The Elusive Knot for Tying Loose Ends (Part 2)

Hick laid the bundle of mail on the table. It has been coming wrapped in a rubber band. Not that we get so much mail, but it's a way for the carrier to keep it sorted, magazines/circulars wrapped around the various-sized envelopes. It made me wonder how Hick saw an envelope from the city, but I once caught him in the car mirror stuffing an envelope in his back pocket, which turned out to be an insurance refund check! So nothing about Hick's relationship with the mail would surprise me.

Anyhoo... there was indeed a window envelope from the city, and the material inside looked like a check. I used my letter opener to slit the top. Unlike The Pony, who used to think that letter opener was designed to pry along the edge of the glued flap!

Inside, I found THREE checks! You know, just to complicate things even more.

The first check was for the Beauty Shop. It was a refund for $92.74, which should have been $125.00 if it was a full refund. I looked at the FINAL BILL we had gotten, showing $32.26 next to the DP designation, and the amounts added up. They had taken the final payment out of the deposit. I don't like that, but I guess it's a way of collecting money from deadbeats.

The next check was for $125.00 for the main house. That made sense. We had our full deposit back. Yet we had never received a FINAL BILL for this one. There still should have been about two weeks worth of service to account for at the time we had the closing and ownership transferred hands. But hey, it was benefitting us, so no need to complain, right?

The third check confused me even more. It was $6.08, for the main house, and marked as a REFUND OF OVERPAYMENT! The number sequence on this check was not consecutive with the other two refund checks. I have no idea how the city came up with the charges on the main house, because we never got a final bill!

I can only assume that somehow, when the buyer started service, he only did it on the main house. That's because the closing papers listed that as the address, since the properties weren't split, and the Beauty Shop faces another street, with a different address. Perhaps our final bill went to the buyer, who paid it and a couple days that overlapped, since Hick didn't disconnect on closing day, wanting to leave the water on for the buyer.

So mysterious, or so slipshod in the billing process of the city. We came out $6.08 ahead with the city. But we paid $43.88 for water/sewer/trash fees out of our closing settlement with the buyer. Money we had already paid with a check to the city.

I figure the buyer (who seemed like a decent guy) realized that, and maybe got our final bill at his address, or went to city hall to question it, and paid it. If so, then we both come out about even, or with us $6.08 ahead. OR ELSE, the abstract company had actually sent that amount from our closing money to the city, and the bill was double-paid.

Of course, I could be totally wrong...

We're calling this loose end tied! Now I have to sort out The Pony's part of it all, for our tax records.

The Elusive Knot for Tying Loose Ends (Part 1)

Since the closing on the Double Hovel flip house(s) on June 9, we still have not received our water bill deposit money for both accounts. Hick thinks the abstract company gave the buyer credit for the water bills, but did not actually pay them to the city. So we paid the bills, but also paid the buyer that money out of our closing total. I do not like this abstract company, and much prefer the one we have used for out other sales/purchases.

Anyhoo... I sent Hick to city hall to dispute the accounts, because we got a FINAL BILL for the Beauty Shop, but not one for the main house. Also, the FINAL BILL showed an amount of $0.00 due, and an amount of $32.26 next to "DP." I asked Hick what that meant, and he said he thought it meant they took $32.26 out of the deposit that we are due. I guess that makes sense. We know there was a partial month due at each house, for the time between the last bill and the closing. Yet we received no FINAL BILL for the main house.

Hick went July 3rd. I told him to make sure he went in the morning. You know how little people want to actually WORK on the day before a 3-day weekend! Hick was armed with our closing papers showing that we had "given" the buyer the amount of the water bill, and had the date showing we no longer owned the property. He also had the FINAL BILL for the Beauty Shop, so he could ask about the DP code. And the receipts for when he had paid the $125 on each house (in cash) when he started water service for them.

Well. That was a waste of time.

"That girl was really nice, but she didn't know nothin'! She said the lady who handles it wasn't there. That she is the one who sends out checks to return the deposit. So I'll just have to wait, because she mails them."

On July 15th, I told Hick me might need to go back to city hall, because we had STILL not received our deposits, after five weeks since service was stopped. And we had never gotten a FINAL BILL on the main house. Which I kind of need for our records at tax time.

"Oh, I think I saw something in the mail today from the city."

To be continued... 

Still a Couple of Loose Ends for Wrapping

It's been almost three weeks since the closing on the Double Hovel flip house(s). Life is pretty much back to normal without the responsibility of this constant companion we had for a little over two years.

My stalking is being curtailed, what with street closures due to the installation of a roundabout on the main route that takes me to the bank, Pony House, and past the Double Hovel. My last memory, from Thursday, is that the new resident really needs to mow his yard!

Hick came in Friday afternoon with the mail. "Looks like just junk mail," he said, handing me a single envelope. I tended to agree, but I open all the mail, junk or not, to make sure.

Looks pretty junky, right? Like those companies wanting to insure our water line out to the street (even though we have a well and no street), and the out-of-state companies who would be delighted to buy (at a tenth of the market value) our property, if we only sign the bottom of their offer.

Good thing I opened it! That envelope contained a refund check for the balance left on the Double Hovel's insurance policy. Let the record show that this is not the name of the insurance company on our policy, nor the big-name insurance company that we got it through. Who knew? Better open up that "junk mail" if you recently sold a Double Hovel!

