat in the promotional CGI trailer. However, soon after, an unfathomable evil shook the very heavens, as long and fierce wars were waged over its place in the Halo-verse, with many brave souls lost in the process. Just speaking its name aloud invokes thousand years of bad luck upon your no scope 360 trick shots. I am, of course, talking about sprinting. This putrid thing first reared its ugly head in Halo: Reach, but only as an armour ability. It wasn't until Halo 4 that it finally infected Master Chief, becoming his innate ability. Truly a sad day for Halo fans all over the galaxy. But then again, he was often seen sprinting in cutscenes...

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2643717100

Sprinting polemics aside, I love how Halo effortlessly creates a heterogeneous battlefield. Encounters pit you against a group comprised of unique enemy units, each with different strengths, weaknesses and mannerisms. We have bird boys, smol boys, wort boys, bug boys, hairy boys, chunky boys, etc. And while headshots mean instant death, some enemy units must be first stripped bare; hairy boys have armour, wort boys have shields, etc. Do note - each protection is weaker against different ammo. For example, wort boy shields are strong against human bullets but weak to plasma-based weapons. But, I will let you in on a little secret - All enemies and shields are weak to rockets to the face.

While massacring half of the known universe is fun, sometimes we need to stop, take a breath and admire the scenery. And this is where Halo got me. Halo isn't like that hot chick who doesn't know she's hot. Halo knows and wants your gaze. So, while Halo: Combat Evolved has inner beauty and Halo 4 is entirely flat, the others were a succulent journey for the senses; From the Covenant and its many species, the mysterious biomes of the halo rings and the burning cities of Reach, all the way to Johnson and his clean-shaven chin that accentuates his magnificent moustache, the Halo universe is beaming with beauty to behold.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2676656284

Yet, visual beauty can't work solo. Its age-old accomplice - music, plays a vital role in immersing the player within the games universe. Sadly, this is where a crucial issue occurred, as how does one rate perfection?
Also, Keith David...Mmmm, you can be my Arbiter any day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

But, besides Keith David making my knees weak with his stern, thick and firm voice, sound effects in Halo play a crucial role in perceiving one's surroundings. Being informed about various things during the chaotic fights is paramount for success - possible grenade explosion, what weapons the enemy is firing, etc. All produce distinct sound effects, which in turn help you avoid and instead inflict death upon the enemy.

But before we say farewell, I want to make something clear - I didn't partake in multiplay shenanigans, as I don't care for it. Thus, I can't provide insight into that part of the collection. But if that is what interests you, I highly suggest you read the review from Zionyx.

And with that said, I think it's pretty clear how I feel about Halo. Thus, I'll finish by answering three quintessential questions any buyer may ponder about:

Where is Halo? -On Steam.
Who is Halo? -The big green dude.
Why is Halo? -Yes.

If you crave a specific entry, have no fear I got you:
Halo Reach
Halo CE
Halo 2
Halo ODST
Halo 3
Halo 4

If you enjoy this review, come and read more wisdom from the Gospel of Sv. Prolivije.

I’m a Gothic virgin, so I have zero idea if the Remake Playable Teaser thingy scratches the balls just right. But for some reason… well, not “some”, I have a reason—I got annoyed at the fact that I have a stupid Playable Teaser in my library counting as a game… Look THQ, my backlog is already big (almost 1000 games #humblebrag), I don’t need you adding to my joy pain!

So, anyway, I decided to play through this Teaser to get it off my mind. And… it was a mixed bag, but I guess with potential. The world was interesting, but there was so little of it, that I couldn’t really sink my teeth into the aether. But it showed promise I guess. Had a nice moustache man as well, saying stuff to me, about… stuff, I dunno, I didn’t pay attention to what he was saying, the moustache was just so magnificent.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3668112068
After he stopped yapping, I yapped, then he yapped, and I got to explore the little zone I was allowed to. The movement was not janky, more like floaty. And turning was very finicky and almost like my guy had a light case of myoclonus, spazzing around even if I lightly turned my camera. But the combat… was actually fun, albeit a bit tricky. It had that For Honor system where you have three stances, and blocking an incoming attack was dependent on if your stance matches the incoming attack's stance. Not that deep, but fun.

