the internet is making us all worse artists

Sometimes I read the comments on other people's writing,
Poring over twisty noodles mixed with olive oil and parmesan cheese (the cheap kind),
Mixed with turkey sausage and sauteed pears (I ran out of onions),
And I say aloud,
"Fuck them. I'm not like that. And I shouldn't try to be."

I know I'm right,
But it's the same fucking people (or bots, or what have you) who make me upset
When they don't comment on my writing.

Everyday, everyday,
I tell myself it takes years to complete a masterpiece,
Then I google how long it took Picasso to paint Guernica:
One month.

One month.
My ears are popping.
One month.
Fuck the Internet.

Vote for me!

Hi beloved readers. So I may have nominated myself for a blog award for "Best Blog About Stuff" over at the Blogger's Choice Awards. If you feel like being nice today, you can vote for me here.

My blog is definitely about stuff, and it's pretty good, right? It's at least OK. Come on. Here is a picture of an adorable puppy to put you in a good mood.

Look at that faaaaaaaaaace. You might also consider voting for my blog idol The Sassy Curmudgeon for Best Humor Blog.

If you can still be mean after looking at that photo, you have no soul and I don't want votes from soulless people anyway. To the rest of you, please vote! Thanks y'all.

Happy first birthday, dear blog

A year ago today, I posted my first Blackberries to Apples post. At that time I had already bought my one-way ticket to NYC, and I was so so excited for the big move. I knew that I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but after nearly a full year in the city, I now realize that back then I didn't (and couldn't) fully realize just how little of an idea I had. I was a different person a year ago - and though I was younger and more naive, I was also, in a weird way, more sure of myself. Even though I had no job, no place to live, and no idea what the fuck I thought I was doing moving to the craziest city in America with nothing but two suitcases and a dream, I knew myself better than I feel I do now.

My initial concept for this blog was to give advice to other young people dreaming of New York - how to pack for the move, how to find an affordable apartment and roommates, what to do with yourself once in the city, etc. But the blog quickly evolved, naturally I think, to encompass a more broad and personal spectrum of how the move to the city affected me. Over the course of the last year, I lost sight of some of the things I thought I knew about myself, and I learned some new things about myself I never had sight of in the first place.

But one thing I do know for sure is that this blog - and you guys, my readers - have been there with me through the entire process. On one hand it's kind of strange to know that there are a few hundred people I've let in on my personal trials over the past year, and on the other hand, it feels totally natural, reassuring and comforting. I can't even count how many times I've asked myself what currently gives my life the most meaning and the answer has been writing this blog. That might sound stupid, but writing is everything to me; it has been since I was a little girl penning songs about cats who live in San Francisco - my first real memory of writing anything - and novellas about running the mile in elementary school. To know that I can create something, that I can write something that other people enjoy reading, is enough to bring me to tears because it's all I ever really wanted to do in life.

I pondered for a while about how I should wrap up a year of life in one post. I thought briefly about a month-by-month recap, but decided against it because snore who cares. (If you want to find out what I did each month since I started BtoA, you can click through old entries.) I decided instead to honor my first year of blog life with a slideshow of some of my favorite photo memories from posts past, as well as a sort of stream of consciousness list - which I started writing in La Guardia airport last week - that summarizes my first year in New York.



New York means...
- Solo cups on subways
- stupid late nights
- bars that close at 4 in the morning, or don't close at all
- laying in Central Park looking at the sky
- the smile of a stranger
- the help of a stranger
- my landlord yelling at his brother or mother or friend early on a Sunday morning
- snow falling outside my window
- creaky old wooden front doors
- stairs
- stoops
- snow crunching under boots
- seeing the Empire State Building from an unlimited number of vantage points
- building a life puzzle with the grid system, pieces slowly falling together and clicking into place
- watching the city blow by through bus windows
- seeing people less fortunate than me everywhere, and people more fortunate than me everywhere
- the skyline from Brooklyn
- the skyline from Jersey
- eating ice cream out of cups on sidewalks
- free mimosas with brunch
- lox and cream cheese bagels
- no money
- no space
- kissing
- wind blowing in my hair
- the chick-chick-chiiiiiick of cab meters printing receipts
- music in the subways
- a monster in my bed
- dancing 'til it hurts
- gays
- smoking cigarettes outside with strangers
- taking a cab I can't afford
- forgetting what I can't afford
- Lady Gaga
- golden leaves in Central Park
- swimming in Harlem
- writing in coffee shops
- dogs everywhere
- stray cats everywhere
- love lost and gained and lost again
- crouching in the middle of Houston Street
- pizza
- tears on trains
- Mariah Carey
- street fairs
- straws
- picnics
- heartbreak
- growing up
- Harlem
- avoiding manholes in sidewalks
- crowded subway cars
- ghost subway stations
- Grand Central
- crazy people
- whiskey and beer

Writing this now, I'm overwhelmed with the sense that this past year has been extremely bittersweet. Really sweet at times, really bitter at others. It's been hard. But everything I've been through has helped me to grow, and the happy times have made me fall deeper and deeper in love with New York. Thanks for reading everyone. On to year two, with hope.

