The roofers are coming! The roofers are coming!!!!!

Yeah, yeah......noise, mess and lotsa money...

BUT.....

<--will be able to put more decorations out after their departure!!

:-D

Things that make me happy

....sending off packages with 'stuff' I grabbed 'just cuz'........

....GETTING packages with 'stuff' that was grabbed 'just cuz'...
(geeze, I am soooooooo loved!!!!)

....brown paper packages tied up with string. (no foolin'!)

....wind-up stuffed punkins that a 'Noopy jumps out of!
(BOO!!!!!!!!)

....crickets that sing in the dark.

....Halloween goodie bags in different patterns! :-)

....finding the one stupid cellphone that slipped outta my hand into the laundry basket I was carrying WHILE I was talkin' on the other stupid cellphone.

Captured Memory

Today's Two by Four.....

You may have made a lot of mistakes and errors in judgment on your way to where you are.

But that has nothing to do with where you can choose to go from here.

L'Shanah Tova!

Blessings and wishes......
....and love.....
.....and peace.....

*humming*

Sleeping with Bread

Examens aren't something I'm unfamiliar with.
It's not new and uncharted waters for me.

I have a written Tenth Step Inventory that happens nightly.
It's an overview, a 'taking of stock' of principles that were so foreign to me......ones that seemingly came easily to the world around me.

It's a practice I've disciplined myself to do.

It's just 'another part of the day'.

"When we retire at night, we constructively review our day.

Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid?

Do we owe an apology?

Have we kept something to ourselves which should have been discussed with another person at once?

Were we kind and loving towards all?

Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?

Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?"

Sometimes the answers to the questions are painful for me.

I consider this a good thing, even if it's painful and uncomfortable.
It ought to hurt when I rip off people around me.....when I'm not giving others around me the loving actions that they so deserve.

When did I give and receive the most love? The least love? That's one of the examen's questions.

It focuses on me.
Afterall, I'm responsible for making it happen.....or not.

It's not morbid reflection to inventory/examine the week and give myself answers. I am responsible.....only I can decide what I'll do and not do. If I'm not asking the questions I don't have to answer to them. And it's only through asking myself the questions that I come up with answers--and then the actions to make things right or do what ought to have been done to begin with.


I'm not certain why it is folks see the inventory taking as 'beating myself up'.

I guess I'd agree if I weren't clear that my 'worth and value' has nothing to do with what I say or do......my worth and value just IS.

If the message is to stop inventorying because I'm 'beating myself up', then the message is I don't have to be accountable.

Oh, what a mixed up mess I'd be in if I had a signed pass to forego any accountability for my decisions.....external OR internal.....


When did I give the most love?
Let me say what's true.

The whole time I was screaming "What about ME" inside--
I don't think it counts.

My actions were loving-- I'm good at acting.
My motives.....it was 'the right thing to do'.

Did I put me and my selfish little motives on hold while I was doing right actions? No.

Inside--there was 'selfish little me' creating a resentment over 'Where's MINE'.

'What about MEMEME' and 'What about MINE'....two lovely pitfalls I walk into on a regular basis when I haven't bothered to set myself aside and ask to be led in what He'd have me to do.
It's that surrender of all that I FEEL and think that I've yet to do.

I'm pretty clear I'm still holding on to it.


In my head, I knew it was 'the right thing to do'...but there was a stirring of anger and resentment in the making while I was doing it.


I know the underlying thinking/feelings well.....it's 'GHOUQT'.

No matter which way I go--'GHOUQT'.

If I do what I know I need to be doing, it's because I 'have to'.
If I don't do what I know I need to be doing it's because I 'don't wanna'.

Either way..'GHOUQT'.

Therein lies the resentment in the making.

That and the 'where's MINE', 'what about MEMEME'.....

No matter which way I turn--

I don't get to control how my actions are interpretted by another.
I can only do what I can do.

Really.

I'd say I'm dancing as fast as I can--but I know different......


WPIML would say "Surrender or surrender, kid....... One way or another......."

