Three Ways Wrong Oreo Ice Cream Milkshake

I hate Oreos. They're dry and tasteless things that have only one redeeming feature: they're not unpleasant as an ingredient in an ice cream milkshake. The Oreo is the poor American cousin of the majestic Bourbon and I began to wonder what the latter would be like in a milkshake, so I made one.

This recipe makes enough to 75% fill a pint glass or one of those fancy metal milkshake things.

It is "three ways wrong" because this Oreo ice cream milkshake does not contain Oreos, ice cream, or milk.

Stuff to Put in It:

About 300ml of soy milk.
3-4 scoops of vanilla frozen yoghurt. I recommend Lick if you can find it near you, otherwise Yoomoo is an adequate alternative.
3-4 Bourbon biscuits, broken.

How to Make It:

Chuck all the ingredients and DESTROY for around ten seconds, longer if you want it smoother.

Bosh! Done!

Grubby Tropical Pizza

Local mini-chain Grubbs Burgers is quite famous with the Brighton post-pub crowd, although in almost seven years here I'd only been once, until a friend, knowing full well my love of bananas, suggested I try their tropical burger. This is a standard burger -- vegetarian for me -- topped with peanut butter, a pineapple ring and some banana slices; even with my aforementioned love of bananas, this seemed a bit dubious, but I liked it a lot and began to wonder if it would work as a pizza topping.

It does.

I will give rough measurements here, as everyone likes a different amount of stuff on their pizza. This made one thirty centimetre-ish pizza, enough to feed two persons of medium appetite.

Stuff You Will Need:

One pizza base. I use Hugh Furry-Orchestra-Stall's magic dough as it results in a happy medium between poppadom-crispy and Domino's-spongy; I halved his measurements to get enough dough to make one base and, as you can see from the picture, a few dough balls, because dough balls are ace.
Two or three dessert spoons of peanut butter. I used the Whole Earth Crunchy variety.
Two or three dessert spoons of pineapple chunks or pieces.
One banana, sliced.
Cheese, sliced or grated. I used about half of a 125g lump of mozzarella.

How to Make It:

Preheat yon oven to 250°C if possible, or 225°C if it's weak like mine.
Follow the instructions to prepare your pizza base. I like to cook it for a couple of minutes before I add the toppings.
Spread the peanut butter over the base.
Add the pineapple pieces in as chaotic an arrangement as you can handle.
Add the banana slices, again in an arrangement that best suits your personal demons.
Top with the cheese.
Bake for ten to fifteen minutes until the base is cooked.
That's it!

Roasted Beetroot Orzotto

I was given some pearl barley by a friend who can no longer eat it so I've been experimenting with recipes. I've made a roasted squash orzotto that worked well, but I thought I'd try a similar approach with beetroot, for the sole reason that I wanted to eat something that was a bright purple.

This recipe serves two, but can be doubled -- or halved, I suppose -- with ease.

Stuff to Buy, Steal or Grow:

250g beetroot, trimmed, peeled and cut into thumb-sized wedges. I realise that thumbs are different sizes, but it's close enough.
1 onion, sliced.
1 garlic clove, chopped into itty bitty bits.
125g pearl barley.
400ml hot vegetable stock.
2-4 tbsp strong grated cheese. I used a mature cheddar.
1 tbsp thyme, fresh or dried.

With beetroot, you buy 500g, but once you've done peeling it and taking the stalks off, you end up with about 250g of useful matter, so bear that in mind.

How to Make It:

Preheat the oven to 200°C/400°F/gas mark 6.
Roast the beetroot in 1 to 2 tbsp of olive oil for about an hour or until soft.
About ten minutes before you take the roasted beetroot out of the oven, cook the onion in about 1 tbsp olive oil over a lowish mediumish heat until it's soft, then add the garlic and cook for a minute or so.
Add the pearl barley and mix well. Take about a third of the roasted beetroot and mash or blend into a rough mushy mess.
Mix the mushy and chopped beetroot in the pan with the onions, garlic and barley.
Add the stock, cover and simmer for between 15 and 30 minutes, until the stock is absorbed and the barley is soft. It is likely to be a bit chewier than risotto rice, so don't panic!
Stir in the thyme and a couple of tablespoons of the cheese, then serve.