First Larissa sells, then Stephanie sells, and now Cece Stuart has sold. Sales are becoming so contagious we might have to call the CDC (not.)
Congratulations, ladies. The scales of publishing are definitely tipping on the cool side of things this week.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
The W-List
NewYorkMetro.com has a long but interesting article on those who have (and haven't) turned blogging into big bucks. Definitely worth a read if you're interested in how much money the A-List makes (where do writers come in alphabetically on this list, I wonder? At W?)
I started PBW mainly for friends and a small circle of acquaintances, and as it grew beyond that have tried to keep it primarily a resource for writers. If I help another writer, I score one for me. As in, if I can do something positive for every rejection letter, every scam attempt, every unfair deal, every hatchet job and every act of envy or malice I've seen or experienced, then I balance the scales. Publishing's scales are seriously out of whack, so I think I'll be doing this for a while yet.
In return, most of you guys have stopped in here daily, cheered me on, taken me to task, applauded my highs, commiserated with me on my lows, shared ideas and info, and otherwise provided a constant connection with a community that has never before accepted me. The road-to-hell paving of my good intentions aside, I've benefited from your presence, your comments, your weblogs, and this connection. Someday I'll get all soppy and tell you exactly how much. Until then, thank you.
Many of you have also gone out, bought a lot of my books and made this a very popular place. This is supposed to be how it works, and I'm grateful for this, too, but I'm not exactly comfortable with it. I don't think of you as my market. I think of you as a hundred other variations on me, out there slogging away at the job and in need of that same connection. The only thing that eases my guilt is that I'm not constantly shoving my books in your face and demanding you buy and admire them and, by extension, me. I want to give back, not take. If I somehow forget my purpose and start doing unattractive things like that, please, God, boycott me.
I still have fun doing this, too; it's a pleasure every time I log in (tonight especially; I've ditched my revisions for an hour to give my brain a break.) I got to sneak over and congratulate Stephanie Tyler on her first sale, MacBride on his birthday and turning, what, twenty-two years old? as well as catch up on a little e-mail. The timer just dinged so I have to log out, but tomorrow I'll be back. The business of blogging will always be a factor whether I like it or not, but it's the pleasure, those scales, and you guys that keep me posting.
Your turn: should we writers blog for business, pleasure, to keep those connections hooked up, to pay it forward, balance out the scales, or all of the above? Tell us what you think in comments.
I started PBW mainly for friends and a small circle of acquaintances, and as it grew beyond that have tried to keep it primarily a resource for writers. If I help another writer, I score one for me. As in, if I can do something positive for every rejection letter, every scam attempt, every unfair deal, every hatchet job and every act of envy or malice I've seen or experienced, then I balance the scales. Publishing's scales are seriously out of whack, so I think I'll be doing this for a while yet.
In return, most of you guys have stopped in here daily, cheered me on, taken me to task, applauded my highs, commiserated with me on my lows, shared ideas and info, and otherwise provided a constant connection with a community that has never before accepted me. The road-to-hell paving of my good intentions aside, I've benefited from your presence, your comments, your weblogs, and this connection. Someday I'll get all soppy and tell you exactly how much. Until then, thank you.
Many of you have also gone out, bought a lot of my books and made this a very popular place. This is supposed to be how it works, and I'm grateful for this, too, but I'm not exactly comfortable with it. I don't think of you as my market. I think of you as a hundred other variations on me, out there slogging away at the job and in need of that same connection. The only thing that eases my guilt is that I'm not constantly shoving my books in your face and demanding you buy and admire them and, by extension, me. I want to give back, not take. If I somehow forget my purpose and start doing unattractive things like that, please, God, boycott me.
I still have fun doing this, too; it's a pleasure every time I log in (tonight especially; I've ditched my revisions for an hour to give my brain a break.) I got to sneak over and congratulate Stephanie Tyler on her first sale, MacBride on his birthday and turning, what, twenty-two years old? as well as catch up on a little e-mail. The timer just dinged so I have to log out, but tomorrow I'll be back. The business of blogging will always be a factor whether I like it or not, but it's the pleasure, those scales, and you guys that keep me posting.
Your turn: should we writers blog for business, pleasure, to keep those connections hooked up, to pay it forward, balance out the scales, or all of the above? Tell us what you think in comments.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Alfred's Ten
An observation for those of you expecting Madam's imminent return: considering the amount of profanity being issued from behind a certain locked door at this hour, I would not place a serious wager on it.
So that your stop here was not a complete waste of your valuable internet time, here are
Ten Items Madam Would Find Hard to Resist
1. For those of you with a street credibility deficit, or merely unadorned knuckles, do have a go at the GlassGiant.com's Bling Generator.
2. The mind boggles over the Automatic Prose and The Emily Dickinson Random Epigram Machine at Logopoeia.com.
3. Correct nature's unfortunate mistakes -- or give a nemesis a poufy blonde afro and Carmen Diaz lips -- with Getmakeovers.com's free virtual makeover.
4. Write your name or phrase as would an ancient Egyptian at Hieroglyphs.net.
5. Add quite nifty dimensional special effects to your image online at Chami.com's Image Embellisher.
6. GlassGiant.com also offers a random maze generator (Madam is inordinantly fond of labyrinths.)
7. Incompetech.com offers an interesting Name Generator.
8. Language is a Virus provides the instant muse gratification of an automatic Poetry Generator.
9. Especially for Dr. Hoffman, who shares Madam's love of cooking, meal suggestions from Random Food Generator.
10. Finally, why should one work when one may generate Work Haiku?
I am in debt to Gerard at The Generator Blog for all of the above links. Now I must return to the armament area and assure that the automatic weapons are fully operational and that Madam has not again exhausted the supply of nitro. I trust your week will be equally as pleasant and productive.
Yours Faithfully,
Alfred
So that your stop here was not a complete waste of your valuable internet time, here are
Ten Items Madam Would Find Hard to Resist
1. For those of you with a street credibility deficit, or merely unadorned knuckles, do have a go at the GlassGiant.com's Bling Generator.
2. The mind boggles over the Automatic Prose and The Emily Dickinson Random Epigram Machine at Logopoeia.com.
3. Correct nature's unfortunate mistakes -- or give a nemesis a poufy blonde afro and Carmen Diaz lips -- with Getmakeovers.com's free virtual makeover.
4. Write your name or phrase as would an ancient Egyptian at Hieroglyphs.net.
5. Add quite nifty dimensional special effects to your image online at Chami.com's Image Embellisher.
6. GlassGiant.com also offers a random maze generator (Madam is inordinantly fond of labyrinths.)
7. Incompetech.com offers an interesting Name Generator.
8. Language is a Virus provides the instant muse gratification of an automatic Poetry Generator.
9. Especially for Dr. Hoffman, who shares Madam's love of cooking, meal suggestions from Random Food Generator.
10. Finally, why should one work when one may generate Work Haiku?
I am in debt to Gerard at The Generator Blog for all of the above links. Now I must return to the armament area and assure that the automatic weapons are fully operational and that Madam has not again exhausted the supply of nitro. I trust your week will be equally as pleasant and productive.
Yours Faithfully,
Alfred
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Bloggus Interruptus
The winners of the Redneck Haiku giveaway are:
Katherine
Cece Stuart
Carter
PJ
Winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with your full name and ship-to address, and I'll get these out to you on Monday. Bubba Frank says "thanks y'all" to everyone who joined in.
I'm unplugging from the internet for a couple of days to carry out a top secret mission to save the world. That sounds so much more exciting than to finish my revisions, doesn't it? Yeah, I thought so, too. It should only take the weekend, but if I'm gone a bit longer don't worry -- this book has a history of not being very cooperative. If I can pry Alfred out of the weapons room, he'll keep you posted on my progress.
Katherine
Cece Stuart
Carter
PJ
Winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with your full name and ship-to address, and I'll get these out to you on Monday. Bubba Frank says "thanks y'all" to everyone who joined in.
I'm unplugging from the internet for a couple of days to carry out a top secret mission to save the world. That sounds so much more exciting than to finish my revisions, doesn't it? Yeah, I thought so, too. It should only take the weekend, but if I'm gone a bit longer don't worry -- this book has a history of not being very cooperative. If I can pry Alfred out of the weapons room, he'll keep you posted on my progress.
Friday, February 24, 2006
Friday 20
Tonight I discovered that the only thing more painful than watching an ice skater fall during her final Olympic performance is listening to an idiot announcer rip her to shreds for it. These girls train for long, brutal years and sacrifice just about everything else to achieve this moment. When they fall, or otherwise fail to offer perfection, they deserve a bit more than "I wish she'd tuck in her laces" or "I'd say her career is over."
Finally I turned off the sound. Best thing I ever did, too, because without the fuss and noise being made over it, and even without the background music, ice skating is gorgeous to watch. Even when the skater stumbles or falls -- or maybe it's more beautiful when they do. Because if you think it takes courage to go out onto that ice to skate for a gold medal for your country, think how much it takes to keep skating when you've probably blown your only chance at it.
Writers have that kind of courage. You remember that the next time some jackass takes a swipe at you from the safety of the spectators' seats.
Any questions?
Finally I turned off the sound. Best thing I ever did, too, because without the fuss and noise being made over it, and even without the background music, ice skating is gorgeous to watch. Even when the skater stumbles or falls -- or maybe it's more beautiful when they do. Because if you think it takes courage to go out onto that ice to skate for a gold medal for your country, think how much it takes to keep skating when you've probably blown your only chance at it.
Writers have that kind of courage. You remember that the next time some jackass takes a swipe at you from the safety of the spectators' seats.
Any questions?
CCC Giveaway Winners
If anyone is looking for something new to add to their TBR pile, I'd print out all the responses to the CCC Giveaway post and use them as a shopping or library hit list. Great characters that stay with us like this always make for terrific stories.
Anyway, it's that time again -- yes, I double-checked this time -- so here are the names of the winners of the CCC giveaway:
Valerie
Irysangel
Sandra
Andi
Winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with the e-mail address to which I should send the CCC download file, and thanks to everyone who joined in -- I will definitely be checking out some of your favorite characters, too.
Anyway, it's that time again -- yes, I double-checked this time -- so here are the names of the winners of the CCC giveaway:
Valerie
Irysangel
Sandra
Andi
Winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with the e-mail address to which I should send the CCC download file, and thanks to everyone who joined in -- I will definitely be checking out some of your favorite characters, too.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Redneck SF
After reading the further adventures of Hardboiled Jesus, I could not resist resurrecting another little savior story from my old hard drive. So, without further to-do:
---------------------------------------
Doon
by Bubba Frank Hubbit
In the hours before they hightailed it to Arkansas, when all the last minute rushing round like headless chickens had got to a nearbout unbearable fricasse, an old lady from the Penny Jesuits' Church of Sweet Jesus Come on Home and Save Us Already dropped on in to sit a spell with Paul's mom and them.
