Who Will Be There

This past winter, I was talking to a guy, who I shall refer to as Disturbing Fetish Guy, on Bumble who said, "Is that really you in your profile pictures?"

"Yes," I said. 

"I'm just asking because I've been catfished before," Disturbing Fetish Guy said.

"I'm not a catfish," I said.

"But you look really young," he insisted. "How old are those pictures?"

I've been told by many people that I look young for my age. I went to the movies recently, and the cashier asked to see my ID because I bought a ticket to watch an R-rated movie (Everything Everywhere All the Time - awesome movie! I love Michelle Yeoh!). Apparently, although I am forty-one years old, I still look like a teenager. Or maybe it was my Mickey Mouse T-shirt. 

"Well, people often say that I look young," I said. "But they're all pictures from the past two years."

"You do realize that I'm eight years younger than you, right?" I didn't like how he made a point of mentioning that, as if I'd done something wrong. If he'd matched with someone eight years younger, I doubt he would have said, "You do realize I'm eight years older than you, right?"

"Yeah, it says so in your profile." 

Then Disturbing Fetish Guy asked me what my racial identity was (he belongs to a different race). I told him, and he said, "YES! My friends and I all want to date women of your race. You're like the Holy Grail of dating." 

I didn't even fully register what he meant at first, but eventually, I thought to myself, "Annnd we're done here." I don't like anyone who tries to fetishize my racial identity. I put my profile on Bumble on "Snooze", which means that you can make your profile invisible to everyone else on the site. It also means you can't see anyone else's profiles until you deactivate the Snooze option, but at least you can take a break for as long as you want without deleting your profile.

When I first joined an online dating site, I was still in my twenties. I felt excited, nervous and hopeful that I would meet someone special. Seven online dating memberships and countless bad dates later, I don't feel hopeful anymore. 

I thought I was finally ready to date again, which is why I set up a coffee date with a guy last fall, who then stood me up at the last minute and didn't even explain or apologize. 

Ever since I turned forty, I've become a lot less tolerant of other people's b.s., like the guy who wrote this in his profile: "Respectfully, if you're vaccinated I don't want it. The nano particles from within it transfer person to person. Your DNA/bloodline is forever changed. Welcome to the new life of a cyborg." (I WISH I made that up, but I seriously did see that in someone's profile.)

I am vaccinated. I got the booster shot too. If I am a cyborg, does this mean I now have superhuman strength? Does it mean that I can pick up people who cut in front of me in line at Starbucks and toss them out the door? Because that would be awesome. (Whenever people cut in front of me, I revert back into my Chicago persona and start yelling scary nothings in their ear until they move back.)

I put my profile on Snooze not just because of Disturbing Fetish guy but because I'm just sick of it: online dating, the weird stuff that people put in their profiles, the awkward/bad/boring first dates, the unrequited crushes, etc., etc.

I spent the last few months binge-watching House on the Peacock app, where you can watch certain shows for free. I was able to watch literally every episode of the series for free on that app while I was working out. In one episode, called "One Day, One Room," a patient played by Katheryn Winnick tells Dr. House, "I'm going to base this moment on whom I'm stuck in a room with. That's what life is. It's a series of rooms, and who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are." 

Another thing I noticed about the show was who stayed with the patient in the hospital room while they were receiving treatment. Sometimes it would be family members. Other times it would be the patient's friend, and in one episode, it was the patient's dominatrix. It made me wonder who would be in the room with me when I go into end-stage renal failure and end up in the hospital.

I have to get tested every six months to ensure that my kidneys are still stable. I was tested recently, and the results showed that my kidney function has declined since last December. I am still at least a few years away from the end-stage, but I know that eventually, I will be hooked up to dialysis machines three times a week, for hours at a time, until I get a kidney. 

I think that the right person for me would be someone who would be "in the room" and willing to be there for me at my worst moment, and who wouldn't judge me for it. I recently binge-watched the TV series Girls (they have the complete series on DVD at the public library in College Town). I watched it and thought, Was I as self-absorbed and annoying as these characters when I was twenty-four? 