Here's another thing. We are due a refund from the city water department for the Double Hovel. At closing, the closer went over documents, noting a deduction for the water bill, giving the buyer credit for the past month. It was done by the title company, making sure there were no outstanding debts on the property. Well. The checks had already been sent for those payments. Checks were mailed on the 3rd. Closing was on the 9th. Payment due on the 15th.  Not our fault that the city is not prompt in processing payments. Hick thinks it's odd that they didn't do the same with the electric bills, for which we got a final statement, and paid as normal.

Hick thinks the city will probably give us a credit for that amount, on the next water bill for Bargain House. I think they're going to keep the money and plead ignorance if confronted. My other prediction is that the city will give the NEW OWNER credit for that double payment on HIS next bill(s).

We'll see what develops. It's not a large amount. It's the principle. Hick will go to city hall to talk to them about it, if we don't get a refund or a credit when the Bargain House water bill arrives, which should be any day now.

Oh, the BeautyShopmanity!

I hope you're ready for this. I have a case of smelling salts. Some cool washcloths for forehead application. A bevy of fainting couches. Some supplemental oxygen. Try to remain calm. This too, shall pass...

While waiting for our appointment time on the parking lot at the closing facility for the sale of the Double Hovel flip house(s), Hick got out to give his set of keys to the buyer. Try as we might, through surreptitiously cracked windows, The Pony and I could not hear the conversation. When Hick got back into A-Cad, he shared some cold hard facts with us.

"That guy's daughter is friends with the people who bought the green house. The one across the street from ours, that just sold after them guys renovated it."

"Oh. Is she young? That could be the gal I saw in jeans shorts when the Red Truck Guy was parked in front of the Double Hovel last week."

"I don't know for sure how old she is. Or if she's going to be living there. Only that she knows them people across the street."

And then Hick revealed the most unsettling information of all! Are you sitting down? Do so, immediately! Position your device so that you may read the following proclamation with your head between your knees.

"That guy is going to turn the Beauty Shop into a workshop."

"NOOOOO!!!"

The Pony and I exchanged WHAT IN THE NOT-HEAVEN looks.

"That was the best part! Realtor said everybody was always calling about the Beauty Shop! It's so cute! And after all that trouble you went to, rebuilding it from the floor up."

"I know. It is what it is. I had thought about making it a workshop before."

"You did not. You were going to make it a garage."

"Well, it would have been easier to sell that way. People could have got loans on it, with just one house and an outbuilding."

"Yes, but you didn't know we'd have trouble selling until you already had it listed, and Realtor told you. AND we would not have gotten this price for it with just a garage."

"That's true. It's just a shame he'll be tearing out everything I put in."

"Not really, Dad. He'll have a bathroom in it. And a fridge where he can keep drinks and snacks."

"Yeah. But I put in the washer and dryer for nothing."

"They were used. It's not like you bought new ones."

"Yeah. It'll make a nice workshop."

You know that if Hick had turned that building into a workshop, nobody would have been interested in the property. They'd have been wishing there was an extra little cottage on it to rent... At least that's what I keep telling myself.

The Double Hovel Has Changed Hands, but the Fat Lady Has Not Yet Taken Her Curtain Call

Our closing for the Double Hovel flip house(s) was at 2:30 on Monday. We picked up The Pony, and got to the right place (!) at 2:00. Hick had forgotten my handicap placard, which was hanging in SilverRedO because he took it to Illinois on his business trip last Wednesday so he could park closer with his sore knee. That's kind of illegal, but I don't begrudge Hick using it. I'm pretty sure he could get his own placard, what with his age and back surgery. Anyhoo... Hick shamelessly parked in one of the four handicap spaces anyway. Almost daring anybody to complain when I got out with my cane.

We didn't see Realtor's car, and I didn't want to go inside yet, not knowing how long we would wait, and the seating situation. All at once, I noticed a man walking towards a RED TRUCK that was parked in the row across from us.

"That's HIM! The guy I saw at the flip house the other day. In the red truck!"

"Are you sure that's him?"

"Yes! Look at him! I said it was a good ol' boy! I don't know that woman, though. She's not the one I saw with him. She must be a realtor."

"If you're sure that's him, I can give him this set of keys."

"It's him! Just get out and say you hate to interrupt, but is he the guy who just bought that property? And then give him the keys."

"Yeah. I could. If you're sure it's him. Otherwise he'll have to get my set of keys from Realtor."

"It's HIM! He'll be glad you don't have keys anymore!"

Hick got out, and inserted himself into their conversation. Then he handed over the keys, and stood chatting. The Pony and I put our windows down, but couldn't overhear. Then Realtor arrived, and we all went inside. Of course The Pony and I got there after Hick and Realtor were already seated in the singe chair, and on the leather couch. 

Realtor stood up. "Oh, you can sit here."

"Thanks. But I'd rather not. I don't know if I can get up!"

Hick suggested that I sit on the arm of the couch, which was nice and flat, like a seat. But one of the staff came out and must have been worried about my ample rumpus, because she said, "Oh, come on back. I can put you in your room now." 

The room had carpet with confetti all over it. And a long table. And four rolly chairs. I was hesitant to sit. I don't like rolly chairs. But The Pony stood behind mine to stabilize it. And wouldn't you know it, when I sat down, that chair sank to its lowest setting!!! I hate it when that happens. Sometimes my rolly chair in the basement would do the same thing.

"Great! Now I'll never get up! Of all the chairs to choose, I got this one! I feel like a child, peeking over the table." Indeed, my chin was about level with the surface. The Pony had a different kind of rolly chair, and Hick and Realtor had the same as mine. They all offered to switch, but I didn't really want to get up and take another chance.