The visuals tho… jesus. Even on the highest settings it was rough. There was this weird blur and bloom effect that just looked horrible, creating weird shimmering when characters would move and ruining the vibe of the setting. Also, I know people say Gothic is gritty and whatnot, this was sunshine and rainbows, with motion blur applied all over. Very generic, not much gritty. Can visuals be janky? A question for another day.

“But majn gopnik, this ain’t the Gothic Playable Teaser, this da Demo for the Remake, why u talking bout teaser thingy?” I hear you type. Well, simple, I didn’t know the teaser direction was scrapped by the time I finished playing it and that a new demo came out, this demo, that actually represents the direction the remake releasing soon is taking. So… I kinda played two Gothic demos in one day by mistake and thought, why not compare em?


Right off the bat, the visuals, and optimization… I don’t want to jerk it too much, but at least a bagillion times better than whatever that was in the Teaser. Even with my measly 8GB of RAM (don’t ask, my RAM is in the RMA shop… 3rd time since end of 2023, I’m legit cursed), I managed to run this at almost max settings (the Global Illumination option tanked the fps to 30 immediately on max settings) without any issues. Now, yes, there is a 6 year difference, but still, even for 2019 standards, that teaser was rough. Let that gothic in.

The game also just looks much much much much much much much, much better. Yes, the dude has a man bun, and Diego’s moustache is… it’s just not as glorious, it’s still great, but it lacks that magnifique the Teaser Diego’s had. And the new design of Diego is a miss for me. He just doesn’t look like Diego to me, he looks more like a Vesemir, you know. The Teaser Diego could sweep me off my feet, this Diego might die in his sleep (cuz of old age).

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3668158752
But the difference in visuals is just… you know how you need to fake an orgasm with some but with that special someone, it’s just bam at the slightest touch? That’s the difference… I need to clean my desk, brb.

…

Now, the voice acting, good, definitely better than what was present in the first game. Am I a fan of every medieval-esque setting having a Bri’ish accent? No. Did I play with English Dub? Yes. Why do I expect something different? Good question… Now, the man bun here isn’t as big of a yapper as the nameless rookie boy in the teaser I played as, so that was nice. Also, the facial animations are cleaner here, it’s almost like they real pepegas, not millions of tiny polygons overlayed with texture files or maps or whatever they are called. Big plus!

Anyway, the combat. Yes, the Teaser one was janky and slow, and this one is kinda like that, but not really. It’s a tad bit faster, and feels more rewarding, plus I actually feel like I’m slicing through something. Although, for me, personally, in my subjective opinion, based on my personal belief, that which I believe to be… that For Honor-esque system was more intriguing to play around with. Here, it’s just press button, move back, rush in, press button, move back (you need to move back so enemies don’t attack but instead come to you, so you can attack em again, big brain). I did find it fun that both allowed you to outsource the killing to someone else. Outsourcing is the backbone of the world economy, so why not let it be the backbone of Gothic’s combat? Think about it.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3668147914
Also, what is the purpose of blocking? Am I missing something? Is this like Sekiro’s ultra chad mode where anything but a perfect block deals chip damage? Or is it supposed to be like that… Now that I think about it, aka use my brain, you kinda shouldn’t be able to block any attack with a silly pickaxe and deflect all damage.

Oh, and I liked the little troll dude, so majestic. He killed me with a rock.

The UI here is better, although it does feel a bit weirder and had to adjust to it, given that the section icons are on the left, vertically, which is rare, in fact, I can’t remember the last time I saw a game with that layout. Is this the beginning of the Gothic-like UI style taking over the gaming industry? Perhaps.

Also, where women, where goth girlfriend? Do they show up later? Is that what the game is about, finding the most gothic goth girlfriend, settling down and farming potatoes?

Overall… this is now #2 on my wishlist. Definitely excited to see how this remake turns out, if it fondles the balls of veterans as well as it does those of newcomers.
June 5th, 2026, I’ll be there, and I’ll find my goth(ic) girlfriend!

To all who made it this far, if you seek even more divine knowledge, then follow the faith preached in the Gospel of Sv. Prolivije. All members receive their own goth (boy/girl)friend, we don’t judge, and 2 weeks of paid honeymoon-acation.