It were a warmish night at Cal and Dan's Trailer Park, and home of a rusting junkyard of single-wides, including the one all bashed up from Katrina that the Traydees family had squatted in for pert near going on twenty-six days straight. Like Paul, the whole park was a-shivering under that cold, sweaty suspicion everybody had about a cut to their welfare and disability checks, thanks to them Washington politicians what sold their souls to The Evil One and didn't know the wretched time poorfolks had just a-scraping up enough change each weekend for Bud, Lotto tickets, Sonny's takeout and RAW on pay-per-view.
The old church lady jimmied the lock on the sidescreen door and gimped down the particle board passage by the can, where Paul Traydees slept, seeing he was the only one what could fit on the mildewed floor of that there shower stall while his five cousins, Aunt and her boyfriend and their dog John stayed in his room. She hitched up some so's she could take a gander at him where buddy ray lay all curled up like the lil goober he was.
By the blue zitz from the outside bug zapper, fading and dangling as it were by a thread of clothesline cord on account of being hit by a curve ball threw by Joe Bob Duncanny and slammered by that no-good Thrufer boy with the sadass daddy who named him after some dead President what everybody already done forgot?, the chilly boy child could see him that fat old preacher's bitcher a-peeping through the Tellatubbies shower curtain what his mama bought from the dollar store and used in place of the folding door that his daddy kicked in after coming home all a-pisser from Gator's on All Busch Night. Standing as she was length of a crowbar from his mama, witchy seeming -- Dolly Parton wig sitting sideaways on her big ole bowling ball head, paisley turtle neck waddled under her four chins, eyes like black jelly beans someone sucked on and not liking licorice had sput out.
"Dayum, Chessie, that boy evert gonna sprout t'all?" the nasty old thing inquired, wheezing afore she hocked up a big wad of snot.
"Hell if I know'd, Church Lady." Chessie took a drag off her Marlboro. "Supposed to be them Traydees are late bloomers, but his daddy were sure enough man-sized when we hitched up in fifth grade."
-----------------------------------------
Doon Inspired Giveaway: Bubba Frank has never gotten Doon published (something about a trademark lawsuit from the Tabasco people) but humor author Mary K. Witte has a wonderful little book out called "Redneck Haiku -- Double-Wide Edition" that I think is just as hilarious.
To win one of four unsigned copies of Redneck Haiku, post your suggestion for the next redneck masterpiece Bubba Frank should write in comments to this post by midnight EST on Friday, 2/24/06. Winners will be announced here by noon EST on Saturday, 2/25/06. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something at PBW in the past.
---------------------------------------
Doon
by Bubba Frank Hubbit
In the hours before they hightailed it to Arkansas, when all the last minute rushing round like headless chickens had got to a nearbout unbearable fricasse, an old lady from the Penny Jesuits' Church of Sweet Jesus Come on Home and Save Us Already dropped on in to sit a spell with Paul's mom and them.
It were a warmish night at Cal and Dan's Trailer Park, and home of a rusting junkyard of single-wides, including the one all bashed up from Katrina that the Traydees family had squatted in for pert near going on twenty-six days straight. Like Paul, the whole park was a-shivering under that cold, sweaty suspicion everybody had about a cut to their welfare and disability checks, thanks to them Washington politicians what sold their souls to The Evil One and didn't know the wretched time poorfolks had just a-scraping up enough change each weekend for Bud, Lotto tickets, Sonny's takeout and RAW on pay-per-view.
The old church lady jimmied the lock on the sidescreen door and gimped down the particle board passage by the can, where Paul Traydees slept, seeing he was the only one what could fit on the mildewed floor of that there shower stall while his five cousins, Aunt and her boyfriend and their dog John stayed in his room. She hitched up some so's she could take a gander at him where buddy ray lay all curled up like the lil goober he was.
By the blue zitz from the outside bug zapper, fading and dangling as it were by a thread of clothesline cord on account of being hit by a curve ball threw by Joe Bob Duncanny and slammered by that no-good Thrufer boy with the sadass daddy who named him after some dead President what everybody already done forgot?, the chilly boy child could see him that fat old preacher's bitcher a-peeping through the Tellatubbies shower curtain what his mama bought from the dollar store and used in place of the folding door that his daddy kicked in after coming home all a-pisser from Gator's on All Busch Night. Standing as she was length of a crowbar from his mama, witchy seeming -- Dolly Parton wig sitting sideaways on her big ole bowling ball head, paisley turtle neck waddled under her four chins, eyes like black jelly beans someone sucked on and not liking licorice had sput out.
"Dayum, Chessie, that boy evert gonna sprout t'all?" the nasty old thing inquired, wheezing afore she hocked up a big wad of snot.
"Hell if I know'd, Church Lady." Chessie took a drag off her Marlboro. "Supposed to be them Traydees are late bloomers, but his daddy were sure enough man-sized when we hitched up in fifth grade."
-----------------------------------------
Doon Inspired Giveaway: Bubba Frank has never gotten Doon published (something about a trademark lawsuit from the Tabasco people) but humor author Mary K. Witte has a wonderful little book out called "Redneck Haiku -- Double-Wide Edition" that I think is just as hilarious.
To win one of four unsigned copies of Redneck Haiku, post your suggestion for the next redneck masterpiece Bubba Frank should write in comments to this post by midnight EST on Friday, 2/24/06. Winners will be announced here by noon EST on Saturday, 2/25/06. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something at PBW in the past.
MC Giveaway Winners Take 2
The first round of winners, which I picked too early because I was sucked into a 24 hour quantum wormhole or something, are listed here.
The second round of winners are:
Jennette
Eliza
LJ Cohen
CindyS
All winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with your full name and ship-to address so I can get these books out to you, and again my thanks to everyone who joined in and were gracious about my boo-boo.
The second round of winners are:
Jennette
Eliza
LJ Cohen
CindyS
All winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with your full name and ship-to address so I can get these books out to you, and again my thanks to everyone who joined in and were gracious about my boo-boo.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Endurance
Larissa Ione has been through a lot over the last six months. She survived Hurricane Katrina, which wiped out her community and destroyed her home. She's had to relocate across the country, with little more than the clothes on her back, and try to rebuild her life from scratch. While doing this, she's had to deal with being separated from her husband while he and the Coast Guard provided aid to other storm victims, and too much run around from the government that is supposed to be helping survivors like her.
Now imagine going through all the above and still finding the strength to keep working, writing and submitting. Larissa's friends rallied around her with what help we could provide, but through all this, she had to cope mostly on her own, and is still trying to cope. Most people would give up, but not Larissa. As a writer, she has the attitude and backbone of a true pro.
Today I am delighted to report that it finally paid off.
Welcome to the majors, Larissa.
Now imagine going through all the above and still finding the strength to keep working, writing and submitting. Larissa's friends rallied around her with what help we could provide, but through all this, she had to cope mostly on her own, and is still trying to cope. Most people would give up, but not Larissa. As a writer, she has the attitude and backbone of a true pro.
Today I am delighted to report that it finally paid off.
Welcome to the majors, Larissa.
Sure, I know what day it is
It's Screw-up Day! Oblivious of the Calendar Girl that I am, I went and drew the names for the MC Giveaway** a full twenty-four hours before I was supposed to. My only excuse is that it looked like Wednesday. And, when you think about it, every day sort of looks like Wednesday.
My apologies, and for everyone who entered who didn't win when they weren't suppose to, we'll have another, second-chance drawing tonight.
**Added: I've also reopened comments to the post so anyone who didn't get a chance to enter can, up until midnight EST tonight.
My apologies, and for everyone who entered who didn't win when they weren't suppose to, we'll have another, second-chance drawing tonight.
**Added: I've also reopened comments to the post so anyone who didn't get a chance to enter can, up until midnight EST tonight.
CCC Giveaway
One of my favorite characters created by another writer is Talyn, from the novel of the same name by Holly Lisle. I could give you a thousand reasons (and will, if you encourage me) why I am so fascinated by this character. I learn something new about Talyn, from her or through her every time I read the book. The best characters do that.
Some writers compare memorable characters to great artworks, and in a way they are like a magnificent portrait that you see a little differently each time you study it. But painting is motionless, offering only a single moment captured on canvas, like a gorgeous butterfly trapped in amber you can only see from a few angles. Fiction defies frames and spotlights, refuses to be frozen in time and, when it's done right, pours countless images of its characters inside your head.
Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Answer that question in the comments to this post by midnight EST on Thursday, 2/23/06. I'll draw four names from all those who participate and e-mail the winners a copy of Holly Lisle's ebook*, Create a Character Clinic. Winners will be announced here by noon EST on Friday, 2/24/06. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something at PBW in the past.
*Fine print: this is an e-book, not a print book, in .pdf format, for which you'll need the Adobe Reader, which you can download here.
Some writers compare memorable characters to great artworks, and in a way they are like a magnificent portrait that you see a little differently each time you study it. But painting is motionless, offering only a single moment captured on canvas, like a gorgeous butterfly trapped in amber you can only see from a few angles. Fiction defies frames and spotlights, refuses to be frozen in time and, when it's done right, pours countless images of its characters inside your head.
Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Answer that question in the comments to this post by midnight EST on Thursday, 2/23/06. I'll draw four names from all those who participate and e-mail the winners a copy of Holly Lisle's ebook*, Create a Character Clinic. Winners will be announced here by noon EST on Friday, 2/24/06. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something at PBW in the past.
*Fine print: this is an e-book, not a print book, in .pdf format, for which you'll need the Adobe Reader, which you can download here.
Winners
It was fun to read your posts and imagine what sort of League of SuperWriters we could put together if we were all blessed with special powers. We'd definitely need our own air traffic controller. :)
Here are the names of the winners for the MC giveaway:
Shelbi
Eve the Steel Butterfly
Kevin
Random Walk Writer
Winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with your full name and ship-to address so I can get these books out to you, and my thanks to everyone who joined in.
Here are the names of the winners for the MC giveaway:
Shelbi
Eve the Steel Butterfly
Kevin
Random Walk Writer
Winners, please e-mail me at LynnViehl@aol.com with your full name and ship-to address so I can get these books out to you, and my thanks to everyone who joined in.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Backtalk
A couple of people have e-mailed to ask me if I can identify the victim of or otherwise comment on Dr. Sue's latest snitfest.
What I can tell you:
1. I haven't belonged to a formal online writing community for years, so I rather doubt it's me.
2. If I knew who it was, I still wouldn't identify her. Stuff like this should be said to the victim's face, not behind her back.
3. It's an excellent warning for anyone considering joining an online writers' group. This could be you they're talking about.
4. Unkindness, childishness, envy, contempt and character assassinations are pretty much business as usual in any entertainment industry. The more successful you are, the more you'll encounter them. Welcome to the wonderful world of publishing.
What I can tell you:
1. I haven't belonged to a formal online writing community for years, so I rather doubt it's me.
2. If I knew who it was, I still wouldn't identify her. Stuff like this should be said to the victim's face, not behind her back.
3. It's an excellent warning for anyone considering joining an online writers' group. This could be you they're talking about.
4. Unkindness, childishness, envy, contempt and character assassinations are pretty much business as usual in any entertainment industry. The more successful you are, the more you'll encounter them. Welcome to the wonderful world of publishing.
