Session 314 - Lads Lads Lads!

Date: 13 August, 21 p.p.

Moon: Waning Gibbous - Dragon Face
Zenith: Dispater

Events:

--- Aemilius Princeps Returns!

- After a long time surveying his Empire somewhere across the blood ocean, the Halfling emperor and allegedly rightful lord of this land returns!

- He makes his way to the party up the lift, somehow, and is immediately trusted implicitly. Also he has a goat. Not mind-controlled though, just well trained.

--- Romans

- Conveniently enough, the next room is full of a fair number of battlescarred Ancient Roman type guys! Aemilius was with them! They also happen to be the hated foe of Anglo-Saxons, and Swan can't help but charge in!
- They're tough, so Swan bravely flees. The party is now running from a bunch of Romans, and conveniently for everyone Aemilius immediately switches sides and joins the fleeing party on goatback.

- The next room has a huge beating heart suspended, pulsing softly, and a grate at the other end which the goat ably charges down! Swan chops one of the arteries suspending the heart and the blood pumps out at a frightening rate, drowning them in blood!

- There's one problem - Swan needs to kill something before he can put away his shadowy summonable sword, so he's stuck with it out.

- They continue on, passing by a convenient way out of the dungeon if they need it! They're about a third of the way up this great big flesh tree. They're fine though, so continue on.

--- Bloodstone
- A big veiny rock greets them in the next room, and it is emphatically non-phallic ok? Blood from the heart is seeping in behind them, getting closer and closer to this rock. Ominous strings play on the soundtrack.
- They skirt round to the exit from the room before the blood reaches the rock, but hang back just to see what happens. Loads of goopy blood blobs erupting from the monolith is what happens! Time to gtfo.

--- Oi oi!

It's a new zone! This time Sir Robyn themed. It's a whole room filled with grapevines and plush furnishings. The goat monches. Aemilius feels right at home! They hang around long enough for the room to magically reform, grapevines fading to reveal a fountain of wine in the middle of the room.
- Also here - a bunch of 8 foot tall four-eyed long-nosed hooligans barge in! They're drunk as hell and well up for a fight!

- Celebus flash-casts Death Rattle on his skeleton doggo and... it's a Chaos Burst! It's not so bad... he just ends up vomiting up his guts all over the floor. The lads are in various states of Stun or Surprise - aka laughing their arses off at the spectacle.

- Swan gets caught up in a wrestle which is awkward because he's got that massive shadow greatsword out and can't fight back easily in close quarters!
- Dorian Demone slides into the gang of lads and gambits... but crit fails! The lads gambit back and fail themselves! Absolute shambles over that way. They fall into a tripod shape and accidentally tangle their long noses.
- Aemilius fucking murders one of them by stabbing his knife-pistol into their gut, then pulling the trigger. He's got that reload skeleton on standby to reload the thing for him. Good shot, sir!
- Another lad has gotten too close to Celebus' vomit and it sets him off too, spewing up his own guts and covering the misbegotten Necromancer with what is probably mostly beer vomit. It's all in the fountain now along with the wine. Yuck.

- Swan kicks his wrestle partner backwards into said wine fountain and follows up with a wide slice that decapitates the guy he was wrestling AND the guy behind him. Now there's blood in the wine fountain too!
- The last guy straight up gives up and is mollified by Aemilius' offer of a special brew. He mourns his fellow hooligans, but accepts that they did kinda start it.

- Celebus tells the big hooligan that he can join the party if he wants... and the guy just kinda goes along with it! They both wash the vomit off in the fountain, so now they're covered in wine and blood AND vomit. Much cleaner.

- Early night at the Mug House so we end early. Next week - my last session before I'm off to Australia for a month!

Total: 5000 exp

Enemies Defeated:
- A bunch of Romans, outpaced and covered in blood. (400 exp)
- A small mob of huge hooligans. (500 exp)
Total: 900 exp

Exp Totals:

- George / Swan the Swift, Level 6 Barbarian: 57618 (Level up at 64000)

- Charles / Celebus Uppytus, Level 6 Necromancer: 52448 (Level up at 72000)

- Timothy / Aemelius Princeps, Level 3 Halfling: 6612 (Level up at 8000)

- Kitty / Damien "Ditto" DeMone, Level 2 Inheritor: 4050 (Level up at 4500)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 Meat Point! +1 Mutation Cap! +Backstory!