Hanging around Broadway, and I think I saw your face...
Cars speeding by me, reminding me of us,
Shuffle down to the watering hole,
Getting tired and I want to go home...
I don't know where that is anymore
I don't know where that is anymore
I don't know where that is anymore

Don't you try and tell me that you never loved me

Tomorrow is Monday, which sort of sucks, so I wanted to share this video with y'all. It makes me very happy.



I discovered it on the Tumblr of my new favorite blogger, Hannah. I've never listened to much Kate Nash, but I like this song a lot, and the illustration is so cute. Siiiiiigh.

Happy end-o-weekend!

The Unabridged Blackberries to Apples Bloglossary: Addendum

I've been periodically adding some entries to the bloglossary I wrote in September, and I thought I would write a short addendum with the new entries. You know, just so y'all can upgrade your daily vocab.












Bish
Function: noun
Etymology: Harlem high schoolers
Date: 2009
Definition: Bitch. Often followed by "plz."

Def
Function: affirmation
Etymology: Hautey Toddy-based abbrevs
Date: 2007
Definition: Definitely.

Lolx
Function: verb/adjective/adverb/noun
Etymology: Can I get some lolx cream cheese on my bagel?
Date: October 2008
Definition: Lolz to the max.

Nom
Function: verb, adjective, nom
Etymology: LOLcats?
Date: 2008
Definition: Mmmmmmdeliciousfood.

Obvs
Function: adverb?
Etymology: Hautey Toddy abbrevs
Date: 2007
Definition: Obviously.

Sombish
Function: noun, indefinite
Etymology: Gchat, as per yooj
Date: 2009
Definition: Some bitch.

More TK.

Welcome to the land of Teeny

This is my best friend Christine.





















We met freshman year of college, when we lived next door to each other in the dorms. It was nothing less than fate that brought us together, as we quickly discovered that we are soul mates, in the most platonic sense of the word. We bonded over a shared love of Ludacris, Juvenile, Ginuwine and making fun of people we deemed lesser than ourselves. She lives in Chi, and I live in NYC obvs, but our friendship marches on. To the beat of a very, very different drum.

Anyway, the point of all this is that Teeny (as she is known amongst our inner circles) now has her very own blog in which she documents her life in the form of witty haikus. I am very excited about this, because she is truly one of the funniest and definitely the most unique person I know. Here's a snippet:

accessory (to murder?)

ugly belt buckle
want to melt it down, make a
bullet to shoot you

I told you. Fucking hilarious. Check it out: Land of Teeny. She is also on Twitter. Get on it.

Me, writing, writing, me

Dear readers, I have an exciting post in the works for mid-week. But for now, a quick moment of inspiration about what writing means - and has always meant - to me. Without writing, I die. And not in the Rachel Zoe sense. Fuck, can't I ever be a little bit serious? Meh.

"If you did not write every day, the poisons would accumulate and you would begin to die, or act crazy or both -- you must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." - Ray Bradbury

I'm so happy I could cry a little bit

Y'all. I just checked the numbers and yesterday - thanks to you beautiful people - I had 105 unique visitors and 184 page loads. For those of you who don't really know what that means: my blog was viewed by 184 people, and of those 184 people, 105 of them were unique - in my opinion, very unique - and separate people.

!!!!!!!!!!!

This makes me happier than licking icing off a spoon*, which is something that makes me very happy.























Thanks, readers, for this small yet significant milestone. Seasoned and new, old and young, friends and foes - I adore you all and you're the reason I have this blog. If you keep readin', I promise I'll keep writin'. And I don't break promises.

*Any available utensil

The Unabridged Blackberries to Apples Bloglossary

I've been thinking a lot about life recently, and I realized today that it's been two years since Z and I started developing the language that we now regularly use to communicate. Naturally, because we all write best about what we know, said language has become a regular fixture on this very blog. But as more people who aren't my friends start to read it - which I hope they do - they might be confused at the prevalence of "words" that are, well, not actually words. Because I want to readily encourage new readers, I have decided to produce this: The Unabridged Blackberries to Apples Bloglossary. Below, find the meanings of many of the faux words that grace post after post of my somewhat "special" brainchild. Enjoy.