MC Giveaway
It's time to nail you guys with some books again. In fact, I think I'll declare this officially Book Tyranny week and do a giveaway every day. It will keep me from ranting.
What, you're going to complain? I'm menopausal here.
First up for discussion: humans with super powers. Despite the bad rep it's gotten in the movies (i.e. The Invisible Man, The Hollow Man, Predator), invisibility has always fascinated me. I mean, think about it. Fashion, no longer a problem. You could be fat and no one would care. You could see your ex, but they'd never see you or the obscene hand gestures you make in their direction. Or you could walk around town naked, freak out people at seances, cut to the front of the line for everything (who's going to complain?) or skip a bath for two months . . . well, maybe not that last part. But suffering through bad hair days or being forced to wear makeup and panty hose and shoes with heels? Ha. Over with.
The downside would be I'd never be able to shop in the grocery store again. Those People In a Terrible Hurry, of which ten thousand seem to have recently moved to our town, can see me perfectly well now, and still they try to run me down with their carts while they're rushing to pick up their Cocoa Puffs and Preparation H. Imagine if I were really invisible. I'd never make it alive through the cookie aisle.
If you could have any super power you wanted, what would it be? Answer that question in the comments to this post by midnight EST on Wednesday, 2/22/06. I'll draw four* names from all those who participate and send the winners an unsigned copy of Moon Called by Patricia Briggs. Winners will be announced here by noon EST on Thursday, 2/23/06. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something at PBW in the past.
*Fine print: Yes, really only winners four this time; that's all the spare copies I have. Someday when I'm a (cough) multi-millionaire, then I'll hit everyone with freebies every time.
What, you're going to complain? I'm menopausal here.
First up for discussion: humans with super powers. Despite the bad rep it's gotten in the movies (i.e. The Invisible Man, The Hollow Man, Predator), invisibility has always fascinated me. I mean, think about it. Fashion, no longer a problem. You could be fat and no one would care. You could see your ex, but they'd never see you or the obscene hand gestures you make in their direction. Or you could walk around town naked, freak out people at seances, cut to the front of the line for everything (who's going to complain?) or skip a bath for two months . . . well, maybe not that last part. But suffering through bad hair days or being forced to wear makeup and panty hose and shoes with heels? Ha. Over with.
The downside would be I'd never be able to shop in the grocery store again. Those People In a Terrible Hurry, of which ten thousand seem to have recently moved to our town, can see me perfectly well now, and still they try to run me down with their carts while they're rushing to pick up their Cocoa Puffs and Preparation H. Imagine if I were really invisible. I'd never make it alive through the cookie aisle.
If you could have any super power you wanted, what would it be? Answer that question in the comments to this post by midnight EST on Wednesday, 2/22/06. I'll draw four* names from all those who participate and send the winners an unsigned copy of Moon Called by Patricia Briggs. Winners will be announced here by noon EST on Thursday, 2/23/06. Giveaway open to everyone on the planet, even if you've won something at PBW in the past.
*Fine print: Yes, really only winners four this time; that's all the spare copies I have. Someday when I'm a (cough) multi-millionaire, then I'll hit everyone with freebies every time.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Eureka Ten
Ten Things to Inspire You
1. Pick something from A Chocolate Box.
2. Stitch up those unseen wounds with Aileen Suquila-Santos's The Healing Power of Words.
3. See it via Magnificent Octopus's post Inspiration and Hard Work.
4. Sweat it out with Inspiration Requires Perspiration from Dr. Jay Christensen.
5. Check out the story patchwork that went into making the lovely Noon Quilt.
6. Explore House of the Muse's Realm of the Muse.
7. Have a bite at the Soul Food Cafe.
8. Spin the story bottle with Bonnie Neubauer's Story Spinner Online.
9. Cruise Justin O'Leary's web site Write 21.
10. Ask yourself some of CanTeach.com's Writing Prompts/Journal Topics.
1. Pick something from A Chocolate Box.
2. Stitch up those unseen wounds with Aileen Suquila-Santos's The Healing Power of Words.
3. See it via Magnificent Octopus's post Inspiration and Hard Work.
4. Sweat it out with Inspiration Requires Perspiration from Dr. Jay Christensen.
5. Check out the story patchwork that went into making the lovely Noon Quilt.
6. Explore House of the Muse's Realm of the Muse.
7. Have a bite at the Soul Food Cafe.
8. Spin the story bottle with Bonnie Neubauer's Story Spinner Online.
9. Cruise Justin O'Leary's web site Write 21.
10. Ask yourself some of CanTeach.com's Writing Prompts/Journal Topics.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Small Print
We used to make fun of these directions on bottles of shampoo: Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Okay, but when do you stop?
Last year my daughter brought me a box of Christmas lights and pointed out the warning printed on the back: For indoor/outdoor use only. She asked, "Where else is there, Mommy? Everything is either indoors or outdoors."
Tonight I read this limited lifetime warranty disclaimer for "the toughest cell phone pouch on the market today": This limited warranty does not cover damages caused by accident, misuse, modification or normal wear and tear. So unless the pouch disintegrates the minute you take it out of the package, you're SOL?
I need an aspirin, but I'm afraid to read the label on the bottle.
Last year my daughter brought me a box of Christmas lights and pointed out the warning printed on the back: For indoor/outdoor use only. She asked, "Where else is there, Mommy? Everything is either indoors or outdoors."
Tonight I read this limited lifetime warranty disclaimer for "the toughest cell phone pouch on the market today": This limited warranty does not cover damages caused by accident, misuse, modification or normal wear and tear. So unless the pouch disintegrates the minute you take it out of the package, you're SOL?
I need an aspirin, but I'm afraid to read the label on the bottle.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Theory
"America is evolving from a "young" society to a "middle-aged" one. The median age of Americans was 35 years in 1996, up from 30 in 1980 and 23 in 1900. The median age is expected to increase to 37 in 2010 and 39 in 2030." -- from Rachel Shapiro's article The Demographics of Aging in America
I have just this moment figured out what's wrong with RWA. I never thought about it from an age angle, but I bet if you took a survey right now you'd find out the voting majority of RWA members are going through perimenopause or menopause. Yep, everyone's hormones have gone whacko. It's just like puberty, only in reverse.
That explains so much I could not for the life of me fathom until this moment. Ties in with my scrapbooking/crafts emotional control conspiracy theory, too. Wanna hear that one?
I have just this moment figured out what's wrong with RWA. I never thought about it from an age angle, but I bet if you took a survey right now you'd find out the voting majority of RWA members are going through perimenopause or menopause. Yep, everyone's hormones have gone whacko. It's just like puberty, only in reverse.
That explains so much I could not for the life of me fathom until this moment. Ties in with my scrapbooking/crafts emotional control conspiracy theory, too. Wanna hear that one?
Pop Quiz
Without Googling, match the quotation with the author who made it:
1. "I sometimes wonder when I read what even knowledgeable people say about writers and writing if they have any conception of what the life of a writer is like..."
2. "Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."
3. "To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme."
4. "After great pain, a formal feeling comes."
5. "We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders."
6. "While you have a thing it can be taken from you . . . but when you give it, you have given it. No robber can take it from you. It is yours then for ever when you have given it. It will be yours always. That is to give."
7. "Courage -- or ego -- only extends so far, adrenalin runs out, nerves grow numb. Even fear and depression eventually collapse, unless you feed them parts of yourself."
8. "Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed."
9. "Write freely and as rapidly as possible and throw the whole thing on paper. Never correct or rewrite until the whole thing is down."
10. "We live in an age that reads too much to be wise."
A. John Steinbeck
B. Carl Sandberg
C. PBW
D. PJ O'Rourke
E. Emily Dickinson
F. James Joyce
G. Herman Melville
H. Oscar Wilde
I. James A. Michener
J. Dr. Maya Angelou
Answers will be posted in comments later on today.
1. "I sometimes wonder when I read what even knowledgeable people say about writers and writing if they have any conception of what the life of a writer is like..."
2. "Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."
3. "To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme."
4. "After great pain, a formal feeling comes."
5. "We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders."
6. "While you have a thing it can be taken from you . . . but when you give it, you have given it. No robber can take it from you. It is yours then for ever when you have given it. It will be yours always. That is to give."
7. "Courage -- or ego -- only extends so far, adrenalin runs out, nerves grow numb. Even fear and depression eventually collapse, unless you feed them parts of yourself."
8. "Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed."
9. "Write freely and as rapidly as possible and throw the whole thing on paper. Never correct or rewrite until the whole thing is down."
10. "We live in an age that reads too much to be wise."
A. John Steinbeck
B. Carl Sandberg
C. PBW
D. PJ O'Rourke
E. Emily Dickinson
F. James Joyce
G. Herman Melville
H. Oscar Wilde
I. James A. Michener
J. Dr. Maya Angelou
Answers will be posted in comments later on today.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Friday 20
Two observations about the book biz this week:
1. It's difficult to feel sorry for writers who are
a) miserable while in Hawaii
b) miserable while on publisher-funded book tours
c) miserable while "cranking out" a single book per year that will get more publicity, backing and print runs than an average midlist author's entire backlist received.
2. Writing synopses and pitching them to other, miserable writers' editors is more productive, not to mention more lucrative, than writing impolitic online rants.
Floor is open for questions: what's on your mind this week?
1. It's difficult to feel sorry for writers who are
a) miserable while in Hawaii
b) miserable while on publisher-funded book tours
c) miserable while "cranking out" a single book per year that will get more publicity, backing and print runs than an average midlist author's entire backlist received.
2. Writing synopses and pitching them to other, miserable writers' editors is more productive, not to mention more lucrative, than writing impolitic online rants.
Floor is open for questions: what's on your mind this week?
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Let's Blurb
It sucks having to ask for quotes from other authors. I know, I hate it so much I won't do it. Writing them is almost as bad.
Like tonight, I wanted to say something nice about MacBride, just for fun (I doubt he seriously needs a quote from Yours Truly) but I'm struggling with the wording. Stuart writes crime fiction (or tartan noir, to be more exact) and that's not my genre.
They always have really tough little quotes on those noir books, too, have you ever noticed that? None of the usual prosy this magnificent storyteller's ultimate masterpiece or tremendous world-building on an epic, otherworldly scale stuff in pretty italics, oh, no. It's all that macho terse one-word stuff in bold font: Compelling and Mesmerizing and Haunting.
Anyway, here's what I came up with tonight:
Blanket blurb: "I'll buy any book Stuart MacBride writes." (true)
Author/genre blurb: "Stuart MacBride writes noir like an oil well on fire burns." (also true; the man can pace a story like he's training it to run the Kentucky Derby.)
Book blurb: "Cold Granite knocked me out." (literally speaking, false. I remained conscious the entire time I was reading it. Until 3 a.m., I might add, and had to get up three hours later.)
Okay, your turn to embarrass the man. If you've read Mr. MacBride's work and you enjoyed it, leave him a blurb in comments.
Like tonight, I wanted to say something nice about MacBride, just for fun (I doubt he seriously needs a quote from Yours Truly) but I'm struggling with the wording. Stuart writes crime fiction (or tartan noir, to be more exact) and that's not my genre.