Session 292 - Spectres and Space Ghosts

 Spectres and Space Ghosts

Date: June 18, 21 P.P.

Moon: Third Quarter
Zenith: Minerva

New Backstory:
- The coffers of Aemelius Princeps' civilisation were running low, so he was forced to raise taxes. +1 Charisma.
- Liber Quint was shoved into a charcoal hole by her brother, which might be why she has such an affinity for charcoal. If you fall, automatically pass your Climb check to grab the edge.

Events:

--- Ghoulfriends

- After the flea attack of last session, the party have entered the small house of a couple of Necromancer types. Their mouths and clawed hands drip with gloopy ectoplasm, making it quite hard to understand them.
- Liber Quint gives one a handkerchief which really helps. Their boss next door is the Caretaker and he's a mean one. They've all been blessed by their new Necrogod with ghouly ectoplasm powers, and they're opposed to the other Necromancers in the mausoleum across the way. They're fundamentally divided on whether the vampire lord Cyrus survived the End War, and whether they should go seek him out and install him at the head of a new Necromancer civilisation.

--- Actually Frankenstein was the doctor

- They leave to seek out this other faction, and conveniently randomly encounter them on the way! They have cool clockwork skeletons and Frankensteins (monsters) that fizz with electricity and constantly ask existential questions.
- Aemileus greets them as their rightful Emperor, to general giggles. Swan the Swift notices that they've got wiggly daggers, just like him! He tries to convince them that he's a member of their order, "proving" his Necromantic power by waving his arms around while Liber sends up a wall of fog! Unfortunately the magic goes a bit haywire and all the plants around start growing super fast!
- Persuaded by the display of power, they invite the team into their mausoleum. Swan tells them that he's 1000 years old and knew Cyrus personally, which they're amazed by. He also asks if they could bring back the flea-punctured corpse of Igor back to life as a Frankenstein zombie, which they agree to do!

--- It's.... ALIIIIVEE!
- They rush Igor's body to their resurrection chamber which is, of course, down in the basement. Fizzing anbaric current flows through the table, through the bolts they installed in his neck, and into Igor's corpse! He opens his eyes - Igor has returned!
- He immediately recognises his master, Swan the Swift! It transpires that his life was so awful that death was a gift, leading to an amazing result when he's turned into a frankenzombie! That plus he's got electric fists now.
- The scientists explain that this technology is a combination of crashed Seraphim technology, mad science, and the weird energies of pod containing an evil space ghost called Torpo the Sane. It goes without saying, but naturally it would be absolutely fucking terrible if someone let the space ghost out.

- Further conversation reveals that these Necromancers are incredibly uninformed about the world outside, they didn't even know that Mt Death Frost was previously stuck under a dino-dome, or that there's a massive flesh tree out there now!
- They listen to a quick death-church service before they leave, gaining improved saves against Law and the ability to cancel other people's religious bonuses. Nice. Aemileus takes umbrage at the Necromancers' insistence that gods are all either fake or worthless, considering how all the Emperors get deified and all.

--- Coast to Coast
- They have a quick peek outside and dear lord that's a lot of plant growth! Swan is clearly a powerful mage! Might leave that for a bit though, seeing as it would be silly not to talk to this space ghost they've heard so much about.
- Torpo the Sane, as it turns out, is not particularly sane. He is rather talkative though. Apparently he got banished from his home planet after eating most of the life on said planet. He claims that Liber Quint is destined to open the glyph-inscribed coffin and join forces with him, which she does not believe somehow.
- After a bunch of attempts to get them to let him out, he yells out to the Necromancers in the rest of the complex that the team is letting him out! Naturally they rush in to stop our heroes!
- Aemilius swiftly Dominates the frankenzombie and forces it to turn on its master, while Liber Quint twists her heartspell into another Wall of Fog. Unfortunately the excess magic escapes again, this time as a Cosmic Horror result! Luckily (or "luckily") for Liber, it's one of the few non-instadeath results! Her eyes explode from her face and new eyes flicker into existence along her arms and hands, bubbling like frogspawn!
- This is all certainly enough chaos to escape with, so the gang make a break for it! They run out of the mausoleum and off through the twisting trees.

