scraptastic.

i think it is safe to say that i am fanatical about organization. and i adore efficiency. when it comes to organization and efficiency, my art classroom is a work of art. it is also a work in progress. since day one, the scrap paper boxes have been one of the most vexing corners of my room. i try to save as much paper as possible, for use in future projects, but storing it is a constant struggle.

before. blech.

a lot of projects require semi-specific sizes of paper, so i thought it would be perfect to categorize the scraps by size. but then reality hit. do i put the smallish large scrap in the medium or large bin? what about the large small piece? oy yoy yoy.

glum. glum. glum.

and then i saw this.

ms. naples' scrap boxes. (picture from orange beautiful blog.)

oh my mama llama. after i picked myself up off the floor i got straight to work sorting. and sorting. and sorting. i scrounged up some extra boxes, made a label for each color, and dropped the paper into the new boxes. and then i fainted. 

gloriousness.

victory.

the corner still seemed a bit blah, so i figured i should follow the lead of my inspiration, ms. naples, and make a sign. i am not usually one to toot my own horn, but seriously people, this sign? it is awesomeness. for reals.

love. bring on the scraps.

can i get a hallelujah?

what the what.

every time i visit my parents' house, i am astounded by all the craziness. not my parents. they are not crazy. well, not any crazier than me, which might not be saying much, but i do not think that any of us needs to be institutionalized. the craziness is the things that they own that are just, ummm, crazy. i have no other word. their house is a gallimaufry of paintings, gadgets, books, crafting supplies, electronics, sculptures, and gardening goodies. i am sure that many of you think that either you or your kin have some crazy nonsense, but do they have...

laser-guided scissors?

 

wiggly knives to cut cheese in pretty slices?

 

irons that stand up on their own two feet as soon as you release the handle?

 

a psychedelic mushroom clock that chimes the hours?

 

and a whole host of light-up clocks that are virtually unreadable even to the experienced viewer? some of these chime every fifteen minutes. all of them chime on the hour. the top of every hour is a cacophony of chimes.

 

  

  

for those interested...all the clocks were made by chrono art.

shameless.

when i was a kid i remember begging my mom to let me buy this or that for my teacher. twice a year i got to pick something little to show my teacher how much i loved her. it was never anything earth-shattering, but it was my childish way of saying "thanks." from my perusals of the blogosphere, craftosphere, and facebook, this tradition continues, yet the kids at my school do not seem to have gotten the memo. i am a big believer in the motto "it is the thought that counts," so does that mean that despite wrangling your kid for six hours a day, five days a week, for 10 MONTHS that i do not even warrant a thought?

patiently teaching 5-year olds how to weave paper.

in five years of teaching, which thanks to various administrative shuffling, puts me somewhere in the neighborhood of 150 kids, i have received nine gifts and only a handful of cards. now i know the economy is in the dumps, but is it truly too much to ask that you go to the dollar store and buy a candle or sit your kid down with a paper and some crayons and tell them to make a thank you card for their teacher? really?

more times than i can remember my mom told me that it does not take much to say thank you and it sure does make the other people feel special. so this year, thanks to the brainchild of ms. pumpky, i have taken matters into my own hands. blatantly begging some might say. i prefer to think of it as continuing education...teaching kids that they should say thank you. i am not picky. handmade cards and dollar store gifts are the apple of my eye; all i ask is that you think of me. to that end, i placed a box on my desk, stuck a fake present in it and pointed it out to my kids telling them that if they have cards or gifts for me, they can just put them in the box. i plan to give them daily reminders of the box's existence. shameless plugging? perhaps. but i have decided that it is necessary since their parents refuse to teach them how to be good people.

the beggar collection box.

for those of you that have kids in school...do not forget the teacher. they work hard day in and day out to try to prepare your child for the future and it is always nice to know that you care. no need to spend a fortune...feel free to have your kids make a popsicle stick photo frame or some other crafty dealio (click here if you need some inspiration) and i guarantee the teacher will love it. after all there is a reason they chose to surround themselves with little people.

killing the cat.

curiosity killed the cat. therefore i am blessed to not be a cat. i would be dead. i am too curious by far. about what you ask? everything. the latest was brought about by my previous post about kosher soda. out of deference to keri (who prefers pepsi, for reasons i am not taking the liberties to disclose) we will hereby refer to pepsi. she mentioned that HFCS (high fructose corn syrup for those of us who are not in the know) is not included in the kosher production of pepsi. which caused emory to ponder why HFCS is not  kosher. which caused me to go and figure it out. and i solved the riddle!! yay me.

a picture of our grape jelly, because it seemed inappropriate to include a picture of "that which is not pepsi"

are you ready? okay. let's start with the fact that as it turns out, high fructose corn syrup IS kosher. at least according to the OU kosher organization, who call themselves "the world's most recognized and trusted kosher trademark." okay. apparently they are also interested in world domination. and it is working, because they are the trademark from my earlier kosher post. so, why is HFCS kosher? well OU kosher starts with a commentary about the production of HFCS explaining that it is made by changing the molecular structure of corn syrup. uh huh. sure. and then somewhere near the end of the following snippet, we can deduce that it is kosher, because they admit to the fact that they cannot find any reason why HFCS is not kosher.