Captured Memory

TFTD

Being positive is not based on what is or is not likely to happen.
Being positive is all about what you decide to create.

There are plenty of completely reasonable and perfectly valid reasons for being negative.

They are all outweighed by a single, compelling reason for being positive.
But being positive, whatever the situation, gives you the most valuable and powerful options.

Captured Memory

Today's Could/Can Fairy

You could curse and complain about your feebleness, or you can get busy and make yourself stronger.

You could seethe with resentment about the past, or you can make the choice to let go and move forward.
You could worry endlessly about what might or might not happen, or you can take steps to prepare yourself for anything that comes along.

You could make a long list of all the things that will perhaps go wrong, or you can accept the fact that there will be obstacles and decide to deal with them as they come.
You could hide away from the world inside the walls of your comfort zone where nothing challenges you.

Or you can make use of every second of your precious time to explore and experience, to get cold, wet, and dirty, and to feel wonderfully alive.

You could let the smallest defeat turn into a big, imposing excuse for giving up.

Or you can learn from what went wrong and then step forward with your newfound knowledge and determination.

You could smugly blame all your troubles on something or someone other than you.

Or you can take a long, deep breath, then take full responsibility, and feel how empowering it is to be in total control.

There are lots of things you could have been, could have done, could have seen, could have known, and could have experienced.
But nothing compares to the wondrous places you'll go when you do what you know you can.

TA DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you have an 8 foot spider in your yard--you call a lot of attention to yourself.

G'head and ask if I mind....LOL



I've missed Studley!!!

And he writes great notes!

Ummmmm......not that it was required or even noticed....LOL

And then there's the front wreaths...as in two--pretend you see two of the one below?

Another wreathy thingy...
Yeah, yeah....another HAPPY ghosty!

We like happy ghosties!

Ummmmm.....yep....

You guessed it--yet ANOTHER wreathy thingie deal.

k.......maybe overkill on the wreaths......

And HAPPY ghosties!

k.....the ghosty in the middle appears to need an attitude adjustment....

No worries.

I'll talk with the reading fairies and we'll get him fixed up in no time! ;-)

Call me, irresponsible.....call me unreliable....

Yup--himself did not discover the note until dinner time. Ummmm.....that's cuz I finally peeled it from the wall and flashed it at him. LOL
He's sooooooooooo tuned in to the details in life....NOT! LOLOL

k.....

One moon........(yeah yeah...is SO a moon......)


One helpful himself drawing squiggly branches OVER the moon.....hmmmmpf! OVER the moon?!?! *ahem*
Whiners can't be choosey, apparently.

<--was whining....LOL

......AND grey blotchy thingies on the moon! Why? I do not know....LOL But they came with the tree. *shrugs*

Add a few bats......AND a witch (!!!)

And a gravestone or two....tossed in for good measure, dontchaknow!

And VIOLE'.....

One patch of sidewalkchalked sidewalk!
.......k....
Yeah, yeah....so it's not 3-D. It's mine and I'm keepin' it!!!
Til it rains....

*glancing up and scowling*
Which it's suppose to do this evening...

Which means......

Clean canvas!

:-)

The note:

*looking around for witnesses*

*scrawling on the sticky note*








Please excuse Mel from being a 'responsible adult' today.



Signed,

Studley the Eight Foot Spider









(c'mon......who's gonna mess with an 8 foot spider!!!!!!)


*posting note on the fridge*

*nodding smugly*

Captured Memory

Morethanonewaytolookatthings Fairy.....

You can learn many things from those who agree with you.

You can often learn even more from those with whom you disagree.
Your own perspective is important, for it enables you to make sense of the world.

Always keep in mind, though, that yours is not the only perspective.

Captured Memory

Fairy thought

Instead of complaining about what's wrong, build upon what is right.

Instead of arguing over who is to blame, figure out what you can do to make things better.

