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292 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 28, 2016
“Thanks for being a good guy, Jonah. There’s a shortage in the world.”
“I would love you forever, if I only had the chance…”
"We do not remember days, remember moments." - Cesare Pavese
"You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop."
"We might not have months or years, but we have moments. Thousands upon thousands of them. Let's take each moment, seize it and wring it dry. Okay?"
"You can find beauty everywhere, even in the things that scare you the most."
Now now, I don't condone violence of any kind but you Ms. Scott are in trouble and methinks you need a serious lesson on how not to do the stuff that you do...*Earrings are off, shoes next; bangles off; weave tied off my face....*
Okay. Listen up. Here goes.
What? Why? *wailing* Why? Seriously? That's how you gonna do us? Scoop our hearts with a shovel only to plop it all back in with a spoon? Na han...you do not get off that easy boo. You shoulda published Full Tilt 2 when you got feedback that our hearts were freaking breaking; you shoulda had your finger on that publish button the moment you heard our ugly crying.... Seriously? October? You better not be joking or you and I are gonna have words. You feel me? Yep yep. I have your email and website addy, and I am not afraid to use them. No siree.
O dear, *earrings, shoes, bangles back on * do you think I've lost my mind? Did I go overboard? It's just..you know...so unfair *sob* that she can write this beautifully poignant book and just expects us to be okay? Ima need some therapy or stuff.... okay? Give me a minute.
"I would love you forever,
if I only had the chance..."
Kacey Dawson has always lived life on the edge--impulsively, sometimes recklessly. And now, as lead guitarist for a hot up-and-coming band, she is poised at the brink of fame and fortune. But she is torn between wanting to be a serious musician, and the demons that lure her down the glittering, but alcohol-soaked path of rock stardom. A wrecked concert in Las Vegas threatens to ruin her career entirely. She wakes up with the hangover from hell and no memory of the night before, or how she ended up on her limo driver’s couch...
Jonah Fletcher is running out of time. He knows his situation is hopeless, and he's vowed to make the most of the handful of months he has left to him. His plans include seeing the opening of his glass installation at a prestigious art gallery…they do not include falling in love with a wild, tempestuous rock musician who wound up passed out on his couch.
Jonah sees that Kacey is on a path to self-destruction. He lets her crash with him for a few days to dry out and get her head on straight. But neither of them expected the deep connection they felt, or how that connection could grow so fast from friendship into something more. Something deep and pure and life-changing…something as fragile as glass, that they both know will shatter in the end no matter how hard they try to hold on to it.
Full Tilt is a story about what it means to love with your whole heart, to sacrifice, to experience terrible grief and soaring joy. To live life with all its beauty, and all its pain, and in the end to be able to smile through tears and know you wouldn’t have changed a thing.
“I want to be able to kiss you if I felt like it, and I thin you want that too. Like our first kiss… It was everything to me. Everything.”
“It was for me too,” I said. “I want to kiss you again. I want to kiss you so bad I can’t breathe. I want to be with you every second of my life but… God, how much time is that? How do I put you through that?”
“I can’t stand it. I have my circle and that’s it. I don’t want to tell people outside the circle. I don’t want them to have to find out. I don’t let anyone in…”
“And yet,” I said, gulping air, getting a hold of myself. “Here I am.”
“Here you are…” He said, his eyes roaming my face. “Believe me, I didn’t want to let you in. But it was almost as if…”
“What?” I whispered.
“As if I didn’t have a choice,” He said. “I tried to keep [my] walls up, keep to my routine… But you got in anyway.” He gently swiped a tear from my chin. “You feel it too, right?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“I love you,” I said. “God, I never thought this would happen to me.”
“But it did,” she whispered. “It happened and all we can do now is take care of each other. Live in the little moments, right? Just like we promised. The little moments. We have so many. Thousands upon thousands.”
You are a universe, Kacey. I kept waiting to find the end of your love and beauty, the end of your generous heart. I never did. I never will.
"I can’t take her down that road with me because eventually we’ll come to the place where I have to go on, and she can’t follow."
"I would love you forever, Kacey, if I only had the chance."
“Being loved by you, Jonah…it’s the greatest honor of my life.”
"She was so much. I could spend a thousand full lifetimes and never reach the end of her. She is a universe…"
I would love you forever, Kacey, if I only had the chance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That’s my legacy: I loved you and was loved by you.
No more living life halfway. We had to go full tilt, just like the card players did. I would hit instead of stay. Always.
"My heart’s breaking,” I said. “And I’m so happy. You make me so happy. Your love’s made me strong. You’ve made me a better person…” Sobs like little knives in my throat, words trying to dodge around them. “Being loved by you, Jonah…it’s the greatest honor of my life.”
Dying, I learned, is a not a team sport. It’s a solitary endeavor. Everyone I loved was standing on dry land, while I was alone on a boat as it slowly pulled away from the shore, and there’s nothing anyone could do about it but watch it happen.
"No more living life halfway. We had to go full tilt, just like the card players did. I would hit instead of stay. Always."
“No more living life halfway. We had to go full tilt, just like the card players did. I would hit instead of stay. Always.”
“My life was stale and shuttered until you. Colorless and drab until you. I kept my broken heart to myself, until you came and took it in your gentle hands and breathed life into it. Into me.”
“Being loved by you, Jonah... it's the greatest honor of my life.”
"You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” I looked at Kacey sitting beside me. She is not merely an ocean. She is an entire universe."
Jonah had some magic quality about him that let me feel like myself.
The solidity of him calmed me more. Not his anger, that was a shield between himself and the world, but what lay beneath.
No more living life halfway. We had to go full tilt, just like the card players did.