Sepanjang hidup i, i tak pernah makan/minum jamu. Bukan apa...bila sebut jamu ni, dok terbayang pahit dan tak sedap. Ye la kan... ubat2 mesti selalunya pahit & x sedap. Rasa macam loya tekak la kalo nak telan... Until..... Kawan i promote kat I Ell Jus Herba. Skang ni pagi2 mmg minum jus herba ni... Memula tu macam... err... nak try ke? Kang x lalu, membazir ja... My friend kata, jus ni elok untuk kesihatan dalaman org perempuan. Elok untuk buang angin2 dalam badan, dan stabilkan hormon (A few months ago period i haywire...) And since dia buat dari bahan2 asli, tak de campuran bahan kimia semua, apa salahnya kalau i cuba kan... so i try la... My verdict; First time minum; hmmm.... not bad. Tak la pahit, and ok ja i minum. (Since i tgh diet, I amik yg stevia. Tapi kawan i kata yg ada gula melaka lagi sedap. Lepas ni bleh try beli yg gula melaka pulop). Tak sampai 5 minit i minum, i terus pening and loya sebab angin i naik kepala. Lepas i sedawa keluar angin, fuh......

Kawan TTC i forward this message @ my wassap last week. A letter written by a lady who failed her IVF. Lepas baca, i terus rasa... yes... that was the same feeling that i felt after my IVFs failure, Despite the grief and sadness of failed IVF, there was a sense of gratefulness for having to experience being 'preggy' even though for only 11 days. Here goes the letter .... To our little embryos, the ones that failed to implant after our IVF transfer: I wish I knew why things work out the way they do, but I don’t. I don’t know why you didn’t stick around (literally) the way I hoped and prayed you would. I don’t know why our IVF transfer failed, why you didn’t grow into the beautiful little babies I imagined you could have been. I don’t know why I’ll never get to hear your hearts beat, feel your tiny feet kick, or swell with your growing life inside of me. I don’t know why you weren’t meant to become my children. I don’t know why the children I already have won’t get to call y...

Minggu ni BZ sket... x dan nak update blog... secara ringkas, ubat yg kena telan... (ignore my chubby hand pls ;-P ) Batuk dah makin kurang. minggu ni abiskan antibiotik. Alhamdulillah... harap2 x dop la jerebu lagik... biar baik terus batuk ni... Keje; lagi 2 minggu nak audit. Banyak sgt keje. stress i. bila stress, makan je la kejenye... huhuhu... nak senam blum buleh lagik...nak tunggu batuk betul2 reda...(alasan!). Tambah lagi tengah budget cycle, nov nak board meeting pulop.. banyak action item nak kena buat... adeh.... stress.... Nxt week, adik ipar nk bertunang, Seperti biasa i la tukang gubahnya... tengah dok carik idea... owh.... bz..bz.... till then... p/s: latest tally Alhamdulillah.... terima kasih pada semua yg vote... (ada gak yg x suka idea ni... mungkin dia x pernah rasa mcm yg kita rasa kot...)

Semalam dapat email dari PM (of course bukan PM yg personally tulih... but sesiapa yg register on this akan dapat email communication from PM, not only the on the budget but on other PM's activity. Honestly, i register just for the budget purpose :-P). This guy's suggestion dapat 289 vote. Sangat jauh kalau nak compate ngan vote for my suggestion... hey! but this is great! much more than tahun2 lepas :-) I'm still happy for this vote. TQ all yg dah vote. But how i wish kalau lagi ramai yg vote... I can't do this alone... pls help me and share this suggestion with your family and friend ya :-) Kalau u share my entry pon bleh... copy ja... :-) Those yg ada fb, bleh share via fb... moh kita warwar kan supaya dapat lagi banyak vote... :-) On another note.... Before you boleh vote, you have to register. How to register? 1. go to  https://najibrazak.com/bajet2016/ 2. Click at Submit your idea to log on/register 3. The following pop up akan kelua...

