VICTORY FOR BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: No
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: no
  
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: it shud hav been a 10 but Daddy sed it wassent reelly a nose hug. Pah! It waz TOO a nose hug. It mayde him jump, as well. /10
• Overall Score: 7.5/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!!!

Do yu remember my campayne agenst Charmin Toylet Payper????

Baysikly, I objektid to the way they embost pikchers ov Bears onto the tishoo, wich peepol then wiped thare bottoms wiv! This was terribly demeenin to my speesheez! How wud yu like it if peepol wiped thare bottoms on pikchers ov yor famly??

-I emayled the peepol that mayde it, rote to them , sent them a new deesine, got it menshund on BBC5 raydio, an eevn got a petishun at Downin Street abowt it!!!

Well, GESS WAT????

From this munth, the yuropean vershun ov Charmin is chaynging- it is now calld Cushelle, and........

IT HAS NO BEARS ON IT!!!!!!!!

HOOORAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

eevn better.....
IT HAS KOALAS ON IT!!!!!! -LOOK!!!!!

HEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHE!!! Now, we all kno, koalas ar not-a-bears. They ar just silly beak-nosed tree-huggers. Hahaha. Oh boy, I think this mite moov from bein a band produkt in my howsehold to beein a compulsory perchess! Wa-hey!

Blooberry, me, an Yeti-Bear, sellybraytin erlier today arfter our diskovery. Viktory is a dish werf waytin for. In fakt, it's like gettin owt yor choklit biskit, an not nibbling it till the keetol has boyled an Mummy haz mayde tea. Yu hav to wayte for it, but yu can dunk it, an that way it's eevn better.

Oh boy! I startid my campayne neerly 4 yeers ago! -It just goze to sho, if yu beleev in sumthing, never giv up! WA-HEYY!!!!!

Curiosser an curiosser...

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no, an Mummy sneekt off to the CO-OP insted. I refewsd to go. I don't care if they DO do exslent choccie biccies or eevn if their big boxis ov speshol Crismoss choccie biccies ar on speshol. 2 big boxis fer £4. Pah! Well they carnt be that good can they?
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Day Score: 7.93692/10
• Advent calendar pikcher: girl in a sheet goin for a walk

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well! The mistry deepens.

Those ov yu hoo hav been reedin comments from days parst will hav spottid that a koala (not-a-bear) haz infiltraytid the blog!

I speek ov corse ov "anonymous" hoo left a messidge on my post the other day, the wun abowt the Windosill Bear Familee's growin lak ov respekt. I cud tell it waz a koala (not-a-bear). Hav a reed ov it! Yu can jus smell the beak-nosed-tree-hugger-issity waftin throo the werds. Ha! It waz a wile befor I susst owt the orther's speesheez. But it dornd on me layter that nite that ownly a koala (not-a-bear) cud be that darft or that narsty. Heer's wat the yung ninkompoop rote:

Here did you learn english? Ever heard of spell check? What is this British Ebonics? Learn how to spell you idiot!

A crood, rood, an koala-like messidge, I'm shor yu'll agree!

Heer's wat I rote bak!

Anonymous,"Here did you learn english?" Yor sentence duzz not mayke sense, sir! AND! As I say at the top ov my blog, I RITE MY BLOG IN BEAR ENGLISH!!!! An I spell English wiv a capital "E", too, unlike yu! So don't go callin ME the idiot! At leest we Bears hav a sense ov hewmer yu silly incognito pooey Not-A-Bear! Don't come rownd heer spreddin yor silly forrin synicysm!

HA! Phwar! Tayke that!

I do hope that this messidge's tymin is meerly coinsidental. I do hope that the Windowsill Bears arnt recrewtin Koalas (not-a-bears) in their corze. No. I carnt beleev it. No way. No. I jus don't think they wud do that: they ar compleetly trustwerthy.

Still, I've put seekrit camras rownd the howse all the sayme. Weel discuver tomorro wat they've been up to!

Bye fer now!

Quiz Answers

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes, slowly: Mum stubbed her heel. I mean, how do you stub your heel? A toe, yes. Even maybe an elbow. But a heel? She was doing this weird funky-gibbon walk all day. It was embarrassing.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10 Grayum caught me back as I was coming in from the loo
• Day Score: 7.85486/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Horray! I have a new subscriber, Carol from Shrink-Wrapped-Scream. Her last name used to be Beattie so she wonders if we might be related. Could well be, Carol. How furry are yor toes?

Enywun can subscribe by filling in the form on the left of this page, by the way. Yu get all my new posts, plus any with new comments. And don't worry, the emails include my picture so yu won't miss out.

