Losing Your Parent by Death or Dementia

We were seated with our friends, Dave and Diane after our usual Friday mall walk. They always kindly listen to all the difficulties and angst we are experiencing with my mother as we seem to slowly lose the mother I once knew.

Recently, Dave asked a question that resonated with me later that day. He asked, "Do you think it's harder to lose your parent this way or as a young child as I did when I lost my mom when I was 12 years old?" 

I knew he'd lost his mom early in life but didn't know exactly when that was.

It reminded me of that year when three grieving boys were placed in my 1st grade class in the late 1990's. Charlie had lost his mom. Robin had lost his dad. Stephen had lost his older sister the year before. Charlie and Robin's tragedies were sudden and had happened the summer before school started.

I did not know what to expect. I could only love them which I did. I was told then that young boys who lose their mothers are more severely impacted than girls. I suspect that's because girls might feel they can show their feelings more than boys who think they need to repress them.

Interestingly, Stephen was able to cry and we could comfort him and get some social work help so he could cope with his feelings. But Robin only teared up once when a video during a reading lesson reminded him of his dad. Charlie asked me the day before if he could share his mother's bracelet at our "Show and Tell" session. I was glad he felt he was now comfortable enough to share a piece of his mom's jewelry. You can imagine my surprise when it turned out to be his mother's wristband from the ER where she had passed away. But he told us about it without any tears. I know his dad remarried a few years later. I still think about him and wonder how he is.

The PTA had even planted a garden for the boys' losses.

And now here I am... back to Dave. He is one of the kindest, most empathetic, caring guys around. He has friends everywhere and I know Art loves spending time with him. He has two much older sisters who love him and had brothers as well in a close knit family. Perhaps that makes all the difference. And perhaps that's what makes him so caring of others.

I often wonder about all the children I had in my first grade class. I still smile remembering when one student, then in high school came to my room later in the day, smiled teasingly and said, "Wow... you're still here in the same room. They never promoted you, hunh?"

Grubby Clothing

I've worn this same light jacket in Hawaii for ... I forget how long. Well, the other day I looked at it carefully and saw this.

Seriously? The back of the sleeve attaching to the body was ripped. What the heck! When could that have happened? 

I use this very light jacket all the time during cooler weather. Actually it was a longer jacket that probably ripped at the bottom so I just cut it off and sewed it up. Same for the sleeves. 😕 I know I've had this for decades. I bought it at Land's End in the Clearance section. You can tell by the ripped label.

No, don't feel sorry for me. 

I've got lots of other little jackets. But the ripped one was just right. 

Sigh... Do you have clothing that you wear even though it should be thrown away?

Stupid, Mean Thing to Do

I'm sure you've all seen this in the news about the man throwing a large rock at a Hawaiian monk seal. I was surprised to see it was even in the BBC news. It's also been on our local news constantly since it happened.

Local people here are furious that a male tourist from Seattle, walking along the beach with a significant other decided to do this very stupid, cruel thing. He barely missed hitting the seal within inches.

I got this from the State of Hawaii Division of Aquatic Resources website:

Hawaiian monk seals are among the most endangered marine mammals in the world. They are listed as endangered under the Endangered Species Act (ESA) and the International Union for Conservation Nature (IUCN). 

But I'm wondering WHAT in the world motivated him to do this. People in Hawaii are angry and want him held accountable and prosecuted. 

I think it's awesome that Kaylee, a young teenager saw this happening, recorded and reported it to the authorities. 

I keep wondering why. Why do people think hurting a living thing is the thing to do.

I think too about that school that was bombed in Iran.

On February 28, 2026, a missile strike destroyed the Shajareh Tayyebeh Elementary School in Minab, Hormozgan province, southern Iran, killing over 150 people, primarily schoolgirls aged 7–12, along with teachers and parents. Multiple reports, including investigations by Amnesty International, indicate the strike was part of a joint U.S.-Israeli military operation.

There's not a whole lot said about this now. Maybe it bothers me even more since I'm a retired teacher of 6-7 year olds.

Apparently, it wasn’t an intentional hit by the US and Israel. They made a (oops!) mistake due to outdated information. But does it make it OK?

Right now... my anger is with people who think it's OK or justified to hurt or kill others... human beings or a defenseless animal.

Wedding Gowns Through the Generations

I was looking through photos and came across this 1991 video of our high school age daughter wearing my wedding gown. We must have found it in the attic and I had her try it on. 

Besides, who knows? Maybe she could wear it some day. She was wearing it over her t-shirt. 

As I recall, she wasn't impressed. Notice Tiffany's fake smile.

I'd told her that "Aunt" Diane had borrowed and worn it at her wedding. And she looked beautiful! 

Uuummm... Tif still didn't seem impressed. 

This was me in the wedding gown.