Then the Closer came in with an extra chair of the same kind. And left to get paperwork. I decided to try the chair in the corner. It was black leather, with four metal legs, no wheels. The Pony helped me up and moved that chair. It was better! I couldn't scoot it up to the table, but my arms were long enough to sign, and I didn't feel like I was sitting on the floor.

We signed about 10 forms, and the deal was done. Closer asked if we wanted a wire transfer, or checks.

CHECKS! We wanted checks! She left to go get them printed.

Realtor said she thought that was a good idea. "There are too many crooks who have way too much time to figure out how to steal wire transfers. And with a check, you have it right there in your hand, to deposit. You don't have to keep checking to see if it's in your bank."

Well. After 10 or 15 minutes, Closer came back. "The other abstract company is sending us a wire transfer. I expect it within the next hour. Would you like to wait? Or come back? I can give you a call when it's in."

Hick said he would come over the next day to pick it up.

HOW IS THAT FOR BEING CHEATED OUT OF OUR GRAND SELLING EXPERIENCE??? I had gotten a text from The Pony that morning, asking if I was as excited as The Pony to be getting our checks today! So we've sold the property, but we left without any money!

It's always something...

The King and Queen of Garbled Information

As you read this, it's the day of our closing on the sale of the Double Hovel flip house(s). I really hope everything goes off without a hitch. No small feat when two of the involved parties are Hick and Realtor. 

I have only spoken to Realtor at other closings, and she seemed fairly normal and savvy to me. Hick is another story. But lately, I don't know which one is wielding the monkey wrench. Dealing with them is like watching a performance of "Who's On First." The amateur junior college theater version.

You may recall the NO CONDITIONS contract on our property. And the "inspector" that turned out to be an inspector and an appraiser. Then there was the "behind the courthouse" site for our closing. And just a few days ago, Realtor called Hick in a panic, asking where the report from the building inspector might be. 

I thought this "report" was in reference to the inspection/appraisal that just happened last week. And shouldn't Realtor be the one who had that? Why would Hick know where it was? Surely the buyers and/or their own realtor would have a copy. 

Hick said no, this was about the original report from the building inspector from the city, back when work was finished, and he certified the residences for occupancy, and we listed the property with Realtor. "She took it because she was afraid somebody would pick it up." WHAT? That report was just lying around the house? Hick said he told Realtor that she had put it in our file, saying she wanted to keep everything together. Realtor didn't have it, but said that she was sure the city building inspector could send her a copy.

Anyhoo... I'm not sure where all this confusion originates. Realtor has been around here doing business for a long time. She's no spring chicken. You'd think she has all her ducks in a row, though Lawyer mentioned to Hick that Realtor has been sick lately. Small town, you know...

Anyhoo... midweek, Hick said he had a text from Realtor with the closing time, and the location was different from that "behind the courthouse" place Hick had ASSUMED it was before. Not sure if this is a Hick problem or a Realtor problem, since Hick could never actually give me the name of the place, and consulted my estranged BFF Google for the info. This time he read off the name from Realtor's text.  It is NOT behind the courthouse. It is over a mile from the courthouse, and across the road from a Colton's Steakhouse.

Hick can do a lot of things well. Providing reliable information is not one of them.

I really hope we show up at the right place for the closing!

Mysterious Visitors

I took my usual route to The Pony's house on Sunday. Probably my last time to do so for the year, since it takes me right through the intersection where construction of a roundabout will begin on Monday. Anyhoo... this shortcut takes me past the Double Hovel flip house(s), on the street in front of the Beauty Shop. I always check to see if anybody might be touring the houses with a realtor. So far, I had never seen anyone.

WHAT'S THIS???

As I drove by, I saw a red pickup truck parked in front of the main house! At first I thought it might be Hick, perhaps showing one of his cronies his handiwork. SilverRedO is a red pickup truck, you know. And this one was a Chevrolet. But it didn't quite look like SilverRedO. Especially when I saw the people coming around it, headed for the gate.

The man was the perfect example of a good ol' boy. He might be pictured next to that definition in a dictionary. Do people still use dictionaries? If not, they don't know what they're missing. So many tangents to explore when you are perusing a dictionary page.

Anyhoo... this guy was probably named Bubba. On his birth certificate. No shade thrown on Bubbas. Bubbas are people too. He was a portly fellow, following his stomach as he walked, arms sticking out at about a 45-degree angle. I can't remember if he was wearing overalls or just jeans, with a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. The woman was in short jeans shorts and a white tank top. She had kind-of-bleached hair, and was a skeleton compared to Bubba.

I was driving, and could not give my full attention to being nosy. I wondered WHY these people were at our Double Hovel. Of course, the realtor signs are still in both yards. They don't update signs to signify a property that is under contract. So maybe these folks were looking at houses to buy. I thought of turning up that street and asking, "May I help you? I own this house." Then I thought better of it.

I don't want to act like a car salesman on commission. They were probably "just looking." And why should they believe some random woman who was passing by would be the owner of that house? What are the odds of THAT? Also, you don't really want to mess with strangers these days. Strangers are like a box of chocolates...

When I told The Pony, I suggested that maybe this was a good thing. In case something goes wrong with our closing. Maybe there are backup buyers out there. The Pony had another idea.

"Maybe it was the buyers. From your description of them, it sounds like they could be from [That Town] where they are selling their old house."

On my way back home, I went by again, but nobody was there. Nothing looked disturbed.

When Hick got home, I asked if he had been over at the Double Hovel. He said no, he had been at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) all day. He had no idea who those people might have been. He also thought it might be the buyers stopping to look it over again.