Nevertheless, it was a very good show, and my favorite scene in the show is the one (FYI: Adam is cursing a lot at the beginning of this scene) where Adam literally runs across the city to be with Hannah when he finds out she's having a nervous breakdown. (Side note: do you notice that in romantic movies and TV shows, the guy often starts running when he wants to be with his love interest? Harry did it in When Harry Met Sally, for example.) 

I thought that scene from Girls was really romantic and moving because it showed how much Adam loved Hannah, and how he was willing to be there for her at her worst moment.

There were other patients on House, M.D. who didn't have anyone in the hospital room with them, and that showed a lot about what their lives were like too. It made me wonder if I would be one of those people who would end up alone in a hospital room. I definitely wouldn't want my parents there. They would just make it worse. They always do. I still haven't told my mother that I'm sick. My father knows, but he recently told me that he doesn't want to hear about my health anymore; he thinks I talk about it too much, and he doubled down in an email he sent, where he berated me for how I'm dealing with this disease. 

My parents have been unhappily married for more than forty years. When you grow up witnessing how much your parents hate each other, it tends to warp your ideas about love and marriage. I think that's a major reason why the idea of remaining unmarried for the rest of my life does not scare me as much as the idea of being married to the wrong person just so I won't have to be alone. I think if you marry the wrong person, you will still be alone in a sense. Being with the wrong person makes you feel like you can't fully relate to them or like they won't be there for you when you need them to be. My parents were wrong for each other from the beginning, but they will never get divorced because they're both too stubborn and proud to do so. 

My mother said to me on my birthday a few years ago, "But aren't you ashamed to be an old maid?" 

"No, I'm not," I said. I wanted to say, I think you should be ashamed for asking me that question, especially on my birthday.

I try to picture myself with someone in the future, and I can't. I've been alone for so long that I've gotten used to it, and I even prefer it sometimes. As I've stated before, being single comes with a certain kind of freedom. 

Now that I'm in my forties, most of the single men my age who live in College Town (and there aren't that many of them) are divorced with children, and many of them don't want to date me because I'm too "old" for them. In movies where middle-aged women date younger men, the men are often very romantic and sensitive; they genuinely want relationships with those women, like in the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back. But in real life, or at least in my life, younger men just want to hook up, like the thirty-year-old guy on Bumble who asked me what my bra size was and the twenty-nine-year-old guy who immediately asked what my address was and whether he could come over within two minutes of our first (and only) conversation. 

Also, now that I'm in my forties, I somehow feel less anxious about being in a relationship. For me, the "happy ending" was never really about a guy. For a long time, it was about my work because I'm a workaholic. Now it's about living my life on my terms for as long as I can. It's about getting a kidney sooner rather than later so that I don't have to be on dialysis for too long. It's about making the most of the time that I have now, while I still have it. And I think that's nothing to be ashamed of.

And I suppose it's just as well that I'm single, considering the idiotic and horrifying decision made by the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v. Wade. But I could go on for several posts about that. I'm still full of fury and fear about it.

What about you? Do you have a favorite romantic story or movie? (One of my favorites is While You Were Sleeping, partly because it's set in Chicago and also because I love Sandra Bullock.) 

(Not) The Marrying Kind

Recently I read an article that said, "If you care about your happiness, you should avoid marrying a neurotic person."

The author, Drake Baer, wrote, "Neurotic people are more likely to detect threats in their environments, which can lead to mood swings and obsessive thinking about what could go wrong. They have been found to be more easily distracted, less self confident, and to have lower salaries than their more emotionally stable peers."