I do recall Tif taking me to the store to see the gown she'd already chosen for her wedding in 2002.

I guess she knew our tastes were different and did not ask for my opinion.

I remember thinking... Gosh... bare arms and shoulders?

Well... that's OK. She did look beautiful.

And here's my mother's wedding outfit.

I guess each generation has its own style. 

I wonder what my granddaughter, KC's wedding dress will be like when her time comes.

That should be interesting.

My Very Cool Cellphone Stand

I'm so happy with this little white cellphone stand that I had to share it with you.

There are evenings when I'm charging my phone behind me while I'm on the computer and I'd have to go over and unplug it if someone calls or texts me. Yes, I'm lazy.

I've had several cellphone stands.

That black rubber one is worthless. The base is just too small and it rocks. I think it was free.

I bought that purple one at a dollar store in California years ago and actually really like it. 

However, when I saw that white one on Amazon for less than $10 for two of them (during their spring sale)... I had to get it because you can charge your phone while it's on the stand.

So now I can have it charging while I'm on the computer. I do have to remember not to keep it charging all the time though because I've read it's not good for the battery life.

And the other great thing is that I can even put my iPad on it when we're having a video chat with our daughter in Chicago and son in some other part of the world.

I'm happy. 😁

Keeping Sam's Club Salad From Rotting

 OK... I've gotten lazy in my... ahem... more advanced age. 

I buy the prewashed salad from Sam's Club or Costco. However, it's a lot of salad and it goes bad within 3 days or so. Very frustrating. It's seems there's always moisture in the container which rots a lot of the leaves.

So then I wondered...

What if I stick a sheet of paper towel in there. Would it absorb the moisture?

Th

I couldn't believe it! 

It did. We've been able to eat the entire container before it rotted. The paper towel did absorb quite a bit of the moisture and kept the salad from going bad.

I'm so excited about this that I just had to let you know. 😃

POSTSCRIPT: Darn!

Granted yesterday was the 6th day since we bought the salad, and there must have been too much moisture at the bottom of the salad. There were some greens that I had to throw out. Shucks!

Riding on Animals

I thought I'd write this blog post after talking to some tour buddies from the island of Molokai during our February trip to Hokkaido. I mentioned how I'd ridden a mule down to Kalaupapa where victims of Hansen's Disease (Leprosy) were once sent. Our tour friends told us that the mule rides were no longer offered to Kalaupapa. 

We'd taken mom there along with my brother to see the social hall that her father had worked to raise funds to build for Buddhist victims who were exiled there. I wrote a post about the experience in 2012.

https://travelerswife.blogspot.com/2012/11/kalaupapa-memories.html

My brother took mom to Kalaupapa by plane. Art hiked and we met at the isolated settlement at the bottom.

The photo above was taken after the building was built and the bottom is from 2012 of mom and our guide, Norman.

Everyone seems to know Father Damien who was at Kalaupapa for 16 years, died after contracting Hansen's Disease and made a saint in 2009. 

I know my grandfather would be happy to know that Hawaii's Governor Green this year, proclaimed April 27th as Brother Dutton day. 

Brother Joseph Dutton worked at Kalaupapa for 44 years and my grandfather really respected him. When I visited my grandfather in 1970, he told me what a great man he felt Brother Dutton was.

And I just can't help repeating what my zen priest grandfather told me when I asked what he thought the best religion was. He said, "There is no best religion. It's what a person does with his/her religion that makes it the best." And Brother Dutton certainly made it the best for him and the patients he cared for.

Anyway, here I am on the mule I rode. Art took this shot on the trail. I can see why they came up with the idiom "stubborn as a mule." My mule just wanted to eat the bushes along the way. The mule driver told me I should hit the mule but I just couldn't, so he'd come up behind me and tap the mule's rump.

And then there was that donkey ride in 2007 from Luxor, Egypt to the Valley of the Kings. I was worried about that little donkey carrying my weight. He was a good little donkey and not stubborn at all. It was about a mile and a half ride and we got to see the tomb of King Tut.

I do remember where one of the donkeys started trotting away really quickly with one of the girls on the trip. Our guide had to chase after her to get them back to us.

We also went to Petra, Jordan in 2007. I guess they call camels the ship of the desert because they're used to transport supplies over sand. As I rode on that camel, I thought it was because all that swaying could make you seasick.

Here we are in 2014 getting a ride at Maetaman Elephant Camp in Thailand.

That was quite comfortable actually and a lot of fun.

We also rode an oxcart in Thailand. We really enjoyed that trip visiting Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand. After leaving that tour, we visited our son who was doing research in Bangladesh. 

And speaking of Vietnam. This is where an animal rode on me instead.

You know what? It just occurred to me that I've never ridden a horse.

That's OK. 