*humming*

Lost and alone on some forgotten highway

Travelled by many remembered by few

Lookin' for something that I can believe in

Lookin' for something that I'd like to do with my life

There's nothin' behind me and nothin' that ties me

To somethin' that might have been true yesterday

Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more

Than enough to just be there today

And I don't know what the future is holdin' in store

I don't know where I'm goin', I'm not sure where I've been

There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me

My life is worth the livin', I don't need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender

Live, live without care

Like a fish in the water

Like a bird in the air

Sweet, sweet surrender

Live, live without care

Like a fish in the water

Like a bird in the air

How will I spend my energy today?

It's been a tough week.....or two....or three....or--


Yaknow, I'm tired of saying that.

I think it's become my focus, and that's not good.
When I keep track of all that's 'ick'--that's what I notice.
When I keep track of all that's 'awwwww.....how cool......', that's what I notice.

How do ya wanna spend your energy, Mel?
It's limited as is....HOW do you wanna spend it?

I get to bury one of my staff members this morning.
Saturday I had to make the phone calls to all my staff letting them know that their 52 year old coworker had died in her sleep. She'd just started her two week vacation the day before. The whole family is devastated--everyone's more than a bit messy.....kiddos included.

The Big Guy needs to explain this one to me some day.

And I've been operating in that 'turned off' mode just to do what's in front of me....mentally keeping track of the 'ick' and not bothering to weed through that to see the good that surrounds me every day.
Small wonder doc thinks an anti-depressant might do me some good.
What would do me better--ANSWERS.

Winning the lottery, even!
Oh yeah.....gotta play in order to win.......

Thinkin' I just MIGHT buy a ticket!



Shushupalready......you're upright, breathing and on the right side of the grass........

Captured Memory

Today's thought....

Happiness is not a reward — it is a consequence.

Suffering is not a punishment — it is a result.

Fairy thought...

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything.

They just make the best of everything.

Things that make me happy

....the sound of wee wings humming.

....beating the neighbor at getting decorations up. *snicker*

....blinky orange, green and purple lights--especially once it gets dark out.

....unexpected mail from a dearly treasured presence in my life.

....Mr. Potato Head Trick or Tater! (with glow in the dark eyes...)

....walking through dew drenched grass.

....freeing Studley!!!

Captured Memory

TFTD

The world can at times distract you into caring about mere shadows of life that have no real meaning. Yet always, beneath the surface, your living purpose is there.

Your purpose is not to fear or to frighten.

Your purpose is not to control or to be controlled.
Your purpose is to live, to love and to experience life in a way that is uniquely yours.

Your purpose is to be open to the newness and reality of every moment, giving joy a living expression.
Your purpose is to give the miracle of life a distinct voice.

It is to know and to treasure moments of pure beauty for which there are no words.

QOTW 9/22

In the past week, what's something that's come as a 'pleasant surprise'?

OH!!!!! OH!!!!!!!!!!

*waving hand wildly*

Pick ME! Pick ME!!!!!!!

k.....there was the card in the mail with nifty keeno buttons that arrived today from the wonderfullest of wonderful Sorrow!
WAY cool, WAY unexpected and WAY appreciated and loved.
MUCHLY! (gonna find a thingy bobber and attach it to make a pin whozit whatzit outta the happy button!.....cuz I can!) Oh, and the card......holy moly.......

It's displayed proudly!

OH!!!!! And there was that moment when I decided (for goodness knows WHY) to switch on the laptop I spilt coffee on some six months ago........ Oh---cuz I was gonna take the battery outta it, that's why!

The sucker worked.

NO foolin'....

The keyboard that didn't work--now does!
The loud beeping sound that happened when I switched it on--just a distant memory!
And now I have an additional laptop!

k.....don't MAKE me count the 'puters in this house...LOL
Yeah, yeah.......ya'll know how I am--if some is good(!!!)......ONE MORE LAPTOP--definitely better!

OH!! OH!! And the FOUR HOUR meeting that I went to on Thursday...the one that I had to get up and walk around during cuz I canNOT sit still for that freaking long? (k....it was planned for 90 minutes so I'll be forgiving.....) Yeah, well.....at the very end we were all told that The Board has approved pay increases for 90% of my staff!!!! With the bulk of the increase going to the folks who are 'in the trenches' with the kiddos day in, day out. Woooohooooo!!!!
I canNOT tell you how absolutely THRILLED I was with that chunk of news!