Almost everything he wrote describes me, because this entire blog is proof of the fact that I obsess over almost everything; (hence my screenname, Neurotic Workaholic, and my blog title, "Obsessions of a Workaholic"). I've come up with some other reasons why I fit Drake Baer's description of neuroticism to a T:

1. One of my guy friends told me that I put off an "unapproachable vibe." When I'm out in public, I discreetly grip my keys in a certain way, so that if any guy tries to attack me I can use the keys as a weapon and stab him in the eye and/or the crotch. After years of being harassed, groped, followed down the street, and in one terrifying case, nearly abducted by random creeps in Chicago (I screamed and fought back, which apparently scared off the abductor), I've cultivated a "back the hell off or I will CUT you vibe."

2. Most of the guys I've dated thought it was weird that with the exception of the hello/goodbye kiss, I didn't like to kiss in public (especially if his version of kissing meant "I'm going to touch your tonsils with my tongue" or I didn't like the guy, in which case I was all "back the hell off or I will CUT you"). I've never even been comfortable with holding hands or letting the guy put his arm around me in public. I've never liked public displays of affection, because I think that there is a time and a place for everything, and so basically anywhere that has people in it who are not too drunk to notice IS NOT THE TIME NOR THE PLACE.

The last time a guy held my hand, I spent 50% of the time thinking about how long I had to hold his hand before I could wipe off my sweaty hand on my pants without looking rude, and wondering if I could ask him to wipe off the sweat on his hand, and maybe put some hand sanitizer on as well, because I also spent the other 50% of the time on our date thinking of the germs on his hand that could potentially infect me with the flu because he coughed two hours before. (If there was any doubt in your minds that I am completely neurotic, I'd say this paragraph pretty much proves it.)

3. Since I don't even like to hold hands in public, I would definitely not be charmed by a public proposal, where the guy gets down on one knee in front of a restaurant full of other customers, or in a park filled with a singing/dancing flash mob that he organized. Then I'd just be all, "Are you asking me to marry you, or are you asking me to make you famous on Youtube?" I also think that public proposals put way too much pressure on the person to say yes.

Note: If you are married and your spouse proposed to you in public, I hope you don't think that I am saying that public proposals are unromantic or wrong, because I'm NOT; I'm saying that if I ever did get engaged, that's not how I would want it. As an introvert, I'd prefer to have that moment be something that's just between me and the man I love, not me, the man I love, and dozens of people who are filming us and will post the video on Youtube.

4. Recently, over the past few months, I became closer to a guy I liked, who I did not describe on this blog for various reasons. He was much more laid-back than I am. I eventually realized that he needs to be with someone who actually means it when she says, "I'm fine," and I need someone who understands when I'm not fine and will listen patiently, say the right things, and talk me out of stress eating peanut M&Ms (and of course, I would do the same for him).

5. If I ever got married, my parents would want to throw a huge church wedding and invite all their friends, including the friends who keep asking why I'm in my thirties and still single, and especially the friends who think I'm a lesbian because I'm in my thirties and still single. Planning a wedding is stressful enough, but planning that kind of wedding with two Type A personalities like my parents (two guesses where I got my personality from) just might push me over the edge.

I've attended weddings that cost six figures. If I had that much money, I would use it to buy a home or start a college fund for my future children, not blow it all on a party that lasts one freakin' day or one weekend. My "dream wedding" would go one of two ways: either I'd get married in City Hall and then go out for a nice lunch with my husband and some close friends (like Carrie and Mr. Big did in Sex and the City) or I'd get married in a community garden and have a small reception in a nice restaurant, like Miranda and Steve did on SATC.

Although I am a big fan of Sex and the City, I am not Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, or Miranda. I'm the female George Costanza, because I wear glasses and I'm usually pissed off at somebody. Basically, if you marry someone as neurotic as I am, be prepared to marry the entire cast of Seinfeld. That means that the majority of your conversations (til' death do you part) will be like the obsessive, nitpicky conversations that George, Jerry, Kramer, and Elaine had in the coffee shop every day. It's one thing if you are also neurotic, but it could be very stressful or hard for you to understand or relate to your partner if you are not also overly self-conscious and over-analytical. However, although I have those "George is getting upset!" tantrums on a regular basis, I know that I am capable of making someone feel happy and loved.