- Aemilius decides that he has seen enough of his empire and heads off to return to the Moon, Cambridge and/or Australia.

- The others make a loose plan to head to Mt Death Frost and see if Cyrus is actually alive or not. Plus they can check out the flesh tree and all that weird stuff that's bound to be over there!

Total: 5000 exp

Valuables:
- Igor, resurrected!

Foes vanquished:

- A Necromancer (50 exp)
- A Frankenzombie (25 exp)
- 2 clockwork skeletons (20 exp)
Total: 95 exp

OOC:
- Kitty: Chronicler & Cartographer
- Izzy: Expedition Leader
- Timothy: Triage
- George: Vanguard & Chef
100 exp per role

Exp Totals:

- George / Swan the Swift, Level 4 Barbarian: 12307 (Level up at 16000)

- Kitty / Liber Quint, Level 3 Bibliognost: 6310 (Level up at 9000)

- Izzy / Astro Moon, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 5669 (Level up at 9000)
DING! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +free spell! +backstory!

- Timothy / Aemelius Princeps, Level 3 Halfling: 4587 (Level up at 8000)
DING! +1d6 HP! +1 to Domination! +backstory!

Session 289 - KNEEL BEFORE GORATH

 Session 289 - KNEEL BEFORE GORATH

New Characters:
- Aemelius Princeps, the last Emperor of the Halfling Empire, finally returned from the moon.
- Celebus Uppytus, a Necromancer who was using his Necromantic abilities to debone chickens in the Ferfectory

New Backstory:

- Iskander accidentally killed a merchant by backing over him with a wagon and took over his fledgling trading company. Allies cannot be harmed by your fumbles.
- Swan the Swift fell off the longboat during a raid on Lindisfarne and discovered he loved the water! +1 Piloting

Events:

--- The Newbies Brought Snacks!
- In a lush and verdant landscape next to a screaming well, Iskander and Swan the Swift nurse their wounds. The Draugr last time turned out to be quite tough.
- They are hungry, and conveniently a couple of people with food have shown up with food! They are a Halfling in grandiose robes, and a Necromancer with a paper bag full of chicken burgers.
- They feast, and backstories are exchanged in return. Aemilius and Celebus are filled in on the dungeon down the well. Got to be some good stuff down there right?

--- GORATH
- They climb down the well and snoop around further. Down a side corridor they find a model longship with tiny valuable model treasure in it. It looks very familiar to Swan the Swift and would be a perfect boat for a small person to ride about in.
- They take it to the entrance and explore further.
- In another room is a throne upon which sits an armoured skeleton. On the wall is a six-titted boar. On his throne are six boar-tits. I don't know why tits are the only descriptor in this module.
- The skeleton stands up and the ring on its finger glows, manifesting a massive greatsword! It bellows "I AM GORATH! DEFENDER OF THE FLAYED KING!" and loses initiative!
- Amelius shoots it in the head and Swan the Swift lobs a spear, both to little effect, as Iskander charges in and smashes the fuck out of Gorath with a heavy hammer! Celebus vomits up his own skeleton and discards his petty human flesh then charges into battle, getting immediately smashed to pieces by Gorath's sweeping greatsword!
- Amelius charges in on Police the Goat, critting Gorath in the chest and smashing him to pieces too!
- Celebus' skeleton xylophones back into shape and he stands up, pouring himself back into his skin.
- They grab the ring which allows the bearer to summon Gorath's cool ghost sword.

--- The Flayed King
- They enter the next room to find a skinned man chained to the back wall! His skin is nailed to the floor before him. He screams that he was cursed with knowledge, and anyone touching his skin will have their skin tear off too!
- Celebus, though out of Mana, declares that he will try casting Eject Skeleton again. The rest of the party quietly shut the door and wait outside. Wouldn't you know it, the spell goes wild! Luckily the spell still works, but his flesh is puking its guts up as a result.
- The others open the door to see Celebus shaking his skin out like a plastic bag full of vomit. It's quite the sight.
- The ploy pays off though, Celebus (or should that be Skelebus?) picks up the Fated King's skin no problem. He undoes the chains and kind of wriggles the King back into his skin. It's not attached or anything, so it's a bit like a flesh onesie. It hurts much less though so he's very grateful.
- He will allow each member of the party ONE QUESTION each, and duly gives over his knowledge. Celebus gains a spell, Iskander gains forbidden Dexterity techniques, Swan the Swift finds out how to improve his core Constitution, and the goat asks for the location of the most delicious paper.

