Straight out of the '90's

Looking back the 1990's weren't all bad. There was a lot of crappy films and television sucked for the most part. But there was some good stuff that came out of the '90's. One of was pre-Tom Katie Holmes. From 1997-2000 I'd have done almost anything for a date with her. For me she was at her most delectable in Disturbing Behavior. Not having seen it since, well it came out I decided to give the DVD a watch with a second helping of Katie in Teaching Mrs. Tingle. Another film I haven't watched since back in 2000. Save for some dated music and slang both held up well. Both also suffered from heavy studio tampering which most likely hindered them from being more popular then they were.

Weekend horrors, '80s style

This weekend I decided to take a trip back to that era of big bad hair. Ridiculous clothes and synthesizer music. That what life is all about. It gives me a warm feeling deep in my heart. Maybe that was just the booze...I'm not really sure.

"Run, or Daddy will eat you."

I kicked it off with a trip to The Forest. A little 80's trash gem. I really dug this film. What does that say about me I shudder to think. There's a trucker hat wearing cannibal in the woods eating people and being haunted by the ghosts of his murdered family. Two early 80's yuppie couples decide to go camping were old Mr. Cannibal hangs out. Hilarity ensues. Well after a good thirty some minutes do we get to the camping part. But you know what? I like the whole damn thing! I wasn't bored in the least by the whole let's go camping/on route to go camping first half-hour or so. Just the ridiculous mustache on Steve alone was enough to keep me glued to the screen. Then there's the scene were one of our campers is unknowingly severed the remains of his dead wife. "Hmm, not bad. Uhhh, I have a chill." And there's that sweet theme song:

"There's nothing to fear,

People do disappear,

In the darkside of the forest...forest...forest

Now don't get lost,

Or you'll have to pay the cost,

As many have died,

In the darkside of the forest...."

"Peter, that may have been a fatal mistake, jumping of a log. There may have been a snake under there!"

I followed it up the only way possible, with Don't Go in the Woods... Alone! I admit it. I love Don't Go in the Woods. I, like many that have seen it, was utterly beyond words the first time I saw the film. Things just sort of happen. Most of the murders occur in broad daylight. Characters show up just to die horribly and we get strange comic relief bits. Mere words could never, ever, hope to do seeing this film for the first time justice. Some say it's a comedy, a parody. I think that's not true. I think they were serious. Saying it's one of those films that are It's so bad it's good, just doesn't work for this film either. It's beyond that. Don't Go in the Woods is something else entirely. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are a quivering mess of a person.

The insane score of Don't Go in the Woods is one of it's best features. It too has it's very own theme song:

"Don't go into the woods tonight, you probably will be thrilled.

Don't go into the woods tonight, you probably will be killed.

There's a friendly beast that lurks about,

And likes to feast, you won't get out,

Without being killed and chopped up in little pieces."

"I'm tired of this bullshit. People running around here with snakes, roaches, rats. Killing off one another."

More bad facial hair! I haven't seen Mountaintop Motel Massacre since Theater Bizarre back in the 80's. It manges to create some decent atmosphere as it trucks along. There's a bit of the red stuff. Some fairly interesting shots and amateur acting are thrown in for good measure. A crazy Grandma running roughshod over a bunch of groovy 80's leads. A smarmy Paul McCartney looking dude. Two country singing starlets he's trying to bed. A crusty old carpenter. A boozing preacher. And some horny newlyweds. All together not a bad little regional slasher film.

"Sometimes I wonder about the karmic implications of these actions."

How to cap the whole shebang off? By staying at Motel Hell, that's how. I still remember seeing that Fango cover in a store as kid. The one with Rory Calhoun holding the chainsaw and wearing a pighead. I've always had a soft spot for this one. There's a wonderful streak of black humor here that works in Motel Hell's benefit. A great example of 80's horror. You even get to see John "Cliff Clavin" Ratzenberger from the Cheers as a member of a punk band called Ivan and The Terribles.

Some random weekend viewings

Another weekend come and gone. What did I do? What I do almost every weekend. Watch movies. And now just for fun, here's what was viewed.

"My Grandad used to tell me when I was a lad that the dead like to be left alone. They're not very hospitable."

Friday night brought Lucio Fulci's The Black Cat (1981). First time I'd ever seen it. I've read that both Fulci and star David Warbeck were none to fond of this film. Supposedly Fulci made it as a favor to the producer. By no means terrible, it is somewhat lacking in gore and Fulci's usual visual flair. Though the foggy streets and cemetery looked beautiful. This is a more restrained piece compared to say The Beyond or City of the Living Dead. There was none of his infamous eyeball ripping. But there was sure as hell an over abundance of eye close-ups. The film was lacking in Catriona MacColl, who would have been a better female lead then Mimsy Farmer and had better chemistry with Warbeck. Farmer is okay, but she never seems to click with the material. But there's a few things this cat does right. The prowling cat opening credits sequence by Sergio Salvati is a visual treat. Pino Donaggio's score is another plus. Fulci victim du jour Daniela Doria shows up and does what she does best, gets killed. Not bad. If you don't go in expecting The Beyond you shouldn't be disappointed.

"Way to ruin Christmas. Asshole."

Saturday, I decided to wade through some of the newer junk I had laying around, that meant it was time for P2 (2007). A film I've been putting off for sometime. Boy did this sucker drag on for the first half of the film. Wes Bentley's psycho irritated me for the most of the film. Angela (Rachel Nichols) came across as too cold at the beginning of the film. But once she was on the run and fighting back, her character became more sympathetic. There was a couple surprisingly graphic gore effects. Effective, but nothing special.

"Just because you're Tom's new bunk buddy doesn't mean you have to be his bitch."

Cry_Wolf (2005). Another flick I'd been none to eager to watch for sometime. I'd read that it was like April Fool's Day with...Jon Bon Jovi! Anyway, for some strange reason I decided to give it a try. More entertaining then I was expecting. Completely bloodless, even though the DVD is unrated! It tries for a more clever, suspenseful approach to the story, which it succeeds at for the most part. But I could have gone for more of The Wolf and a more straight up slasher story. Kudos for trying something a little different though.

"For future reference, Kimmy, next time we're being stalked by a serial killer do not go in the basement."

Sunday and some skiing on the slopes. Well in the movie anyway. Shredder (2003) a horror comedy...groan. Wait! Color me shocked. Shredder was a heck of a lot of fun for the most part. Sort of Hot Dog... The Movie (1984) meets Iced (1988). For a post-Scream slasher flick it's not all that bad. And surprisingly I'm not the only one who digs it, check out the review at Hysteria Lives.

"You're not taking this very seriously."
"On the contrary, I take this a lot more seriously than someone who thinks a drug-addled pop star reject is just the guy to follow down the fucking elevator shaft."

Germany's answer to Saw. Steel Trap (2007) is definitely trying to cash in on Jigsaw's bloody franchise. But instead of old Jig we get a killer in a silver mask and Micheal Myers coveralls. The characters if you can call them that, well...This quote from IMDB sums them up nicely. "So unlikeable, its hard to even root for them to die..." The "twist" ending will make you want to hit your TV. If it wasn't for the terrible dubbing job and all that entails it would be a total waste.


Well there you have it. A mixed bag of weekend horrors.