I don't know if I'll ever get married, and there is a part of me that thinks that my neurotic personality and workaholic nature will decrease my chances. I also know that it is important to make compromises and address my own flaws in order to make a relationship with someone work, though I don't think I'll ever be able to completely change who I am (and I wouldn't want to anyway).

I've also started to realize that there are worse things in life than being single, such as marrying the wrong person just so I can have kids, won't be alone, or can finally prove to my parents and their friends that I am not in fact a lesbian ("not that there's anything wrong with that!" as Jerry would say)

I will also add that some of the best writers I've ever read and some of the guys I thought were the most attractive were also the most obsessive, neurotic people I've ever encountered. Actually, my ideal husband would have Jerry Seinfeld's personality (and Chris Hemsworth's looks and Channing Tatum's dancing ability, if I'm going to be completely honest).

What do you think? What kinds of personality traits do you think are important for a happy, loving relationship, and what kinds of personality traits do you think could make a relationship fall apart?

I Wish I Was Samantha

Many female fans of the TV show Sex and the City often identify themselves with at least one of the four main characters: Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York, and Miranda Hobbes. If I had to pick one of the characters that I identify with the most, I'd say that it was Carrie Bradshaw, even though my legs don't look like hers (but God, I wish they did). I also hate shoe shopping, partly because I think that I am the female incarnation of Bigfoot and always fall down whenever I try to wear heels (and when I fall, I usually grab onto whoever's nearest me and drag them down with me). But Carrie was so neurotic and obsessive about everything, and I can definitely relate to that.

If there is one character I WISH I was like, though, it would definitely be Samantha Jones. I don't envy her one-night stands, partly because all those years of Catholic school made me feel like I should go to Confession or say the rosary after I watch an episode of the show. 

I also don't envy her wardrobe, although she always looked fantastic. But I would never have the nerve to wear such revealing clothing. As far as fashion goes, I am basically the female incarnation of Mr. Rogers (though I definitely don't want anyone to be MY neighbor, because my neighbors have always been magazine-stealing, throw-up-in-the-elevator-and-leave-it-there, hard-partying, loud jerks who apparently never work or sleep), partly because I wear a lot of sweaters. I'm always paranoid that I'm going to show too much skin, especially when I'm teaching, and that I'll end up being one low-cut blouse away from being a character in a bad Lifetime movie (to quote Joseph Conrad, "The horror! The horror!"). 

But I DO envy her confidence. One thing I noticed about Samantha was the way she walked into a room with her head held high, her shoulders back, and a confident smile on her face, as if she didn't care what other people thought of her. I remember one scene where she went to a bar by herself and walked in as if she owned the place. I would never have the nerve to go to a bar on my own. On the rare occasion I do go to a bar to meet a friend or a date, I walk in quietly, my head down, hoping that no one will stare at me because I'm convinced that my hair/outfit/makeup looks wrong.

Samantha was always able to strike up a conversation with any handsome guy in the room. I, on the other hand, am only able to talk comfortably to guys if I have no interest in them whatsoever or if they happen to be making my coffee at Starbucks (but that's only because I'm usually more interested in the coffee). 

She wasn't afraid to stand up for herself to people who judged her, excluded her, or mistreated her. I, on the other hand, write down witty comebacks that I wish I had the courage to say in person and create fictionalized versions of my real-life adversaries for my stories. 

I've always been an introvert, ever since I was a little girl. It's different when I'm teaching. That's the one place where I DO feel confident, because I actually know what I'm doing. But there's still an invisible line between the students and me; when I interact with them, it's obviously not the same as interacting with peers, friends, dates, or people who annoy me so much that I feel like karma is laughing at me every time they pop up. 

Samantha thrived as a publicist and at bars and parties. A life like that would be terrifying to me, because I've always felt uncomfortable at bars AND parties. (Incidentally, I thought I wanted to be a publicist when I was in college, but two internships in public relations made me think otherwise.)