I guess it will remain a mystery, since we never see the other party at closing.

Hick Is All Haystack and No Needle

With our closing on the Double Hovel flip house(s) coming up in 10 days, Hick told me that our closing would not be at our regular abstract company, but somewhere over in Bill-Paying Town.

"WHAT? That's not convenient! I always pick up The Pony and meet you there."

"Now it's over behind the courthouse, because of the other realtor that the buyers are working with."

"BEHIND the courthouse? It's on the square. What do you consider behind? There's a street on each of the four sides."

"BEHIND it!"

"Like down from our savings and loan building?"

"No."

"By the county jail?"

"No."

"By the bank?"

"NO! BEHIND!"

"Well. That only leaves one side. But I don't consider that to be BEHIND."

"It's behind the annex."

"Why didn't you SAY that??? On the other side of the annex from the courthouse. Then I would have known what you meant."

"I told you where it was. Anybody else could figure that out."

I beg to differ. I asked Hick the name of the place. So I could look it up.

"I don't know. It's a new place."

"Is it a bank? A loan company? Give me a clue."

"It's an abstract company. She told me the name, but I don't remember."

Hick went by Realtor's office yesterday, to give her the service slip from the exterminator. You might think he would have asked the name of the place where the closing will be held. But no.

"She wasn't there. So I just gave the paper to one of her workers."

"You didn't ask where our closing was?"

"No. She wasn't there."

"If her workers can take our documents to file with our property, can't they look in the file and see where the closing will be?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask."

Well. We have nine days left. I suppose Hick will get that info. I just like to be prepared. To see if it has a handy ramp for me to walk up instead of steps, like the place we usually have our closings. I will take my cane. I figure if there are only steps, and no railing, I will wait in A-Cad. I'm pretty sure somebody will walk out with the documents for me to sign.

I Guess These Are Not Considered CONDITION Conditions

A few weeks ago, we accepted an offer to buy the Double Hovel flip house(s). Hick was quite eager to take this offer, and not negotiate at all. He kept pointing out that the prospective buyers were offering a contract with NO CONDITIONS, and had already been approved for a loan. I take Hick's word for dealings with Realtor. Hick is the middle man for The Pony and me. 

I distinctly remember Hick carrying on about NO CONDITIONS. I assumed those words came from Realtor. So imagine my surprise last Monday when Hick said he had to stay away from the Double Hovel on Thursday, because it was being inspected by the prospective buyer!

Tuesday, I got a call from Hick, who said he had an appointment after lunch to discuss the inspection with Realtor. 

"That doesn't sound good! I hope they're not trying to back out of the deal!"

"Yeah. It could be nothing."

"I don't know why you'd have to go in if it was nothing. But surely Realtor would just tell you on the phone if the deal was off. Maybe they had questions, and she needs to get your answers so she can tell their realtor."

Hick called back at 12:45.

"Their inspector said some shingles were missing off the roof of the main house. That don't surprise me, with all that wind lately. I don't climb up there and check after every storm, but I replaced the piece of siding that blew off. I have shingles left from when we originally patched the roof. It ain't no big deal. I'm not climbing up a ladder with my knee hurt, and I don't want Old Buddy messing around up there. I already called my roof guy, and he's going by there tomorrow morning to fix the shingles. He's a contractor, so he'll be able to give me a letter to certify that the roof was fixed.

Also, their inspector crawled under the house! They usually don't do that. He said there was a sign there might be termites. I don't think so, but when we first started on the house, and replaced the rotten boards in that one corner, it looked like there might have been old trails from termites. I guess we should have just wiped down the wood, heh, heh. Anyway, a relative of The Veteran is an exterminator. He's licensed. So I'll just have him do it and give us a letter that it was done.

THEN Realtor said they wanted to know if the house could even be insured, with the roof in that shape. I told her it ain't in no 'shape,' that the roof is fine, and the house has been insured for two years now. I called over to our insurance agent and told him they needed proof the house was insurable. He said, 'We aren't in the business of insuring uninsurable houses! There's a policy on that house, same as there has been since you bought it and insured it with us!' So I had him fax a letter over to Realtor."

I didn't know faxing was still a thing, but I'll take Hick's word for it.

"What happened to their offer WITH NO CONDITIONS? Like nothing we had to do, and no inspections?"

"I don't know. I mentioned that. Realtor said there's a difference in what are considered CONDITIONS."

But wait! There was also an appraiser at the Double Hovel. To make sure the bank could loan the money. I guess there must also be a gray area concerning whether a buyer has already been approved for a loan, heh, heh! So Hick's two main 'selling points' on wanting me to accept this offer were based on Hick's misrepresentation, or shady interpretation of the concepts of NO CONDITIONS, and LOAN APPROVAL. Although Hick says the people were APPROVED for a loan of enough money, just not specifically for our property. And now the appraiser says everything is fine, and the Double Hovel is worth what we're asking.

Anyhoo... these are just minor bumps on the road to the closing. Nothing expensive or insurmountable. We're getting there. Two weeks to go.

As the Closing Draws Closer

Hick called me Monday afternoon to say that he had a call from Realtor.

"The buyers want to inspect the house on Thursday. Realtor said it's best if I'm not there."

"Why are they inspecting the house? I thought there were no conditions in their offer."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. But I guess Realtor didn't say no inspections. I don't mind. The city inspector already approved both houses for occupancy. It's not a big deal."

"I can't blame them for wanting an inspection, before spending all that money. What could they be looking for? I hope this isn't an excuse to back out of their offer!"