Bish
Function: noun
Etymology: Harlem high schoolers
Date: 2009
Definition: Bitch. Often followed by "plz."

BFF
Function: noun/adjective
Etymology: A 15-year-old girl on her cell phone
Date: 2007
Definition: Best friend forever.

Brillz
Function: adjective
Etymology: A group of self-satisfied 20something Manhattanites, AKA my friends
Date: 2009
Definition: Brilliant.

Chunk a deuce
Function: verb
Etymology: Most rap/hip-hop videos
Date: 1980s
Definition: To throw a sideways peace sign; to extricate oneself from the situation at hand. Recently discovered it can also mean this. Not the intended meaning.

Cray cray
Function: adjective/adverb/noun
Etymology: Derived from a rare moment of genius on the part of ex-boyfriend
Date: 2008
Definition: Crazy.

CTFD
Function: verb, transitive
Etymology: Senior year of college, working at the newspaper
Date: 2007
Definition: Calm the fuck down.

CTFO
Function: verb, transitive
Etymology: Spin-off of CTFD
Date: 2007
Definition: Chill the fuck out.

Def
Function: affirmation
Etymology: Hautey Toddy-based abbrevs
Date: 2007
Definition: Definitely.

Eff
Function: verb/adjective/adverb
Etymology: Recently developed out of aversion to pronouncing an entire word, ugh
Date: 2009
Definition: Fuck.

FBPP
Function: noun
Etymology: Senior year of college, when Facebook was like the shit
Date: 2007
Definition: Facebook profile pic.

Fo re re
Function: ?????
Etymology: Senior year of college, expressed in a moment of exasperation/genius
Date: 2007
Definition: For real.

FTW
Function: verb(ish)
Etymology: Derived from tatted up ex-boyfriend expressing aggro tendencies/penchant for dark-sided hipsterisms
Date: 2009
Definition: Fuck the world.

Fugly
Function: adjective
Etymology: Unknown, but possibly the original contraction that started them all
Date: A moment of true brilliance
Definition: Pretty much self-explanatory, but: fucking ugly.

GTFOI
Function: verb, transitive
Etymology: Spawn of CTFD and STFU
Date: 2007
Definition: Get the fuck over it.

Hates it
Function: complete sentence
Etymology: The gays
Date: 2000s
Definition: I hate that.

HLLWN08
Function: noun
Etymology: Originated in a Facebook album dedicated to Halloween 2008
Date: October 2008
Definition: Beyoncé.

HLLWN09
Function: noun
Etymology: See above. Variation on a theme.
Date: TBD
Definition: Lady GaGa.

LBO
Function: verb(ish)
Etymology: Derived during a car ride to Jackson, Mississippi that preceded a weekend of epic dancing in skanky gay clubs
Date: September 2007
Definition: "Let's be honest." The most infamous of abbrevs.

LDR
Function: noun
Etymology: The story of my life
Date: 2008
Definition: Long distance relationship.

Lolz
Function: verb/adjective/adverb/noun
Etymology: May the lolz be with you (and also with you)
Date: The beginning of the universe
Definition: Lolz.

Lolx
Function: verb/adjective/adverb/noun
Etymology: Can I get some lolx cream cheese on my bagel?
Date: October 2008
Definition: Lolz to the max.

Loves it
Function: complete sentence
Etymology: The gays
Date: 2000s
Definition: I love that.

Mayhaps
Function: shrug
Etymology: Derived from "maybe" and "perhaps"
Date: 2008
Definition: Maybe, perhaps; expresses a genuine commitment to being noncommittal.

Natch
Function: adverb, ish
Etymology: Laziness
Date: 2009
Definition: Naturally.

Nom
Function: verb, adjective, nom
Etymology: LOLcats?
Date: 2008
Definition: Mmmmmmdeliciousfood.

Obvs
Function: adverb?
Etymology: Hautey Toddy abbrevs
Date: 2007
Definition: Obviously.

OOC
Function: adjective/adverb
Etymology: One of a long string of abbrevs developed via the creation of Hautey Toddy
Date: 2007
Definition: Out of control. Also, see this.

OMFG
Function: exclamation???
Etymology: Some other 15-year-old girl on her cell phone
Date: 2007
Definition: Oh my fucking god.