But one good thing about being an introvert is that it made me more observant of other people and my surroundings. Since I'm often too shy to talk to people I don't know or am attracted to, it's made me less likely to get distracted and more likely to remember what I've seen and experienced, so that I can write about it later. I'm not saying that extroverts can't be observant too, because they can. And they can also be good writers, of course.

But for me, being an introvert inspired me to create and write about literary alter egos who were more brave and extroverted than I was. 

I must admit that sometimes, I still wish I could be like Samantha Jones, if only for a little while. (But I would never have broken up with Smith Jerrod, because have you SEEN what he looked like?) 

What about you? Do you identify with any fictional characters in particular? 

Characters I Can Relate to

As a workaholic, the only time I truly feel "relaxed" is when I'm working, because when I'm not working, I just keep thinking of all the things that need to get done. Either that or I'm thinking of the eight or ten people who irritated me that day (and yes, I know I'm the textbook definition of the Type A neurotic personality, but anybody who's read this blog for a while would know that.)

But one of the ways I do unwind, after spending long hours grading, completing projects for my website job, or writing notes for my dissertation, is watch crime dramas that I have stored on my DVR. I love watching shows like Elementary, CSI, Law and Order: SVU, NCIS, and Criminal Minds. It's fascinating to watch the detectives, crime scene investigators, and lawyers figure out "whodunit", and it's satisfying when the bad guys get caught (especially because in real life, the bad guys often never get caught or get away with a slap on the wrist).

The other reason I like those shows is that for the most part, the main characters on that show are workaholics. They're passionate about their work and dedicated to getting the job done. They spend most of their time working. They show the consequences of being a workaholic (which is another blog post in itself), like how they often sacrifice time with the people they care about in order to work.

On the other hand, I dislike shows like Grey's Anatomy and The Bachelor. The doctors on Grey's Anatomy are workaholics, but based on the few episodes I saw, it seemed like they spent more time casting longing glances at the objects of their affection or dry humping each other in closets than they did working. I know several doctors in real life, and if they spent half as much time "hooking up" as the doctors on Grey's do, they'd never have time to take care of their patients.

On The Bachelor, the women act like their lives are over if they don't get that rose from some guy who murmurs sweet nothings in their ear (or in the case of Juan Pablo, the current Bachelor, who apparently murmurs vulgar nothings)...while also murmuring sweet nothings in the ears of a dozen other women. I could never have been on that show, partly because I don't look like a model, but also because I'd never be willing to take that much time off from my work (and also because I'd never feel comfortable in a hot tub, because being in a hot tub just makes me feel like a lobster being cooked).

One exception to my crime drama obsession is the show Once Upon a Time, though I don't like how sometimes it gets to be too much of a soap opera with fairy tale characters (actually, a significant number of that show's characters aren't from fairy tales). I like the Evil Queen, Rumplestilstkin, and Captain Hook, mainly because those characters are multi-dimensional and the actors playing them are excellent. I DON'T like how most of the characters never seem to work, because they are too busy casting longing glances at the objects of their affection or seeking revenge over the loss of the objects of their affection.

It's the same thing with books. If a novel doesn't have SOME romance in it, then I lose interest. But on the other hand, if it's ONLY about romance and never shows the characters at work, then I am tempted to toss the book aside (or the remote control) and go back to work. I think that being a workaholic has made me less of a "romantic" in that sense. I just can't relate to characters who have singular obsessions over the objects of their affection. 

Of course, I do want to fall in love and be loved, just like most people do. And I've devoted many blog posts to my search for love (which thus far has led me to a bunch of "frogs" rather than a "prince"). But at the same time, my work is something that I'm "married" to, which is why it's easier for me to relate to characters who feel the same way.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that it's bad if you care more about your significant other than your work; of course it's not. And maybe I'll meet someone someday who makes me want to "relax" by actually relaxing and not by working. I'm just saying that the stories I like best include characters who I can relate to, and that just happens to be workaholics.