"I don't know what they're looking for. Everything is up to code. They won't be pulling off the electric panel. They can open it up and look. They won't go up in the attic. We blew insulation up there."

"Maybe looking for termites? I don't know what else. They obviously toured both houses before making the offer. I guess you should make sure everything's clean. Like the toilets."

"They'll probably make sure the air conditioning works. And run the water."

"Mow the lawns!"

"Yeah. I just did that, but I'll make sure the area inside the fence is mowed, too. Realtor said I shouldn't be there so they don't ask me questions. That if they have questions, they'll have to do it through their realtor, to her, and she'll check with me."

I can understand that. If they're looking for a way out, they could misrepresent something Hick might tell them in good faith. We'll see what comes of this inspection. Hick did not stop our lawyer from seeking a way to divide the property. He only slowed down the process until the closing.

A Speed-Weave Tapestry for Thevictorians

The sun is even shining on Thevictorians' rumpuses these days! Yesterday I revealed that we received an offer to buy the Double Hovel flip house on Tuesday afternoon, and that our counter-offer was accepted on Wednesday afternoon. The Double Hovel was officially under contract, contingent on the prospective  buyers selling their current house, which they had just put on the market the previous day.

Thursday morning around 9:30, Hick called. I'm always worried about a random phone call from Hick, since in the past they've been related to ER visits with The Pony. It's usually nothing good. But this time, it WAS GOOD!

The prospective buyers had accepted an offer on their current house, and closing on our Double Hovel will be on June 9. After so many months of waiting for a qualified buyer on our flip house, the deal was done in whirlwind fashion, with an offer then a closing date in less than 48 hours!

Of course we are thrilled, and Scrooge-McDuck-ily counting our respective fortunes. Especially The Pony, who made a life-changing decision a few weeks ago. That's not for current discussion, as it saddens Val greatly. Let's just say that The Pony is polishing a nest egg, Val is saving for a rainy day, and Hick is contemplating yet another venture. We must all be careful about counting our ducklings before they hatch, but morale is high around Thevictorian household(s) this week.

Can This Web Be Woven into a Rich Tapestry?

You may recall that we recently renewed our efforts to divide the Double Hovel flip house property. Hick talked to our lawyer last Tuesday to get the process started, and see if we can get a new hearing with the city.

The Universe issued a hearty laugh, and Even Steven snickered. This Tuesday, Hick got a call from Realtor with an offer on the Double Hovel.

This offer was of course not the asking price, but it was a reasonable offer, unlike the previous two that were from investors trying to get a quick bargain. (The very NERVE of them, heh, heh!)

Hick said we should take this offer and be done with it. I said that nobody expects their first offer to be accepted, and that they make their offer with wiggle room to negotiate. Hick pointed out that these prospective buyers had already been approved for a loan, and we should take that offer and run. Again, I wanted a tiny bit more. Enough to cover the lawyer fees for this new attempt to divide the properties. It's not a lot more. It shouldn't be a deal-breaker. 

Since we are a triumvirate, the decision was left to The Pony. Who didn't really care either way. Hick, being experienced with how my hard head works, agreed to counter-offer with my figure. He sent it by text to Realtor at 7:00 a.m. on Wednesday. By 2:00, the prospective buyers had accepted our counter-offer. The Double Hovel is officially under contract!

The prospective buyers are making no demands, asking for no inspections or fees. In my opinion, they know they are getting a bargain! I don't begrudge them that. We will still enjoy a healthy return on our investment money and the sweat of Hick's brow.

The only stipulation is that their purchase depends on the sale of their current house. That's not uncommon. If we receive another offer while waiting for their property to sell, they will have 72 hours to poo or get their rumpuses off the throne (so to speak).

We are cautiously optimistic. 

As for that web, it is being woven into more of a tangle with this contract. We cannot split the property, even if granted such a variance, because it would affect the current proposed deal. Hick is afraid to stop proceedings, lest this deal fall through. He says nothing will be legal anyway until we would get the variance, and have the property surveyed and recorded at the county courthouse. I say maybe we should have Lawyer set our case aside for now, while we see what develops.

You didn't really think this story would end here, did you? More tomorrow...

A Hick Walks Into a Lawyer's Office

Hick spent a half hour talking to our lawyer on Tuesday morning, explaining the Double Hovel flip house property, and how he had asked the city for a variance to split it into two separate lots. The first thing Lawyer asked Hick was:

"Are you sure I'M the one you want to do this? Mayor does not like me. In the past, I've been involved in a property case with a relative of Mayor's, on the opposing side. Mayor has asked me twice to represent him in other matters, and I declined. I don't want it to go against your best interests, just because I'M the lawyer you chose."

"Yes. I've done business with you all these years, and I don't think this will be a problem. I told Mayor I was going to talk to you, and he said he would be interested in what you had to say."

Hick gave Lawyer the meager paperwork that we have. A copy of the blank form to request a variance. He did not have a copy of the one we filled out to accompany the $125 fee he paid at city hall. Hick had a copy of the letter he handed out. The five pages of city codes given to him by the gal at city hall, explaining how to request a variance. Also a sticky note written by the city hall gal with the date and time of Hick's meeting. 

Lawyer said he would start with a phone call to the city attorney to see what the process might be. Then he would call Mayor. He wanted the filled-out request form. So Hick called Mayor, who said he'd have the office get it ready for Hick to pick up later in the day.

Hick is cautiously optimistic that he might get a new meeting. When he got the completed form to drop off at Lawyer's office, there was NOTHING written at the bottom in the section for Action Taken by Board of Adjustment.