O rly
Function: complete sentence
Etymology: LOL cats
Date: 2007
Definition: Oh, really?

Probs
Function: complete sentence
Etymology: Yet another teenage girl, this time on IM
Date: 2007
Definition: Probably.

Ridonk
Function: adjective
Etymology: Senior year of college, describing pretty much everyone in the Grove on game day
Date: 2007
Definition: Über ridiculous.

SATC
Function: noun
Etymology: Internet message boards' inherent laziness
Date: 2000s
Definition: Sex and the City.

Shitiot
Function: noun
Etymology: A moment of divine inspiration/frustration
Date: 2009
Definition: A fucktard idiot.

Sitch
Function: noun
Etymology: Favorite abbrev of college roomie/BFF
Date: 2007
Definition: Situation.

Sombish
Function: noun, indefinite
Etymology: Gchat, as per yooj
Date: 2009
Definition: Some bitch.

Srsly
Function: complete sentence
Etymology: LOL cats, again
Date: 2007
Definition: Seriously. Often followed by a ???

STFU
Function: verb, transitive
Etymology: Senior year of college, working at the newspaper
Date: 2007
Definition: Shut the fuck up.

TWSS
Function: full sentence
Etymology: The Office
Date: 2005
Definition: That's what she said.

Vom
Function: verb
Etymology: Hautey Toddy
Date: 2007
Definition: Vomit.

WTF
Function: complete sentence
Etymology: The word of god
Date: 0
Definition: What the fuck?

Yooj
Function: noun
Etymology: Quirky abbrev developed by college roomie/BFF
Date: 2007
Definition: Usual.

Blogumental!

I wanted to write a quick post to take note of a couple important things that happened in the life of my blog yesterday.

1. I had 94 page loads, which is the most I've ever had in a single day. This is a big deal to me. It's almost 100. Come on y'all! We can break 100. Yes, we can.
2. I had my first anonymous, snarky commenter! I've been meaning to let everyone know that I enabled anonymous commenting, because why not? Don't be afraid. If you have something bitchy or snarky or even witty to say, you can do it from the comfort of your couch at one in the morning, whilst sitting in your underwear eating cheesy poofs and possibly mourning your very existence - and no one will even know it was you. Win-win, really.
3. I disovered via my counter that said anonymous commenter found me on TweetStalk.com, which is freaky. I didn't even know this site existed. Skeeved.

Anyway, happy blog day! Thanks for reading.

Shit out

One of the best things about blogging is the community it creates. I really love writing, but I also love reading new blogs and commenting. I have a list of my favorite blogs over there, to your right and down a bit (that's what she said), but I wanted to plug one of my favorite recurring features on my friend Z's blog: Snippets from IM.

It might be something that is only funny to me and him and the rest of the people he chats with, but I happen to think some of it is pretty hilarious, objectively. Basically he posts particularly memorable/ridic/funny gChat convos he's had. I forgot that we live chatted one of the prez debates between Obama and McCain, back in October. Haaaa.

I'm in there a lot. Try not to be too shocked.

Until next time.

If you can't beat 'em

I've had a change of heart over the past couple of weeks. At the beginning of last week, I was desperate, depressed, and pretty much ready to hang my hat on this whole "moving to New York and getting a job" thing. I really thought there must be something wrong with me, or with the way I'm doing things up here, that's preventing me from getting a job. Then I had din with Z last week and he said something that kind of changed my brain around. He said, "We're in a recession. This time doesn't count. You have to put your dreams on pause."

I hadn't thought about it that way at all, but it's pretty much true. I can't really land my dream job if no one is hiring. It's gotten to the point now where literally every single entry-level journalism position I see on Mediabistro or Ed2010 is freelance, part-time only, or, yes, UNPAID. So I decided that the only thing I can do to battle the monster of a shitty economy is to no longer try to battle it. I'm just going to ride it out. My parents said they would support me for six months. I've been up here nearly two months now, and I've had seven interviews, none of which were for a full-time, salaried position (except for the phone interview I did in December before I got up here), and one of which resulted in an internship. I think I'm not doing too bad.

I say all this because I interviewed at a blogging site today to be an unpaid intern there. I would basically get to blog as much as I wanted about whatever I wanted, and I would get to come into the office for meetings, workshops, etc., I think it would be a great way to get experience, especially since I'm starting to think this whole blog/Web thing is where I want to focus my career, and if no one is going to hire me full-time for another few months (perish the thought), I may as well do something in the meantime.

In other news, I have a cold, and a while ago I took a nap and woke up with half of my nose completely stopped up. BOO.

Until next time.