What about you? What types of characters in books or TV shows do you relate to? What kinds of pet peeves do you have about other types of characters?

Downton Arby's

I love the PBS series Downton Abbey, so when I saw this spoof I could not stop laughing. You guys HAVE to watch it. I dare you not to start cracking up too, hahahahaha! (Side note: I heart you, Richard Kind!)

What I've Learned from the Jersey Shore

If your underwear is showing, then your dress is too short.

If you insist on wearing a short dress, then make sure that you wear underwear.

Fighting strangers in public just because they threw a drink at you/pulled your weave/looked at you in the wrong way does not make you look like a man (or a woman). It makes you look violent and stupid.

Orange is not a good look for anyone. It's also a sign that you've spent too much time in the tanning booth.

If you wear your hair so high that you start to resemble Frankenstein's monster or the monster's bride (Pauly and Snooki, I'm talking to you), then the villagers just might come after you with flaming torches and pitchforks.

Referring to yourself in the third person does not make you sound smarter (and who gives himself a lame nickname like "The Situation", anyway?).

It's okay to swim in the ocean. It's not actually full of whale sperm.

When your boyfriend/girlfriend screams at you on a regular basis, destroys your belongings, freaks out if you talk to someone of the opposite sex, and/or shoves you around, it's time to break up and cut that person out of your life for good. It doesn't mean you should take that person back again and again just because he/she is so "awesome".

Even if you pull the blanket over your heads, everyone still knows what you and your date are doing.

If you are lucky enough to get a free trip to Italy, don't spend the whole trip partying with tourists. Looking at art, eating Italian food, interacting with the locals, exploring the different cities, and experiencing all the other things that Italy has to offer should not be an afterthought that is saved for the last couple days of your trip. 

It's good to exercise and lift weights on a regular basis. It's also good to lift a book and actually read it every now and then.

Spraying your hair with a bunch of hairspray is not the same as shampooing it. And spraying yourself from head to toe with cologne (which is so strong it makes other people hold their breath and back away quickly from you) is not the same thing as taking a shower.

When your fifteen minutes of fame are up, at least you'll have a career to fall back on selling T-shirts in the Shore Store.

When I first started watching Jersey Shore, I did it because I was bored and nothing else was on. I hadn't even really watched reality TV (except for the occasional episode of Millionaire Matchmaker) since I stopped watching The Real World almost a decade ago. I'd gotten irritated with that show because it had gone way downhill since the show first aired. Now every show centered on drunken catfights, hot tub orgies, and pretty, spoiled brats whining about how hard life was for them even though they didn't have to work and got to live rent-free in fancy penthouses.

And yet, I later found myself tuning in to watch Jersey Shore, which is full of drunken catfights and hot tub orgies, except the cast of this show is a lot more orange and have turned partying into a career. I could never live or act the way that they do (nor would I ever want to), and yet I couldn't help watching them. (On the other hand, I haven't been watching the show as often as I used to, because the episodes started getting repetitive three seasons ago. For example, it gets boring to watch Snooki and the Situation get thrown out of clubs again and again.)

One reason I watched the show was because they're so stupid it's funny. They say and do the stupidest things sometimes, and they don't even realize how stupid they look. I guess it's bad for me to say this, but I actually feel better about myself when I watch them. I think, Well, at least I've never done anything THAT dumb. 

I know I'm not the only one who indulges in reality television. Millions of people take pleasure in being voyeurs to other people's lives; they say it's "reality", but it's anything but. The episodes are edited by the show's "writers" and producers, and certain events and emotions are magnified to make them seem much more dramatic than they actually are. Some of the people on these shows are so greedy for fame and money that they let the shows bring out the worst in them without considering the long-term consequences. We watch people get engaged to people they've only known for a few weeks, only to break up a few months later. We watch women who see nothing wrong with marrying for money so that they can have luxurious lifestyles, and we watch men treat women like sex objects.