Hick thinks Lawyer might ask for the minutes of the original meeting. If the gal recording put everything in, it would show that Hick had asked about the "mystery" letter in the packet, and offered to show his letter he gave to the surrounding property owners, but was turned down for both the request and the offer.

Still, Hick shouldn't have left the meeting without something in writing, or assurance that it would be mailed to him. All he has was the unanimous vote of the board members present to deny the variance request, with reasoning that if they did it for him, they'd have to do it for everybody. Even though the five pages of papers handed out said each case would be considered on an individual basis.

Lawyer also asked why Realtor said she can't sell the houses together. Hick said Lawyer should talk to Realtor specifically, because it has to do with low- or no-down-payment loan regulations. People can't get them for a property that has potential to make money for them, such as renting the second house. Realtor said people WANT to buy the Beauty Shop, but can't afford a down payment. Splitting the houses would allow potential buyers to get these loans.

We'll see what develops...

Next Stop, Litigation?

The tangled web of the Double Hovel flip house split needs to be unraveled. Unfortunately, the whole process of our request for a variance resembles a 1970s public service announcement showing a spider's LSD-induced structure!

You may recall that Hick was told by the city building inspector that he may be able to split the property if he got a variance from the Planning and Zoning Commission. Hick went to city hall, and got the necessary paperwork. He followed the instructions on the packet of papers the gal there gave him, and handed out his letter accordingly. Went to the meeting, and the variance was denied. That was January 15.

The mayor of that city contacted Hick for a meeting right after the recent election. Same mayor, some different members on the Commission. He said he'd call Hick after he checked into some details. That call came Thursday night.

Mayor said that it appears Hick's meeting back then was with the Board of Adjustment! What in the Not-Heaven? This was news to Hick, who said no, it was the Planning and Zoning Commission. "You were there!" said Hick.

Mayor said he remembered, but that he was sitting in the "audience" section, and would have been sitting together with the Commission if the meeting had been with them. Hick said they never announced what body was meeting. They only called roll, and one of his buddies who says he's on the Planning and Zoning Commission was absent that night. Well. Hick asked the buddy on Friday at lunch, who said now that he thinks of it, he is indeed on the Board of Adjustment.

Are you getting caught up in this tangle yet?

Mayor told Hick that if it had been the Planning and Zoning Commission, the verdict could be overturned with a certain vote. But that since it was a decision by the Board of Adjustment, following proper procedures, that the only way would be through the courts.

Hick said that he did NOT think "proper procedures" were followed. Since Hick never got any paperwork, his letter was not given to the board, the building inspector was not contacted for info, and all Hick had at the end of the meeting was just a verbal rejection of his request. So how could he have anything to appeal, even if he knew he had that right? How do you appeal a verbal decision? And as for "proper procedures," how did Hick's new enemy DENIZEN get a look at the packet of info for the hearing, and Hick did not?

In going back through the set of five pages of the city codes that Hick was given by the gal at city hall, Hick found references to both the Planning and Zoning Commission, and the Board of Adjustment. Plus a paragraph about appealing a decision within 20 days. The form Hick had to submit with our $125 fee to request a variance had a place the bottom for "Action Taken by Board of Adjustment." Yet Hick never received even that form back with a decision. 

Hick discussed these items with Mayor. They are on friendly terms. After all, Mayor contacted Hick to try to help him. Mayor said that legal options tend to get expensive. Yes. But as Hick said, he's spending around $100 a month on water and electric, without being able to split the houses and sell them. So he might as well spend money on a lawyer. 

I told Hick that maybe Mayor is worried about the city's legal fees. Hick says they have a lawyer on retainer. I said surely they would have to pay their lawyer by the hour to represent them in court. He is, after all, the MAYOR, and has to look out for city interests. So maybe he was trying to discourage Hick from taking this action to overturn the decision. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Both parties have to look out for their best interests.

Anyhoo... Hick went by our lawyer's office Friday afternoon, and got an appointment to discuss the matter on Tuesday. Just to see if there's a chance the variance issue might be re-opened. As Hick said, he did everything instructed on the procedures handed out to him by the gal at city hall. Seems like there was some confusion about what was actually going on. Hick missed an appeal deadline. Then again, he wouldn't have needed it if he was talking to the group he THOUGHT he was talking to about the variance. 

Tangled web, I tell you! Both parties made some fumbles. Hick has no beef with the city. He just wants to pursue all options to divide this property.

It doesn't hurt to ask a lawyer if we have any recourse concerning the decision on the variance. The only hurt is the pocketbook, with about a month-and-a-half of utility payments spent to meet with the lawyer.

A Second Chance?

The sun shines on a dog's rumpus some days. It seems to shine on Hick's rumpus more. Early in the week, Hick startled me by announcing:

"I have a meeting with the mayor on Thursday. He said to come and see him after the election."

"Wait a minute! I thought the mayor was a woman."

"No. The mayor about the flip house."

"Oh. The one you let put the sign in the yards? He won?"

"No. He didn't win. It's the old mayor."

"So why would he tell you to come see him?"

"He didn't tell ME. I heard it from my friends at the Senior Center at lunch. 

Happy Smith." 

"I'm not following. WHO is THAT?"

"I went to school with her."

"Like I would know that."

"You know her. She was a teacher at your school. You probably know her married name. Happy Jones."

"Oh. I know her. What does she have to do with the mayor in flip-house town?"

"Sometimes her and her husband come to lunch. He told me I need to talk to the mayor."

"Why? Why is the mayor talking to him about your business?"