HUGELY!!! They are such deserving people.....

OH!!!!!!

One more--LOL

Finding a 'Twin Spin' top at the antique store...TOTAL pleasant surprise.

I wasn't even lookin' for it.....
Yeah, yeah......well, I wasn't even really looking when I ran across it.
And it just POPPED into my brain: Someone had told months back that I had cool toys--and casually mentioned that they had a chest of toys that had sold at a garage sale years ago. They'd told me the only thing they wished they'd been given the option to keep was a 'Twin Spin' top that they used to play with when they were little.
Yep.

'Anonymous package' in the mail time!!!!!!!!!! :-)

k....I'll quit--but I really, really liked the question!!!!

Two for One Fairy.....

The way you prevent yourself from taking action is to have a set of reasonable and believable excuses.

The way to get the work done is to replace those excuses with clear and meaningful reasons that are far more compelling.

Every delay is a wasted opportunity.

For time is a most precious and irreplaceable resource.

Each time you think of an excuse for not taking action, overpower it.

For each single excuse, quickly come up with two good, solid believable reasons for moving forward.

Yes, if you choose you can talk yourself out of doing what must be done.

Fortunately, you are just as empowered to talk yourself into taking action.

Chubby flutterby

Sleeping With Bread

And here I am with the weekly examen.

When did I give and receive the most love?
The least love?

And the answer is: ...Thursday.

I intended to leave for work after I caught a few minutes on the patio with himself on Thurday morning.

It didn't turn out quite the way I'd anticipated.

Frankly, I was blown straight out of the water.

(Suddenly I hesitating saying what's true here...... And this is a place I've relied on for being able to say what's true for me. Suddenly having an audience(the impression I leave them with)....matters more than the truth? Small wonder I have that 'homework', eh......especially when I'm more concerned about how it looks than saying what's true....)

*deep breath*

What's true.....

Thursday morning himself and I were on the patio and I was catching a bit of time with him before racing off to work.
It's been a hectic time--seems that's the norm as of late.......

Himself got teary (which I don't handle well, btw) and told me he needed to let me know his 'crazy thinking'.
"Either you're dying and not telling me......or you're having an affair."

Excuse me?

"Either you're dying and not telling me.....or you're having an affair........ See. You're not the only one that has crazy, mixed up thinking."

k.....I can understand the latter--I've lied on more than one occasion (through absence of the truth) about health stuff..... It's my pattern, it's bourne out of my desire to have all my ducks in a row before I go sharing my ducks with someone who's going to get emotionally charged about the circumstances.

Control--or false sense of it...

There's a GREAT rationalization for lying.

But an AFFAIR?!

Me?

I tried not to laugh....I had enough sense to know that laughing would be really, really, REALLY bad.

But c'mon.....ME?

I did assure him that, while we're ALL dying--to the best of my knowledge, while I don't know what's physically wrong with me right now, I don't have news of impending death.
And I asked where this line of thinking came from.

"You're working all the time--and it seems you don't want to spend time with me..... You've lost lot of weight. You're dressing in dresses and skirts all the time, you never wear your levis'....and you got your haircut."

k....

And the answer to the examen is Thursday......and Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
Pick your week....any week......for the last 'goshknowshowlong'.

I can give reasonable, rational, SANE explanations for the 'insane things' he listed as the source of his mixed up insane thinking.
But what I can't do, is reason away the first part of what he said.

Long hours...bringing work home...lost in the insanities of what's required (or what I assume as a standard of 'excellence' for myself) has officially taken it's toll in my relationship.
It'd be easy to focus on the latter part and not recognize the first.

The first part of what he said--is my problem.
The rest--is all his....and he'll need to correct that thinking.....or not......

But that second part does NOT negate the first part.

And I'd be a fool to dismiss it.