Often people assume yang TTCian ni banyak duit. Ye la... mana ada kos diapers, kos hantar nursery, kos susu anak. But in reality, TTCian juga menghadapi money constrain. Infertility treatment bukan lah murah. IVF/ICSI, boleh capai sampai RM 20K di private hospital. Tambahan pula kadaran tukaran wang malaysia yg menurun, ubat2 yg digunakan dalam treatment pastinya naik harga. Mesti ada yg tanya... kenapa tak pi government hospital je? Well, for so many reason there are... Some of us want to choose our own doctor. Doctor yg kami selesa. Kalau pi government, belum tentu kami boleh pilih pakar perempuan. Terima saja la siapa pakar yg bertugas ketika itu.  And also faktor masa. Some of us dah berumur. Ada antara kawan2 i yang have to wait berbulan bulan untuk dapatkan appointment treatment.  Berdikit-dikit, we make some saving for our treatment. And we still pay the same tax to government. Dah la child relief memang tak leh claim... While in reality, we spent our inc...

If i have free time, i suka blogwalking. Suka baca cerita TTCian lain, and also suka baca catatan harian org lain. Tambah pengalaman, berkongsi rasa. But, a few times masa I blog walking I terbaca beberapa komen dari some of the readers yang i rasa susah nak terima. Komen pada TTCian yg buat kind of 'sad' entry about TTC. OK, for the benefit of non TTCian, TTC is Trying To Conceive ya :-) Lets start with the difference between sympathy and empathy: Both  empathy  and  sympathy  are feelings concerning other people.  Sympathy  is literally 'feeling with' - compassion for or commiseration with another person. Empathy , by contrast, is literally 'feeling into' - the ability to project one's personality into another person and more fully understand that person.  Sympathy  derives from Latin and Greek words meaning 'having a fellow feeling'. The term  empathy  originated in psychology (translation of a German term, c. 1903) and has now ...

Often, life turnout not as we expected. I rasa semua orang mesti ada 'life story line' yang digarap sejak kecil. Paling koman pun, mesti ada cita-cita. Nak jadi doktor, nak jadi engineer, nak jadi cikgu etc. Tak kurang nak jadi perdana menteri, nak jadi angkasawan, nak jadi orang kaya pun ada :-) Seiring dengan usia, jalan cerita hidup kita berkembang dan ditambah baik mengikut laluan yg dipilih. What did i imagine my life would be when i was a kid? Masa sekolah rendah, my storyline was dah besar nanti i nak jadi doktor. Why doktor? Honestly, saving lives was not in mind when i choose that ambition. I suka tengok gaya2 doktor dalam TV. Nampak bijak, and proses pembedahan yang ditunjukkan dlm TV nampak sangat adventurous. Huhuhuhu... ini la pemikiran i masa kanak2 dulu. Up until i was in form 3, lakaran kehidupan i, masih lagi mengimpikan untuk menjadi seorang doktor. Pakar Orthopedic kali ni :-P again, i like something yang adventurous. And Orthopedic sounds fun. Don...

Yup...first time buat MRI.  eh? apasal tetiba kena buat MRI ni?? Begini ceritanya... Smalam, i ada appointment doc. Patutnya hari ni, tapi sebab ramai sgt patient hari ni, so my appointment was brought forward ke hari smalam. Luckily i don't have any urgent meeting, so i pi la jumpa doc. Yesterday was my D5. Yes, apparently, masa last check-up i dah ovulated. And on the dot, AF datang seperti yang dijadualkan...alhamdulillah... Bila scan, this time around dah tak nampak dah cyst 2 bijik tu...so most probably that was my eggs... But... this time around, doc nampak mcm ada bleeding inside my tube. Doc suspect endo tumbuh balik... as u know, endometriosis ni, selagi kita masih period, selagi tu la dia ada. Dia tak de, bila kita dah menopause nanti. And endo ni akan bleeding, sama mcm period cycle kita. Doc kata, the most probable cause to the bleeding in my tube tu may be endo ni la. And since i pakai insurance for the visit, doc ask me to do MRI untuk confirmkan be...