They always have really tough little quotes on those noir books, too, have you ever noticed that? None of the usual prosy this magnificent storyteller's ultimate masterpiece or tremendous world-building on an epic, otherworldly scale stuff in pretty italics, oh, no. It's all that macho terse one-word stuff in bold font: Compelling and Mesmerizing and Haunting.
Anyway, here's what I came up with tonight:
Blanket blurb: "I'll buy any book Stuart MacBride writes." (true)
Author/genre blurb: "Stuart MacBride writes noir like an oil well on fire burns." (also true; the man can pace a story like he's training it to run the Kentucky Derby.)
Book blurb: "Cold Granite knocked me out." (literally speaking, false. I remained conscious the entire time I was reading it. Until 3 a.m., I might add, and had to get up three hours later.)
Okay, your turn to embarrass the man. If you've read Mr. MacBride's work and you enjoyed it, leave him a blurb in comments.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Generatorama
I love online generators, as you all know only too well.
Like me, Manon at Serendipity is a fan of the Generator God, Steven Savage over at Seventh Sanctum, but knows a lot more about code, templates and creating generators than I even will. There are more neat generators here than I've seen anywhere outside the Generator Blog (where I found the link to Serendipity, naturally.)
Among Manon's many creations, I played with this one and got:
Ten Randomly-Generated Fantasy Novel Titles
1. Circleِ Spiritِ and Mistress: this sounds like an S&M variation on Bell, Book and Candle
2. Maiden of Glory: inspirational romance meets military SF as Chastity Harridan leads the Sisters of Sacred Love into combat against the Dredhussies of Aerotika (RITA finalist!)
3. Queen of Doom: right, the biography of my ninth grade English teacher.
4. Spirit Sword of Vevrildas: I can't even pronounce that. Zornhau, you have to write this one.
5. The Destiny of Eladon: is not to get laid, not with a name like Eladon.
6. The Curse and the Maiden: Let me guess, a week before the curse kicks in, the maiden gets a little bloated, and very testy, and
then . . .
7. Amamene's Mage: Say that six times really fast and I'll give you a cookie.
8. Rhyinope's Bane: "Twas not anyone's fault, really, that the evil mountain-dwelling trolls had punished the King for taxing their diamond mines by visiting a countenance curse upon his golden-haired infant daughter and only heir, Rhyinope, causing her to sprout a nose of such dimensions that bearers had to be employed, heralds sent out to call warning whenere the princess took a turn around the kingdom, and horses reared and screamed at a mere glimpse of it approaching. None would speak thus to her face (likely because they could not get within fifty paces of it without risking an eye) but that monstrous nose was, sadly, tragically, undeniably Rhyinope's Bane."
9. Twilight Heart of Nitzi: Some RID! Some RID! My kingdom for some RID!
10. War of Vengeance: Eh. I'm still holding out for the truly gritty epics, like War of Men With Small Penises and War of It Was Raining and We Were Kinda Bored.
And yeah, I have to stay away from Manon's toys until I get my revisions finished.
Like me, Manon at Serendipity is a fan of the Generator God, Steven Savage over at Seventh Sanctum, but knows a lot more about code, templates and creating generators than I even will. There are more neat generators here than I've seen anywhere outside the Generator Blog (where I found the link to Serendipity, naturally.)
Among Manon's many creations, I played with this one and got:
Ten Randomly-Generated Fantasy Novel Titles
1. Circleِ Spiritِ and Mistress: this sounds like an S&M variation on Bell, Book and Candle
2. Maiden of Glory: inspirational romance meets military SF as Chastity Harridan leads the Sisters of Sacred Love into combat against the Dredhussies of Aerotika (RITA finalist!)
3. Queen of Doom: right, the biography of my ninth grade English teacher.
4. Spirit Sword of Vevrildas: I can't even pronounce that. Zornhau, you have to write this one.
5. The Destiny of Eladon: is not to get laid, not with a name like Eladon.
6. The Curse and the Maiden: Let me guess, a week before the curse kicks in, the maiden gets a little bloated, and very testy, and
then . . .
7. Amamene's Mage: Say that six times really fast and I'll give you a cookie.
8. Rhyinope's Bane: "Twas not anyone's fault, really, that the evil mountain-dwelling trolls had punished the King for taxing their diamond mines by visiting a countenance curse upon his golden-haired infant daughter and only heir, Rhyinope, causing her to sprout a nose of such dimensions that bearers had to be employed, heralds sent out to call warning whenere the princess took a turn around the kingdom, and horses reared and screamed at a mere glimpse of it approaching. None would speak thus to her face (likely because they could not get within fifty paces of it without risking an eye) but that monstrous nose was, sadly, tragically, undeniably Rhyinope's Bane."
9. Twilight Heart of Nitzi: Some RID! Some RID! My kingdom for some RID!
10. War of Vengeance: Eh. I'm still holding out for the truly gritty epics, like War of Men With Small Penises and War of It Was Raining and We Were Kinda Bored.
And yeah, I have to stay away from Manon's toys until I get my revisions finished.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Lovers
I was all set to rant about what's wrong with the romance genre today (think War and Peace length post) and then someone (Miss Kate) reminded me that it should not all be about the negative stuff. Plus it's Valentine's Day, a good reason to postpone any rant.
Writing romance is easy, because real life romance is weird. Twenty years ago I noticed a guy with a great smile and got to know him as a friend. He was a tall, blond ex-surfer mechanic with great hands, who could tear down and retrofit a room-sized engine with his eyes closed, but who hadn't willingly read a book in his life. A guy with whom I had absolutely nothing in common, and pretty much the last man on earth I'd have picked as the love of my life.
That same guy is downstairs dozing on the sofa, waiting for me to finish writing this. Unless he's on the road, he never goes to bed without me. Because for some weird, irrational reason, I'm the love of his life.
May you all be as fortunate as we are. Happy Valentine's Day.
Writing romance is easy, because real life romance is weird. Twenty years ago I noticed a guy with a great smile and got to know him as a friend. He was a tall, blond ex-surfer mechanic with great hands, who could tear down and retrofit a room-sized engine with his eyes closed, but who hadn't willingly read a book in his life. A guy with whom I had absolutely nothing in common, and pretty much the last man on earth I'd have picked as the love of my life.
That same guy is downstairs dozing on the sofa, waiting for me to finish writing this. Unless he's on the road, he never goes to bed without me. Because for some weird, irrational reason, I'm the love of his life.
May you all be as fortunate as we are. Happy Valentine's Day.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Book it Ten
Ten Things for the Writer's Notebook
1. Mr. Braiman.com's Top Ten Questions And Answers About Writer's Notebook and Writer's Notebooks -- What You Can Do.
2. William Eastler's Tips for Young Writers includes creative ideas for a writer's notebook.
3. What's in Your Little Writer's Notebook? by Shery Ma Belle Arrieta-Russ
4. Something to put in your writer's notebook: Eclectics.com offers a Fiction Writer's Character Chart.
5. Examples to follow for your notebook: Karen S. Wiesner, author of First Draft in 30 Days, has examples of character, setting, plot and scene outlines as well as other notes for one of her paranormal romance novels here.
6. Freeware/Shareware virtual notebooks: Jonathan's Corner.com offers The Magic Notebook for free download; FreeMind has gotten some raves from some writers I know as a great virtual notebook; Mindjet.com offers a free trial version of their mind-mapping software program MindManager 6; NovaMind.com offers a free 30 day test drive of their software for both Mac and Windows users; most praised by other writers as a terrific virtual notebook: Richard Salsbury's freeware program Rough Draft; Voodoopad offers a lite version free for download; and last but not least, Simon Haynes' yWriter freeware works well as a virtual notebook for breaking down novels into workable scenes and chapters, too.
7. Rie Sheridan's article The Writer's Little Black Book.
8. Not all writers think notebooks are worthwhile or even "really writing", as Caro Clarke points out in her advice article The Writer's Notebook, or Let's not really write. (We won't tell Caro I've been using them for over thirty years.)
9. Writers Notebook the writing discussion board.
10. Finally, an ancient PBW writer notebook trick: Get a bunch of fill-in information forms (job application, resume forms, love and compatibility test, etc.) and fill them out for your characters. You can also draw up a horoscope or do a mystical reading to get some different spins on your characters' birth signs, personalities, and fates.
1. Mr. Braiman.com's Top Ten Questions And Answers About Writer's Notebook and Writer's Notebooks -- What You Can Do.
2. William Eastler's Tips for Young Writers includes creative ideas for a writer's notebook.
3. What's in Your Little Writer's Notebook? by Shery Ma Belle Arrieta-Russ
4. Something to put in your writer's notebook: Eclectics.com offers a Fiction Writer's Character Chart.
5. Examples to follow for your notebook: Karen S. Wiesner, author of First Draft in 30 Days, has examples of character, setting, plot and scene outlines as well as other notes for one of her paranormal romance novels here.
6. Freeware/Shareware virtual notebooks: Jonathan's Corner.com offers The Magic Notebook for free download; FreeMind has gotten some raves from some writers I know as a great virtual notebook; Mindjet.com offers a free trial version of their mind-mapping software program MindManager 6; NovaMind.com offers a free 30 day test drive of their software for both Mac and Windows users; most praised by other writers as a terrific virtual notebook: Richard Salsbury's freeware program Rough Draft; Voodoopad offers a lite version free for download; and last but not least, Simon Haynes' yWriter freeware works well as a virtual notebook for breaking down novels into workable scenes and chapters, too.
7. Rie Sheridan's article The Writer's Little Black Book.
8. Not all writers think notebooks are worthwhile or even "really writing", as Caro Clarke points out in her advice article The Writer's Notebook, or Let's not really write. (We won't tell Caro I've been using them for over thirty years.)
9. Writers Notebook the writing discussion board.
10. Finally, an ancient PBW writer notebook trick: Get a bunch of fill-in information forms (job application, resume forms, love and compatibility test, etc.) and fill them out for your characters. You can also draw up a horoscope or do a mystical reading to get some different spins on your characters' birth signs, personalities, and fates.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Commoners
If I read one more debut novel this week that begins with a damn weather report, I'm going to get very cranky.
We've all agreed that the common practice of starting a novel with a variation of It was a dark and stormy night sucks, right? Yet if there's one thing every highly-acclaimed, promising young novelist seems to do without fail, it's to start with a weather report (my debut novel starts off with my protagonist checking out a shady tavern, but I wasn't young or acclaimed, and no one sent me the how-to manual for promising novelists.)
If you write fantastic blizzards, or tornados figure prominently in your plot opening, you may ignore this rant.
I pay special attention to opening lines because they're a pain in the ass to write. They're also the first taste of the novel, and can make or break a sale to a browsing bookstore patron. I work hard on my openers, and I expect other writers do the same. A good opener to me is one that makes me seriously consider burning everything I've written to take up scrapbooking. A Creative Writing 101 version of Doppler Radar on Channel 9 simply does not do that.
What else can I complain about? Oh, yeah: set-up paragraphs. Let me pick on someone famous who won't give a hoot what I think . . .