Yes. I heard him.
I've got some wreckage to clean up.

Wee bitty light jobbies

Did I know you could buy little covery whozit jobbies to go over your wee lights?

Nope!
But now I do!!!!

Weeeeee candy corns smiling guys....
And weeeeeeeeee ghosties.....

I think I arranged 'em a bazillion times. LOL
(go figure, huh?)

They're now smiling and whizzing around the bathroom.
Along with the nightlight ghosty dude with the glittery burbling stuff.

Yeah, yeah.......nightlight's required.....g'head and laugh....

Captured Memory

Today's diddy from the fairies

One thing at a time.
That's all we have to do.
Not two things at once, but one thing done in peace.

One task at a time.
One feeling at a time.
One day at a time.
One problem at a time.
One step at a time.
One pleasure at a time.

Relax.
Let go of urgency.
Begin calmly now.

Captured Memory

A few stolen moments

It was WWIII in our backyard--between four hummers who apparently didn't learn 'sharing' in kindergarten.

HOLY buckets--in your FACE flying, chasing each other round and round and round....

I couldn't tell Erica from Phoebe from...ummm....hummer birdie three and hummer birdie four! (gimme a break....it's been a very longggggggg day.......)

Zoooooooooooooooooom!

Does it matter that we put out another feeder in attempts to get them to play nice with each others?
Nope.

Zoooooooooooooooooom!

k....Obviously they've heard the 'if some is good more is better(--preferrably YOURS)' analogy. LOL

*limping AGAIN*.....darn fairies.....

When your body is tired, a good night's sleep will revive you.

When your spirit is weary, you'll need something more.

If you're weary, perhaps it's not because you're doing too much.
Perhaps it's because you're not at all invested in what you're doing.
(....that's worthy of repeating....)

If you're weary, perhaps it's not because you're doing too much.
Perhaps it's because you're not at all invested in what you're doing.

You have a unique voice and a unique purpose that are wanting to be expressed.

Start living that expression and you'll find an endless source of energy flowing through your life.
Get yourself good and tired with focused, disciplined work on a purpose that connects with who you truly are.

And you'll find that each day you have even more energy than the day before.

Mel met a new Juvenile Court Officer today.....

Yeah, yeah, yeah.........way to make that first impression.

"We've spoken a number of times on the phone.  It's very nice to meet you."

*staring and nodding and smiling*  "It's good to put a face to the voice.  Nice to meet you as well....."

"Did you have difficulties finding the unit?"

*smirking and shaking head*  "Not at all....."

"Good.  Sometimes folks find us a bit hard to find...."

*suppressed snicker*  "No problems whatsoever!"

*slight frown*  "Great.....can I interest you in a cup of coffee?"

*snicker which is no longer suppressed*  "Coffee?"

"Yep--lethal and toxic the staff tell me......but it hasn't killed me yet..."

*laughing and head shaking*  "Thank you, no..."

"Honest--it's only NEAR lethal......"

*laughing and extending a hand for handshaking purposes*  "Thank you--but no.  And it's good to have met you----......"

*engaging in hand shaking*  "Likewise......"

*laughing*  "........--and your parrot......" *laughing*  "Does it have a name?"

O

M

G

'Cuse me.....

While I admire the new lighted up grave stone thingamajiggies in the village that's sitting all lighted up on this wonderful Friday morning....


AND the cool wonky street light that shines green.
Did the package say it was green?
NOPE.
Was I squeaking in delight when I turned it on and discovered it was.

You betcher glutis maximus I was! LOL

It's FRIDAY!!!
*looking around for himself*

(yeah.......like that's a threat at this hour......LOL)


I have PLANS......*snickering*

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

<--has piratey hat thingy ready to go

<--has foam sword whozit sitting and waiting

<--has white fluffy shirt dealy bobber and a vest AND the parrot all set out


<--has flag up the pole (*snicker*)

Arrrrrrr!!!!!

EVERYBODY sing!!

Oh, I'm a pirate and I'm okay......lalalalala

:-)

Captured Memory