- The Flayed King calls out to GORATH who is reforming outside. Despite being cursed with knowledge, he feels like an idiot for not getting his skeleton friend to help with his skin. It seems so obvious in hindsight!

- Gorath picks the King up by the scruff of the skin and slings him over his back. Everyone leaves the dungeon in good spirits! Gorath waves the party goodbye and sets off to wonder the wild world beyond the well.

--- New Moondin
- They head back into the Shell, the way behind them fuzzing over with static. Julgoor's bank has a multitude of Julgoor bank tellers. They take the loot gladly, and the party discover that once you've paid of your Obol debt any excess wealth comes in the form of Ferfect Fried Chicken coupons.

- They got to the Church of the Angel and find out from the priests that the 9G network is down! They haven't had direct contact with the Gods since Lockdown.
- The party check into a hotel and spend the night.
- The next morning they awaken and... it's the same day again? Again? Except things aren't the same, they've woken up in hotel beds this time, sometimes next to people who are waking up into the day again! Plus objects haven't been reset?
- There's a scream of "oh my god the hundred-human pie is still here!!" from the nearby Library-Colosseum.
- It all sounds a bit fucked so the party decide to head out to Kink which is hopefully much less fucked.

--- The Ghost Corporal

- They travel out of the Storm Shell once more and into an interminable heatwave. Insects buzz lazily through thorny shrubs, and larger insects swoop like swifts through the clouds of gnats. It's fucking boiling though, so the heavy armour wearers peel themselves out of their suits and drape them on the various horses and skeleton retainers they have on hand.
- As they travel they overhear a choir of angel voices singing in... English? That's new. They ignore them for now and keep going. After a time on the road they see a crumbling guard tower. Might as well check it out?
- A voice cries out as they approach, "who goes there!". It's the ghost of a soldier! Amelius distracts him by putting on airs while the others poke about. The soldier, a corporal, still thinks it's the time of the End War and that he's guarding the road from all sorts of nasties.
- Jackpot! There are 20 Iron Rations in the cupboard, emergency food that clearly nobody needs any more. Also outside in the stables are 3 animated skeleton horses. Result!
- All this stuff is duly nicked and the party continue on their merry way. Next stop Kink!

Total: 6000 exp

Valuables:
- Adorable miniature longship loot (1000 exp)
- A fancy six-titted throne (2000 exp)
- Ghostsword Ring lets you summon a ghostly Greatsword into your hands.
- 3 skeletal Steeds (3000 exp)
- 20 Iron Rations (200 exp)
Total: 6200 exp

Murders:
- GORATH, smashed by hammer and goat, but later befriended. (250 exp)
Total: 250 exp

OOC:
- Remembrancer: Charles (100 exp)
- Expedition Leader: George (100 exp)
- Quartermaster: Ollie (100 exp)
- Vanguard: George (100 exp)
- Triage: Timothy (100 exp)
- Chef: Timothy (100 exp)
- Art Attack: Charles (100 exp)
- Dead Character Exp Boost: Charles (1000 exp)

Exp Totals:

- George / Swan the Swift, Level 3 Barbarian: 5997 (Level up at 8000)
DING! +1d8 HP! +2 Barbarian Table rolls!

- Ollie / Iskander Fullbeard, Level 3 Fighter: 5897 (Level up at 8000)
DING! +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +1 to crit/fumble tables!
- Timothy / Aemelius Princeps, Level 2 Halfling: 3313 (Level up at 4000)
DING! +1d6 HP! +1 to Domination!

- Charles / Celebus Uppytus, Level 2 Necromancer: 4313 (Level up at 4500)
DING! +1d4 HP! +1 Mana! +Free Spell!