"The mayor was at the meeting where the city commission denied us splitting the flip house into two properties."

"But why is the mayor telling someone to tell you to come talk to him???"

"They're related."

"Happy Smith?"

"No. Her husband."

"So Happy's husband is the mayor's son?"

"No."

"Grandson?"

"No. Happy's husband is the mayor's dad."

"Would he change his mind on splitting the property? Why would he want you to come talk to him?"

"He must not have agreed with the commission's decision. The commission was trying to get him fired! And now some of them didn't get elected back."

"Oh. So maybe the mayor just wants a big F-YOU to the commission? By going against what they wanted?"

"Maybe. It can't hurt to go talk to him."

"Yeah. Don't cost nothin'."

Hick had his meeting with this mayor. He hasn't given much info on what was actually discussed. As you notice by this conversation, I need to have a list of questions prepared. Hick is not known for his attention to detail, nor his conversational skills.

So far, all I know is that the mayor will call Hick. Or that Hick is supposed to call the mayor. There MAY be another committee/commission to approach.

Some Good News, and Not

Hick went by the Beauty Shop half of the Double Hovel flip house on Friday to check on the frozen water line situation. THE WATER FLOWED! He said all the faucets worked again, normal pressure. There was no sign of any water leaking anywhere in the house. No sign of water leaking in the yard. 

Hick says he will continue to go by and look, just in case there's a leak underground. He doesn't think so, because a leak in the city pipe underground would most likely result in less pressure when trying the faucets in the Beauty Shop. I guess Hick's efforts with the propane heater outside where the water line comes into the house had some effect on the thawing, because temps only reached the lower 30s on Friday.

Friday afternoon, Hick had a call from Realtor with an offer on the Double Hovel from the people who viewed it on Thursday. It was for 2/3 the listed price. NOPE! This offer was $10,000 less than the previous two offers we've had.

Realtor said, "I know your answer on this offer already, but I'm obligated to make it." She agreed with Hick that such a lowball offer was an insult. The Pony asked if Hick countered with our bottom-line selling price. No. That would give legitimacy to the offer, and the prospective buyer would try to play the "split the difference/split the difference" game with us, and walk away with a giant bargain.

Realtor did not mention the demographics of the prospective buyer. For example, didn't say if it was a family wanting the extra house for a relative, or a young couple wanting to rent one house to pay the mortgage on the one they'd live in, or an investor. Realtor DID say it was a cash offer, which leads us to think it was an investor wanting to rent both properties.

Let the record show that the pricing on the Double Hovel was suggested by Realtor herself, when Hick had wanted it to be a few thousand more. So it's perfectly reasonable according to neighborhood comps. Our bottom-line price allows some wiggle room for bargaining. We're not reducing the price just because of these lowball offers.

I can't blame investors for trying to get a good deal. That's why they're investors! I'm sure sometimes their tactics work, because some people might be paying a loan on the property, as well as their own mortgage, and run into cash flow problems, and just want to get out from under their obligations. That's how we got Pony House for $23,000. A guy had torn it down to the studs, and then didn't have funds to finish the renovation. He got his money, and we got a bargain.

Anyhoo... good news on the frozen water line, and okay news on the Double Hovel viewing. At least people WANT it. They just don't want to PAY for it, heh, heh!

Hear That? It's the Sound of The Universe Chortling

For those of you following the continuing saga of Hick and Val's Folly, the purchase and flip of the Double Hovel, you know that it's always something. We made a good deal buying those two structures with our investment partner The Pony. 

Then Hick had his back surgery, which slowed down the renovations. We signed papers to list it with the Realtor on Labor Day last year. Then discovered that the people who wanted to buy the property couldn't get loans because there were TWO houses, and government programs with low/no down payments can't be used because of money-making possibilities with the second house. Leaving such a purchase basically to a developer or somebody willing to make a cash deal or put up their other properties as collateral.

Then we requested a variance from the city planning and zoning commission, to survey out the property into two lots, to be sold separately. Which was denied last week.

Oh, yeah. And with the ice/snow storm a couple weeks ago, a rainstorm Thursday night, and our arctic temperatures this week, Hick found a possible roof leak in the main house, and a frozen water line in the Beauty Shop.

Of course you know that chain of events cued The Universe to twist the ends of its Snidely Whiplash mustache, and chortle with dastardly glee.

This afternoon (Tuesday), Hick got a text from Realtor. She has an appointment to show the Double Hovel between 3:00 and 4:00 on Wednesday.

Hick was already planning to go to the Beauty Shop Wednesday morning with Old Buddy, to see what they can do about the frozen water line. The temperature is going to be in single digits Tuesday night. Getting up to high 30s by Wednesday afternoon.

"Are you going to tell Realtor about the frozen water line?"

"NO!"

"Well... if you don't get it fixed, you probably should."

"We should be able to get it cleared. And I'm going to the other house to make sure there ain't no water on the floor, either!"

This could be interesting.

When It Belows, It Freezes

Bad luck hounds the Double Hovel. You'd think it was overflow bad luck from The Pony not having enough avenues to suffer these days!

The main house is still doing fine, after Hick had discovered the heat off and some water on the kitchen floor last week. While he was checking it on Monday morning, he also went over to check the Beauty Shop. THE WATER FROZE!

It's not totally unexpected that the water might freeze, since the temperature was -2 degrees when Hick got there. We don't usually get that cold around here. Maybe once every year or two. I hope this is it for this year! I think this was the third night in a row.