When Archbishop Richard Rushman, known to Catholic, Protestant and Jew alike as "the Saint of Lakeview Drive" because of his great charitable works, stepped out of the shower, he had less than ten minutes to live. -- first line of "Primal Fear" by William Diehl
With all due respect to Diehl, who I believe is the only writer in existence whose name rhymes with mine, this opener has always bugged me. It was brought to my attention when I read an article by someone talking about great opening lines in modern fiction, but I never saw why this was one of them. As lines go, it's TMI-chunky. Delete from known to works and you get a much cleaner, higher-impact opener:
When Archbishop Richard Rushman stepped out of the shower, he had less than ten minutes to live.
Naked, wet archbishop, death ETA ten minutes. Why throw character backstory in that kind of mix? The opener is also odd because the second sentence in Primal Fear is completely different in tone and structure: Death stood in the doorway. In line one we're given a mini-info dump; in line two Death Has Entered The Building.
And another thing: if you don't want to identify the killer in your novel immediately, please do not refer to him, her or it as Death. I have it on good authority that Death is tired of temping for you. Yes, we know you need to parade suspects and ratchet up the suspense, but please: until Scooby and the kids solve the mystery, refer to the killer as the killer.
I have another rant about heroes who spend half of every love scene quadruple-checking with the heroine to make sure she wants to do the nasty, and then apologizing endlessly for their unbridled lust after the deed is done, but I'll save that one for Valentine's Day.
What common practice among writers makes you cranky?
We've all agreed that the common practice of starting a novel with a variation of It was a dark and stormy night sucks, right? Yet if there's one thing every highly-acclaimed, promising young novelist seems to do without fail, it's to start with a weather report (my debut novel starts off with my protagonist checking out a shady tavern, but I wasn't young or acclaimed, and no one sent me the how-to manual for promising novelists.)
If you write fantastic blizzards, or tornados figure prominently in your plot opening, you may ignore this rant.
I pay special attention to opening lines because they're a pain in the ass to write. They're also the first taste of the novel, and can make or break a sale to a browsing bookstore patron. I work hard on my openers, and I expect other writers do the same. A good opener to me is one that makes me seriously consider burning everything I've written to take up scrapbooking. A Creative Writing 101 version of Doppler Radar on Channel 9 simply does not do that.
What else can I complain about? Oh, yeah: set-up paragraphs. Let me pick on someone famous who won't give a hoot what I think . . .
When Archbishop Richard Rushman, known to Catholic, Protestant and Jew alike as "the Saint of Lakeview Drive" because of his great charitable works, stepped out of the shower, he had less than ten minutes to live. -- first line of "Primal Fear" by William Diehl
With all due respect to Diehl, who I believe is the only writer in existence whose name rhymes with mine, this opener has always bugged me. It was brought to my attention when I read an article by someone talking about great opening lines in modern fiction, but I never saw why this was one of them. As lines go, it's TMI-chunky. Delete from known to works and you get a much cleaner, higher-impact opener:
When Archbishop Richard Rushman stepped out of the shower, he had less than ten minutes to live.
Naked, wet archbishop, death ETA ten minutes. Why throw character backstory in that kind of mix? The opener is also odd because the second sentence in Primal Fear is completely different in tone and structure: Death stood in the doorway. In line one we're given a mini-info dump; in line two Death Has Entered The Building.
And another thing: if you don't want to identify the killer in your novel immediately, please do not refer to him, her or it as Death. I have it on good authority that Death is tired of temping for you. Yes, we know you need to parade suspects and ratchet up the suspense, but please: until Scooby and the kids solve the mystery, refer to the killer as the killer.
I have another rant about heroes who spend half of every love scene quadruple-checking with the heroine to make sure she wants to do the nasty, and then apologizing endlessly for their unbridled lust after the deed is done, but I'll save that one for Valentine's Day.
What common practice among writers makes you cranky?
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Marjorie!
I was quite glad to see Marjorie M. Liu show up again on the USAT BSL this week with her latest release Shadow Touch debuting at the #84 spot. I'll have to start watching the Times for it now.
ST is also showing up at every bookstore in town, as well as on the racks at my grocery store, my drug store, my convenience store....the woman's book is all over the place. Which in these times of POD and first print run trim-backs is very nice to see. Restores a little of my tattered faith in publishers supporting good authors, anyway.
In less exciting news, I have finalized my title for Darkyn book #4: Night Lost. Now hopefully the publisher won't hate it.
ST is also showing up at every bookstore in town, as well as on the racks at my grocery store, my drug store, my convenience store....the woman's book is all over the place. Which in these times of POD and first print run trim-backs is very nice to see. Restores a little of my tattered faith in publishers supporting good authors, anyway.
In less exciting news, I have finalized my title for Darkyn book #4: Night Lost. Now hopefully the publisher won't hate it.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Friday 20
Five items of interest found during blog rounds this week:
1. Don't ask for balloon animals: Not content with being an author, blogger, and composer of bestial love sonnets, John Rickards has raised the big top on his new crime fiction hub site, Mystery Circus. Abounding with interesting folks and discussions; go, read, join in.
2. Shiny new linkage: If you're lazy like me, and keep forgetting to update your links, cut and paste the following to your template for these blog pals who have moved:
Douglas Hoffman: http://ballsandwalnuts.com/
Jo Leigh: http://www.joleigh.com/wp/
Sasha White: http://www.sashawhite.net/blog/index.php
3. Very Cool Contest: Monica Jackson is kicking off a neat online treasure hunt contest to celebrate the launch of her new group blog, Writing Divas. The winner receives a gift basket with ". . . everything she’ll need to pamper herself in addition to books/CDs/E-book downloads from every Diva!"
4. Hair Today: Bill Peschel offers some amusing skinny on us natural redheads (and I had no idea Emily Dickinson was a scarlet sister) while Sharon Long ponders Hair as the Ultimate Stereotype over at RTB.
5. Absolute Gem Spotlight: Much applause for Ms. Selah March and this jewel: "...If we can live with the paradox of "Maddona/whore" we're fed from infancy, we can likely find our way through Barnes & Noble without big scary signs that scream "Here There Be DILDOES." (I say let's stage a coup, take out the Sisters and make Selah president of RWA. We'd have to invest in tear gas and pepper spray -- or maybe just some handcuffs (paging Shannon Stacey) and male strippers -- but I'd rejoin for that.)
As for the Friday 20, ask away.
1. Don't ask for balloon animals: Not content with being an author, blogger, and composer of bestial love sonnets, John Rickards has raised the big top on his new crime fiction hub site, Mystery Circus. Abounding with interesting folks and discussions; go, read, join in.
2. Shiny new linkage: If you're lazy like me, and keep forgetting to update your links, cut and paste the following to your template for these blog pals who have moved:
Douglas Hoffman: http://ballsandwalnuts.com/
Jo Leigh: http://www.joleigh.com/wp/
Sasha White: http://www.sashawhite.net/blog/index.php
3. Very Cool Contest: Monica Jackson is kicking off a neat online treasure hunt contest to celebrate the launch of her new group blog, Writing Divas. The winner receives a gift basket with ". . . everything she’ll need to pamper herself in addition to books/CDs/E-book downloads from every Diva!"
4. Hair Today: Bill Peschel offers some amusing skinny on us natural redheads (and I had no idea Emily Dickinson was a scarlet sister) while Sharon Long ponders Hair as the Ultimate Stereotype over at RTB.
5. Absolute Gem Spotlight: Much applause for Ms. Selah March and this jewel: "...If we can live with the paradox of "Maddona/whore" we're fed from infancy, we can likely find our way through Barnes & Noble without big scary signs that scream "Here There Be DILDOES." (I say let's stage a coup, take out the Sisters and make Selah president of RWA. We'd have to invest in tear gas and pepper spray -- or maybe just some handcuffs (paging Shannon Stacey) and male strippers -- but I'd rejoin for that.)
As for the Friday 20, ask away.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
BlogClouds
Do you know the most common words you use on your blog or website? Find out by building* your own word cloud (link cut-pursed from Byzantium's Shores.)
*Note: cloud-builder bot doesn't seem to function on IE, I'm told, but does fine on Firefox.
*Note: cloud-builder bot doesn't seem to function on IE, I'm told, but does fine on Firefox.
Need Not Apply
CareerBuilder.com's Laura Morsch lists librarian as one of the Five Unpopular Jobs You Should Have. Apparently massive coming retirements, low pay and waning interest from workforce youngsters are the reasons libraries of the future will be severely understaffed.
I could handle being a librarian, as long as I could work with sane people, and I didn't have to deal with the obnoxious patrons, their shrieking offspring, folks who use libraries as hotels, or clean up the myriad nasty stuff left in the books and the rest rooms. Which probably means I couldn't be a librarian.
Still, the article got me to thinking about the jobs I would or wouldn't do in Publishing. I already know I couldn't be an editor from friends of mine who are; that's absolutely the worst job of all. I haven't the saleswoman mentality, so agent, publicist, and marketing rep are out. I've been a comptroller for a big company, so I'd do okay in accounting, until they discovered that I was paying all the writers, and then I'd be fired.
Novelist seems to be the only publishing job that I'm suited for (since they won't let me run Purchasing & Acquisitions anywhere), and I'm happy to write pretty much anything as long as I'm paid for it. Convenient when writer-for-hire job offers come around, too. Although there are some projects I might pass on, such as:
1. Ghost-writing Hey, I Was Only Joshing Wi' Ya, the official and honest James Frey autobiography -- I'd have to meet him, and smile at him, and be nice to him, and not bitch-slap him. And then Oprah would pick it for her book club.
2. Writing SFWA and NASA: Partners in the Future -- It's really hard to write when you're laughing uncontrollably, have you ever noticed that?
3. Editing Love Sonnets by John Rickards -- No. Wait, let me think. Oh, God. No.
3a. That goes for you, too, MacBride.
4. Compiling address lists for Vanity Publishers, the Writer's Best Friend -- without committing arson?
5. Writing The Idiot's Guide to Wonderful, Fun, Career-Boosting Romance Writer Conferences -- you don't really want me to lie that much to you.
6. Conducting membership survey for HWA: Bunnies and Hearts and Kisses for Everyone! -- only if Douglas Clegg co-writes it with me, and he has to drive and carry the weapons.
7. Collecting and editing personal essays for Cherishing the Book of Your Heart -- having heard these sob stories so often, I could actually write this, but there are credibility problems (for example, I shouldn't have already threatened to write Piss on the Book of Your Heart.)
So what are the publishing or writing jobs you wouldn't touch with a twenty-foot cattle prod?
I could handle being a librarian, as long as I could work with sane people, and I didn't have to deal with the obnoxious patrons, their shrieking offspring, folks who use libraries as hotels, or clean up the myriad nasty stuff left in the books and the rest rooms. Which probably means I couldn't be a librarian.
Still, the article got me to thinking about the jobs I would or wouldn't do in Publishing. I already know I couldn't be an editor from friends of mine who are; that's absolutely the worst job of all. I haven't the saleswoman mentality, so agent, publicist, and marketing rep are out. I've been a comptroller for a big company, so I'd do okay in accounting, until they discovered that I was paying all the writers, and then I'd be fired.