Jumpa doc hari ni. Follow up biasa... tapi jadi luar biasa... Masa TVS, doc kata uterus lining nipis lagi... baru 6mm. And... doc nampak ada 2 telur yg besar2 di ovary kanan. hah...bulan ni ada dua telur! kalo my tubes x rosak, ada chance nak dapat twin... hehehe... terkejut gak i, sbb mmg x de amik apa2 ubt pon... doc siap tanya ada history twin ke dalam family... Cuma risau sket, sebab by this time sepatutnya i dah ovulate (my cycle is quite prompt now). And if i dah ovulated, telur yg nampak tadi is actually follicular cycst. Tapi x besar mana pon... 3 cm je... hehehe... But, if i x ovulate lagi, meaning cycle i bulan ni akan jadi panjang...lambat la period... if this happened, harapnya x langgar tarikh i plan nak buat laps tu... coz ari tu dah postpond tarikh yg i plan sebab period i x abis lagi, so x leh buat laps. Discuss ngan doc tarikh nak operate semua... But not confirm yet. Next month jumpa skali lagi to set the confirm date. Doakan plan i will be smooth ya :-) p...

Smalam pi check up. And Doc confirm that i have Vitamin D deficiency. Sangat2 kurang... I think those yg treatment under dr A, mesti tau yang doc A memang check vit D level patient dia. Sebab there are researches yg mengaitkan infertility with vitamin D deficiencies. You may refer to this article and this article on Vitamin D and infertility. Vitamin D ni juga dikenali sebagai 'Sunshine' vitamin... Sebab source nak dapat vitamin D ni, bleh dapat dari sinaran matahari... Mungkin jugak la sebab suasana kerja zaman sekarang; kluar umah sebelum matahari naik, pi lunch dalam bagunan je, and balik matahari dah terbenam... menyebabkan exposure pada matahari tu kurang...(hence vampire la kan... x kena sinaran matahari... heheehe). Selain dari sebab kekurangan exposure to sunlight, those yg BMInya tinggi pun mungkin boleh menyebabkan kekurangan vitamin D. And also, semakin meningkat usia, makin kurang lah daya penyerapan vitamin D. nampak tu... deficiency dah i ni... So, d...

Dah 2015... Kejap je masa berlalu... Alhamdulillah...masih dipanjangkan umur melangkah ke tahun 2015. What happend in 2014? I believe tahun 2014 adalah tahun kerjaya. Banyak masa, tenaga dan fikiran dicurahkan untuk kerja i. TTC? Bagi i, tahun 2014 adalah tahun rehat. I met doc last year in Sept 2014, to check keadaan kesihatan i utk proceed with IVF. When i found out i have a decision to make, IVF or another laps, i took my own sweet time to think about it. Istikharah and solat hajat, smg Allah lorongkan ke jalan yg terbaik. Last week, jumpa doc semula, Punya lama x jumpa, sampai x tau doc dah tukar nurse. hehehhe... This time, memang hati dah berat hati ke arah keputusan untuk buat laps sekali lagi. But again, timing tak mengizinkan...keadaan sekarang tak sesuai... X pe... I believe Allah dah aturkan yang terbaik untuk i. Memang betul pun... dgn auidted account x abis lagi, system baru x up lagi... memang Allah tahu, ini yang terbaik...Allah x mau i tinggalkan anak buah i ter...

I rasa, salah satu perkara yang kadang2 berlegar di pemikiran i, ialah sama ada nak come clean with those around us that we are embarking on another IVF journey. Have u ever contemplate the same? Sama ada nak bagitau kat org lain tak yg u all tengah dalam treatment? Ada pro and cons.... Pronya, those yg diberitahu boleh lebih memahami apa yg kita lalui. Maklum lah...bila buat IVF ni banyak nak kena lalui dari segi mental dan fizikal. Kadang tu rasa penat, sampai nak marah2... So bila orang keliling tahu yg kita tengah treatment, mungkin mereka akan lebih memahami. Tu belum kira tang nak kena ambik cuti. Kalau tetiba hilang 3 minggu, sapa yg x tertanya-tanya mana pi kita ni? Sakit apa sampai 3 minggu cuti? Nak tak nak, kena la bagitau boss juga kan... supaya boss dan kawan2 opis memahami, dan sanggup bantu cover keje kita dalam tempoh kita cuti tu... And bila kita bagitau to family member, bleh la mereka doakan keselamatan dan keberkatan treatment tu... ye dak? Especially nya doa ib...