We also watch teen moms who spend more time obsessing over their abusive boyfriends than their own babies. That's one reason I'm seriously considering not watching Teen Mom anymore, because the show has become so disturbing. What kind of mother would rather scream at her mother and drive off to smoke weed than stay home with her son? What kind of mother would slap her emotionally abusive boyfriend around in front of her child? What kind of mother prevents her ex-boyfriend from spending any time with their son just to punish him? Several of the girls on Teen Mom, that's who. Yes, there are older women who act like this too, but the behavior of some of the girls on this show in particular makes me worry about the example that several (though not all) of the girls on that show are setting for other teenagers.

We watch teenagers and twentysomethings on other reality shows get drunk, take their clothes off, and do the kinds of wild things that make us wonder how they'll ever get hired for real jobs when they finally come to their senses, because employers who are not Joe Francis (of the Girls Gone Wild notoriety) will probably not want to hire young adults who do those things on national television. (That might explain why some of them continue doing reality TV well into their thirties and forties.)

And even though we may be frustrated, repulsed, or horrified by their behavior, we continue to watch because it's "entertainment". It's also very easy for us to judge these people, seeing as how we only get the edited version of their lives. I've read the online message boards for some of these shows, and many of the people post extremely hateful, nasty, and ignorant  comments on those boards that bash the people on those shows.

But on the other hand, I think that we can actually learn something from reality television. For one thing, we can learn about how we shouldn't act, and we can learn that all that fame and money can't really make up for the fact that the people on those shows have no privacy and have made themselves vulnerable to millions of viewers' criticism. Reality TV also teaches us that loving, lasting, and genuine relationships are nothing like the ones that we see on TV.

What about you? Do you watch reality TV? If not, why not? If you do, which shows do you watch and why?

Why, NBC, why?

A few weeks ago, I threw myself to the floor and started kicking and screaming. I did that upon reading  the news that my favorite TV show, Law and Order, had been cancelled.

I started watching Law and Order (as well as its two spinoffs, SVU and Criminal Intent) when I first started working as an adjunct instructor. This was back when I was teaching at two schools and working a third job in retail, so I had very little free time. As a result, I didn't have time to keep up with the character-driven shows like Desperate Housewives or Lost. I tried to sit down and watch Lost once with a friend, but I ended up feeling lost.

Me: So why are they on that island?
Friend: Their plane crashed.
Me: Why can't they just build a boat and get themselves off the island?
Friend: It's more complicated than that.
Me: (looking at Matthew Fox) So is he a bad guy or a good guy?
Friend: Just watch the show. You'll see.
Me: So why are all these people hooking up with each other? Wouldn't their time be better spent trying to get off the island?
Friend: (exasperated) That's what they're trying to do!

I started watching crime dramas became most of them were plot-driven rather than character-driven. That meant that I didn't have to watch the shows regularly, which was good, because I didn't have time to watch TV every week. I could miss several episodes of Law and Order and come back to it weeks later and still enjoy it. I didn't have to figure out who was having an affair with whom or who was fighting with whom.

I have to admit that I'm not completely immune to character-driven shows. One semester in college, I actually scheduled my classes around All My Children. I was totally sucked into that addictive soap world, and forgot about how different it was from the real world. Then I got caught up with other things for a few weeks and missed out on several storylines, so that by the time I came back I realized that maybe it wasn't totally normal for people to get divorced and remarried a bunch of times, and in real life people didn't pause and give evil monologues to the camera about the person they were planning to stab in the back (literally or figuratively).

I watched the other crime dramas too, like CSI: Miami, and I did like them. My favorite character was Horatio Caine, even though he always spoke each word as if it was a complete sentence, as in "That. Is. The. Question." I liked him because of how compassionate he was with the victims, and how he devoted himself to his work.