Novelist seems to be the only publishing job that I'm suited for (since they won't let me run Purchasing & Acquisitions anywhere), and I'm happy to write pretty much anything as long as I'm paid for it. Convenient when writer-for-hire job offers come around, too. Although there are some projects I might pass on, such as:
1. Ghost-writing Hey, I Was Only Joshing Wi' Ya, the official and honest James Frey autobiography -- I'd have to meet him, and smile at him, and be nice to him, and not bitch-slap him. And then Oprah would pick it for her book club.
2. Writing SFWA and NASA: Partners in the Future -- It's really hard to write when you're laughing uncontrollably, have you ever noticed that?
3. Editing Love Sonnets by John Rickards -- No. Wait, let me think. Oh, God. No.
3a. That goes for you, too, MacBride.
4. Compiling address lists for Vanity Publishers, the Writer's Best Friend -- without committing arson?
5. Writing The Idiot's Guide to Wonderful, Fun, Career-Boosting Romance Writer Conferences -- you don't really want me to lie that much to you.
6. Conducting membership survey for HWA: Bunnies and Hearts and Kisses for Everyone! -- only if Douglas Clegg co-writes it with me, and he has to drive and carry the weapons.
7. Collecting and editing personal essays for Cherishing the Book of Your Heart -- having heard these sob stories so often, I could actually write this, but there are credibility problems (for example, I shouldn't have already threatened to write Piss on the Book of Your Heart.)
So what are the publishing or writing jobs you wouldn't touch with a twenty-foot cattle prod?
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
International PBW
Considering this week's budding bitchfest, I probably should apologize in advance for being unAmerican and refusing to discriminate against readers for their nationality or where they reside when I do book giveaways.
Yes, like that shameless hussy Alison, I write off overseas shipping as a business expense. It's true that the prices are higher, but I have no respect for the rising cost of postage. Fool with money, that's me. It's appalling when you think about all the piles of cash I could save by restricting my giveaways to U.S. citizens only.
You see, it's all part of a secret and insidious international plot of mine, to trick unsuspecting citizens of other countries into becoming my readers. Once they read one of my novels, they contract book fever from the tiny, invisible pathogenic compound I spray on the pages. After that, they haven't a hope of ever again resisting my work. The minute they go into a bookstore and see one of my titles, they are compelled by the fever to buy it. And talk about my novels? My God, you can't shut them up. Before you know it, foreign publishers have no choice but to buy the rights to my books and translate them into other languages.
Or maybe I'm so childish that I simply think it's neat when I can send something I wrote to Wales or Singapore or Japan. Those addresses are wonderful, even the ones I have to copy one letter at a time so I don't mess them up. Then there are those sexy, dangerous-looking customs forms I have to fill out. I only wish I could get on a plane and deliver the books in person. Might do that too, someday (and wouldn't you all be surprised if I showed up at your door one morning and catch you Brits and Germans in your jammies and bunny slippers. I drink tea for breakfast, btw, if you want to invite me in.) Not very patriotic of me, is it?
No, you're right, no published author would be so unhip. It's more likely the insidious international plot.
There's also the sad fact that I've probably been tainted by the number of other countries to which I've traveled. Not to mention the family members I have living in the U.K., France and Germany. We won't even talk about how many friends I have outside U.S. territorial borders. It's disgraceful how I can't stick to my own kind.
So there you have it: I'm either a cold-blooded manipulative bitch hoping to spread book fever like avian influenza, or a complete slut for exotic addresses and customs paperwork. Anyway, wherever you live on the planet, I will nail you with free books whenever I can.
Sorry!
Yes, like that shameless hussy Alison, I write off overseas shipping as a business expense. It's true that the prices are higher, but I have no respect for the rising cost of postage. Fool with money, that's me. It's appalling when you think about all the piles of cash I could save by restricting my giveaways to U.S. citizens only.
You see, it's all part of a secret and insidious international plot of mine, to trick unsuspecting citizens of other countries into becoming my readers. Once they read one of my novels, they contract book fever from the tiny, invisible pathogenic compound I spray on the pages. After that, they haven't a hope of ever again resisting my work. The minute they go into a bookstore and see one of my titles, they are compelled by the fever to buy it. And talk about my novels? My God, you can't shut them up. Before you know it, foreign publishers have no choice but to buy the rights to my books and translate them into other languages.
Or maybe I'm so childish that I simply think it's neat when I can send something I wrote to Wales or Singapore or Japan. Those addresses are wonderful, even the ones I have to copy one letter at a time so I don't mess them up. Then there are those sexy, dangerous-looking customs forms I have to fill out. I only wish I could get on a plane and deliver the books in person. Might do that too, someday (and wouldn't you all be surprised if I showed up at your door one morning and catch you Brits and Germans in your jammies and bunny slippers. I drink tea for breakfast, btw, if you want to invite me in.) Not very patriotic of me, is it?
No, you're right, no published author would be so unhip. It's more likely the insidious international plot.
There's also the sad fact that I've probably been tainted by the number of other countries to which I've traveled. Not to mention the family members I have living in the U.K., France and Germany. We won't even talk about how many friends I have outside U.S. territorial borders. It's disgraceful how I can't stick to my own kind.
So there you have it: I'm either a cold-blooded manipulative bitch hoping to spread book fever like avian influenza, or a complete slut for exotic addresses and customs paperwork. Anyway, wherever you live on the planet, I will nail you with free books whenever I can.
Sorry!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Monday, February 06, 2006
Writing Tens
Ten Things About Ten Things About Writing
1. Getting it done: Ann Roscopf Allen's article Ten Tips to Help You Finish Writing Your Novel.
2. Know thy novel first: Rosalyn Alsobrooks' article Ten Things to Consider Before Writing Your Novel.
3. Hey, no more snickering over my BatCave: Jennifer Ashley's article Ten Tips to Stay Sane, Write the Best Novel You Can, and Launch Your Career.
4. It's not nice to be nice to your hero: Leslie Caine's article Ten Tips for Writing a Publishable Novel.
5. Long as I don't have to marry him: Claudia Johnson & Matt Stevens' article Top Ten Reasons to Write with a Partner.
6. Short and sweet: Kathy Kennedy's article Short Stories: 10 Tips for Novice Creative Writers.
7. Keyboard-breath?: Jean Lamb's article Ten Things to Do While Waiting to Become Rich and Famous.
8. Especially #4 and #6: Pam McCutcheon's article How to Avoid the Top Ten Mistakes in Writing Synopses.
9. Thou shalt not take the name of the Publishing in vain [lightning strikes]: Moondance.org's Ten Commandments of Creative Women.
10. Blame James Frey, it was probably his fault: Lissa Warren's article Ten Things to Do If Your Book's Not Getting Media Attention.
1. Getting it done: Ann Roscopf Allen's article Ten Tips to Help You Finish Writing Your Novel.
2. Know thy novel first: Rosalyn Alsobrooks' article Ten Things to Consider Before Writing Your Novel.
3. Hey, no more snickering over my BatCave: Jennifer Ashley's article Ten Tips to Stay Sane, Write the Best Novel You Can, and Launch Your Career.
4. It's not nice to be nice to your hero: Leslie Caine's article Ten Tips for Writing a Publishable Novel.
5. Long as I don't have to marry him: Claudia Johnson & Matt Stevens' article Top Ten Reasons to Write with a Partner.
6. Short and sweet: Kathy Kennedy's article Short Stories: 10 Tips for Novice Creative Writers.
7. Keyboard-breath?: Jean Lamb's article Ten Things to Do While Waiting to Become Rich and Famous.
8. Especially #4 and #6: Pam McCutcheon's article How to Avoid the Top Ten Mistakes in Writing Synopses.
9. Thou shalt not take the name of the Publishing in vain [lightning strikes]: Moondance.org's Ten Commandments of Creative Women.
10. Blame James Frey, it was probably his fault: Lissa Warren's article Ten Things to Do If Your Book's Not Getting Media Attention.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
MiniShire
Doll house builders and miniaturists amaze me, especially the ones who are devoted fans of fictional worlds, but this one's recreation of Frodo's house from LOTR left me speechless (warning for dial-uppers, many, many pics that take a while to load, but absolutely worth it. Also, thanks to G. for the link.)
NTYs
Polite "No, thank you" professional e-mails are usually easy to compose after you've been published for a few years. In your rookie year you generally say yes to everything, mainly because you don't know any better. One or two faltering speeches at the Daughters of Nancy Drew or Sons of Heinlein club luncheons cures you of that pretty quick.
Having had enough colleagues' doors slammed in my face, I also believe in being as courteous as you can when you say no as a pro. It's hard to ask people for quotes, favors and so forth. I still pay the return postage to send back every unsolicited book or manuscript that is sent to me for quotes or votes for organization awards (on the latter, I haven't been a member of anything for years and still get them.)
I also try to explain the why behind every no, too, because I understand how a NTY can turn into Oh God She Hates My Guts and I Never Realized It in the mind of a colleague. Unless they use my explanation as a reason to start e-mail-arguing with me, and then I just have to shut it down with a "You're absolutely right, oh my, look at the time, must get back to work, see you" note.
Example: I am not now nor will I ever be interested in writing SF chick-lit. That is not because I secretly spit on chick-lit, futuristic romance, other female SF writers, or those who believe the melding of SF and chick-lit will create the next beeg genre trend. With SF, I do my own thing. I never do collaborations. Also, I know as much about feminine empowerment via fashion and footwear as I do nuclear warhead disarmament. So: Just. Not. Interested.
Here are some guidelines to politely saying No Thank You when your inbox starts overflowing with Would yous:
1. Be personal. This person thought enough of you to ask, you can think enough of them to spare them the form letter NTY.
2. Use humor whenever possible. A little laugh, even at your own expense, can ease some pain on the other side.
3. Be honest, not judgmental. It's okay to tell someone you're not into posing nude for the SFWA Writers in the Raw legal fund raiser calendar because your mom will kill you. It's not okay to suggest the requester get a body double for his/her own photo shoot -- even if the requester bears a striking resemblance to a bald warthog.
4. Say yes or no, not maybe, or probably, or possibly, etc. I had one writer do this to me when I was working on a press release list. I actually could not tell from the content of the response whether it was okay or not to add this person, and had to e-mail a second time to ask again.
5. Do not in the process of saying no ridicule the requester's charity, writer organization, friends, co-writers, or any other entity involved in the request. Exception: unless it's the Sisters of the Immaculate Love Scene, in which case, e-mail me for suggestions.
It's a given that the more popular your books become, the more often you will have to say "No, thank you." Only remember to say yes sometimes, too, especially to rookie writers looking for quotes. You never know when the next Stephen King or John Grisham may e-mail you with a nervous, "I know you must be extremely busy, but . . ."
Having had enough colleagues' doors slammed in my face, I also believe in being as courteous as you can when you say no as a pro. It's hard to ask people for quotes, favors and so forth. I still pay the return postage to send back every unsolicited book or manuscript that is sent to me for quotes or votes for organization awards (on the latter, I haven't been a member of anything for years and still get them.)