Yes... it's been a hectic week for the past weeks. BZ dengan tax submission, and on top of that ada issue pulak tu. And the issue was found out 2 days before nak submit tax. Tak ke macam org gila i kejar shareholders rep asking their opinion and guidance on the way forward. end up, kena tax penalty sebab decision lambat. (Sigh.... kesilapan dibuat tahun lepas, bukan zaman i. This is not the only occassion... banyak clean up i kena buat because my predecessor ni tak tengok detail keje anak2 buah....penat ...hopefully lepas ni dah tak de issue with statutory compliance...letih nak handle...). the next week nya, BZ ngan my lil bro's wedding. Minggu lepas, akad nikah dan bersanding belah perempuan. Alhamdulillah, majlis berjalan lancar... And seperti biasa, i la tukang buat hatarannya... meh i belanja gambar :-) The final product - without barang hantarannya... pandangan sisi... Hantaran, 9 dulang. yang depan skali belah kanan dulang utk duit hantaran, mas kahwin ...

Prihatin: mengambil berat, perhatian terhadap sesuatu perkara (Kamus Dewan Edisi ke-4) Bagus masyarakat Malaysia ni. Semua org prihatin kepada org lain. Tengok je kutipan amal dan derma, juga sikap saling bantu membantu antara satu sama lain.  Cumanya, bila sampai prihatin kat benda-benda yang tak sepatutnya di'prihatin'kan, part tu yg tak best sket... Bila dah jadi cam ni namanya 'jaga tepi kain orang'. Jaga tepi kain orang : mengambil tahu urusan orang lain (Peribahasa Melayu) We need to know the boundaries, supaya prihatin kita tak tukar jadi 'jaga tepi kain orang'. Kalau tuan punya badan tak kisah pun dengan keadaan nya, kenapa la kita nak sibuk2 tanya dan risau on behalf of dia. Unless, benda tu is something yg memudaratkan, like nak suruh org berenti buat benda tak elok. Ha...yang tu memang elok kita prihatin. Or prihatin kat org yang sakit... yg tu pun baik. TAPI.... tak de anak, is not something yang tak elok and not even a penyakit. M...

Hello readers... Baru je lepas blogwalking... Rata2nya most bloggers citer tentatng wrap up year 2013 and azam baru. Same here... I'll tell u about my azam in 2013, what happend to them and plan for 2014. Earlier in Jan 2013, there were 3 azam yang i nak capai this year... I nak reduce my weight, I nak habiskan my study and nak teruskan usaha TTC for a baby in 2013. Out of this 3, 2 is in progress and one memang x usik langsung... Yang mana tak usik langsung? Bab nak abis belajaq tu... huhuhuhu.... tak tau la... dah makin tua ni makin malas plak i nak sambung. Padahal just 1 more paper to go. But that one paper la yang paling susah (coz i x buat keje tu dah). Really... i memang berniat nak abiskn belajaq ni... But may be sebab limit to abiskan this paper is up to Jun 2017, so i took my own sweet time nak finish. Isyk... not good... OK. I'll try my hardest to finish it in 2014. InshaAllah... doakan i :-) Second Azam, on usaha TTC for a baby in 2013. I would say, this i...