Anyhoo... with nobody living there, the water isn't running through the pipes from showers and dishwashing and toilets flushing. I asked Hick why he didn't leave the faucets dripping overnight. He said you'd have to do that with every faucet, not just one. Well. That would only be kitchen sink, bathtub, and bathroom sink. It's not like there are three bathrooms like we have in our mansion. But there IS a laundry room. 

Anyhoo... Hick was surprised. He said he had so much insulation around the pipes that he thought they'd never freeze. He's not too worried, because he used Pex pipe, which is plastic and expands. He thinks the issue might be where the main water line comes into the house. It's copper. Hick had built a box to enclose that pipe where it comes in on the front of the house, and insulated the pipe above the ground. He thought that would work, but he doesn't know how deep that pipe is in the ground. If somebody was living there, using water regularly, it would probably have been fine. Hick and Old Buddy had talked about it on the phone, and Old Buddy said he's ready to work whenever Hick is.

Anyhoo... Bargain House was just fine, no issues. So there's that. Meanwhile, Hick will have to wait for the thaw, which is supposed to happen Wednesday with mid-30s for the high temperature. It might take a couple days, but Hick will get to the bottom of that pipe problem, and fix it.

When It Snows, It Drips

Hick stopped by the Double Hovel on Wednesday, just to check on things since the big ice/sleet/snow storm. Or more likely because he need to use the bathroom while out and about. He made an unwelcome discovery. Notified me by text:

"Came by the house and the heat was off and some water on the kitchen floor."

"Dang it! How did the heat go off?"

"I don't know. I'm resetting it now to see if it comes back on. If not I'm calling the heating and cooling guy. Always something, it seems."

"Yes."

Fifteen minutes later:

"Heat is back on."

"What caused the water on the floor?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe somebody showed the house, and they messed with the heat, and tracked in snow?"

"Nah. It looks like maybe it came from the roof. There's not a stain, but it looks like maybe it could have been from a leak. Right in the middle of the kitchen floor. Ice could have got up under there and then melted. We'll have to see if there's a leak after the next rain or snow. Then I'll check on where it came from, and fix it."

"Why would the heat be off?"

"If the electricity went off. It's supposed to reset itself, but if the power flickered, like went off and came right back on, it wouldn't have time to reset."

Hick also checked the Beauty Shop, which has a different kind of heating system. It was on, and no sign of any leaks there.

The Disappointment Is Palpable

Prognosis: negative! Variance denied!

Hick called me right after the public hearing with the Planning and Zoning Commission concerning a variance to divide our Double Hovel flip property into two lots.

"Well, that was a waste of time. I think they had their mind made up before the hearing. I was sittin' there waiting for it to start, and overheard two of them talking about it, saying there were more negatives than positives. Nobody showed up to complain. They shuffled through their papers and asked if I had anything else to add. They said something about a letter, but it wasn't my letter. I told them I was told NOT to give them my letter. And they said yes, that unless they asked for it, I shouldn't. I don't think their letter was a complaint from anybody. It looked like it was on paper with a city letterhead. I asked to see it, and they said I couldn't."

"But Denizen saw it! And she's not on the committee, and not the one asking for a variance!"

"I know. I didn't mention that part. Anyway, they basically said that if they granted this variance for me, they'd have to do it for everybody."

"I can understand that. They'd have to re-write their ordinance with a lawyer, to modify the size of the lots to what ours is."

"One lady said, 'I live in a subdivision, and I wouldn't want a lot under 10,000 square feet. I don't want anybody building a house right on top of me!' I told her the houses are ALREADY THERE! That if somebody doesn't want a house close to them, they won't buy it anyway."

"Yeah. That's how I see it. It's not like somebody would buy one of our houses, then wake up to find a house has been built right on top of them."

"The commissioner said he doesn't understand how people can't get a loan on it. Maybe I should have took Realtor with me to explain those loans without a down payment. He asked if anybody had made an offer. I told him 10-12 people had asked Realtor about buying just the little house. He said he could understand that, with a house being cheaper than renting a 1-bedroom apartment there."

"Yes. The issue is a down payment."

"The commissioner said he thinks it will sell. And another guy on the commission said, 'There's a property for you!' Like he had been looking at investment properties. So then the commissioner asked me the price, and I told him. And he said, 'How long before the realtor contract is up?' Like he might want to buy it without paying the commission."

"That's not right. I wouldn't do that to her. It's like cheating."

"A lot of people try to do that. Say they'll give you a certain price to buy it, if you tell the realtor you talked to them before you listed it."

"Well, at least we know now."

Hick sent The Pony a text of the result. The Pony replied, "Ugh." Hick also sent Realtor a text. Her reply was, "Bummer."

Let the record show that we are disappointed, but nobody needs to talk us off the ledge. We knew when we bought the property that the city ordinances decreed that the property could not be divided. We bought it with this knowledge. The city owes us no favors. It's not a case of sour grapes. Just disappointment.

Oh, and The Buddy did not show up at the meeting. Hick thinks maybe he didn't want Hick to know how he was voting. Hick said two of the five members present were discussing it, and another made a motion to deny the variance, and then another seconded the motion. The actual vote was unanimous.

A city's gonna do what a city's gonna do. They got our $125 to hold a hearing to consider the variance proposal. Not sure what the money went to, as I don't think they get paid for holding a meeting. Hick said they would have to pay the two office workers who were recording the proceedings.

Anyhoo... we will think about renting the property if it doesn't sell in a couple months when the market comes out of its winter doldrums. One month's rent will more than pay for the insurance and utility fees we've accrued since listing it in September.