I also try to explain the why behind every no, too, because I understand how a NTY can turn into Oh God She Hates My Guts and I Never Realized It in the mind of a colleague. Unless they use my explanation as a reason to start e-mail-arguing with me, and then I just have to shut it down with a "You're absolutely right, oh my, look at the time, must get back to work, see you" note.
Example: I am not now nor will I ever be interested in writing SF chick-lit. That is not because I secretly spit on chick-lit, futuristic romance, other female SF writers, or those who believe the melding of SF and chick-lit will create the next beeg genre trend. With SF, I do my own thing. I never do collaborations. Also, I know as much about feminine empowerment via fashion and footwear as I do nuclear warhead disarmament. So: Just. Not. Interested.
Here are some guidelines to politely saying No Thank You when your inbox starts overflowing with Would yous:
1. Be personal. This person thought enough of you to ask, you can think enough of them to spare them the form letter NTY.
2. Use humor whenever possible. A little laugh, even at your own expense, can ease some pain on the other side.
3. Be honest, not judgmental. It's okay to tell someone you're not into posing nude for the SFWA Writers in the Raw legal fund raiser calendar because your mom will kill you. It's not okay to suggest the requester get a body double for his/her own photo shoot -- even if the requester bears a striking resemblance to a bald warthog.
4. Say yes or no, not maybe, or probably, or possibly, etc. I had one writer do this to me when I was working on a press release list. I actually could not tell from the content of the response whether it was okay or not to add this person, and had to e-mail a second time to ask again.
5. Do not in the process of saying no ridicule the requester's charity, writer organization, friends, co-writers, or any other entity involved in the request. Exception: unless it's the Sisters of the Immaculate Love Scene, in which case, e-mail me for suggestions.
It's a given that the more popular your books become, the more often you will have to say "No, thank you." Only remember to say yes sometimes, too, especially to rookie writers looking for quotes. You never know when the next Stephen King or John Grisham may e-mail you with a nervous, "I know you must be extremely busy, but . . ."
Refs
Do you all have any frequently-visited internet reference link sites? Doesn't matter whether it's a general ref source like Refdesk.com, or writer-specific, such as Margaret Fisk's monster Writing Links page; I'm interested in the places you go most often.
If you don't mind sharing the wealth, post a URL or link to your ref hangouts in comments.
If you don't mind sharing the wealth, post a URL or link to your ref hangouts in comments.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Hold the Roses
Read tonight in an old textbook on writing:
Flowery and extravagant diction interferes with a writer's doing justice to his subject.
The text goes on to talk about how writers often can't resist flowery diction, as they want to slap a coat of poetic varnish on dull old prose, i.e.:
Flowery: The respite from my studies was devoted to a sojourn at the ancestral mansion.
Plain English: I spent my vacation at my grandparents' house.
I know a couple of writers who write exactly like the flower power example minus the passive voice. They are acclaimed to the high heavens for the obscurity and beauty of their novels. The books don't sell, exactly, but apparently that's part of their priceless appeal, too. We all know how dull and vulgar it is to sell well.
I love poetry, but I can't read prose that has been lacquered into phony/pretty lines. It's like grading papers for a sixth grade creative writing class after they've seen Narnia or LOTR. Every other line is filled with phrases like denying the partaking and enduringly forever. I like plain words, not pretty. Pretty seems pretty shallow, while plain resonates with me on every level.
What do you guys think of flower power writers?
Flowery and extravagant diction interferes with a writer's doing justice to his subject.
The text goes on to talk about how writers often can't resist flowery diction, as they want to slap a coat of poetic varnish on dull old prose, i.e.:
Flowery: The respite from my studies was devoted to a sojourn at the ancestral mansion.
Plain English: I spent my vacation at my grandparents' house.
I know a couple of writers who write exactly like the flower power example minus the passive voice. They are acclaimed to the high heavens for the obscurity and beauty of their novels. The books don't sell, exactly, but apparently that's part of their priceless appeal, too. We all know how dull and vulgar it is to sell well.
I love poetry, but I can't read prose that has been lacquered into phony/pretty lines. It's like grading papers for a sixth grade creative writing class after they've seen Narnia or LOTR. Every other line is filled with phrases like denying the partaking and enduringly forever. I like plain words, not pretty. Pretty seems pretty shallow, while plain resonates with me on every level.
What do you guys think of flower power writers?
Friday, February 03, 2006
On the Shelf
Hit Waldenbooks on the way home tonight; spotted Marjorie M. Liu's new novel Shadow Touch up front mid-level on the new release wall and snagged it. Marjorie, you get the best damn cover art, I swear.
Lots of reprints and re-releases out; that seems to be standard for spring. Which is dumb, Publishing, because a lot of readers (like me) still have gift cards leftover from Christmas and we want to buy new stuff, not the retitleds/first chapter rewrittens/reprints by I'm Too Busy Giving Workshops at Paradise Cons and Hanging Out with My Fabulous Friends in the Tiki Bar To Write Anything New for You authors.
Found a Harlan Coben paperback I've been wanting to read -- Harlan rocks -- but after my last disastrous experiment with reading popular crime fiction (the offending superstar author shall remain nameless) I was hardly itching to give myself another migraine, so I skipped over to cruise Romance.
Located Minute by Minute, Jo Leigh's latest Blaze, and bought two copies as the girl on the cover art looks exactly like my baby sister. Vampire fiction is starting to flood the shelves the way romantic suspense and chick-lit have in years past. Came across an interesting little excerpt freebie book from St. Martin's for L.A. Banks' vampire novels parked on the new romance release shelf. Some nice bookseller had stocked the endcap with dark pink Waldenbooks printed shopping lists of all the new romances for the month as well as store bookmarks. Helpful stuff.
I like this particular Waldenbooks because they carry a lot of Ellora's Cave print novels. Today I found a bunch of Shiloh Walker's books there (always cool to see someone from the blogosphere in the store) and picked up her novel Mythe: Vampire to read.
Found another book by an author who has often irritated me in the past -- first time I've seen anything by this author in a store. Vague cover art, but nicely vague. Picked it up, skimmed the first ten pages, discovered the author's writing is just as annoying as the author. Possibly more so. Bought a copy and faced out the rest of the author's book anyway. Good for the soul, and I'm pretty sure my mom will like it. She's into (cough) long-winded, obnoxious writers.
Passed by the remainder table and had a look. I resist buying fiction remainders; I know they're more affordable and all but it bugs me to see them there, like abandoned dreams. If it's a hardcover and it tempts me, I'll go look for the paperback and buy that instead so the author gets something out of it. Yes, I'm an idiot. Anyway, found a version of the Apocrypha that I don't own, and picked up that one. Oddly I have no qualms about buying remaindered nonfiction or reference books. Shelf stock in those sections is really dicey; often the only time I find something good is when it hits the remainder table.
Grabbed a new Paperblanks journal as I finished one for January; rounded up the kids and finally checked out. Added the latest Magic Schoolbuses and some manga to the pile. The store clerk grinned at me. "My, you all like to read, don't you?"
That we do.
Lots of reprints and re-releases out; that seems to be standard for spring. Which is dumb, Publishing, because a lot of readers (like me) still have gift cards leftover from Christmas and we want to buy new stuff, not the retitleds/first chapter rewrittens/reprints by I'm Too Busy Giving Workshops at Paradise Cons and Hanging Out with My Fabulous Friends in the Tiki Bar To Write Anything New for You authors.
Found a Harlan Coben paperback I've been wanting to read -- Harlan rocks -- but after my last disastrous experiment with reading popular crime fiction (the offending superstar author shall remain nameless) I was hardly itching to give myself another migraine, so I skipped over to cruise Romance.
Located Minute by Minute, Jo Leigh's latest Blaze, and bought two copies as the girl on the cover art looks exactly like my baby sister. Vampire fiction is starting to flood the shelves the way romantic suspense and chick-lit have in years past. Came across an interesting little excerpt freebie book from St. Martin's for L.A. Banks' vampire novels parked on the new romance release shelf. Some nice bookseller had stocked the endcap with dark pink Waldenbooks printed shopping lists of all the new romances for the month as well as store bookmarks. Helpful stuff.
I like this particular Waldenbooks because they carry a lot of Ellora's Cave print novels. Today I found a bunch of Shiloh Walker's books there (always cool to see someone from the blogosphere in the store) and picked up her novel Mythe: Vampire to read.
Found another book by an author who has often irritated me in the past -- first time I've seen anything by this author in a store. Vague cover art, but nicely vague. Picked it up, skimmed the first ten pages, discovered the author's writing is just as annoying as the author. Possibly more so. Bought a copy and faced out the rest of the author's book anyway. Good for the soul, and I'm pretty sure my mom will like it. She's into (cough) long-winded, obnoxious writers.
Passed by the remainder table and had a look. I resist buying fiction remainders; I know they're more affordable and all but it bugs me to see them there, like abandoned dreams. If it's a hardcover and it tempts me, I'll go look for the paperback and buy that instead so the author gets something out of it. Yes, I'm an idiot. Anyway, found a version of the Apocrypha that I don't own, and picked up that one. Oddly I have no qualms about buying remaindered nonfiction or reference books. Shelf stock in those sections is really dicey; often the only time I find something good is when it hits the remainder table.
Grabbed a new Paperblanks journal as I finished one for January; rounded up the kids and finally checked out. Added the latest Magic Schoolbuses and some manga to the pile. The store clerk grinned at me. "My, you all like to read, don't you?"
That we do.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Phoning It In 2
(Excerpt from the WIP, first/daily edit notes)
Not often a girl finds all the justification she needs for a complete nervous breakdown laying (1) on the living room carpet.
The cat sniffed the glaive I'd dreamed of last night and looked up at me. Weren't you going to boil this baby in peroxide or something? (2)
I was, if I could bring myself to touch it again, but the phone was ringing. I set down my mug and picked up the receiver. "What?"
"PMSing, sweetheart?" It was William, sounding smug.
How had he gotten my number? "What?"
"Oh, dear, are you busy? Is he big? Hung? Easily sedated?"
I took the phone away from my ear and stared at it. I was facing a manifested delusion, my judgment was impaired, I had now-you-seem-'em-now-you-don't injuries, I was hearing the guy who had done it, and William wanted to chat like a girlfriend with an itch? (3)
I put the phone back to my ear. "What do you want?"
"All of the above, with a can of low-fat whipped cream and a king size four poster bed with a waterproof mattress protector," he told me. "But I digress. My love, much as I dislike whining, I have nothing but cold."
I imagined toddling (4) over to his apartment and clubbing him over the head with the rod-end of the glaive. Now that would make a decent reality test. "Cold?"
"Water, darling, water. Pouring from yon taps. Can't you hear the cubes tinkling as they hit the porcelain?" He heaved a sigh. "I also have no cheesecake with which to bribe you, but there is this incredibly delish, tragically straight young man of my acquaintance who would adore making yours. Would you consider him an adequate substitute?"