SO! How did yu all do in my Quiz? Margaret, wat a wonderful woman yu are; Matt, stay behind arfter class. Here are the arnswers:

(1) see if he has KNEES

(2) see if he has one ear forward and one ear back

(3) Federation of International Furry Agents (it's ok that none of yu seem to hav got this- it's to do wiv spying, arfter all)

(4) Dilly. If yu got her full nayme, Dilly St George, help yorself to a choklit peanut

(5) Gillingham

(6) Absolutely

(7) NOT

(8) evil, inherently so

(9) a big toothless fat cat that lives at Granny's

(10) Lisa, of course. Have 1/10th of a mark if yu put Santa's Littol Helper

For mor on these fassinayting topics, and Dilly, follow the tags at the foot of this post! Bye fer now!

Koalas eat poo! IT'S TRUE!!!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: Lost 5-nil
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: still a bit too snotty for this/10
• Day Score: shut up! /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Gillingham played Carlisle (full name Carlisle Cheating Scum Utd), who obviously bribed the ref cos they got 5 goals an had wun of our players sent off. We were so stunned we fergot to score, so we should hav been given a re-match, if there was eny justis in the werld.... It dident help that Mummy dident wear her new Gillingham Pants. So it was probly all her fault really.

ENYWAY..... The day was saved by my finding out yet another fasinating reason why koalas are not-a-bears. Namely, THEY EAT POO. And real Bears wuddent do enything as gusting as that. (Now look, yu wuddent like it if sumwun said that a member ov YOR family ate poo, wud yu? I carnt stress it enuff times: if yu don't want to offend yor Bear, DON'T call koalas "Bears".)

IT'S TRUE! I found out while watching a programme called QI an it's chaired by Mr Stephen Fry and he duzzent do lies. In fact, he wrote a whole book about Bears in Peru. An I've been to Peru, an any friend of a Peruvian Bear is sumwun to be trusted. Here's his book, by the way:

An here is a link to the ferst ten minites ov the QI episode featuring the disgusting Koala not-a-bear and his curious poo habits. Enjoy!

Bye fer now!

More Imposters!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 8/10
• Advent Calender Pikcher: another girl, this time with a tea-towel on her head.

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, I take it we all know about koala not-a-bears now. Or, if yor new around here (where've yu been???!) click here to read about my campaign against the impostering koala. Now the time has come to introduce another imposter, THE RED PANDA.

We came across a few ov these reprobates when we visited Colchester Zoo earlier this year. Everyone was saying how cute they were, and littol gerls, espeshally, kept going "Ahhhhhhh" and other such silliness. I've nothing agenst them, myself, yu understand, I'm shor there's a lot to be sed fer being dressed up like a cross between Batman an Little Red Riding Hood. But there is no need, I mean NO NEED to call yorself a Bear whilst doing it.

Look at this:

fig 1. "Panda": clearly a Bear

Now look at this:

fig 2. "Red Panda". FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!! IT'S A BLUDDY RACCOON!!!!!

Is there a new Darwinian rule I don't know about? Wun that goes sumthing like, "If it looks like it's about to rob a bank, call it a Bear"??? STROOFFF! Why carn't they call it a Red Raccoon? It's not right, and an an it's NOT CLEVER!

Stop it!

KOALAS

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Today I need to tell yu about the most faymuss bear imposter of all- the KOALA. I could hav sed "bear impersonater" but be honest- wot part of this yung wipper-snapper looks like a bear? Ther koala not-a-bear is a MAR-SOUP-E-ALL an like all mar-soup-e-alls he is very probably a shop-lifter. This is wy they hav bilt in pokkets. Yu thort dis was to carry their babies? Well yes, but that is how they do the shop-lifting. Hoo hassent seen a baby in the trolley in front ov dem in the kew at the supermarket grab sumthing off the shelf as dey go throo? Aha! See? It is the same for mar-soup-e-als.

I hav eevn herd sum peepol call them "Koala Bears". NO! No no no! They're not! They are Koala-not-a-bears. They are sneeky littol things wiv beaks an an an dit is very insulting to us proper bears to call them bears.

This brings me to the International Bear Anthem, wich I menshoned the other day wen I tolkt about Bear Sports. This is how it goes:

GROWL says der polar bear
GROWL says der brown
GROWL says der grizzly bear
all with a frown
[all jump up an showt der next bit]
KOALAS ARE NOT-A-BEARS!

It has been a bit contravershol in resent yeers. Spectacled bears, pandas an black bears all sed they felt un-represented. It was put foreward that they cud go in a second verse but they dident go fer this, as no-one ever sings second verses. So in the end we added the bit about koalas so now we bears can all be united- in our annoyance at theez silly littol
bear-wannabees.

I hope yu will never agen call koalas "bears" or at leest, if yu must persist in yor error, keep it out of yor bear's earshot. The larst thing yu want is a bear-wiv-a-sor-hed.

Bye fer now!