"The agent responsible for this dramatic change is called glucose isomerase. Although the production of glucose isomerase could theoretically involve kosher concerns (the raw materials may be derived from non-kosher material) the only producers of this sophisticated ingredient are, to the best of our knowledge, kosher-certified. It is thus unlikely that any nonkosher high-fructose corn syrup is on the market" (http://www.oukosher.org/index.php/common/article/good_sweet_year/).

so if HFCS is kosher then why the big hullabaloo creating kosher pepsi for passover? because folks who observe passover traditions are forbidden from ingesting fermented grains or grains which have been in contact with water for longer than 18 minutes. corn is a grain. high fructose corn syrup is derived from corn. pepsi is a liquid, so at some level it contains water. clearly the corn derivative is in contact with water for much longer than 18 minutes. put all or some (i am NOT a scientist people...bear with me) of that argument together and obviously HFCS cannot be consumed during passover.

"Any food or food product containing fermented grain products (Chametz) may not be used or remain in a Jew's possession on Passover. Even foods with minute amounts of Chametz ingredients, or foods processed on utensils which are used for other Chametz-containing foods, are not permissible for Passover use" (http://www.ou.org/chagim/pesach/pesachguide/maze/basic3.htm).

not surprisingly, pepsi is eager to play nice with customers, so they found a way for folks to observe passover AND still gulp down their beverages. long story short...the hubbub is entirely related to passover NOT to the consumption of HFCS the rest of the year. interestingly the throwback varieties of pepsi, which are made with real sugar instead of HFCS are kosher, but not kosher for passover. i have not yet found anything that answers why these are not kosher for passover. i have a feeling it has something to do with a non-kosher preservative.

"During Passover, Jewish law forbids the consumption or possession by Jews of all edible fermented grain products (Chametz) or related foods. Therefore, even foods and household products which meet the strict, year-round dietary regulations, and are considered Kosher, are nevertheless, often unacceptable, or require special preparation for Passover use in the Jewish home in order to be Kosher for Passover"  (http://www.ou.org/chagim/pesach/pesachguide/maze/basic7.htm).

i feel better now. i hope you do too. and i would like to thank the folks at OU kosher for providing such a wealth of information.

kosher coke.

i have never tried to keep kosher, which is probably a good thing, because it never ever ever ever ever would have dawned on me that i need to check my soda to see if it is kosher. but as declared by the orthodox union, certain parts of coke and diet coke meet kosher standards. good to know. but how many different parts of coke are there?

this letter was hanging from the coke shelf at the grocery store.

my question. the rabbi has certified coke for passover 2010. does that mean that after passover coke is no longer kosher? this is so confusing.

 and the coke marketing department gets in on the action. sweet.

one sandwich short of a picnic.

i am no longer in love with julia child. what's to love? she is divine. amazing. brilliant. a genius. nope, i am no longer in love. i have simply decided that i am her. i came to this conclusion yesterday evening when i trekked to the grocery store in search of a boneless round rump roast. perhaps you are curious why i am procuring rumps...because i am julia child and i decided my husband would enjoy eating boeuf bourguignon. our oven is on its annual fritz. yes, annual. every summer it starts acting funny and then in august and/or september it ceases to work, merely uttering an occasional pathetic beep. but, since i am julia child, do i let this bother me? no ma'am. i simply slide over to the dark side and whip up the betty crocker version of boeuf bourguignon, which only requires the use of the stove top.

now of course, since i am a famous chef, i am sure you are trying to determine why you do not see me on television. as we all know, any person who can cook worth a darn has a television show. it seems that since i share a personality with a deceased person, the networks are finding it difficult to stomach my entrée into their lineup. until i find an enlightened executive, i fear that i am sidelined from presenting my cooking prowess on the telly. do not despair. as a preparation for the day when my presence is desired on the small screen, each time i enter the kitchen i hone my presentation and imaginary audience skills, so as to maintain a constant state of readiness.

cake.

i have a ridiculous fascination with cake and all television shows related to cake. i watch all the shows. i watch the reruns. i watch the competitions. i am hooked. i have yet to figure out the nature of my obsession. it could be the visual extravaganza (although some things should never be made into cakes). it could be the sheer impossibility of some of the creations. most likely it is probably due to the fact that i love to eat cake, and let's face it, these cakes include a whole lot of cake. however, the excitement of some of these cakes is waning in the face of all of these television shows. too much information. i mean, since when do rice krispie treats count as cake? don't get me wrong, i love rice krispie treats, but if i want cake, i don't reach for rice krispie treats. i think this is cheating. let's not even get started on the wood, plastic pipes, cardboard, and other odds and ends that are in the middle to provide structural integrity. really. you cant serve cake with wood in it. that's pure insanity! that could take a tooth out. i shouldn't know so much about this, but its the only decent television between 2am and 5am. since you probably sleep during these hours (i claim to be studying during these wee hours of the morning), i find it necessary to enlighten you. do you feel illuminated? i don't. i feel hungry. for cake.