I thought of Chane and swallowed a sudden mouthful of spit. "Not really." (5)
"Not enough? Well, (6) my trusty crotchometer indicates that on the veg scale, he’d come in around cucumber."
"Cucumber." (7)
"The veg scale, sweetie. As in comparative sized (8) vegetables. You know, starts at cherry tomato and ends at zucchini." William yawned. "An ivory, not ebony, cucumber, by the way, if that is a concern. Perhaps a tad on the wandish side, but certainly long enough to leave an impression."
He was talking about the guy's dick, I realized. Like to him it was a slice of the food pyramid. Then again, who was I to judge? I'd just been fondly remembering Frenching a snake-tongued demon version of my wacko ex-boyfriend, the mob boss. "Great."
"I'll trade an intro for thirty minutes of steaming bathwater, what do you say?" he wheedled. "Can you coax that basement monster to relinquish that much?"
"Maybe." (9) Is there a monster in the basement? I wondered idly. I had Chane haunting my dreams. I had his voice in my head and, apparently, a thing for demons. I had imaginary bruises showing on and disappearing from my face. I had a freaking medieval dream weapon laying (1) on the floor in the living room. (10)
A monster in the basement would make a nice change.
"I know you’re a chick of few words," William said, "but this monosyllabic side of you is starting to worry me."
Edit notes:
(1) Is it laying or lying? Can never remember, check grammar book.
(2) Production note: If I use just this section as a teaser, no one will understand this ref.
(3) & (10) Echo each other too closely.
(4) Don't like toddling, replace with wandering, going, or something else.
(5) Not monosyllabic, change to No.
(6) Unnecessary, delete.
(7) Not monosyllabic, change to Huh.
(8) Hyphenate? or change comparative to comparatively.
(9) Not monosyllabic, change to Sure.
Spell/grammar check snags: glaive, PMSing, 'em, delish, Chane, crotchometer, veg, wandish, Frenching, bathwater
Not often a girl finds all the justification she needs for a complete nervous breakdown laying (1) on the living room carpet.
The cat sniffed the glaive I'd dreamed of last night and looked up at me. Weren't you going to boil this baby in peroxide or something? (2)
I was, if I could bring myself to touch it again, but the phone was ringing. I set down my mug and picked up the receiver. "What?"
"PMSing, sweetheart?" It was William, sounding smug.
How had he gotten my number? "What?"
"Oh, dear, are you busy? Is he big? Hung? Easily sedated?"
I took the phone away from my ear and stared at it. I was facing a manifested delusion, my judgment was impaired, I had now-you-seem-'em-now-you-don't injuries, I was hearing the guy who had done it, and William wanted to chat like a girlfriend with an itch? (3)
I put the phone back to my ear. "What do you want?"
"All of the above, with a can of low-fat whipped cream and a king size four poster bed with a waterproof mattress protector," he told me. "But I digress. My love, much as I dislike whining, I have nothing but cold."
I imagined toddling (4) over to his apartment and clubbing him over the head with the rod-end of the glaive. Now that would make a decent reality test. "Cold?"
"Water, darling, water. Pouring from yon taps. Can't you hear the cubes tinkling as they hit the porcelain?" He heaved a sigh. "I also have no cheesecake with which to bribe you, but there is this incredibly delish, tragically straight young man of my acquaintance who would adore making yours. Would you consider him an adequate substitute?"
I thought of Chane and swallowed a sudden mouthful of spit. "Not really." (5)
"Not enough? Well, (6) my trusty crotchometer indicates that on the veg scale, he’d come in around cucumber."
"Cucumber." (7)
"The veg scale, sweetie. As in comparative sized (8) vegetables. You know, starts at cherry tomato and ends at zucchini." William yawned. "An ivory, not ebony, cucumber, by the way, if that is a concern. Perhaps a tad on the wandish side, but certainly long enough to leave an impression."
He was talking about the guy's dick, I realized. Like to him it was a slice of the food pyramid. Then again, who was I to judge? I'd just been fondly remembering Frenching a snake-tongued demon version of my wacko ex-boyfriend, the mob boss. "Great."
"I'll trade an intro for thirty minutes of steaming bathwater, what do you say?" he wheedled. "Can you coax that basement monster to relinquish that much?"
"Maybe." (9) Is there a monster in the basement? I wondered idly. I had Chane haunting my dreams. I had his voice in my head and, apparently, a thing for demons. I had imaginary bruises showing on and disappearing from my face. I had a freaking medieval dream weapon laying (1) on the floor in the living room. (10)
A monster in the basement would make a nice change.
"I know you’re a chick of few words," William said, "but this monosyllabic side of you is starting to worry me."
Edit notes:
(1) Is it laying or lying? Can never remember, check grammar book.
(2) Production note: If I use just this section as a teaser, no one will understand this ref.
(3) & (10) Echo each other too closely.
(4) Don't like toddling, replace with wandering, going, or something else.
(5) Not monosyllabic, change to No.
(6) Unnecessary, delete.
(7) Not monosyllabic, change to Huh.
(8) Hyphenate? or change comparative to comparatively.
(9) Not monosyllabic, change to Sure.
Spell/grammar check snags: glaive, PMSing, 'em, delish, Chane, crotchometer, veg, wandish, Frenching, bathwater
Phoning It In
(Excerpt from the WIP)
Not often a girl finds all the justification she needs for a complete nervous breakdown laying on the living room carpet.
The cat sniffed the glaive I'd dreamed of last night and looked up at me. Weren't you going to boil this baby in peroxide or something?
I was, if I could bring myself to touch it again, but the phone was ringing. I set down my mug and picked up the receiver. "What?"
"PMSing, sweetheart?" It was William, sounding smug.
How had he gotten my number? "What?"
"Oh, dear, are you busy? Is he big? Hung? Easily sedated?"
I took the phone away from my ear and stared at it. I was facing a manifested delusion, my judgment was impaired, I had now-you-seem-'em-now-you-don't injuries, I was hearing the guy who had done it, and William wanted to chat like a girlfriend with an itch?
I put the phone back to my ear. "What do you want?"
"All of the above, with a can of low-fat whipped cream and a king size four poster bed with a waterproof mattress protector," he told me. "But I digress. My love, much as I dislike whining, I have nothing but cold."
I imagined toddling over to his apartment and clubbing him over the head with the rod-end of the glaive. Now that would make a decent reality test. "Cold?"
"Water, darling, water. Pouring from yon taps. Can't you hear the cubes tinkling as they hit the porcelain?" He heaved a sigh. "I also have no cheesecake with which to bribe you, but there is this incredibly delish, tragically straight young man of my acquaintance who would adore making yours. Would you consider him an adequate substitute?"
I thought of Chane and swallowed a sudden mouthful of spit. "Not really."
"Not enough? Well, my trusty crotchometer indicates that on the veg scale, he’d come in around cucumber."
"Cucumber."
"The veg scale, sweetie. As in comparative sized vegetables. You know, starts at cherry tomato and ends at zucchini." William yawned. "An ivory, not ebony, cucumber, by the way, if that is a concern. Perhaps a tad on the wandish side, but certainly long enough to leave an impression."
He was talking about the guy's dick, I realized. Like to him it was a slice of the food pyramid. Then again, who was I to judge? I'd just been fondly remembering Frenching a snake-tongued demon version of my wacko ex-boyfriend, the mob boss. "Great."
"I'll trade an intro for thirty minutes of steaming bathwater, what do you say?" he wheedled. "Can you coax that basement monster to relinquish that much?"
"Maybe." Is there a monster in the basement? I wondered idly. I had Chane haunting my dreams. I had his voice in my head and, apparently, a thing for demons. I had imaginary bruises showing on and disappearing from my face. I had a freaking medieval dream weapon laying on the floor in the living room.
A monster in the basement would make a nice change.
"I know you’re a chick of few words," William said, "but this monosyllabic side of you is starting to worry me."
Not often a girl finds all the justification she needs for a complete nervous breakdown laying on the living room carpet.
The cat sniffed the glaive I'd dreamed of last night and looked up at me. Weren't you going to boil this baby in peroxide or something?
I was, if I could bring myself to touch it again, but the phone was ringing. I set down my mug and picked up the receiver. "What?"
"PMSing, sweetheart?" It was William, sounding smug.
How had he gotten my number? "What?"
"Oh, dear, are you busy? Is he big? Hung? Easily sedated?"
I took the phone away from my ear and stared at it. I was facing a manifested delusion, my judgment was impaired, I had now-you-seem-'em-now-you-don't injuries, I was hearing the guy who had done it, and William wanted to chat like a girlfriend with an itch?
I put the phone back to my ear. "What do you want?"
"All of the above, with a can of low-fat whipped cream and a king size four poster bed with a waterproof mattress protector," he told me. "But I digress. My love, much as I dislike whining, I have nothing but cold."
I imagined toddling over to his apartment and clubbing him over the head with the rod-end of the glaive. Now that would make a decent reality test. "Cold?"
"Water, darling, water. Pouring from yon taps. Can't you hear the cubes tinkling as they hit the porcelain?" He heaved a sigh. "I also have no cheesecake with which to bribe you, but there is this incredibly delish, tragically straight young man of my acquaintance who would adore making yours. Would you consider him an adequate substitute?"
I thought of Chane and swallowed a sudden mouthful of spit. "Not really."
"Not enough? Well, my trusty crotchometer indicates that on the veg scale, he’d come in around cucumber."
"Cucumber."
"The veg scale, sweetie. As in comparative sized vegetables. You know, starts at cherry tomato and ends at zucchini." William yawned. "An ivory, not ebony, cucumber, by the way, if that is a concern. Perhaps a tad on the wandish side, but certainly long enough to leave an impression."
He was talking about the guy's dick, I realized. Like to him it was a slice of the food pyramid. Then again, who was I to judge? I'd just been fondly remembering Frenching a snake-tongued demon version of my wacko ex-boyfriend, the mob boss. "Great."
"I'll trade an intro for thirty minutes of steaming bathwater, what do you say?" he wheedled. "Can you coax that basement monster to relinquish that much?"
"Maybe." Is there a monster in the basement? I wondered idly. I had Chane haunting my dreams. I had his voice in my head and, apparently, a thing for demons. I had imaginary bruises showing on and disappearing from my face. I had a freaking medieval dream weapon laying on the floor in the living room.
A monster in the basement would make a nice change.
"I know you’re a chick of few words," William said, "but this monosyllabic side of you is starting to worry me."
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Bibbidee
There are unpublished writers who have plenty of talent and are producing professional level work, and yet cannot get a proposal in front of an editor from a major publisher because the publisher doesn't accept unagented material. These same writers have shopped around for agents, but experienced agents rarely take on unpublished writers.
It's a nasty loop, and the one thing about the industry that I think needs to change (not that I have any practical solution to offer; I'm thinking wave a magic wand and make the problem go away.)
If you could wave a magic wand over the publishing industry and change one thing about it, what would it be, and why?
It's a nasty loop, and the one thing about the industry that I think needs to change (not that I have any practical solution to offer; I'm thinking wave a magic wand and make the problem go away.)
If you could wave a magic wand over the publishing industry and change one thing about it, what would it be, and why?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)