My problem with the CSI shows was that at least two-thirds of the cast all appeared to be the same age and looked like supermodels (I've never been in a workplace where there were so many good-looking people; maybe I should go into law enforcement), and the characters often seemed to focus more on their hookups rather than on the crimes themselves. Okay, so it's natural to get crushes on the people you work with, though I have to admit I haven't really had a crush on any of my coworkers since I was in high school. But I think that there is more to life than romance. I also think it is possible to go to work and actually care more about the work itself than anything else.

Also, I didn't get how the female CSIs got away with wearing skimpy tank tops to work. I once worked in an office where you could get sent home for wearing khakis; I just assumed that the dress code was even more strict in law enforcement. And did you notice how in almost every CSI: Miami episode, there is always at least one scene of girls in bikinis? It usually doesn't have anything to do with the case itself; apparently it's just necessary to show women in skimpy clothing when solving crimes.

Law and Order, on the other hand, rarely focused on the characters' personal lives (with the exception of SVU). I don't think there was ever an episode that showed Jack McCoy at his apartment. They were always at the office, working on a case. My favorite character was Jack McCoy, played by Sam Waterston, because of how passionate he was about his work. I loved how angry he always got at the suspects, because prosecuting criminals wasn't just a job for him. (And I have to admit that I have a little crush on Sam Waterston, even though he's been married for more years than I've been alive.)

And it was interesting to see the outrageous defense strategies that some of the lawyers and suspects came up with; at first I thought that no one could get away with that in real life, but then when I read stories about real-life criminals and heard the crazy excuses that some of them gave, I realized that it could happen.

Watching shows like this one made me feel like it wasn't such a bad thing to be a workaholic, because here were people who devoted themselves to their work and no one criticized them for it. It's no coincidence that my favorite shows are about work and workaholics. The only other show I watch regularly aside from the crime dramas is House, M.D. because Gregory House is the ultimate workaholic. Yes, he's a misanthrope and treats people terribly, but he's so funny and likable you can't help forgiving him for it. (But I definitely wouldn't want to work for him.)

I've heard that there's going to be another L & O spinoff which will be set in Los Angeles. Until then, though, I tried watching other shows that are popular. There was a marathon of The Hills this weekend, so I decided to watch a couple episodes and see what all the fuss was about. After all, these were single girls pursuing careers and love in the big city, right? It couldn't be too different from the chick lit novels I love so much. Surely there was something positive to be said for these shows, right?

After a couple of hours, I had the urge to destroy my TV so that I never had to watch an episode again. Sorry to all the people who like The Hills, but I just don't get it. But then again, I seem to be one of the few people who doesn't get what all the fuss is about with Twilight, either. I think that Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart kind of look like they're brother and sister.

Why exactly are we supposed to care about Audrina Partridge and Kristin Cavallari? From what I could see of the episodes I watched, their lives seem to be focused on clubbing, dating guys who treat them badly, and gossiping about their friends behind their back. Then there's always a scene where they get into a girl fight and start screaming at each other. And let's not forget Heidi and Spencer; their awful behavior towards other people made me realize why so many people dislike them. But overall, watching those shows bored me.

I tried watching The City, and it was even worse. All of the girls were so catty and mean towards each other, and it was hard for me to like any of them. And I can't watch a show if I don't like at least one of the characters.

I couldn't relate to any of the people on those shows. Maybe it's because I don't have the money to go to expensive restaurants or buy designer clothes. Maybe it's because I never had the chance to work with beautiful celebrities or work for popular magazines. Or maybe it's just because I can't stand any of these people's personalities. This is what I've been missing? People would rather watch this than Law and Order? (And yes, I know that The Hills is ending. But still.) And why does MTV do that thing where they gather a bunch of young people after the show to analyze the episode that just aired? Is that really necessary? Is this what TV is coming to? Oh, the humanity!

Maybe I'm just mourning the loss of my favorite TV show. Yeah, that must be it. I have to go cry myself to sleep now.

What about you? Any cancelled TV shows that you were sorry to see go?