I think I've experienced enough riding on or by animals. I'll stick to regular vehicles from now on.

Dove Story

Art has been trying to keep this dove off our electrical box for the longest time because it keeps pooping and leaving a big mess on our electrical box. He’s even put stones on top to make it more uncomfortable for birds to perch there.

Well... that did not stop this persistent mother dove. She just brought more twigs over. 

The other day Art brought the ladder to clean up her mess. And guess what he found! 

A newborn baby chick and a big egg. (March 17th) How does that egg fit in that little mother dove?

After a few more days (March 25th) he decided to check on the nest to see what was going on. It appears the older chick  had flown away and the egg had hatched to show this little squeaker. Would you believe a baby dove is also called a squeaker, a chick or a squab?

When Art got too close, the squeaker lifted his wing to try to fend Art off.

OK... so now we're waiting for this one to leave so we can clean up the rocks and put up a better deterrent for nest building.

This is from March 28th. 

April 1st! Yay! The baby bird has flown off. He was there in the morning, but by the afternoon he was gone.

At last, Art was able to clean off the area as much as he was able to. He said there were lots of ants under the nest when he lifted it off our electrical box. He then put up some deterrents so birds could be more inclined to using the trees around us to build her nests instead. 

Fingers crossed.

Project Hail Mary

Margaret of Stargazer: A View Into My Universe commented that she would like my opinion of Project Hail Mary. I'd told her we were planning to see the movie since our good friends had told us how much they enjoyed it. She wrote in her post that she loved it but her significant other was so-so with the movie adaption and preferred the book.

We haven't seen a movie since.... wow! I can't remember. OK, I looked it up on my blog and apparently it was in January, 2025. We'd gone to see Wicked and enjoyed it. 

Our friends, Cal and Myra told us they'd gone to see Project Hail Mary and liked it so much that they brought their son to see it a few days later. They totally loved it and recommended our going to see it also. Cal had even listened to the audiobook three times. I tried to borrow the Kindle copy of Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir from our library and was astonished to see that they had 49 copies, BUT I was #641 on the list. It would take 6 months for me to get the download for my Kindle.

That was amazing! I've never seen the library having that many copies of any book I've tried to borrow.

OK, I was a little nervous about going to see the movie since I'm assuming there might be lots of flashing lights and movement in a dark theater.

We had some time after my physical therapy for vertigo so once I was done, we went to Consolidated Theaters where our son had given us a gift certificate a while ago. I took a meclizine for insurance.... just in case.

We decided to share the giant cup of soda which we ended up not finishing and a large popcorn as well. The movie is 2 hours and 36 minutes so I didn't want to drink much and have to use the bathroom in the middle of it.

Would you believe we ran into Cal and Myra at the theater and could sit with them next to us!!!

And yes the movie was fun. Ryan Gosling did a great job. The alien did a great job too. I loved hearing the Maori song of farewell, Po Atarau towards the end of the movie.

However, I think with everything we've read about what an amazing movie it is, I guess our expectation was too high.

I liked the relationship between Ryan Gosling's astronaut character and the alien he becomes friends with.

But yes, there were lots of movement and blinking lights, etc. which had me worried and having to turn away from the screen.

Art is a huge science fiction fan and has read tons and tons of science fiction books. So this was just OK for him. 

Another couple told me she thought the movie was fine, BUT the husband fell asleep. 

As for us... well, I'm on the list to borrow the Kindle book in 6 months so I'll see how I feel then.

How to Comment on Blog Posts

Something amazing and fun happened about a month or so ago.

My Hokkaido tour friend, Kay said her neighbor had been following my blog for many years and was surprised to see her on it with me. I told her that's incredible since I've taken my blog off from the web crawler. People can't find me unless they have my web address. My kids had been nervous saying I was disclosing too much on my blog into cyberspace. 

My son-in-law even did a check on my name a couple years ago to make sure the web was not tying my blog with me. 😄 He said I was OK... for now.

Anyway, Kay told me that her neighbor had been following me since before I was taken off the web crawler. Wow! I'm really touched. 💗

I do have several friends who read my blog but don't leave comments. So anyway, just in case... they'd like to comment 😁 but don't know how... because you know we bloggers love comments, here's a little tutorial. 

To be honest, I get nervous figuring things out on the computer too.

OK... here goes.

First you have to scroll to the bottom of the post’s comments.

Then click on the word comments.

That will bring up this 2nd box.

Choose Anonymous if you like.

Now you can just write your comment, but don't forget to put your name first so I know who you are. Orrr... just make up a name to use all the time.

And then, don't forget to PUBLISH. That's very important.

But... if you prefer to just text me, that's OK too. 😄

POSTSCRIPT: Sigh… Nope. I’ve been told I can now be found even though I chose to be taken off the web crawler in the Blogspot settings.