Dear All, Would really appreciate your support by 'liking' my suggestion on our PM's 'Bajet 2014'. Hopefully he would consider it... Tax Deduction/Relief for fertility related treatment Pls click this link You have to scroll down the page and find the entry. Or better yet use search option by using word 'fertility'. If you have to register, please register. It just a simple step. Thanks for your support! :-)

Someone said to me: "Tabahnya u... i yang baru setahun lebih kawin ni dah sesak jiwa di acu soalan2 sebegitu. I selalu sedih and menangis bila mengenangkan keadaan i ni" Tabah? Tabah kah i? Entah. Honestly i x label myself tabah. Sebab i always have a moment when tetiba rasa sayu mencucuk hati. And sometimes i do cry bila tetiba terusik rasa di jiwa. I am human. I have emotion. And emotion is something yang unpredictable. I just cry when i feel i want to. I just wallow in sadness if i feel i want to. It didn't do me good pun if i just bottle up my feeling inside. I pour down my feelings by crying my eyes out, and sharing my thought with my hubby. And I'm lucky to have such a strong support from my hubby and family (mine n in laws). I can't ask for more. Mungkin u cakap i tabah sebab u tak nampak i nangis guling2 masa my 1st and 2nd IVF fail. And may be sebab u tak perasan muka i merah bila sorang hamba Allah yg tak sayang mulut tanya i "Ko tak subur ...

Dua keadaan yang TTCian have to brave themselves melaluinya... Hari Raya dan Hari Ibu. Why? Raya - hari berkumpulnya saudara mara, berjumpa setelah sekian lama tidak bertemu, kunjung mengunjung...makanya pasti akan ada soalan 'Bila Lagi?'...'Eh, masih berdua?'... 'Nak tunggu sampai bila?'...dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Kalau nasib baik, dapat jenis orang yang bertanya itu kerana ikhlas mengambil berat, balasan kepada apa jua jawapan yg dilontarkn oleh TTCian akan bersifat positive dan menenangkan hati. Nasib tak baik, TTCian jawab la apa pun, balasannya kepada jawapan itu menyesakkan jiwa dan menyakitkan hati. Either way, hati TTCian memang akan tetap tersentuh...cuma sedikit atau banyak bergantung kepada cara si penyoal... Mothers Day - Hari yang mengingatkan TTCian yang kami belum menjadi ibu. Masih belum layak untuk menyambutnya. FB wall dipenuhi dengan ucapan2 hari ibu. Blog2 dipenuhi dengan entry2 hari ibu. Even TV pun menyiarkan cerita mengenai hari i...

Setelah ditimbang tara, we have decided that we will postpond our 3rd IVF next year. Huhuhuhu... lambat kan? X apa la.... banyak faktor yg both of us considered until we reached such decision. Antaranya, sbb my eggs. Based on last ivf, my eggs was one of the factor contributing to the failure of last treatment. I did asked the embryologist n doc how can i improve my egg condition? They said, lifestle change. Amalkan gaya hidup sihat. And i know that egg cycle is 90 days...Pastu pose, raya, year end.... so next year is the best time. In the meantime, boleh la i meneruskan my 90 days challenge. Turunkan sikit demi sedikit berat bdn i ni, until i reach healthy BMI.  Yg atas ni, are all the injection that i took during my 2nd ivf. Actually ada lagi gonal syringe yg x masuk. Plus 2-3 syringe yg amik kt spital which were disposed by the nurse. Hopefully with the time that i have now, i boleh buat perubahan positive to my lifestyle n for my 3rd ivf, i won't need to have that ma...

Yes... you are in the correct page. Just changed rupa blog ni sebab macam boring...lama dah pakai background tu... hehehehe... Anyway, smalam jumpa doc. Discussed my option. Still thinking about it. But I don't think we can proceed with 3rd IVF soon. A lot of things to be considered. Mostly about work (boss nak release ke nk cuti lama2 ni?? Tu yang nak kena pikir banyak...). In the meantime, doc pun tak suruh start terus. She wants to study my case (apparently, I had break her success strike for IVF....hmmmm) and will see what is the adjustment that needed in my protocol. But she did hint if possible to do it before june (so that get cheaper price coz IVF discount at PHKL end in June). We'll see la after long thought and weighing pro and cons later. It's already wednesday. Tinggal few days nak bermalas-malasan di rumah, before am coming back to office next monday (sigh.....malasnye nk kije....). Till then.